Old Souls (12 page)

The first time? Mark’s words from earlier played through my mind,
I can’t lose you again.
He’d said it twice now.

My breath hitched. “Oh my
God!”

Reincarnation? Was he crazy? Somehow, I didn’t think so. As ridiculous as it sounded, his statement made a weird kind of sense—well, if you were in the Twilight Zone. Still, I’d seen stranger things the past few days and it did explain a lot. “That’s what you meant when you said you couldn’t lose me again. You were talking about her.”

“I was talking about you. I don’t want to lose
you
.” His voice cracked, before he continued, “Like I lost
her
the first time. Shit. This is so confusing. Nothing like this has ever happened before. There has never been another case of a witch finding his or her soul mate a second time.”

“Never?”

He shook his head. “When I first found you I checked with the brothers to see if they’d ever heard of it happening before. This is the first time.”

“How did she…
I
die?” He was right, this was confusing. How was I supposed to refer to the person who once shared the same soul I now possessed? Did that make us the same person?

A crushing sadness distracted me from my musings, but it wasn’t mine. It was coming from Mark. I could only imagine it was the memory of losing Evangeline that would cause such a profound sense of loss. Even now, almost two centuries after it happened, his grief was like a physical blow. Wrapping my arms around him I pulled him close, hoping to ease some of it for him. 

“It happened exactly how you dreamt it. She woke up to Michael draining her, he was the one charged with carrying out her punishment. I was away at the time, but I saw it all as I slept. Not only that but I felt it, she was terrified.”

God, if Mark saw Michael kill Evangeline, his anger toward the man made perfect sense. Whether or not he was ordered to do it Mark had to hate him.

“I felt it, the exact moment she died,” he continued, “like a piece of my soul was ripped out. My existence was suddenly nothing—a black hole, empty. At least before I met her I had no idea what it felt like to be whole. I didn’t know there was a part of me missing. When she was gone, I knew exactly what I was missing. I almost didn’t survive it.”

“I’m so sorry, Mark.” I wasn’t sure what I was apologizing for. I was sorry for his loss, but it was more than that. I felt responsible for it.

“Why did they kill her?” 

He looked at me with a resigned expression. “You know why.
He
told you.”

“Oh God,” my voice wavered and the blood drained from my face. “I…
killed
people?”

His eyes flared with determination. “Alyssa, you need to understand that you aren’t exactly the same person as Evangeline. You may share a soul, but you are still your own person. You have your own personality and character traits. Not to mention you had completely different upbringings.”

“So, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Nature vs. Nurture,” he answered, “it’s been debated to exhaustion with no clear answer one way or the other. I don’t know exactly
why
, but I do know that you are
so
different than she was.”

“How?

“She was…fragile. You’re strong. The way you stood up to me in the office the first day we met, she would have never done that.” He smirked, remembering. “Because of our bond, I felt connected to you. I was drawn to you in a visceral way, a way no other person in the world could tug at me, but it was your boldness and individuality that made me fall in love with you. In fact, I think I fell the moment you asked me who the fuck I thought I was.”

I chuckled and wiped at the tears that had begun to spill. “I still can’t believe I said that to you.”

“You have such a fun sense of humor, she was always serious. And the way you reacted when you had to,” he cleared his throat, “do what needed to be done to the woman in the hospice. It was your reaction to that situation that separates you most from Evangeline. It wouldn’t have bothered her. In fact, I begged her to stop what she was doing but she wouldn’t listen.”

“Why
? I don’t understand why she would risk everything.”

“It was a different time, Alyssa.”

“So, people just killed without remorse. I don’t buy that.
You’re
not like that.”

“She would’ve felt remorse if she thought she was doing something wrong.” I could tell he was struggling to find the right words to explain. After a brief pause he continued, but what he said next seemed irrelevant to our discussion. I was confused.

“DNA testing didn’t exist, nor did computers or forensics. It was easy for criminals to get away with their crimes.”

“What does that have to do with—?”

“Her family was murdered… and the killer was never found.”

“Oh, no.”

“Alyssa, you’re what Evangeline could have been if she wasn’t so full of anger and hurt. If she could have erased her past and wiped the slate clean, she might have been able to see everything in black and white, good and evil—the way you do. Regrettably, her circumstances caused her to view the world in shades of grey.”

“You really think it made that much of an impact on her life?”

“It happened when she was a child, well before I met her, but I knew it was something that affected her deeply. When our powers began to develop we discovered we had the ability to read minds. At first we couldn’t control the gift and were unable block it, especially the dark and hateful thoughts that consumed some people, thoughts of killing or hurting others.” He shook his head with a grim set to his mouth. “There are a lot of evil people walking around free. She wondered constantly if one of them was the one who killed her family. Worse, there was nothing we could do with the knowledge. We couldn’t go to the police. What would we tell them? ”

“So she decided to kill them?” Logically, I knew I had nothing to do with their deaths, but a part of me felt responsible for her actions regardless. Was I accountable? The elders seemed to think so.

“Evangeline was a doctor. When she could do it without being discovered, she used her power to heal people. But sometimes there was nothing she could do to save them. If they had families she took those deaths even harder. She understood all too well what it was like to lose someone you loved.”

I couldn’t help but feel for her, I didn’t agree with what she did but I could empathize. I began to understand how difficult it must have been for her. How she would have suffered watching families lose someone they loved, every case she encountered would bring back her own painful memories.

