Of Breakable Things (21 page)

I pray that I may always recall the pride with which my parents gazed upon me. I wish you could have known them. I can only hope the death of their only son did not destroy them.

Gideon brings me comfort. I know you are wary of his sense of humor, but he has been my companion since I can remember. His mother worked in our kitchen, and every opportunity I could muster was spent with him, scrounging some sort of a childhood among incessant lessons to become high society royalty. One day, I will go back to retrieve the only picture I had of us. We have shared so much, including the unfortunate illness that led us here together. I am thankful to have something about my past to hold on to. I think I need to be reminded of myself. Unfortunately he has befriended one of those obnoxious DeLyre brothers. Ben DeLyre is not quite so much of a nob as the others, but he seems to share Gideon’s immaturity and inclination to trickery and cabbaging. Regretfully, their alliance will make the Darwins less prone to assisting me in finding my ancestry because the Darwins and DeLyres continue to clash.

They must know something. I wouldn’t be able to do the things I can do if my family history was not extensive.

Yours,

Eviar

“Alex?”

She snapped back to reality.

“Are you all right?” Gabe asked.

“Oh. Yeah.”

“You’re really into that homework, aren’t you?”

She gave him a sheepish grin, stuffing the letter she’d been reading under her ABC textbook. It had become routine for Alex to spend her evenings outside at the ballparks. She would have been perfectly content to lounge all evening in the warm Brigitta vestibule, but the Lasalles preferred the fields, and she preferred to be wherever they were. She clutched to whatever pieces of Chase she could.

That night, something felt different. A good sort of different. Though she’d grown accustomed to her newly sharpened senses, Alex couldn’t quite trust the scent of hope gripping the coattails of the night.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?” she asked, folding the letters.

He tilted his head towards the field in front of them. “I asked if you saw that play.”

“Oh,” Alex muttered. “No.”

There came a commotion at the foot of the stands, and Gabe ducked behind his book, cursing under his breath.

“What’s wrong?”

Gabe peered around the side of his book. “Romey’s coming. I missed front desk detention this morning because I was helping Jonas.”

“With what?”

Gabe shushed her and tried to crouch further behind his text. Like anyone would actually mistake his blonde curls for someone else’s.

Romey came to a stop beside them. “Hello, you two.”

Alex smiled. She liked Romey and the visible softness surrounding her, smoothing the roughness of the world wherever she went. “Is everything okay?”

“It would probably be better if I hadn’t been pulled from a directors’ meeting this morning to babysit an unattended desk that I’d already staffed weeks ago.”

“Sorry, Romey,” Gabe mumbled from behind his book-cover shield.

Romey didn’t seem to accept his apology. “You have double duty at front desk tomorrow night. Be there at 6:00 p.m. sharp.”

Gabe groaned.

“Like I said, double duty. And the next time you decide to blow off an obligation, give me a heads up or your punishment will be much more severe.” Romey ambled away, excusing herself because she was due to supervise the fields.

Right at that moment, Alex felt a marvelous jolt of anticipation. It was the kind of feeling one experiences on only a handful of occasions in a lifetime. Like a first kiss or a last dance. The kind that one wants to relive over and over, even if the memory is less satisfying than the real experience.

She knew Chase had arrived before she even saw him.

Each of the Lasalles was mesmerizing in his own way. People were always drawn to them, hypnotized by the melody of their movements. Chase happened to be the worst of them. All he had to do was turn his eyes on someone and they were smitten. And watching him walk out onto the field, Alex knew she had been wrong about the beauty of this world, the colors, the buildings— to rank them the way she had—because Chase himself was without a doubt the most beautiful thing her eyes had ever seen.

He must have felt her too, because he stopped midstep to scan the valley until he found her face. He stood dumbstruck, with one hand over his mouth in disbelief and the other hand clutching a bag that dangled closely to the ground.

He was even more stunning in death. Alex would never have imagined this could be possible. His blue eyes filled the air between them, the vibrancy of their color somehow more brilliant than any of the palettes she’d seen yet as a spirit. They flooded Alex’s sight, tinting her world a stunning hue until he blinked and lowered his hand. His lips parted and soundlessly mouthed her name.

