Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (15 page)

She sighed. Zach resembled her in many ways. Her eyes were soft and met mine.

“It’s nice to meet you, Emma. We’ve heard very good things about you and your family. Your brother is a wonderful football player.”

Zach winked at me.

“Thank you. It is a pleasure meeting you too.”

“Zach says you’re a sophomore. Have you grown up in Ashland?”

Sophomore? I was sure I flinched at the word but not enough for her to notice. “I was born in Portland. Lived there for a few years before my dad became partner in a firm here. Been here every since.”

“Mom. We need to get back to school.”

“Yes. You do. And we will address
that
this evening.” She forewarned.

He kissed her cheek.

“It was nice meeting you,” I said.

“Please come over again. Maybe
after
school some day.” She smiled. “Zachary, don’t forget your meeting tonight.”

I beat Zach to the Jeep, shut the door behind me and turned cockeyed in my seat shooting daggers at him.

“What?” he had the nerve to ask.

“What?  Are you kidding me? You told your mother I was a sophomore.”

He frowned. “Buckle up.”

I buckled but stayed cockeyed. “Why…why…” 

He drove in the opposite direction of the school.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“One question at a time, please.” He seemed amused.

“You’re embarrassed of me, aren’t you? You’re embarrassed that I’m a freshman.” My feelings were hurt.

He hit the brakes and my body jerked forward.  His finger jetted in front of my face and he scowled. “Don’t ever say that again. I am
not
embarrassed of you. You being a freshman doesn’t bother me a bit.” A horn honked behind us and he glanced in his rear view mirror, waved and started moving again.

“Then why?” I asked more calmly. He was driving out of Ashland, but I knew he wouldn’t miss football practice and I had a state qualifier meet in two days so I couldn’t miss
cross country. He seemed to be thinking, maybe contemplating his words, as I stared at his profile, which was perfect.

He swerved around almost doing a complete U-turn and darted down a dirt road that led to a small creek. He cut the engine. The water ran low but I could hear the trickle of the creek moving and I closed my eyes and listened. He took my hand in his.

“I need you to listen.”

I nodded.

“My mom,” he paused. “She was a hot-shot defense attorney back in San Francisco—under a lot of stress. She started having some health issues the doctor believed were stress-related.” He paused again. “Then came the talk of moving.” He lay back against the headrest. “I was pissed. I was going to be a senior in the only school I’d ever known. I didn’t want to leave.” He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just switch jobs. But my dad applied for his job here. Mom decided to do part-time
stress-free
work as a paralegal and boom…we’re here.”  He intertwined his fingers and wrapped his hands behind his head.              

“I’m sorry.”  That was all I had to offer and it didn’t feel like enough. I couldn’t imagine leaving everyone behind.

He untwined his fingers and they fell to his lap. His posture made me nervous.  “I started doing stupid shit. Drinking. Smoking weed. Getting in fight after fight. ” He looked at me out the corner of his eye.

I tried desperately not to react.

“I dabbled in other stuff too.”

“Like?”

He hesitated. “Some illegal. Some prescription.”

I suddenly felt sheltered and innocent and naïve. I had no idea what he meant. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” I admitted.

He snickered. “Why would you?” he asked under his breath facing me. “Drugs. I bought stuff from kids who were selling their own meds.” He rubbed his eyes. “I was out of control. I hurt my parents. I hurt myself.” He dwelled on his thoughts for a minute or two.  “I was arrested, Em.”

I felt like I’d been kicked hard in the stomach. I remembered one time in fourth grade, falling off the jungle gym when I was a kid and landing smack on my back—unable to breathe. This felt exactly like that without the dust and kids staring at me. His words literally stole the air from my lungs. “Why?”  The word barely came out but he heard it.

His brown eyes were bigger than I’d ever seen them and held a fear that scared me. “I was driving under the influence.”

“Influence of what?”

He paused. “Alcohol. And drugs.”                           

My brow creased. “Did you hurt someone?” My voice broke before the words came out.
Don’t cry,
I thought trying to fight the emotion. I unbuckled and I don’t know why. I felt scared—not of him—but of losing him. My parents…if they found out—oh God. I felt sick and raked my fingers through my hair. He grabbed my wrists. 

“
Em?”

“Did you go to jail? Do you still use drugs? Why…are you?” My words were rushed and not coming out right.

He squeezed my arms. “Please. Just listen to me. That’s not who I am. I wanted to tell you before but I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”
              “Of losing you.”  He frowned.

My eyes bore into his. As thrilled as I was to hear his words—my thoughts were too scattered. “So, what happened?”

He released his grip. “I spent two nights in detention. My folks were pissed and made me sit there.”

“Detention? Like jail?” Maybe he wasn’t the prince I’d made him out to be.  “Why did you do it?”

“I was so screwed up. When I got pulled over…” his words trailed off. “There were drugs in the car.”  I stared at him and knew he was measuring my responses. I lifted my chin a little higher.  “When I got out of jail, my mom made a deal with the juvenile judge, that if I went into treatment, some of the charges would be dismissed.”

“And were they?”

“Yes. I spent ten days in an inpatient center for kids. Then the deal was…upon completion, I was sentenced eighteen months of probation. He allowed us to move and have a courtesy supervision here. Well…Medford. The judge knew my mom so I think that helped. He let me keep my driver’s license.”

