Of Midnight Born (28 page)

“I know who you are,” he said. “Whatever your past, I know the woman who is standing in my arms—although I’m not entirely certain of what went on between you, Beth, and Sophie.”

“Isn’t Beth wonderful?” Serena said. “When you wouldn’t speak to me, I went to ask her advice. She said that I should continue what I had already started with Dickie and the children: showing people that I was not a monster, and apologizing. She said you would never leave someone you had any feelings for alone to face your sisters.”

“She’s far more devious than she looks,” he said, frowning. He thought he had learned the sly ways of women, but obviously he was still an utter amateur at their games.

“And Sophie is smarter than she appears, when she wants to be,” Serena added. “It took a clever mind to rework a dress to fit me. ’Twas a good thing she could find so much extra fabric in it.”

“You like your new clothes.”

She shrugged. “I like that I have this chance to finally wear something different, but I do not much like this hairstyle. My head is aching from the weight of it. But Alex,” she said, changing her tone. “I do want to tell you about what happened with le Gayne.”

“The shadow that has been following you?”

She grimaced. “Ah, that. I may tell you of that as well. But first, there is so much else…”

He sat on the reclining chair that was still up there, the back half-raised, and settled her across his lap leaning against his chest, both of them covered by the blanket. The
sky above was dark and clear, the stars shining brightly in the firmament.

“Do you remember that song you kept singing after we passed through each other in the hallways, the song with the ravens?” she asked him.

“Yes, of course. ‘There were three ravens sat on a tree—’” he sang.

“Now let me tell you why that song has stayed with me through all this time,” she said, and then began her story.

He was mostly quiet throughout it, except for murmurs expressing that he listened and the occasional question asked for clarification. She told it with a touch of self-deprecating humor that only emphasized the desperation she must have felt while she lived, and while she and her brother plotted and carried out their foolish plan.

As she talked, the pieces of memory that he had involuntarily received from her in the hall that night, and briefly again when he had tried to revive her on his bed, played through his mind, serving as illustrations for the events she described. He could feel echoes of the emotions she had had, and see through her eyes. He understood why she had kidnapped le Gayne, and imprisoned him in hopes of a marriage.

“Thomas, properly outfitted, went off to war, and le Gayne took me home to the castle that used to stand here,” Serena said. “He was reasonably civil to me, giving me no cause to be on my guard other than the truth of the situation as I knew it. In front of all the castle people he treated me as if it had been a marriage like any other, a practical agreement that demanded only that husband and wife play the roles prescribed. He was remarkably good at playing that game.

“I only wish he had kept on with it.

“I retired to our room early, and as I had no waiting woman to attend me—and le Gayne had not arranged for
one—I set about preparing myself for our first night together. I took down my hair, but could go no further. I could not bring myself to undress and bare my body to his touch.

“I paced and I argued with myself. I had known this time would come. I had known what I would have to do. I had even, before, persuaded myself that it would be worth it, in order to have children. But now, faced with the reality, I could not do it.

“I don’t know how long I walked the length of that room, with its new tapestries on the walls, its huge wooden bed with no sign of woodworms or bedbugs. He was as rich as Thomas and I had suspected, and his chamber was furnished in a manner Clerenbold Keep had never seen.

“He finally came in. He had been drinking with his men, but not so much that he was impaired—just enough that he felt free to do whatever he pleased, which he was free to do anyway, short of killing me, now that I was his wife in the eyes of God.

“If he was surprised I was still dressed, he did not show it. ‘Take off your clothes,’ he said. ‘Let me see the mare I’ve been forced to purchase.’

“I shook my head no.

“‘Looks like you’ve got a fine pair of breeding hips on you,’ he said. ‘Now it’s time to put them to use. You can’t have crops without first planting the seed.’

“I backed away from him.

“‘What’s the matter?’ he asked. ‘Isn’t this what you wanted? Isn’t this why you were so wild to get me as your husband? You’ve got what you wanted: you’ll be ridden from sundown to sunrise, and at noon, too, if the mood hits, and I expect you to bend over and lift your skirts and say, ‘Yes, master, please,’ every time you see me.’