“One night she treated a patient who had raped and murdered a young woman only days before. He hadn’t been caught, no one knew of his crime, but she’d read it in his thoughts. It killed her to save a man like that while there was an innocent child dying in the next room, parents devastated. Eventually, the child died and she could no longer bear to watch the family’s sorrow. That was the first time she brought someone back from the dead.”

“Did she know the consequences?”

“She knew.” He blew out a deep breath. “She killed the rapist to restore balance. She considered it justice.”

“And that wasn’t the only time?”

He shook his head. “She just couldn’t tolerate the idea of someone…evil enjoying health and freedom while innocents died. She did what she thought was right; she had a good soul. I don’t want you to think she was a bad person, or that
you
are because of what
she
did.”

“I don’t.” Fixing my eyes on his, I hoped he’d see the truth of what I said in my gaze. “I think she made some bad choices, but I also think she did the wrong thing for the right reasons.”

He closed his eyes in relief. “The brothers stepped in because she brought too much attention to herself. People eventually questioned the ‘miraculous recoveries’, and it was apparent right away that she was the treating physician in every case.”

“Is that when they ordered her death?”

“No,” he said quickly, “they warned her first.”

Downing the rest of his drink in one gulp, he avoided eye contact with me and I had a feeling I knew why. “You’re angry with her, aren’t you?”

I already knew the answer, but he needed to acknowledge it for himself.

“They told her if she did it once more …” He paused, taking a shuddering breath as he collected himself. “She did really well after that. She managed to stop for months, but I could see it was killing her. I tried to convince her to quit her job, but she loved to heal people.”

He flopped back on the couch, resting his head on the back cushions. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes. Then, he threw his arm over his eyes and took deep, steadying breaths before finally admitting, “I guess I
am
angry.”

I wasn’t sure he was going to admit it, but once he did the floodgates were open and it just poured out of him. “I’m angry at the world in general most of the time, people can be so cruel. I hate what she went through with her family. I’m angry at the brothers for ordering her death. I’m angry at Michael for carrying out their orders.” He practically spit Michael’s name, and his hands balled into fists as he said it. “And yes, I’m angry with Evangeline. It’s not as bad now as it was at first, but some days I’m still so angry with her.”

Lying back beside him, I tucked my head in the crook of his shoulder and wrapped one arm around his waist. Flexing his arm around me, he stroked my shoulder softly.  “It’s normal that you’re angry with her, Mark, anyone would be.”

I felt him shift and glanced up to find his blue eyes, clear as a summer sky, fastened on mine. Finally, I understood that clichéd saying about the eyes being the windows to the soul. Because right now it was as if Mark were baring his soul to me, allowing his pain and anger to show. Tears pooled, making the crystal blue orbs sparkle more than usual. My chest constricted from the hurt I saw in his face, but when I felt it through our bond my lungs nearly failed. It was too much.

“I think the person I’m most angry with is me. I’m angry that I wasn’t there to protect her when they came for her. But more than that, I’m angry I just wasn’t enough for her.”

I pressed my forehead into his chest and sighed. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think it.”

“Why not? That’s what it comes down to. If she loved me enough, she would have stopped.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Do I?” Leaning his head on the back of the cushions again, he covered his face with both hands and scrubbed. “I’m just so…tired.”

I had only known Mark a few months, but I’d never heard him sound so defeated before. His teeth were gnashed together so tight I heard the grinding. Then it seemed all the emotion and stress he’d been holding onto tonight just broke free with a loud, painful sob that nearly tore my heart from my chest. His voice cracked. “I’m so tired, Alyssa. I just can’t lose you, too. I won’t survive it this time.”

“Mark—” I wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but I knew it wouldn’t. I wanted to promise him that we’d find a way to fix the mess I’d gotten us into, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t promise when I knew it was a lie. There was only one thing I could say that was the truth. “Mark, I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Rubbing his palms over his eyes, he turned his head away from me. His shoulders shook, almost imperceptibly, and a single tear marked a slow trail down his cheek. God, he was killing me. The sight of that tear tugged painfully on my heart and I had to choke down the lump that had risen in my throat.

“I can’t…I can’t…I can’t.” His broken, tear-filled voice chanted the words over and over. I had no idea what to do to make it better.

Shifting closer, I crawled onto his lap, not entirely sure of my intentions. Before I had the chance to decide, he pulled me to his chest, crushing me against him like he needed me to live. It was difficult to pull air into my lungs through his unyielding grip.

Skimming my ear with his lips, he whispered roughly. “I
won’t
lose you.”

I raised my head, but before I could get a word out, he took my lips in a desperate kiss. It was exactly what we both needed. We needed to forget for a while. It was going to take some time—time I didn’t have—for me to come to grips with the fact that I was reincarnated. Mark had so much more to deal with. It was hard losing the person you loved, and here he was facing it again. We just needed to forget, even if it was only for a short time.

Ravenously, his tongue dove into my mouth, obliterating all thoughts from my head while he threaded his fingers through my hair, holding me firm. The salty taste of his tears exploded on my taste buds and everything inside me burst into flames. Heat spread through me like wildfire, flooding every cell of my body with desire. It was incredible, so hot and wet and hungry.

A soft moan bubbled up my throat as the hard evidence of his arousal pressed against my pelvis. With one hand still knotted in my hair, he lowered the other until it gripped one ass cheek. He yanked me snug against his erection and began to grind, slowly at first, torturously. Then Mark groaned, or maybe it was both of us, I wasn’t really sure. Our harsh, soughing breath and moans of pleasure the only sounds that could be heard in the room.