“So…you’re on probation right now?” I couldn’t help my voice from squeaking.

He nodded. “Em. You have to believe me. I’d never even tried drugs before. It was a really bad time and it all happened in a short period. Things spiraled fast. Suddenly I was arrested, released, in treatment, out of treatment and in Ashland. I’d never felt so alone in my life.”  He traced the steering wheel slowly then shifted his body toward me. “Then when I came by your house to pick up the football stuff, you were so nice to me. I’d never seen you at school. We laughed. We talked. You asked me about me and about San Francisco. And suddenly you made me remember how wonderful it was there and for a minute, I forgot about the shit. When you played that song for me, well, I just felt this incredible connection. When I decided to try and kiss you, I had no idea how you felt or if you felt what I did. I was so nervous that night. Then, when I felt the way you kissed me back.”

The way I kissed him back? Was that a good thing?

“The next thing I know, you’re gone, you left for Cannon Beach.” He smiled at me.

“Sorry.” Somehow with all of his honesty and sincerity, my one little word didn’t manage to cover it.

“It didn’t make sense to me. I spent four or five hours with you and you were all I thought about over the summer. I waited for you to get back to see if…I don’t know what.”

I thought about Estelle and the five times he spent with her. 

He winced. “I know what you’re thinking and that was stupid of me. I will live with a planet of regret on my shoulders forever on that one. You know, she and I—we never even talked. We’d see each other out and…”

I plugged my ears. “OK…let’s not go there.”

“Sorry. I asked
her
about
you
.”

“You what?”

“I did. She blew it off because you were a freshman. And mentioned something about Ryan killing anyone who touched you.”  He laughed at his words.

“So, explain to me…why am I a sophomore?”

He raised his brows. “Oh that. There’s this law, statute, something—that my mom knows about. It’s this Romeo and Juliet thing, seriously. Depending on the state, if you are more than two years older, in some states it’s three but you would have to be at least sixteen for us to—you know… or I’d get in trouble. So when I mentioned you to my mom, I knew you were fifteen but I told her what I thought she wanted to hear about your grade.”

“You can’t have sex with me because of a
law
?” 

He nodded. “Kind of. I mean, I can, but with already being on probation…it’s risky. I was kind of unofficially diverted the first time through the court and I’d be officially charged if something happened.” He shook his head.  “And as much as I know you hate hearing this…” He swallowed and hesitated. “You
are
young…er.”

I processed every word he spoke and hung onto the part of him not wanting to lose me.  I knew the other parts were more important. My parents would find the words like arrested…drugs…probation much more relevant.

“So…sex is off limits?” I raised my brow as a part of me was relieved.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me over to his seat. “You know what, nothing is off limits. But, no matter what, I want it to be for the right reasons. Not because I did it with someone else or because you think you have to do it.”

I nodded. “I know. But.” I paused. “I’ll be sixteen May 20th.” I chewed on my cheek waiting for his response.

He grinned. “In March, I’m off probation.” He winked.

Blood rushed to my face as he started the Jeep.

I was grounded for skipping school and grounded from Zach for a week, which was a load of crap. I’d never ditched class a day in my life. To be honest, I’d never even faked being sick. Well…maybe once in sixth grade when Jennie Stewart wanted to beat me up for liking Wolf Belford. I’d held the thermometer under hot water to prove to my mom I had a fever, realizing later one-hundred-six was pretty dang high for a temperature. 

This by far ranked up there with the worst week of my entire life. Zach was feeling guilty because he literally dragged me from the school. The brooding expressions he wore around the halls worried me. This was so not his fault. We were at least allowed to text and talk on the phone. The short two minutes before and after third hour was all we had.

Zach never said whether he got punished, but given his mom’s demeanor that day and her obvious disappointment, my guess was he had.  He and Ryan seemed to be hanging out more, which made me a little nervous. I certainly didn’t want some mutual alliance with my brother to drive a wedge between me and Zach.

Ryan was getting ready for school, and I caught him in the bathroom gelling his hair.

“
Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m supposed to ask you something. I already know your response but I promised I’d ask.”

“What?” He rinsed his hands.

“Ali likes you. Apparently, you were too nice when you took her drunk butt home.”              

“We went to Starbucks,” He explained like it wasn’t that big of deal.

I laughed. “Yeah. Well. I guess us freshmen are pretty easily entertained. You really swept her off her feet, bro.” I sat on the edge of the tub.

“Ali…little Ali?” he questioned, then added a, “hmm,” which confused me cause it was as if he was considering it. “Maybe Zach has the right idea. Maybe freshmen are easier to deal with than the catty, bitchy shit we deal with.”  He slid his shirt over his head and smacked me on the shoulder nearly knocking me backward into the empty tub. “Come on. We
gotta go. I’ll give it some thought.”

Paralyzed from shock, I gave no response.

The guys were decked out in their new football jerseys for the big game, and Zach, of course, looked incredibly handsome. We both knew I’d miss the game because I was grounded
and he seemed more bummed than me. We walked quietly to Ryan’s truck after school; I spotted three guys leaning against the roll bar on his jeep, five stalls down from the truck. I pointed.

“Who’s that?”

He glanced up and a broad smile swept across his face. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

He abandoned my side and jogged to the Jeep.  “
What
are you doing?” he yelled. The three guys jumped out of the Jeep and body bumped him.

“What’s up, Big O?” One of them hollered.