Off to Be the Wizard - 2 - Spell or High Water (5 page)

“You done?” Martin asked, standing on Gary’s back as he lay prone in the dirt.

“Yeah, I guess,” was Gary’s muffled reply.

Martin stepped off of his friend and gave him a hand up. He didn’t mention that Gary had two big dusty footprints on the back of his robe, and he hoped nobody else would tell him either.

They turned their attention to Tyler, who was still creating foul, purple curlicues in the sky. Gary muttered something under his breath, and the smoke and noise let out one last, powerful trumpet blast, then stopped. Tyler remained motionless, a dot in the sky, for a moment while he composed himself. When he was ready, he flew to Martin and Gary’s position, landing in front of them, glaring at Gary the entire time.

After a thick, velvety silence, Tyler asked Gary, “When will this smell come out of my robe?”

Gary said, “As soon as you figure out how to make it come out. Sorry. ”

“You will be,” Tyler said. He then turned his attention to
Martin
. “So, what’s up with the old guy?”

They were amazed to hear that Roy was from the year 1973, or as Gary put it, pre-
Star Wars
. Martin told them about how Roy had arrived the night before, copped an attitude, then settled down eventually. He hoped Roy wasn’t giving Jeff a hard time. Jeff could be a little sensitive.

They took to the air to reconnect with Jeff and Roy. Martin was relieved to find them sitting in the grass, Jeff listening in rapt attention as Roy told him about what it was like to work at the Skunk Works.

Now that the pleasantries and the combat were over, they all formally demonstrated the new defensive power they’d brought to share. Gary described what he called his “gas jets,” which he’d accidentally used on Tyler.

Tyler demonstrated his spell by deliberately using it on Gary. Tyler shot him in the back with one of the same
glowing
bolts Martin had seen whiz past him during their chase. As soon as it hit Gary, he was lifted into the air. Gary swung and lolled
sickeningly
in space. Clearly he had no ability to
stabilize
himself
. He was also visibly vibrating as he hung in space,
helpless
.

“WHYYYYYYYY,” Gary whined, in a goat-like, wavering tone.

Tyler walked toward the helpless wizard. He grabbed Gary’s leg, stopping his motion.

Gary said, “Thaaanks.”

Tyler said, “You’re welcome,” and gave him a good, hearty spin. “I’m sure this looks familiar to you all,” Tyler said. “The spell lifts the victim three feet into the air, drops him, then places him right back there, three feet above the ground. It does this ten times a second. The result is that the target is helpless, and has no attitude control, although, in this case, the target had never been able to control his attitude in the first place.”

Gary told Tyler to shut up. Tyler shoved Gary with all his might, sending him gliding away from the group, yelling plaintively the whole way.

Tyler continued. “Also, the vibration humiliates the target, and almost instantly gives them a splitting headache.”

Roy asked, “Why would you think that would look familiar to us?”

“Oh,” Tyler said, “sorry, Roy. I forgot you were so new. It’s based on a spell Martin invented, and used in front of all us
wizards
once.”

Roy turned to Martin. “You invented that? Kiddo, that’s
diabolical
.”

Martin shrugged and said, “Yeah, well, I hope never to have to use it again.”

Jeff started to say that this was because Martin had created the spell for his own use, as a crude and utterly failed attempt at a flying spell, but Martin shot him a look that stopped him before he started.

In the distance, a weak, warbling voice said, “Tyyyyyylerrrrrr, pleeeeeease stopppp thiiiiiissss!”

Tyler yelled, “Stop it yourself. Any other spell will override it.”

Gary said the magic word
flugi
and instantly drifted slowly into the sky, where he hung limply for a moment.

Jeff called out, “Hey, Gary, you okay?”

Gary held up one finger, as if asking for a moment to compose himself. He pointed the finger at Tyler and said,
“
Ekskuzi vin
.” A ball of light streaked from his finger. He was far enough away that Tyler had time to react. He hiked up his wizard staff, and swung it like a
baseball bat. The silver Rolls Royce hood ornament traced a glowing arc in the air. The staff connected with the glowing ball, which dissipated on impact. Tyler
paused at
the end of his follow-through, then craned his head to look at the end of his staff. There, just under the hood ornament, was another of Gary’s
gas jets
.

After a half second of silence, the gas jet fired. Martin, Roy, and Jeff all ran as Tyler spun violently, trying to keep his grip on his staff. Soon, Tyler was invisible, at the center of a foul-smelling cloud of purple vapor. The wavering sound of the jet and the occasional glint of high-speed chrome were the only indications of the violent activity within the cloud. Finally, Tyler either let go or lost his grip. Either way, his staff soared off into the distance, whirling like a helicopter blade and leaving a purple contrail in its wake.

Tyler lay in the grass on his back. Gary approached and offered him a hand up. As he hoisted Tyler to his feet, he said, “We’re even.”

“For now,” Tyler replied.

