Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (35 page)

“Then why tell me at all?”

He sat fidgeting with my belts around the bedpost. “Because you deserve to know.” He didn’t look at me.

I stuck my outstretched hand in his face. “Fine. One date. When?”

He shook and pecked the top of my hand then hopped up and off my bed. “Next Saturday. Be ready at 11:00 a.m.” He pulled my door closed behind him.

I grabbed my cell phone and dialed half of Zach’s number before I stopped and stared at my ceiling fan. He was going to be mad…I knew that much and mad may not be a strong enough word. Angry wouldn’t cover it…ticked…furious…pissed off. I couldn’t come up with a strong enough word. But, he’d have to understand that I was doing this for us. Grant would leave us alone after this. Nevertheless, it would hurt him, and I didn’t want to hurt him. On the other hand, I was going to be hurt by this God forsaken secret and I didn’t particularly care for that scenario either.

I ran the options in my head. One—back out on Grant and deal with whatever it is that Zach did. Could it possibly be that bad?  Two—go with Grant, make Zach angry and work it out after the fact. I’d been forgiving with Zach…he’d be forgiving with me. I didn’t like either option…but it didn’t get any better the more I contemplated the thoughts. I wished I could call Lauren or Ali but I didn’t want to allude to Zach having something else in his past other than the already known probation. Mom? No—same reason. Giving her or dad another excuse not to like Zach wasn’t an option.  I needed to call him. I opted for a text

Will I see you tonight?
send

Of course. How’d it go?

Successful I think!
send

Ill b by around 6. Movie?

Anythings fine. See you then
.
Send

I closed my phone and lay across my bed. A movie sounded great, but I couldn’t imagine we’d make it to one. My stomach twisted and I wondered if I was getting sick.

When the doorbell rang, my pace wasn’t as quick as normal to greet Zach. Though I missed him over the past three-hour window…I dreaded what was in store for this evening. He’d want to know what went down between Grant and me. And, I’d tell him. I wouldn’t lie.

When I opened the door, the dark green
hoodie with the big yellow O on it was hard to miss. No USC, No UCLA, No Raiders, or Giants…but Oregon Ducks! I couldn’t contain the smile that crossed my face. I flung my arms around his neck. The material was soft against my cheek and already smelled like him.

“You have somehow inherited a small portion of my wardrobe. So I did some shopping this afternoon.”

“You made good choices,” I teased, and pecked him on the lips. I needed to get in good graces immediately.

“Emma. We’re leaving,” my dad said passing through the room and spotting us. “Oh. Zach. Emma said you two were going out tonight. What are your plans?”

He released me instantly, which was customary for him, and turned his full attention to my father or future father-in-law, as I dreamed. “Yes, sir. We’d talked about taking in a movie, something to eat…I’m not real sure. We haven’t discussed it yet.”

He patted Zach’s shoulder with maybe semi approval before lowering his bi-
focals and glaring over them. “Zach. I like you. And I trust by now you know what is acceptable and what’s not.”

“Yes, sir. I do.” Zach replied, and I grinned at his confidence. “No confusion.”

“Excellent. We’re driving into Medford but should be back by midnight,” Dad said as he left the room. “But it could be earlier.”

Zach and I smiled at his subtle warning and walked in to the family room. Ryan had a controller in hand and was shooting at a German WWII soldier on his XBOX360 game. He darted his eyes our way then back to the game.

“What’s up?” he asked leaning his body the way the soldier was leaning on the screen.

“Not much.” I plopped down next to Zach who was mesmerized by the killing spree. I despised video games and Ryan was a
gameaholic. I needed to act fast or Zach would be sucked into his web.

“We’re going to a movie.”

“Which one?” Ryan asked.

“Not sure. What’s Ali doing?” I asked, wondering why he didn’t have a date.

He must have completed a level because he strutted around for a second and high fived Zach. “Ryan?”

“What?”

“Ali…”

“Oh, she’s sick. Zach you want in?”

I quickly stood. “Nope. He can’t. We’re heading out. I talked to Ali yesterday and she was fine. What’s wrong?”             

He shrugged as he began the next level. The shooting already resumed.

“Ryan!” I shouted.

Finally, he pushed paused and glared at me as if I’d distracted him.

Zach laughed. “Let’s go.”

“She started vomiting last night and is running a fever.”

“OK.” Zach was pushing me out of the family room. “I was just talking,” I explained.

“Exactly,” he said. “So what do you want to do?”

I bounced my shoulders with indifference. “Be with you.”

He pulled me onto the sofa in the living room. “That one’s not open for discussion.” Then his perfect lips parted slightly and came toward mine. I quickly moistened mine and met his with a hunger that hadn’t been fed in almost a week. Parents gone—check.  Ryan busy—check.  Alone for a minimum of five hours—check.  The minute I shoved him back, he lifted himself but his eyes were confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I thought quickly. My plan had to be strategic otherwise he wouldn’t
comply.

“I forgot something in my room. I’ll be right back.” I took the stairs two at a time and went into the bathroom. After I rinsed with some mouthwash, I unwrapped a piece of gum and chewed it all the while checking out my appearance in the mirror. I leaned out the door. “Hey Zach!” I hollered down the stairs.

“What?”

“Can you come here for a sec?” I flipped off the bathroom light and stood in my doorway with my eyes closed listening for his assent. I heard his footsteps and grinned then went into my room. The lamp lit the room and I lay on my stomach across the bed with my face resting on my arms. I smiled when I heard him at the door.

“Em? What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice was heartbreaking and a small percentage of me felt bad for my ploy. He slid across the bed and his hand caressed up my back. “Em?”

