Off Limits (12 page)

I kicked my shoes
off silently, resisting the urge to giggle. It was only eight o’clock in the
evening. “Okay honey!” She called back through, completely innocent to the fact
I was even here.

I tiptoed up the
stairs, silent as a mouse, but as soon as we reached Luke’s room, I was shoved
back roughly into the door. His lips were insistent, bordering on desperate, as
they devoured mine. One of his hands held mine above my head, the other roaming
my body with deliciously rough touches.

I groaned and
arched into him, desire taking over everything. Luke dragged my legs around his
hips, releasing my wrists to support me against him as he walked towards the
bed.

When he laid me
down, our bodies moulded perfectly together and a soft moan left my lips. I
wanted him to be as rough as he wanted with me; I wanted him to show just how
desperate he was to finally have me in his bed.

Luke grinned,
admiring my body as he undid my blouse. “You’d better keep quiet. I want to be
able to keep you up here all night without getting caught.”

Chapter Eleven

The next morning
brought everything back to reality. I was snuggled against Luke’s chest, warm
and squashed, but the most comfortable I’d ever been. Guilt flooded me and I brought
myself even closer into his side.

It was a single
bed and I was sweltering, but I’d be damned if I left it before I absolutely
had to. Right now, I could just about quell the guilt to enjoy the feeling of his
arms wrapped tightly around mine and his breaths sending ripples down my spine
as they caressed the shell of my ear.

It wasn’t long
before Luke woke up, almost shoving me off the bed as he stretched. He kept his
eyes shut, but tightened his arms with a groan. “I don’t want to get up.”

“Then don’t. I
definitely don’t want to get up, either.”

We were both naked
and having our entire bodies pressed against each other was incredibly
intimate, even if it wasn’t sexual desire that was flooding my body. I was on the
verge of saying something incredibly soppy.

“Do you reckon I
should try and sneak you out without my mum finding out? I don’t know whether
she’d be angry with me or not.”

I shrugged,
unwilling to make that decision for him. “It’s up to you. Then again, I’m not
sure I’ll be able to look her in the eye if I see her today. Maybe sneaking out
is the best option.”

We debated it
further, glad for the excuse to stay in the bed for as long as possible, when
Angela’s voice interrupted us. “I’m just heading out, you two! Make sure you
wash up your breakfast pots, otherwise I’ll not be feeling quite so lenient.”
Smugness smothered her voice and both our cheeks heated up.

I guess that
answered that one.

We shook our
heads, all the tension lifted for a brief few moments as giggles took over. It
was such a bizarre, rubbish scenario that it seemed kind of surreal. I had to
laugh, just because it was better than crying.

Eventually, we sat
up and separated ourselves. It felt cold, compared to the scorching heat of
being snuggled into Luke’s side, with his fingers tracing soft patterns over my
skin. I shrugged on my clothes with a quickly fading smile. Reality wasn’t
completely back yet, but breakfast was going to be awkward and we both knew it.
When Luke gave me a lift home it would probably be unbearable.

Still, our
conversation managed to be relatively neutral over cereal and orange juice,
even if our gazes only met for a few seconds at any one time. We talked about
homework, about how his German grade was doing okay, about our families.

In the car, we
were silent. Not a single word was said until we were parked outside my house
and even then it was after a good two minutes of sitting and saying nothing. “I’m
going to break up with her tomorrow. After the party.”

I shut my eyes for
a moment. “Good.”

“I shouldn’t have
done that last night, and I’m sorry.”

I reached across
and clasped his hand in mine anyway. “Yeah, me neither, but I don’t regret it.”

It was a wide grin
that Luke shot me and it was utterly inappropriate. “I definitely don’t regret
it, either.”

“I guess I’ll see
you later, at the party. Thanks for driving me home.”

I stepped out of
the car and everything seemed to weigh ten times more than normal. I couldn’t
bring myself to turn around, not until I heard him pulling away from the curb.
Thankfully, he wasn’t looking.

Inside the house,
I was greeted by my mother’s tapping foot. “Where on Earth have you been? I
rang you a thousand times and you never picked up, I was
so worried
. I
was getting ready to call the police.”

I kicked off my
shoes, gaze downcast. “Sorry, I stayed at Phoebe’s last night. I went to help
her get ready for the party and ending up dozing off. I didn’t mean to worry
you.”

She sighed, coming
and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I wish you’d have let me know. I was
worried you’d gone home with that boy you went out with.”

“No, I definitely
didn’t go back with him,” I assured her, willing myself to give nothing away.

“Did you have a
nice time, though?”

I shrugged. “It
was fine. I won’t go out with him again, he’s just a friend. I’ve had a late
night though, I think I’m going to go and have a nap if that’s okay.”

“Of course, just
let me know if you want any food making. I’ll be in all day.”

It was with a
heavy everything that I trudged up the stairs and collapsed on my bed. I fell
asleep in no time – the evening of guilt that lay ahead was enough to tire me
right out.

***

My phone blared
into my sleepy ears and I groaned, slamming the phone to my head with a scowl.
“What?”

“Carmen,” Phoebe
whined, “why aren’t you here yet? Luke only just got here and nothing has been
set up yet. What’s going on?”

I sat up and
rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry, I just fell asleep. Late night last night. I don’t
think I’ll be able to get there before the guests get there.”

She sighed with
irritation. “It’s my birthday, I thought you’d be here early to help.”