Roy shook his head and asked, “Are you boys sure these spells are meant for self-defense, or are they just designed to help you humiliate each other?”

Gary answered, “I think a really good spell ought to be able to do both.”

At that moment, a subtle, warbling, repetitive chiming noise filled the air. The wizards all cocked their heads to the side. Jeff asked, “Okay, whose hand is that?”

Everyone but Roy looked at his right hand. Martin said, “Oh, it’s me.”

Martin lifted his hand in front of his face. A small, semi-transparent image of Phillip’s head appeared in the palm of
Martin’s
hand.

“Martin,” Phillip said, “I need you to come to my shop right now.”

“Why?” Martin asked. “What is it?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I need you to help me figure it out.”

Martin said, “I’ll be right there.

Gary leaned in behind Martin’s shoulder. “We’ll all be right there.”

Phillip rolled his eyes. “Is it too late to say that I want you to come alone?”

Martin said, “I’ll come alone.”

Gary said, “We’ll all come alone.”

6.

Moments later, Phillip’s private sanctuary was crowded with
wizards
. Phillip liked to call it his
inner sanctum
. All the other wizards called it his rumpus room.

Martin asked what was going on. Phillip pointed to his wet bar. Sitting on the bar, there was a large salad bowl, the most beautiful salad bowl in the world. It was a perfect half sphere, made of the thinnest, clearest glass Martin had ever seen. The bowl was kept upright by three impossibly perfect clear glass dolphins that acted as legs.

“Where’d you get that?” Martin asked, approaching the salad bowl.

“The bottom of the stairs,” Phillip said. “I was tending to some important chairman business and I heard a ringing noise. I went to investigate, I found that. There was no note, and before anybody asks, I checked, and the phrase ‘So long, and thanks for all the fish’ isn’t engraved anywhere on it.”

“So someone left it there and rang a bell to get your attention?” Jeff asked.

“No. You know nobody can get up in here without my
permission
. That’s why Gary’s waiting downstairs.” Phillip looked at the floor and yelled, “Having fun down there, Gary?”

A muffled voice answered, “No.”

Tyler asked, “So, what made the ringing noise?”

Phillip reached into the bowl and pulled out a glass disk, about the size of a coaster, but again, it was the most breathtakingly clear and beautiful glass coaster Martin had ever seen.
Phillip
held it a couple of inches above the bottom of the bowl, then let it go. When it struck the bottom, it created a loud, clear, yet somehow soft tone that filled the room.

Phillip said, “I figure whoever sent them put the bowl there first, then sent the disk, a few inches above it, to get my attention.” He handed the disk to Martin. “Now, to get your attention, I’ll ask you to take a look at this.”

Martin held the disk up to the light. It weighed less than he expected, and was cold to the touch. As he turned it in the light Martin saw that it was etched with some sort of pictogram. It showed two figures in pointy hats standing, facing each other. Between them, they held a large half-circle, each supporting it with both hands. In the middle of the half-circle Martin could make out a circle that he was sure symbolized the glass disk in his hand. Beneath the two figures, there were words. It was hard to read such small, fine print etched so lightly on a transparent background, but Martin immediately recognized that the words were the names Phillip and Martin.

“So, Phillip, what do you think?” Martin asked.

Phillip said, “If they were trying to hurt me, they’d have just sent a bomb or something.”

“Unless they wanted to hurt both of us,” Martin said. “This bowl thing does put us in the same place at the same time,
touching
the same object.”

“True,” Phillip allowed, “but all the same, this doesn’t feel threatening to me.”

“Me either. Still, this could be dangerous.”

“Agreed,” Phillip said, before yelling, “Okay, Gary. You can come up now.”

Gary, Tyler, Jeff, and Roy took shelter behind Phillip’s beloved Pontiac. Even though it was from the eighties, it was the most advanced car Roy had ever seen. He was not impressed. “It looks like a doorstop.”

“It’s about as mechanically sophisticated as one, too,” Jeff said, as they took up their positions, cowering behind the car.

Like any Fiero owner, Phillip had learned to ignore such
comments
. He and Martin stood in the middle of the room.
Phillip
held the bowl in one arm, the disk in the other.

Phillip asked, “You ready for this, Martin?”

Martin answered, “Not really, but we’re going to do it, ar
en’t we?”

Phillip said, “Yes. Yes we are.” He placed the disk in the bowl, then held the bowl up so Martin could help support it. Soon, they were each holding the bowl with two hands, as the picture had demonstrated. For a moment nothing happened, then the rim of the bowl glowed a vibrant bluish-green. A pulse of light traveled the entire radius of the bowl, glowing brighter wherever Phillip and Martin were touching it. The pulse subsided, and the disk lying in the center of the bowl glowed and lifted into the air just above the bowl’s rim. A shaft of blue-green light projected upward from the disk, grew more diffuse, then coalesced into the figure of a person who stood facing
Phillip
. It was a young female with short hair, large eyes, and an
impish smi
le.