Alex couldn’t catch her breath, not that she needed it anymore. She only noticed the discomfort because her chest began to heave and air ripped through her lungs in sharp gasps. As she said his name, it wasn’t accompanied with a taste of loss and suffering for the first time in so long. Instead, it contained the simplicity of recognition, of happiness. It tasted wonderful.

The moment was not lost on Gabe, who glanced from Alex to Chase and back to Alex, sighing loudly. Down on the field, Jonas crossed his arms and stared at his brother, who didn’t divert his eyes from Alex even when a ball clocked him right on the crown of his head.

Gabe wrung his hands as Chase greeted Romey, who hugged him tightly, like a son. It appeared she was trying to be firm with him, but her warm, maternal mannerisms interfered. Although she shook a reprimanding finger with one hand, she reached up with the other to smooth out a stray piece of his hair.

Every few moments, Chase found Alex in the stands and when his eyes met hers, the world seemed to stop, and his face would break into an iridescent smile.

“I’m really not used to that,” Gabe said quietly.

“What?”

“I’d forgotten that Chase could smile.” The spectators around them erupted in response to a play Alex didn’t care to see. “Will you do me a favor? You of all people know how Jonas can be. Don’t go off riding into the sunset kicking dirt in his face just yet.”

“What?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” Gabe said, intercepting another of Chase’s smiles to Alex.

“Chase is my best friend,” she replied softly, feeling heat in her cheeks. But the flame was obvious, and no amount of watering down her words would extinguish it.

“In the grander scheme of things, this isn’t about you. Jonas resents us. Me. Kaleb. Chase.” He hugged his book against his chest. “I don’t want him to think that Chase has stolen something from him. I don’t want it to get any worse.”

“Why would he think that?” She recognized the foolishness of her question. Jonas was territorial and spiteful, and she knew she’d allowed him to get a little too close.

“I guess I didn’t really know the extent of it until about two minutes ago when Chase looked at you the way he did. And then the way Jonas looked at Chase.” He turned away to watch the field again. “But I’ll speak to him. Do you think you can just keep things under wraps for a little while? Jonas is pretty mercurial. With any luck, he’ll be preoccupied with something else soon enough.”

“Under wraps? What do you think is going to happen?”

She could not stop herself from smiling merely considering the possibilities.

***

In the final few months of Alex’s life, it had been nearly impossible to distinguish reality from the illusions her mind created. This was the reason she started “cheeking” her pills at the Eskers. Yes, she longed to hear the whispers of Chase’s voice in her head, but how could she know that they were real? The pills they forced down her throat distorted her world into a gray Salvador Dali painting, and she didn’t want to forget the last time she’d seen Chase alive. That night, for certain, she knew had been real.

It was all because of a dance. She’d been to many before. The dresses, the drama, the partying—this one changed everything. Chase had jumped out from the limo and walked toward Alex like Prince Charming himself. Too bad he wasn’t her date.

“Jonas better stand next to you all night,” he advised.

“Where is Jonas?” Alex asked, but when she slid into the car, she smelled the reek of alcohol right away.

“There’s my pity date,” Jonas laughed. Alex was unsure of who the pity party was in this case. He’d asked her to go with him because he wanted to win back his ex-girlfriend, and he said Alex wouldn’t make her jealous. He opened his suit coat to reveal a flask. “Want some?”

“No.”

“I do!” Posey Freebelanger shimmied her way onto Chase’s lap. She’d bombarded him in the hallway after the word spread that Jonas was taking Alex to homecoming. Posey had pined for Chase for years, and when she jumped at the opportunity, Chase was far too polite to let her fall from cloud nine.

“Hey, Posey,” Alex said through her teeth.

“Our boys look nice, don’t they?” she said, taking a sip from the flask and scrunching her face. Her eyes filled with tears as though the alcohol was leaking right out of her.

