Olivia (45 page)

As crass as she had found Vorgullum’s suggestion, Olivia began to seriously consider setting Lorchumn up with a female gulla.  Hesitantly, she began, “You don’t need to be lonely, Lorchumn.”

“I know.  The others share my grief as much as they can, but it’s not the same as…as…”  He trailed off, then turned a horrified stare on her. 

Puzzled, she ran her last words back through her mind, then blinked and let out of peal of nervous giggles, inappropriate as they were.  “I’m sorry if that sounded like an offer, but I wasn’t offering me,” she explained, trying to cover her mouth.

Relief deflated him.  He smiled at her weakly, and then returned her giggles with a shaky laugh of his own.  “Naturally, I would be flattered, but do you know what your mate would
do
to me?”

“Actually, I was thinking in terms of one of the gullan women.  Vorgullum tells me there are some younger females who are, um, available.”

He nodded, distractedly.  “Yes, as a matter of fact, there are several.  One of them is even attractive, but Judith taught me all I know of coupling.  It would be strange to be with a gulla.”  He shook his head and glanced back at her.  “You must think me perverse.”

She did think it was an odd way to feel, but shook her head anyway and then changed the subject.  “Are you going with Bundel when he goes to return his…that woman of his?”

Lorchumn put Judith’s comb into his belt pouch and stood up.  “He asked me to go with him.  Tonight is my last day of mourning.  I’ll be free to leave the mountain then, and I think I want to.  What do you think I should do?”

“I think some fresh air would do you good,” she answered neutrally.

“Yes.”  He seemed about to say something more, then stopped and looked down at his empty hands.

Olivia waited, listening to the fire eat Judith’s possessions.  She stood up and moved to face him, laying the back of her hand along his arm.  “But…?”

“The others expect us to return with new mates.  Vorgullum expects it.  We won’t need
tharo
to take just two.”  Lorchumn lifted his eyes to hers with effort.  “And I should do it.  I owe it to my people.  I owe it to them because I have a strong body and a little wit.  But what do I owe Judith?”

“What do you want to do?”

He panted out a single breath of sad laughter.  “I want to bring her back to life.”  He shook his head.  “I can’t even look at a human without thinking of her.  It hurts.  I used to laugh at songs like that.  There’s nothing funny about it.”

“No,” she agreed.  “What is Bundel planning to do?”

Lorchumn threw a brooding glance at the wall, as though he could see through the layers of stone to Bundel himself.  “He didn’t want to take a human in the first place, and he has spent all this time since then caring for a mate who is full of stars.  This tribe will be lucky if Bundel ever takes another mate in his life.  He is not young and he is not encouraged.”

“I can see his point.”

Lorchumn sighed.  “So can I, but I don’t share it.  I want a mate, more than ever I want a mate, but it feels so much like replacing my Judith…
replacing
her, like a worn-out spear head.”

“Then don’t.  But go with Bundel, because he’s going to need someone like you, someone who won’t urge him to take a mate he’s not ready for either.”

“You are the first person who hasn’t told me to finish grieving and get on with my life.” He started to walk away, then hesitated and turned back.  “I’m glad you’re here.  I’m sorry if that hurts you, but I am.”

She found herself smiling at him, and it was an honest reaction even if it wasn’t entirely free of regrets.  “Would you like me to sit with you today and share your grief?”

“Yes.  But I won’t ask.  You are our leader’s mate,” he said, walking away without her.  “And I envy him.” 

14

Olivia stayed in Vorgullum’s lair for a while after Lorchumn left, but couldn’t face the day with only herself for company.  She went to Murgull’s secret room in the hopes of doing something useful with her day while she hid from Cheyenne’s captor, but it was empty and its hearth cold.  She tried the women’s tunnels next, but found Horumn guarding the door in a foul mood.  When she asked for Murgull, she got instead a fine view of Horumn’s remaining yellowed teeth in a particularly sour sneer, even for her.  “Not here,” Horumn told her.  “Off to make mother’s magic for that pinch-faced Victoria-maggot.”

“May I come in to wait for her?”

“Wait where you are.”

“But I can help!”

“I have had enough of human help!” Horumn spat.  “The rest of your foolish kind are gathered in the hunters’ commons!  Go be a nuisance to them!”  And then she limped away, slamming her staff into the ground extra hard to punctuate her annoyance with all humankind.