“The facade of civility was gone now, and I could see the look of hatred in his eyes that he’d had when he was locked in our cellar. He continued to insult me, telling me how ugly
I was and how grateful I should be that he would deign to mount me. He said he couldn’t stand the sight of me.

“I had signed myself over to him, and he knew it. The only thing that surprised me was that even while trying to intimidate me he made reference to siring children. It gave me a shred of hope that whatever else he might have planned for me, he would at least keep me sufficiently intact to bear his child, and would care for that child when it came.

“Not that it was a great comfort, at the moment. That would be many months ahead at the soonest, and for the present I was terrified of what he planned to do with me.

“I didn’t know much of lovemaking, but I did know that if the woman was unwilling, it would go badly for her. I had even heard of young girls who, taken repeatedly against their will, had died of the experience.

“He came at me. I dodged, sidestepping him, my training with my brothers finally coming to some use. He came at me again. I feinted, and then he snatched me by the arm. Even half-drunk, his skills at battle were far better than mine.

“He kicked my feet out from under me, and we went down on the ground. I was as helpless beneath him as I had been on the bank of that stream, his weight holding me however hard I bucked or kicked, his strength under that fat greater than mine would ever be.

“I stopped thinking. There was no thought of submitting left, no thought of future children or filled larders, no thought of starving in the winter. All I knew was that I was trapped and the creature atop me was going to harm me.

“Is that how men in battle feel?” Serena asked him suddenly, and he shook his head, for he didn’t know. “Or perhaps it is closer to what an animal feels, put at bay by the hunters with their hounds.

“I had one arm free, and in my scramblings I caught hold of something familiar: the hilt of a dagger. It was tucked into his belt, the same as any man wore, and most women.

“I yanked it out, and stabbed it into his shoulder.

“He screamed and rolled off me, his hands reaching for it, seeking to pluck it from his body.

“I saw what I had done and lay stunned, awakened for a moment from the blind panic that had possessed me. He started cursing—terrible words, threats, worse than I had ever heard from my own brothers—and I saw that he was in no mortal danger from his wound, but was instead furious.

“I feared for my very life. I scrambled to my feet and ran out of the room, bumping into and then rushing past a serving wench who had been closest, and the first to respond to the shouts of her master. I could hear others coming down the hall, and the bellowing rage of le Gayne behind, coming after me.

“As I came to the head of the stairs I turned to see how close he was, and he was right there. He reached for me and caught at my arm. We struggled, and he struck me across the face with his good hand. His other arm was too weak from his wound to hold me, and I came free of his grasp. He struck me again, and I lost my balance. That is when I fell down the stairs, to the hall below.

“It didn’t hurt,” she said, looking at him now. “Isn’t that strange? I felt the impacts as I tumbled down the stairs, the force of my body against the stone, but I didn’t feel the pain.

“I lay there for I don’t know how long, not thinking anything, not moving. Then I saw myself lying there, as if I were a person standing above my body, looking down at that poor half-dead thing. I was still part of that body, though. I knew I wasn’t completely dead.

“Then le Gayne, bleeding shoulder and all, was above me, and his men, too. He went down on one knee and held his hand in front of my mouth, feeling for my breath. I don’t know if he felt anything. My eyes were closed, and I could not open them, could not move.

“‘She’s dead,’ I heard him say. He ordered most of the men away, but kept two by his side, who helped him to carry me out into the garden. There were saplings there waiting to be planted, and a hole half-dug for a cherry tree. The men dug it larger, and dumped my body there on le Gayne’s orders. They began to fill it in with dirt, and to place the sapling atop me.

“Le Gayne stood at the edge of the hole while they worked, staring down at me. ‘If you want my castle so badly,’ he said to me, ‘have it. You can spend all eternity here, for all I care, and may the devil eat your soul.’

“He wouldn’t give me a proper grave, would not bring his priest to pray over me. I think he knew I was not dead, however close I may have been, and this was his vengeance for everything I’d done to him.