Our boys? Alex didn’t like to share them, and if Posey truly knew them, she would realize that their fancy get-ups wouldn’t last for long. As soon as Jonas and Chase sauntered through the front door past the teachers, jackets came off, ties were loosened, and sleeves were rolled up. The boys in the room stared enviously, and the girls reapplied their makeup, inadvertently inching closer to the Lasalles like water to the pull of the moon. They would wiggle their hips on the dance floor to push their way to the closest brother. Liv Frank was the only one candid enough to comment, giving each of the other girls a snotty onceover.

“These girls look like they charge by the hour,” she said, loud enough for them to hear.

The girl closest to Alex angrily pursed her crimson lips, which were as red as her dress, but before she could retaliate, Liv beat her to the punch. “Wait, that’s mean.” Liv gestured to the girl’s attire. “A prostitute wouldn’t even wear that.” The girl stalked off, and Liv grinned deviously. “You’re welcome, Al.”

“For what? You didn’t get the girl away from my date.”

“Of course not,” she said with a knowing glance. “I got her away from Chase. I was hoping she’d make a comment about my plus size dress so I could belly bop her off the dance floor.”

The music slowed, and Chase extended his arm, pointing to Alex from across the circle. He grinned and made his way to her.

She allowed herself to fall into him, and allowed herself to inhale the fresh scent of his crisp, white shirt. She closed her eyes and pretended for a moment that he was truly hers.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“You look handsome.”

“Nothing compared to you. Every guy in this room is trying to sneak a peek at you.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Okay, don’t believe me. I feel like I should be blocking you right here.” He flattened his hands against her back, and Alex felt her body soften underneath him. “Or actually maybe here.” He lowered his hands. “Since that’s where everyone is looking anyway.”

She smacked his arm. “Shut up. I look like a ten-year-old.”

“You’ll never believe me, will you?”

Alex decided to change the subject. “Where is Jonas?”

“Taking shots in the bathroom with my date. He’d never get away with acting like this if Kaleb and Gabe were here.”

Alex wondered whether to blame Chase’s chagrin on his date leaving him, of Jonas being responsible, or of Alex questioning Jonas’s whereabouts. Maybe all of the above. They swayed to the sappy music for a few moments before Alex pulled back to examine him, wondering if studying his face might reveal his true thoughts.

He stared right back at her, and just when she thought he couldn’t be any more gorgeous, his attempt to be serious failed, and his smile illuminated the room like a burst of sunlight. “What did I ever do to be lucky enough to have you look at me like that?”

Funny. She’d been thinking the same thing about him.

“I can’t describe it.” He twirled her hair around his fingers. “Words wouldn’t do it justice. There usually aren’t words to describe you, Lex.”

She marveled at the irony of this beautiful boy saying these things to her. “Why are you saying this now?”

He spun her around effortlessly and then gently lifted her arms to place them back around his neck. “Because the feeling I get when I see you is kind of like riding on a rollercoaster. It’s just a small dip in my stomach, but the adrenaline is enough to make me wonder.”

“Wonder?”

“If I never really knew how to interpret you at all.”

Then why don’t you love me?
she wanted to scream.

She didn’t get the chance, because their dates returned, stumbling into the crowd together, and Alex spent the rest of her evening trying to hide Jonas from the chaperones. Babysitting him was exhausting, and she was relieved when the dance finally ended.

The limo took them home to meet up with Kaleb and Gabe, who had returned from college to watch their brothers play in the homecoming game. They planned to drive to the after-party across town. Alex had packed a change of clothes so she wouldn’t need to go into her house and tiptoe past her father. Good thing because Jonas decided to vomit all over her driveway.

“At least he held it until you got home,” Gabe said. “The limo driver would have charged extra if he got it in the car, and Mom would have really loved that.”

Chase eyed the clothes in Alex’s hand. “Go use my room.”

“Don’t you need to change too?”

“Yeah, but I’ll wait.”

“You’ve seen me change before, Chase.”

He swept his arm up and down. “Not when you were wearing that.”

Alex crept into the house and up the stairs, hoping she wouldn’t wake up Danya and David. She figured if their son’s violent puking wasn’t enough to disturb them, she should be safe, but just in case, she didn’t shut the door all the way, knowing it sometimes jammed.