Olivia started away, but had gone less than a dozen steps when a sharp whisper brought her back.  Cheyenne was at the door, gripping the bars like a convict in an old prison movie and looking back over her shoulder to track Horumn’s movements.  When she decided they had as much privacy as they were going to get, she motioned Olivia closer and hissed, “They’re saying that crazy lady is being let go tomorrow and the whole mountain is all keyed up about it, so there’s bound to be night hunts for a while.  It needs to be soon, but tomorrow is too risky—”

“Do we have to do this right now?” Olivia demanded.  “Right now?” 

“Dammit, you promised you’d have an answer for me!”

“Fine.  I do.  Two things, up front,” she said, and Cheyenne’s eyes turned to slits of distrust.  “Number one, I am not going to lie, so if anyone asks me directly where you are and what my part is, I’m going to tell them.  Number two, I am not going to detain your guy at the risk of jeopardizing my own life.  If I don’t like the way he’s looking at me, I’ll scream the mountain down.  If you don’t agree to either of those conditions, too bad.  You made me a party to your escape just by telling me about it, and I resent that like hell.”

“Fair enough,” Cheyenne said after a minute of slow silence.  “But is that a yes?  Because I’m losing my patience with all your angst-ridden indecision.  I need to know whether or not I can count on you to be where you say you’re going to be.”

“Yes,” said Olivia, tight-lipped.  “I’ll be your distraction, nothing more.”

Cheyenne nodded once and her hands where they wrapped the iron bars of the door eased up a little.  “Then meet me at the hot springs as soon as you can get away day after tomorrow, after dark.” 

“And if this doesn’t work, you’ll stop,” Olivia pressed.

“It’ll work,” Cheyenne said grimly, and retreated in answer to Horumn’s furious bellow.

Olivia watched her go, her stomach tying and untying itself.  Being part of Cheyenne’s escape attempt, whether fated to be successful or not, made her feel sick.  If she went through with it, she was betraying Vorgullum.  If not, she was betraying Cheyenne.  If she did it, didn’t that mean she owed it to try and help all the others who wanted out?  And if not—

God, she couldn’t think about this anymore.  Her angst-ridden indecision was giving her a cramp.  Murgull would be busy for a while…It was time for a bath.

Olivia made her way through the winding, rarely-frequented tunnels that led to the Deep Drop, and they were, as usual, completely empty.  It made her wonder, and not for the first time, what the gullan did for baths when the wasted ones occupied the depths. 

Probably the same thing they did without flushing toilets:  Used a bucket.

Shaking her head, Olivia donned her claws and started down.  She’d been doing this long enough now that she wasn’t terribly worried about falling (even though it was just a tremendously long way to fall…she’d probably have enough time to scream twice before she hit…and she could only hope the impact would kill her right away because lying there with two hundred broken bones for even a few minutes was too horrible to contemplate), but she did find herself idly wondering about the climb back up.  The last time she’d done this, she’d had someone to carry her, even if it had been Cheyenne’s someone, and even if he had taken the opportunity to molest her along the way.

Olivia’s foot, questing for a new foothold, hit the ground instead.  She looked down, surprised, and sure enough, she’d reached the bottom.  Her arms were only a little tired, too.  They didn’t hurt at all, not even her wrists.

“Well done.”

Olivia shrieked and jumped straight into the Deep Drop wall, rebounded painfully, and would have fallen if not for the sudden lunge from behind that caught her up at once in a powerful gullan grip.

She looked up into the eyes of Cheyenne’s captor.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Her mouth worked.  Nothing came out.

His brows drew together just slightly. “Why do you flinch whenever we meet?” he inquired.  “Do you think I mean to eat you?”

She remembered the glazed look in his eyes as he stopped with her halfway up the chasm.  Remembered how his hands crawled over her body, pulling her against him with single-minded resolve.  And then she remembered his fierce, contemplative gaze as he watched her across a sea of gullan as pregnant Bolga was held up before them.

“No,” Olivia managed.  “Of course not.  I’m just not used to people who sneak up behind me in the dark to grab me.”

He released her, opening his arms and fully expanding his wings with a slow, deliberate courtesy that could not help but seem sarcastic.  “I apologize,” he said.  “On our next meeting, I will stand politely by and watch you fall.”

