Old Sins Long Shadows (18 page)

‘
No sir.’ The denial was too ready in coming to be the truth.

‘
Don’t lie. You are better than that.’  He looked at her and she had the good grace to look away. ‘So you have been. I thought you cared for me.’

‘
I’m in a difficult situation sir. Please understand.’

‘
What is there to understand? I just want a friendship, nothing more.’

Janey stood before him as he circled her
. He sounded genuinely hurt by her insinuation. Had she misconstrued his advances?  Janey found herself apologising.

‘
I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to appear ungrateful.’

‘
I only single you out as you are educated. I have no one in this house to have a sensible conversation with. My parents are old, my friends live miles away. I thought you understood.’  She watched him move around her. ‘I am leaving at the end of the week as the season starts in London in a month.’

‘
You are?’ Janey did not hide the surprise and relief in her voice making James grind his teeth in annoyance. He wanted to hurt her back.

‘
You must think a lot of yourself to think I would want a relationship with a servant.’

Janey did not feel hurt, but James had succeeded in making her feel stu
pid to have had such thoughts. In a few chosen words James had succeeded in making Janey doubt herself and his pursuit of her. She found herself apologising again.

‘
I’m sorry, sir.’

With a regal air he nodded acceptance of her apology and approached her, taking the book from her hands and casually looking through the pages
. She could no longer leave the room without having to explain to his mother why she had returned empty handed. Again, James had manipulated the situation to gain control. He walked away and back to the mantel piece and Janey found herself following as if she was on a lead.

‘
The book, sir, your mother will be wondering where I am.’

‘
There is always someone wanting your time. Someone more important than me.’

‘
Not at all, sir.’ She reached for it but he lifted it away.

‘
Is there someone special in your life? A man perhaps?’ Janey shook her head.

‘
No sir. Please, the book.’ Again she reached for it, with ease and precision he lifted it just out of her reach.

‘
It’s a simple question, one between friends.’ He suddenly stepped forward as if to kiss her but Janey stepped back. Her heel caught on the fender causing her to stumble and she flung up her hand to steady herself. The ornament, recently replaced on the mantel by James, fell to the floor, smashing into several pieces. Janey gasped in horror and immediately fell to her knees on the floor to gather the shards of porcelain in her shaking hands. James was taken aback by her distress. ‘It’s only an ornament. Don’t fuss so.’

‘
Miss Petherbridge will dock my wages. She may even dismiss me.’ Janey turned wide pained eyes up to him, ‘Was it valuable?’

James studied her face
. Tears were pricking her eyes and she looked genuinely worried. He had no idea how much she earned but it was obvious she felt that the value of the ornament would cost her dear. In that respect it probably would but James knew his family would not miss it. His father and mother hated it as much as he did and only displayed it as a sense of duty. Where a gentleman would see this situation as an opportunity to provide comfort and reassurance, James saw it as an opportunity to exploit.

‘
It is priceless in sentiment and worth. My parents will be devastated. However, fear not. I will take the blame and no more will be said about it.’  He bent down and helped her gather the pieces.

‘
You would do that for me, sir?’

‘
James.’

‘
James?’

‘
Indeed I will. You see. I am not such an ogre as you paint me to be.’

‘
I don’t know what to say.’ She gave him the broken pieces she had collected, taken aback by his apparent kindness, their hands momentary brushed. ‘Thank you, sir. Truly, I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for this kindness.’

James gave her the book and began wrapping the broken pieces in the news
sheet.

‘Mother will be waiting. You had better go. Leave this to me. Rest assured I will deal with this situation.’

Janey smiled and left, her footsteps receding into the ether of the house as she hurriedly ascended the stairs to her mistress’ bedroom
. James immediately stopped wrapping up the broken pieces to get himself another drink, smiling to himself at a job well done. Janey was now in his debt and before he left at the end of the week he would collect what was due him. His father broke his delicious thoughts as he bumbled into the room, patting his pockets and looking for his diary.

‘
Did I hear something smash a few minutes ago?’ he asked, picking up his book and popping it under his arm.

‘
I dropped that ghastly ornament great aunt Anne gave us.’

Lord Brockenshaw looked at the vacant spot on the mantel piece.

‘Good, I’ve always hated it. It was for your aunt’s sake rather than any liking for the thing that prevented us getting rid of it years ago.’ He smiled at James, trying to bridge the gulf between them. ‘Perhaps your unorthodox ways have its advantages.’

‘
Is that an attempt at a compliment, Father? If I had known you would bestow one on me I would have broken it years ago.’

‘
I wasn’t aware a compliment from me was so important to you,’ replied his father as he left the room. James examined his drink.

‘
Nor I, Father. Nor I.’

Lady Brockenshaw heard Janey enter the room and sit beside the bed. She heard the flutter of pages as Janey tried to find the chapter she required. Unlike previous nights, Janey seemed to take a while which suggested to Lady Brockenshaw that she had dropped the bookmark at some point.

‘
You took longer than I expected, Janey.’

‘
Sorry m’am,’ her reply was slightly breathless and subdued. Anyone else may have missed the fact Janey was mildly out of breath but when one of your senses is missing the others are heightened and Lady Brockenshaw took note.

‘
What kept you?’

She noted the hesitation and the carefully chosen words in reply.

‘It took me a moment to secure the book, m’am.’

She knew Janey would not lie to her which was probably the reason such a strange choice of words were used
. She could still hear the pages moving hinting at the practical skills her maid usually exhibited being in disarray. A sense of dread stood like a spectre at Lady Brockenshaw’s shoulder.