“I’m really sorry,
I didn’t mean to sleep at all. I’ll be there as soon as I can be.” It was
difficult to even make myself speak, never mind forcing myself into the shower,
and into a dress and then to Phoebe’s house. It was going to be unbearable.

But, I did it.

I forced myself
into the slinky dress Phoebe and I had picked out for me together, cringing
when I had to look in the mirror to fix my hair and make-up. It was a black
number that highlighted any meagre shape in my body. Phoebe had insisted on
buying me some expensive red lipstick to wear, so I forced it onto my lips with
a sigh.

I looked good and
I hated it.

I couldn’t be
around her right now and be okay. I couldn’t be around anyone. I needed to
wallow in my misery and figure out what the hell I was going to do.

Figure out how I
was going to tell Phoebe.

Snatching a bag
and some trainers, I unleashed a can of hairspray onto my already falling curls
and gave myself one more forlorn look in the mirror. I was a bad person.

“I’m going out now
mum. I’ll be staying at Phoebe’s tonight so you don’t have to worry about me
driving,” I called as I came down the stairs. The bonus of house parties was
that my shoes didn’t matter. The days when it came to going around town in
heels would be a sad day, even if it’d make me a bit taller.

My mother,
unfortunately, came to meet me at the bottom of the stairs. I’d been hoping to
sneak out without being told I looked nice and without the warnings to be
careful.

“You look lovely,”
my mother smiled, though I noticed her eying the length of the black dress
sceptically. The lace around the top didn’t leave too much to the imagination,
either. “But be careful. Don’t drink too much and don’t leave Phoebe’s house.”

“I know.”

She pulled me into
a hug and beamed at me. “Have fun!”

I was very late.
The party was in full swing when I arrived and, guiltily, I was glad. Phoebe
would probably already be drunk and I could linger around in the shadows with a
glass of vodka without her noticing or wanting to spend time with me.

And then tomorrow,
when I woke up, I’d tell her what had happened and I’d probably never speak to
her again.

I didn’t knock,
but welcomed the deafening music far more than her neighbours probably did. It
hurt my ears and gave me a headache, but I revelled in the heavy drum and bass
and went in search of the alcohol after kicking my trainers off.

I clung to
Phoebe’s present too. I was going to have to see her, to let her know I was
here, but I wanted to pick a moment when she could be called away straight
afterwards. For now, I stuck to the kitchen, going straight for the vodka and
pouring myself a strong drink.

I didn’t get to
drink very often, but when I did I almost always went overboard. Tonight I just
needed to stay sober enough not to ruin Phoebe’s night, but other than that it
was all good.

Jamie cornered me
almost as soon as I arrived, coming up to me with a grin. My mood sank. Another
person I was going to hurt. “Hey, Carmen, you look great.”

My attempt at a
smile wasn’t very successful. “Thanks.”

“I was wondering
if you wanted to go out again next weekend?”

I shifted
uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I really can. I’m kind of in a bad
place right now, my parents are divorcing and it’s all a bit weird. I’m not
sure I can handle a relationship.”

Jamie’s face sank.
“Oh.”

“I’m sorry, I did
have a good time, I just really can’t do this right now.” It was probably the
least hurtful way to tell him. I really didn’t aim to hurt people.

“It’s no problem,”
he turned away to pour himself a strong drink. “Thanks for being honest. I’ll
catch you around. Maybe later on you can give me a call when things settle
down.”

I smiled, but
Jamie wasn’t looking at me and he left the kitchen straight away, not glancing
back at me. My throat burned with shame and I found myself blinking back tears.
No one in the kitchen was paying any attention to me, but I felt crowded in
Phoebe’s massive house. I needed to shut myself away so that I couldn’t hurt
anyone else.

I gripped the
present so hard the wrapping paper ripped.

Luke met my eyes
when he entered the kitchen and that was enough to spur me on. I ducked away
from him and went to find Phoebe to give her the present. She was laughing
loudly with someone I didn’t recognise on the outskirts of her living room and
I sidled up with the biggest grin I could manage. “Happy Birthday!”

She beamed, accepting
my present and engulfing me in a hug. “Thank you! I can’t believe you were so
late, but look, Luke managed to get everything ready even without you.”

I took in the
decorated room and nodded. “Looks good.”

“You should tell
him that. Compliments are on the path to friendship,” she turned when someone
else approached her and I thanked God for her popularity. “Thank you for the
present, I’ll talk to you later.”

I slipped away,
downed my drink, and returned to the kitchen with the hope that Luke was no
longer there. I hoped my stupid idea to go on a date with Jamie didn’t affect
their friendship at all. They’d both get over me in no time and their lives
would return to normal.

My drink was even
stronger this time.

When my phone
buzzed my skin turned cold. If this was the stalker, making his big move on
Phoebe’s birthday, it would be tragic. By the end of the weekend Phoebe and Luke
would be over and it would only be my dad’s residence keeping us from going to
the police.

But if he ruined
her birthday it would just be cruel.

When the caller ID
showed ‘dad’ I breathed a sigh of relief, answering and sticking my finger in
my other ear to try and hear what he was saying. The music was still blasting
out at an ungodly level in this room. “Dad?”

“Where are you?”

“At Phoebe’s, it’s
her birthday party.” I must have been shouting, but I didn’t want to turn
around to see if people were giving me odd looks. I started out the window into
the darkness of Phoebe’s extensive garden instead. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to
let you know I’ve-” I couldn’t hear anything he’d just said as the bass
dropped.