My body couldn’t take it anymore and I shuddered in laughter until I couldn’t hold it in and I raised my face to meet his. The confusion was still in his eyes. Then I lunged for his lips. His kiss was the best I’d ever had and though there hadn’t been a lot…I knew it didn’t get any better. But then he stopped.

“What were you doing?” he asked still confused.

“You never would have come up here if I’d have asked you…so I tricked you.” I waited for his reaction. Nothing.

“Come up here for what?”

“For this!” I explained and kissed his ear whispering in it. “I wanted to do this.”

“And you are under the impression that I wouldn’t want to?” his words were faint.

I moved to the hollow of his neck. “You are just so honest and you try to keep me honest and I didn’t think you’d follow me up here if you knew my intentions.” I spoke between kisses.

My tongue lightly traced his Adam’s apple and I lifted his sweatshirt to expose his remarkable abs. “You know me well,” he said. I was shocked he wasn’t stopping me…yet. He fingered my hair as I kissed over his abs and with my nose tickled the hair around his belly button. The skin was tight and soft and beautiful.

“What are your intentions?” He inquired softly.

I took a deep breath and inhaled the soapy scent of his skin. His jeans rested below his belly button, and I moved along the waistband feeling tensing muscles in my own pelvis. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I unsnapped the first button and kissed the area underneath. A small groan came from his throat, and I smiled, excited that his body responded to me. His underwear read American Eagle across the band. Figures. My heart raced as the territory I’d ventured into was completely new. I was certain my inexperience showed, and, as I kissed skin I’d never laid eyes on, his hands suddenly lifted me up to his face. I’d done something wrong.

“What did I do?” I asked.

He was moving in for a kiss but reared his head back. “What do you mean?”              

“Well, you stopped me. What did I do wrong?”  I was embarrassed.

He snickered. “You think I stopped you because you did something wrong?”

He lifted my chin to meet my lips and smothered me with a deep, hard kiss twisting my body till I was flat on my back. Then he stopped. “I interrupted you because you were doing everything right. ” And his lips were squashed against mine again and it took my breath away. I broke free.

“Zach?”

“Hmm.” He was now at the nape of my neck working his way toward my sternum. Suddenly I was nervous that I’d worn a button-down shirt especially, since the first two buttons seemed to come apart with just the slightest touch of his finger and thumb. “
Em?” he asked.

“What?” My voice was weak.

He laughed and I didn’t know why. The size of my breasts?  “You said… ‘Zach’…and I said… ‘hmm’… and you said nothing else. What were you going to say?”

The kissing resumed, and I felt the warmth of his tongue touch just inside my bra. I hoped he couldn’t feel my heart pounding against my ribs. What
was I going to say?  Oh, yeah.

“Have you…” There it was again—his silky tongue. He was near
but not quite touching my left breast. That one was the bigger of the two anyway. My shirt fell all the way open and he slid it off my arms. I was in my bra!

“Have I what?” he asked with a slight giggle to his words.

“Sorry.” I forgot again. Could I make a complete sentence?  “I’m sorry, I’m not very big there.” It felt weird apologizing for my breast size, but I wasn’t big and didn’t have much hope for the future.

He moved back up to my face and glared at me. “Don’t put yourself down. You’re perfect.”

I rolled my eyes. “Have you had that…
one thing
done a lot?” I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.

“By that one thing, you’re meaning…a blowjob?”

I nodded, but he didn’t answer either. In fact, he sat more rigid on the bed. “Emma.” Oh great, the full name. “I am three years older than you so I’ve done some stuff you haven’t. Good and bad. But that’s history. That shouldn’t matter.”

I nodded. “Would it matter to you?”

“You mean if you’d been with someone?”

“Yes.”

“First of all, I’m jealous by nature. Secondly, what you did before me is your business; I was not a part of your life then.” I suddenly felt as if he was presenting an opening argument in a defense case. He twisted some strands of my hair from my face and wrapped it behind my ear. “I won’t lie to you. I’m glad that your experiences with me are…new…that you’ve not been there before.”

I smiled, my body still weak from his exploration. I shivered, and he rubbed my arms then grabbed the sweatshirt hanging on the bedpost and tossed it over my shoulders. His eyes shifted from mine to the sweatshirt and he abruptly sat up.

“Texas Longhorns,” he said out loud with no indication of a question. “Grant had this on when I left here earlier and now it’s hanging on your bedpost?”

“Zach. He and I talked. You knew that.”

“In your fucking bedroom?”

God, why did I bring Grant to my room?  “Yes. I didn’t want to do it in front of Ryan, so I brought him up here.” Why did I feel like I’d done something wrong?

Zach sat up, wadded the sweatshirt and threw it at the door, then rested his elbows on his knees. I was getting angry. He knew how much I loved him and the thought that he didn’t trust me—hurt.  My initial reaction was to cry but I fought hard to keep my emotions in check. How could he not know that I didn’t want Grant? I propped my feet up on the mattress and tucked my chin between my knees.

He was quiet, and it was killing me, and I still had the news to break about our Saturday night date. Finally, I sprung off the bed and bolted to the door. As I opened it, the sweatshirt in question wedged between it and the floor and wouldn’t budge. I shoved and pulled and I’d gotten it stuck and me stuck in the room. Let the floodgates open…that was the last straw. Then he was behind me and my silent tears fell.

“I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t…” his voice trailed off. “I’m sorry. It’s that son-of-a-bitch I don’t trust. Please forgive me.” His words were sincere, he turned me to face him then leaned in and kissed the tears on my cheeks.

“I would never…”

“I know. I’m sorry for even thinking the thought.” He sat on the bed and pulled me onto his lap. “What did he say?”

My hands were folded and tucked between my thighs. I found it difficult to look into his eyes. “Promise me you won’t get mad.”