‘
Was my son still in the room?’ she asked, dreading the answer.

‘
He was m’am. I have found the page. Shall I begin reading?’

Lady Brockenshaw hesitated in her reply
. She should ask her maid more questions, delve a bit deeper but she was afraid that by doing so she would be allowing the dread that she felt to sit in her spirit forever. She loved her son dearly. He was her only surviving child and she did not want to hear or acknowledge anything that may force her to see the darker side of him. She felt on a precipice. She only had to ask questions of her maid to identify a link between her son and her maid’s phases of melancholy but it meant facing the prospect that her son was not perfect. She was very fond of her maid, who had in a few short months opened up a world to her that had long since been lost. Her skills of description and communication, her empathy of her mistress’ disability and her sense of humour and story telling had brought light into her world where none had been for years. Yet she adored her son.

‘
Shall I read on, m’am?’

Lady Brockenshaw drew a deep breath
. She despised her own cowardice at not questioning her maid further but her instinct as a mother to love her son was stronger.

‘Yes, Janey,’ she replied. ‘Read on.’

Janey was on tenterhooks the following day, waiting for Mr Tallock or Miss Petherbridge to call her into the office and present her with the broken ornament. By the evening, and with the absence of such a confrontation, Janey had to conclude that James had indeed kept his word and taken the blame himself. This was later confirmed when he caught her elbow in the great hall and whispered in her ear that all was well and she need not worry her little head anymore. The sense of relief she had initially felt the evening before was still present but it was mixed with foreboding. Janey realised she was now beholden to him and he could use it against her at any time he chose. She should have confessed straight away but she would have never have been able to pay for it on her meagre wages. Yet the longer time went on the harder it was to confess and if she did she was showing James up for telling a lie. Showing up the son of Lord Brockenshaw for telling a falsehood when he was only trying to help her was unforgivable and in itself may result in her dismissal. Janey’s world was spinning out of control and her only relief was that James would be gone by the end of the week. To avoid anymore trouble she had to ensure she was never alone with him again.

The next day
, whilst walking the dog on the edge of the moor, Janey saw James riding over the hill towards her. She had no hesitation darting into a disused building to hide. She stood quietly, with Charlie at her heels, listening for the hoof beats to pass. She had no interest in the disused granite building with its fallen in roof, piles of sacking adorning the earth floor and the strangulating ivy that was making claim to the walls. A few more years of such neglect and nature would repossess the land it stood on as its own once more, but to Janey, for this moment in time, it was a place to hide and nothing more. The hoof beats stopped outside and James dismounted. He had seen her and Janey felt sick with anxiety.

‘
There you go, hiding from me again.’ James swept into the roofless building like a gentleman returning to his manor. ‘I thought we were friends.’  What could Janey say in reply?  Once again she felt stupid for hiding and doubting him. He plucked at the fingers of his glove and cast them aside one by one onto the sacking. ‘I took the displeasure of my father and mother for breaking that ornament and this is how you repay the favour. You scurry away like a mouse spying a cat.’  Janey watched him with wide eyes as he paced up and down. Suddenly he appeared to soften. ‘Janey, you drive me to distraction. Can’t you see that I love you and you treat me so badly?’

‘
You love me?’ she could not hide her scepticism.

‘
You don’t believe me?’

‘
I don’t know what to believe.’ She was becoming flustered. He was always wrong footing her, muddling her thoughts and confusing her. Taking advantage of her silence he came to stand before her and lifted her chin so she looked at him.

‘
I have had a very difficult day. My parents are very upset with me, yet,’ he touched her cheek with a cold finger, ‘I am willing to put up with it for you. Is that not love?’

‘
I don’t know the reason for your assistance, but it is not necessarily love.’

‘
You doubt me?’  She did not answer so he tilted her chin to face him. ‘Do you doubt this?’ he kissed her briefly on the lips and moved back to study her reaction. She appeared unmoved and met his gaze on equal terms. Momentarily he was taken aback as it was not what he had expected. He wanted to see her quiver, to shake at his touch yet here she was looking at him as if he was mud on her shoe. ‘I see you need a real kiss.’

‘
I need nothing of the sort, sir, now if you will excuse me.’

‘
You owe me more than a kiss for what I have done for you or perhaps I should inform my parents who was really to blame for the breakage of their precious ornament.’

‘
You have done nothing for me that you have felt was not advantageous to you, sir.’

He held her shoulder preventing her from escaping.

‘You are under the misapprehension that you have a choice in the matter. A real kiss I want and a real kiss you shall give me. Just one kiss and all will be forgotten.’

‘
Don’t pester me, sir.’

‘
I don’t pester.’ He came closer until they shared the same breath, ‘Just one kiss, my darling. I adore you, I love you, I would do anything for you.’ The words slipped easily from his lips as they touched hers once more, easing them apart and delving intimately inside her mouth, taking her by surprise. She tried to move away but it only seemed to excite him more and his tongue protruded deeper into her mouth, heightening her indignation and the feeling of violation. She tried to move her head but he grabbed it ruthlessly and continued his onslaught. Managing to turn her head at last, she gasped for air.

‘
Please, James. James.’ Ignoring her he reclaimed her mouth and grabbed her bottom, kneading it as if she was a whore, covering her body with his own, frightening her with his hardness and sexual desire. She struggled to free herself but he was too strong.