“Hello, Phillip,” the hologram said.

“Hello, Gwen!” Phillip replied.

After a pause, Gwen said, “This is a recording. I can’t actually hear you.”

In spite of himself, Phillip said, “Oh, sorry.”

After another pause, Gwen said, “Don’t be embarrassed. I hope you’re well.”

Behind the Fiero, Roy whispered, “Who’s that?”

Jeff said, “Gwen. Female wizard. She used to live here. She and Martin kinda had a thing.”

Tyler added, “Martin had most of it. Then she took off for Atlantis.”

The image of Gwen didn’t show color, but her flared-sleeved, hooded cloak was all too familiar. Beneath it, she wore what appeared to be a lightweight dress and sandals. Gwen’s posture stiffened, as if she were starting into a rehearsed speech, which it immediately became apparent she was.

“Phillip, as chairman of your colony of time travelers, you are invited attend a summit to be held here, at the sunken city of Atlantis. You will meet with the leaders of all of the other known colonies. Together we will try to create a solid foundation upon which to build our mutual future. The topics of
discussion
will include chronological pollution, the ethical treatment of non-time travelers, and prevention of the abuse of our shared power. This invitation has been extended to you and a second
representative
.” Holo-Gwen jerked a thumb over her shoulder, as if indicating something behind her.

“Specifically, it’s been asked that you bring Martin.” She looked back over her shoulder and smirked at Martin, then turned her attention back to Phillip.

“This is not a command. This is a request. You may choose to decline this invitation, but you won’t. Regardless of whether you attend or not, you are welcome to keep this bowl as a token of Atlantis’ goodwill. It is made of solid, molecularly pure
diamond
, the hardest material on earth. It is also dishwasher safe. You can give the disk to Martin. Maybe he can use it as a paperweight or something. When you’re ready to depart, you and Martin are to recite the following phrase in unison:
‘
transporto
unua
Atlantis
kunveno
,’ at which point you will be transported here, to the sunken city of Atlantis, just in time for the beginning of the
summit
. You will be here for two weeks. It will be warm. Pack accordingly. Also, know that I’ve managed to get the shell program running here in addition to the system the Atlanteans already had in place, so all of your existing
powers
will work.”

Martin leaned to the side to make eye contact with Phillip, who looked just as surprised as he was.

Holographic Gwen glanced back over her shoulder, to where she assumed Martin would be standing. She said, “That
concludes
the official message. I’m adding this last part because I know the two of you won’t be satisfied if I don’t.”

Gwen turned so that both Martin and Phillip could see her in profile. She took a deep breath, put the hood up on her cloak. She looked from side to side in an exaggerated pantomime of fear, then said, “Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope.” With that, she bent at the waist, mimed putting a card into a slot, then disappeared.

The glowing disk went dark, wobbled for a second, then fell into the bowl, creating one last ringing noise. The three wizards and one trainee who had been hiding behind the car stood up.

“So, when do we leave?” Gary asked.

“You leave immediately,” Phillip said, “and go home. Martin and I will probably leave for Atlantis in a couple of days. We need time to prepare and think things through.”

Martin nodded. “Sounds good.”

Gary agreed. “Yeah, that’ll give you time to decide that you have to bring me along.”

Tyler said, “Gary, give it up. You heard Gwen. They just want Martin and Phillip.”

“But they’ve gotta take me with them.”

Jeff asked, “Why is that?”

Gary was clearly amazed that he had to explain something so obvious.

“Because,” Gary said, “I really wanna go.” He turned to
Phillip
. “Please, Phil, please take me with you. I want to see
the ladies
. I like
the ladies
.”

Phillip shook his head. “No way. You’re not coming.”

“Phillip, that’s not fair,” Gary whined. “Think of
the ladies
.”

“I am,” Phillip said. “Guys who act like you’re acting are part of what they created Atlantis to get away from.”

“And you’re gonna let them get away with that?” Gary’s voice grew louder. He was almost manic. “They’ll have forgotten how to deal with suave guys like me. It’ll be like shooting fish in a barrel, only instead of fish, it’ll be
ladies
. And instead of shooting them, I’ll be—”

“Yes, we know what you think you’ll be doing,” Phillip
interrupted
.

“And instead of
in a barrel
, it’ll be—”

“Shut up,” Phillip said. “You’re not coming. That’s final.”

“Fine,” Gary seethed, “I’ll stay here. You two keep all
the ladies
for yourselves.”

Roy had been making an effort to listen more than he talked, which doesn’t come naturally when you seem to be older than everyone around you by at least twenty years. Now he couldn’t contain himself. He had to figure something out. He turned to Gary and said, “Say, ‘the ladies’ again.”

“
The ladies
.”

Roy shook his head and repeated. “The ladies.”

Gary smiled, and repeated, “
The ladies
.”

“Why do you say it like that?”

“
Like what?”

Roy said, “It’s like you’re talking in italics.”

Gary arched an eyebrow. “
Italics?
”