“As I was buried in the dirt I felt my last ties to my body loosening, breaking up. Soon I would be free of it, as the last of my life left it. At the same time I could feel the roots of the sapling spread around me, full of new life, and the power to grow and endure. I clung to those roots. I refused to go. I could not let le Gayne win, and I could not let it all end this way. It was unfair. I had fought so hard to survive for so long, I could not give up. I still wanted to live, still wanted to have children, and to experience everything that a life was supposed to hold. I simply could not let go.

“Somehow I became entwined with the cherry sapling. My soul, or life—I don’t truly know what—became dependent upon it, like mistletoe on an apple tree. As it survived, so did I.”

“But it’s dying now,” Alex said, a sick knot forming in his gut.

“Every time I appear to someone, or speak so they can hear me, every time I move an object or make a noise, I take strength and life from the tree. It supports me, but it is fragile. When I draw too heavily upon it, I hasten its end.”

It made sense to him now, her tie to the tree, and why she
would hang the medallion there rather than anywhere else. “Ben Flury has grafted a branch onto a new sapling. Will you be able to draw from that as well?”

She shook her head, a silent no. “I would have felt the change if that were so. It is the tree whose roots go through my soul that matters, and that cannot be replaced.”

He sat forward abruptly, holding her in his arms. “You’re killing the tree right now, by being here with me, aren’t you?” How long had he let her sit there, talking? It felt like it must be well past midnight now. How much time did she have left?

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It will die soon whether I hasten the end or not.”

“You can’t hurry it along! Go transparent, or invisible—whatever it is you do.”

She touched his temple, smiling gently. “It cannot be stopped. Let me end the way I wish, with you, here.”

“But you can’t go! It’s too soon.”

“Too soon for what?”

“For you. For me. You can barely write your name. There is too much yet for you to learn,” he protested, unable to say what was in his heart, barely recognized but there.

“I think I’ve learned what I needed to.”

“What was that?” he asked, but just then she turned her face upward, her lips parting in surprise.

“Look, Alex! Look!”

He tilted his head back, and saw a shooting star streak across the heavens, and then two more. Several began falling at once. “It’s like the night I first saw you,” he said in hushed awe. He looked at her. “I was thinking this evening, when I saw you come into the drawing room, that that faint scar on your face looks like nothing so much as the trail of a falling star.”

She reached up and touched the line on her face. “You make it sound almost beautiful.”

He leaned back in the chair, pulling her with him, until they were close against each other, gazing up at the raining storm of stars overhead. He tried not to think of the future or of how long they might have left together. He simply tried to stay where he was, right now, Serena in his arms, silent streaks of light above them in a moment that was, he hoped, perfect enough to last an eternity.

She began to lighten in his arms, to grow less dense, his hold on her slipping; then she lost all solidity and his arms fell closed on nothing.

“Serena?” he asked, turning his eyes from the stars.

Her hair was loose and flowing again, its tangled strands spread around them, floating on the night air, and she was wearing her old white and pink clothes. The blue-and-white gown she had been wearing lay beneath her, flat and empty, the silk flowers from her hair lying now on his shoulder.

“Do you know what it is I learned?” she asked him, her voice a whisper on the wind. “I learned what it is to love. I love you, Alex Woding.”

And then she was gone, her face fading into the streaking stars, her dark eyes blending into the eternity of night.

“No!” he shouted, the suddenness of it, the reality of it ripping at his heart. “Nooo!” She couldn’t be gone, not yet. It was too soon.

There was no answer to his cry, the night silent under the streaming light of the stars, the vast emptiness of the heavens stretching above him. The skies held no magic without her, had no wonders to compare to her. “I love you, Alex Woding,” she had said. Those words were more miraculous than any number of falling stars, and they pulled at his heart in a way that no astronomical marvel ever had.

He remembered something else she had once said to him, about his quest to decipher the workings of the heavens. “You believe that if you could unravel this mystery, you
would be unlocking a secret of the universe. You believe that if you could understand this, you could understand what your place is on this earth.”