Off Season (Off #6) (5 page)

My mouth opens to
deny everything she says, but I know it’s true. I also know
Teagan’s been humoring me when I prattle on and on about Zane.
She’s humoring me because she’s never seen me this
interested in a man before, and she doesn’t want to rain on my
parade.

But I don’t
need her to rain on it.

I’ve put away
my metaphorical umbrella and have let the showers pour down on me,
laying heavy like a wet blanket of frustration that Zane and I will
never really have anything more than a friendship, solely due to the
fact that we live so far apart from each other.

Zane

I read Cady’s
email twice, the second time feeling angrier than the first. She’s
seriously not going to come visit me and, worse yet, she’s
going out on a date with someone.

My insides twist
with disappointment because I honestly thought she wanted to see me
as much as I wanted to see her.

Apparently not.

To: Cady Dunne

From: Zane
Kavanaugh

Subject: Don’t
Speak In Riddles

Date: September
16, 2014

What’s
going on here, Cady? I don’t buy the excuse about school
interfering, because you and I have emailed so much over the last few
weeks that I am well versed on your schedule. I know that you have
classes on Monday and Wednesday. I know that your professor for your
Psychometrics class spits when he talks, so no one will sit in the
front row. I know your professor for your Counseling and Theory
Practice class is from Taiwan and while you believe she’s
brilliant, you can’t be absolutely sure because you can only
understand about fifty-percent of what she’s saying. I know
that a study you read about children with learning disabilities and
the hard road they have before them in the school system made you cry
one night, so you immediately put in your favorite funny movie, Happy
Gilmore, to cheer you up. I know a ton about you and your schooling.

I also know you
have a study group on Thursday. I know your study group meets first
thing in the morning on Thursday and you are done by ten AM. I also
know that you haven’t missed a class yet, and I’m sure
you could forego one set of classes on a Monday. So, by my reasoning,
you could fly out Thursday and come back on Monday. We’d have
three days together. If you absolutely must make your classes on
Monday, then go back on Sunday. Two days together are better than
none.

So what do you say?

Zane

I don’t even
read back over my words before clicking the send button, knowing that
they came from a place of anger and honesty, and that I wasn’t
holding any of my feelings back.

Pushing back from my
desk that sits against the east wall of my living room, I head into
the kitchen to grab an apple for a snack. Glancing at the clock on
the wall, I note that I have a few hours yet before I have to head to
the gym for my workout. Training camp starts in two days, and I’m
starting to get the itch to get back on the ice. My summer vacation
has been amazing, the highlight of course being Cady’s visit,
followed closely by my visit back home to see my family.

But in a few days…
shit was going to get real. In a few weeks, the regular season would
be starting, and then my mind would be immersed in hockey.

And probably
Cady
, I admit grudgingly to myself, but then let it go. That all
depended on how she responds to my last email.

Heading back into my
living room, I take a big bite of my apple, but even the crunch of
tart goodness doesn’t mask the sound of my laptop chiming to
indicate an email has arrived.

I email quite a bit…
routinely with my mom, several friends from high school, other
teammates, Coyote management. But yet, the possibility it could be
from Cady has me practically running to check my inbox.

And yeah… she
responded, and by the subject line change she made, I’m
immediately sure I won’t be happy by her response.

I set my apple down
on the table, clicking on her email.

To: Zane Kavanaugh

From: Cady Dunne

Subject: How’s
This For Clear?

Date: September 16, 2014

I’m sorry
if I was being vague. It’s sort of hard to write your feelings
sometimes. Sure… I could make a visit work with my schedule,
and sure, I could pull some money from savings to make the trip, but
when it boils right down to it… I’m not the booty-call
type. Yes, I engaged in a one-night stand with you, but I think
you’ve come to know me well enough the last few weeks to know
that’s generally not my style. Coming for a quick visit just to
spend time with you in the sack certainly appeals to my libido, but
my heart is having a hard time reconciling that. It’s just not
me.

I’m sorry
and I really, really want to keep talking. Stay friends. You know,
continue on the way we have.

Cady

I don’t
hesitate in my response, even as my chest aches with an odd feeling
of emptiness that I’ve never felt before.

To: Cady Dunne

From: Zane Kavanaugh

Subject: I Get It!

Date: September 16, 2014

I can say the
same to you… you’ve come to know me well enough the last
few weeks with our constant and lengthy emails to know that I would
never consider you a booty-call. While I’m sure if you came to
visit that the sex would be just as stellar as before, I can also
assure you that wouldn’t be the only thing we would do. I
thought we could go out on a date with Linc and Ever, and then you
could watch one of my games.

So I’m
telling you… it wouldn’t be a booty-call, although I
certainly would be fucking you soundly. But I really did want to see
you… spend some time with you.

Zane

She’s waiting
for my response on the other end, so I quickly hit send and stare at
my screen—just waiting to see what she says. It takes a little
less than three minutes to get her response.

To: Zane Kavanaugh

From: Cady Dunne

Subject: Re: I Get It!

Date: September 16, 2014

God, I’m so
sorry, Zane. I really didn’t mean that you thought of me that
way. I just will feel that way about myself. I mean, really…
this can’t go anywhere, right? I could fly out for a few days,
and then what? We go back to emailing—maybe a few phone calls.
And then I come visit next summer? When you finish your season?
Because we know you don’t have time to come visit me.

I think there’s
a reason that long-distance relationships don’t generally work
out, and we need to be honest about this. It has disaster written all
over it because I don’t believe just spending time together
during your off-season is ultimately going to be enough.

Here’s the
thing… I care about you. It’s true. You and I have
shared so much the last few weeks in our emails, and we have a
definite intimate connection. But truly, my heart wouldn’t be
able to stand some type of half-assed, long-distance affair with you.
I’m not built that way.