“I wouldn’t have fallen if you hadn’t frightened me,” she said, and immediately wished she hadn’t admitted to fear.  There was no way to take it back, so she tried to turn it into a joke, blurting, “You need to wear a bell.”

“Do I?”  He smiled, but had far too many sharp teeth to pull it off in anything like a friendly fashion.  “But then I would lose so many opportunities to have women throw themselves against me.”

“I’m certain you restrain yourself admirably,” she said, looking for some way, any way, out of this conversation.

“I’m a man of iron,” he agreed, making it a pun. 

“Iron bends, you know.”

His smile widened.  “Not after it has been tempered at the forge.” 

“Temper iron with too much heat and it breaks.”

“Let it sit idle, and it rusts,” he answered.  He stepped back, gesturing behind him at the empty, lamp-lit passage that led to the baths.  “Shall we go?”

There was no way to contain the whole-body flinch with which she met that cordial invitation, no way to stop her mouth from echoing, “We?” in undisguised horror.

“To the baths.”  He showed her his teeth again.  “I could use one.”

“Together?”

“Why not?”  He advanced a step, coming to take her arm

She backed up.

He stopped.  Slowly, his brows knit.  “I have no intention of leaving you alone down here,” he said.  “It’s easy to get lost in the depths, as easy as to lose one’s footing on wet rock, and a cry for help will not carry in this part of the mountain.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’ll manage.”

“Why are you afraid to be alone with me?” he asked bluntly.

And good God, what was the right answer to
that
?

“Why are you afraid to leave me alone?” she countered, hoping his sharp gullan ears weren’t good enough to hear her heart pounding.

He looked at her for a long time, silent.  Then: “You know who I am.”

It was not a question.  Olivia did not answer it.

He looked away, gazing without expression back into the depths.  “I don’t know what you are imagining,” he said, and then faced her again.  “But I am a man.”

“With a man’s needs,” she finished for him.  She hadn’t meant to say anything at all, but the cliché caught her so entirely by surprise that it just popped out.  I’m a man, just like that excused the whole thing, just like that made perfect sense.  I’m a man, so I get to screw poor, dumb Bolga and beat on Cheyenne and grab Olivia’s ass on the Deep Drop climb because
I’m a man
!

He seemed taken about by her words, although she was quite sure she hadn’t let any of the outrage she’d felt while speaking them escape into her tone.  He looked behind him again, then up, as if concerned about eavesdroppers, and then finally directly at her again.

She couldn’t do this.  She couldn’t afford to make him suspicious of her again and she sure couldn’t afford to be openly antagonistic.

“I didn’t come here for a bath,” she lied.  “I only meant to practice climbing.”

“Practice?”  He managed, with some reluctance, to tear his gaze away and give the Deep Drop his attention.  He frowned.  “You should start with shorter heights.  The wall of the commons would suit your efforts better, I think.  It’s where all the young ones learn to climb.” 

“I know what I’m doing.”

He hesitated, then looked back at her.  “Climb, then.  I will follow, and if you tire, I’ll be there to carry you.”

Or pull her off the wall halfway up and drop her.  Or, heck, finish what he’d started the last time he’d carried her up this particular climb, and
then
drop her.  How in the hell was she going to get out of this?

Twin blurs of dark fur came swooping suddenly down, landing with muffled slaps and gulla-deep giggles on either side of them.  They straightened with a few leathery snaps as they primly folded their wings—two females, Crugunn and one other she didn’t know—and each raised their hands in salute. 

“Hello, Crugunn,” Olivia said, enormously relieved and not at all unmindful that Cheyenne’s captor had taken two swift steps backwards at the first instant of this interruption.

“Hello, Olivia!  And hello to you,” she added with a gullan smirk at Cheyenne’s captor.  “How lucky to find you here.  I looked for you in the waiting place, but I suppose you got tired of waiting.  Horumn wanted me to tell you that Chugg is available now.”

The other gullan female giggled again.

His wings twitched, tightening against his back in an embarrassed way.  “Thank you,” he said stiffly.

“Are you for a bath, Olivia?” Crugunn asked.  “Will you join us?  I told Melurr what you humans look like naked, but she doesn’t believe me.”