I totally
understand if you want to break things off completely. I mean…
do guys even really do just “friendships”? (That was
supposed to be sort of funny and sarcastic by the way).

Cady

Fuck, fuck, fuck! My
temper flares but, deep down, I know she’s right. I know that
while I invited her for one visit, that wouldn’t be enough for
either of us. As a woman, her heart would be involved. As a man, I’d
never physically be satisfied with only seeing her a few times a
year. The distance between us is a killer.

To: Cady Dunne

From: Zane Kavanaugh

Subject: Guys Can Do Friendships

Date: September 16, 2014

This fucking
sucks, but I get it. I think you’re right. I hate you’re
right, but I admit that you are. You deserve more than that, and shit
Cady… I deserve more than that too.

We haven’t
really talked about it before, but I’m not a relationship type
of dude. I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised though to
learn that I’ve been enjoying “the single life” for
the last few years. I never thought I’d really find someone
that would want to make me settle down.

The thing that
really sucks is that I’m betting you would be that person. That
is, if we didn’t live so far away from each other.

To answer your
question… yes, guys can do friendships. Well, at least this
guy can. I want to stay in touch, continue what we have, even though
it can’t be exactly what I want. Let’s go for it, I say.

I’m going
to log off for now. I have to get to the gym for a workout soon. Talk
later.

Zane

P.S. You’re
a hell of a woman, Cady Dunne.

I purposely don’t
mention the upcoming date she has. While every bone in my body is
still infused with jealousy, I don’t have the right to let her
know about it. Not when we just agreed we’d only be friends.

Shutting my laptop,
I lean back in my chair and pick up my apple. Taking another bite, I
chew it thoughtfully, wondering what would happen if Cady lived here…
in Phoenix. Would I truly give up the single life? All the beautiful
and horny women that are in a never-ending supply around here?

Yeah, I most
definitely would. Cady absolutely outshines any woman I’ve been
with. She’s sexy, adventurous, bright, and witty. Her family
values and work ethic are in line with mine. We never seem to be at a
loss for things to talk about. Even what others would see as the most
boring details of her life are so fucking interesting to me for some
reason.

But that’s all
fancy wishes on my part to even fantasize about it. Cady lives in
Ireland. I live in the States. I can’t give up my hockey
career, and she can’t give up her education… especially
when we barely know each other.

With a sigh, I get
up from my desk, tossing the half-eaten apple in the garbage can. I
tell myself that I’m letting this go, and I’m going to
enjoy what I can about Cady.

Cady

October

“It’s
getting late and I have an early appointment tomorrow, so I’m
going to have to call it a night,” Colin says as he stands up
from the couch where he’s sitting beside me.

I rise up alongside
of him, as do Renner and Cillian as they sit in the chairs on the
other side of my coffee table. Colin reaches out to shake their
hands.

“It was nice
meeting you both,” he says politely… in that clipped,
English accent of his. “We should do this again some time.”

Renner and Cillian
both smile at him, but I can see the look deep down in their eyes.
Oh, hell no, we aren’t doing this again
, they both seem
to be saying.

With a sigh, I walk
Colin to my front door and accept the dry kiss he presses to my
cheek. I inhale, trying to appreciate the spicy scent of his cologne
or the warmth in his brown eyes. I envision running my fingers
through his curly, blond hair as a sign of affection, but my arm
won’t move because in all actuality, it just doesn’t want
to run my fingers through his hair. Because that’s way too
intimate and even though I’ve seen Colin a few times since our
first date, I’m not finding myself warming up to him.

I close the door
softly behind him and turn to see Cillian emerging from my kitchen
with three bottles of Smithwick’s in his hands. He hands one to
Renner and me, plopping back down in his chair.

Flopping onto my
couch, I take a long pull on my beer and lift my eyes to stare at
them. Renner’s green eyes smirk at me, popping against the
brilliant red, Irish hair she inherited from her mom and my aunt.
Cillian just looks at me with interest, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Go on,”
I say with exasperation. “Just get it out.”

“He’s
nice,” Renner says amiably and takes a tiny sip of her beer.

“Nice?”
Cillian says as he swivels his head toward her in surprise. He’s
growing his dark hair out again, which better fits with his rocker
persona. I swear I think I saw Colin wrinkle his nose in distaste
when he took in Cillian with his long hair, tattoos, and multiple
facial piercings. “That guy’s a dolt. Boring with a
capital ‘B’.”

“Well, I was
trying to be nice.” Renner giggles at Cillian and then turns to
me. “Seriously, Cady… he is so not your type.”

Sighing, I kick my
feet up on my coffee table and pull at the label on my bottle of
beer. “I know. I keep expecting my feelings to warm up toward
him with each date, but nothing. I don’t feel a damn thing for
him.”

“Probably
because you are feeling something for someone else,” Cillian
says matter of factly.

“Not true,”
I immediately deny out loud, even though I know he’s hit the
nail on the head.

“So true,”
he affirms. “You got hot hockey player on the brain, Cady
girl.”

“Just admit
it,” Renner says with a smirk. “We all know it’s
true.”

And because these
are two of the closest people to me, outside of Teagan, I decide not
to lie to them. “Fine. It’s true. So what?”

Neither Renner nor
Cillian say anything, just watch me with intense interest.

“What?”
I exclaim. “You’re just going to out me like that and
then offer no advice?”

Cillian leans
forward in his chair and places his beer bottle on my coffee table.
His eyes look at me seriously. “You need to find a way to get
over him, Cady. He’s there… you’re here. There’s
nothing to pine over. It’s not going to work.”