October Joy (Moments In Paradise 1) (7 page)

Levi had made her feel that way the first time she met him too.  Her girlfriends had talked her into going to a party on campus.  Parties weren’t her thing--even clean ones.  She didn’t have the social finesse for it.  Friends would talk her into going, making her feel like a bookworm and a prude if she didn’t.  But once they were there, they would abandon her and leave her to sit alone and make occasional conversation with people she didn’t know.  She couldn’t do it.  She was a misfit.

But near the end of her sophomore year, she had gone to a social gathering on campus hosted by Youth For Christ.  She was feeling backwards as usual because no one was talking to her or asking her to dance, until Levi strolled up, asked her very simply, and she had taken his arm.  He talked to her the entire time they were dancing, asking her important questions about herself he actually seemed interested in knowing the answers to, and then he asked if she wanted to get some punch and sit for awhile.  She had agreed, and he kept talking to her, drawing out bits and pieces one by one as if he didn’t have anything he’d rather do.

He was a senior that year, and he was planning to attend seminary after he graduated--at a Bible college there in Chicago.  They had both grown up in Illinois.  She had spent most of her childhood near Decatur, and his most recent home had been just outside of Chicago, but his family had moved around a lot.  His dad had been a church planter and traveling evangelist all over the state.

He asked her to dance two more times before the night was over and then walked her back to her dorm and asked if she wanted to go out with him sometime.  Levi had done everything to initiate and keep their relationship progressing forward, and she had done nothing but gone along with it.  He didn’t have to talk her into going out with him each week.  He didn’t have to talk her into letting him kiss her for the first time.  He didn’t have to talk her into marrying him when he proposed a year and a half later.  He was perfect in every way.  Just what she needed and wanted.  He loved her, and she loved him back.

He had taken care of her for twenty-five years, twenty-seven including their courtship time, and now he was gone.  Who was going to take care of her?  She needed someone to take care of her.  She had given no thought to possibly getting remarried.  She knew it was a possibility down the road, and meeting someone new she could share the remainder of her years with wasn’t something she had ruled out by any means, but she wasn’t thinking about it this soon.  Levi had been gone for three months.  This was way too soon for her to be going there, wasn’t it?
I shouldn’t have let Andrew do this.  What am I doing?

Andrew brought a chair over to the bed and sat down.  Sarah lifted her eyes, and he gave her a look that told her she was safe with him.  Safe from humiliation.  Safe from not knowing her way around the city.  Safe from any kind of unscrupulous behavior on his part.  Her feelings of panic subsided, and so did the fog around her.  She wanted to be fully present now, not lost in despair.

“What did we talk about on our walk today, Sarah?”

She didn’t have to think about it, but she took her time and answered honestly. “How could Levi leave me alone like this?  How could God take him away from me?”

“Are you angry, Sarah?”

“Yes.”

She held back the tears, but she didn’t know how long she could do so until Andrew’s soft-spoken words came again.

“I was angry too, Sarah.  I still am sometimes.”

His admission gave her the courage to say something she had been thinking today.  Something coming here without Levi had brought to the surface.  “I can’t live without him, Andrew.  I can’t!”

The tears came this time, and he let her cry.  She didn’t feel embarrassed, but she wondered if this was normal.  Was she completely losing it?  Did she need counseling?  Medication?  Was she clinically depressed or in the middle of a normal grieving process?

Andrew got her talking again.  He had a gentle way about him that made her want to answer his questions.  “What else did we talk about?”

She turned her thoughts from what she had lost to her life at the moment.  “Why did God want me to come here this week?  What am I doing here?”

“Maybe for this,” he said.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”  She smiled.  “Who are you, and what are you doing in my hotel room?”

He smiled back.  “I’m here for you, Sarah.  That’s why God brought me here.”

“Are you an angel?”

He laughed.  “Not that I know of.”

“Do you do this often?”

“No, I promise.”

“Why did you come back for dinner tonight?”

He leaned forward in the chair and rested his elbows on his knees.  “To talk to you.”

“You knew I was going to have an emotional breakdown?”

“No, I came to ask you something.”

“What?”

“If you would like to spend the day with me tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“To talk, like I offered last night.”

“Like we are now, you mean?”

“Yes.  I guess you saved me a day of grief-counseling.  Now I can go to all those workshops I really came here for.”

“Something tells me you should be teaching workshops not attending them.”

“Yeah, probably,” he said.  “If I didn’t have that darn church to look after back in California, I could tour the country, telling all the pastors how to do it right.”

“Do you like being a pastor, Andrew?”

“Yes.”

“Have you always liked it?”

“Mostly yes.  But I haven’t always enjoyed it like I should.”

“Levi enjoyed it.”

“Did he?”

“Yes.  He loved everything about it.”

“Did you enjoy it with him?”

She didn’t answer that.  She felt ashamed by her thoughts.

“Do you enjoy God, Sarah?”

She didn’t answer that either and pondered Andrew’s words.  Was enjoying ministry different than enjoying God, or was he just restating the question?

***

Grace knew her dad was probably in a meeting right now, and she hated to interrupt him, but it couldn’t be helped.  Trying his phone, she didn’t know if he would answer, but she desperately hoped he would.  Why did this have to happen when he was so far away?

“Hello?” he said, picking up after the second ring.

“Hi, Dad.  It’s Grace.”

“What’s up?”

“I just got a call from Pastor James.  One of the youth group kids was in a boating accident this afternoon.”

“Who?”

“Hunter Smith.  He’s only been coming since this summer.  James wasn’t sure if you would know him.”

“Is he all right?”

“No, he was killed.  James is with the family.  He didn’t want to bother you if you were busy, but he thought you should know.”

“All right.  Thanks, honey.  Do you know if he’s at the hospital or at their home?”

“I’m not sure.  The hospital, I think.  It just happened this afternoon.”

“Can you do something for me, Gracie?”

“What?”

“Can you call James and find out where he is and go meet him there?”

Grace didn’t know why her dad would ask her to do such a thing.  She didn’t work with the youth group or know James super-well.  “Why?”

“No one knows this because he doesn’t want people to know, but James lost his twin brother in a boating accident when he was twelve.  I know he’ll be strong for the family and do his job, but afterwards he’s going to need someone.”

“Why me?  Why not Pastor Alan?”

“Because you know what it’s like to lose someone close to you, sweetheart.  Can you do it, please?  I would if I was there, but I’m not.”

“Okay,” she replied.  “Should I take Tabby with me?  She knows Hunter and his sister, Sierra.”

“Yes, take her.”

“Will you pray for us?”

“Yes.”

She listened to his calming words and tried to believe what he was saying about God’s grace being sufficient and all things working together for good.  He prayed for the family and for her and Tabby, and for James.

“Hold James tight right now, Jesus.  He needs you.  Let him know You’re there for him, and help Gracie to be whatever he needs her to be.  Amen.”

“Amen,” Grace whispered.

“I love you, honey.  You can do this, I know you can.”

“I hope so,” she said.  “I better go.”

She called James and found out he was at the hospital.  One of Hunter’s friends had been hurt too and was in surgery right now.  “I’m going to come and bring Tabby.  Is that okay?”

“Yes.  I was about to call you back.  I was just talking to Sierra, and she’s asking for Tabby.”

“Okay, we’ll be there.”

“Thanks, Grace.  I hate this stuff.”

She did too, and Tabby informed her of something that made it worse.

“Sierra’s mom died last year.  I’m not sure I can do this.”

“How did she die?”

“She had cancer.”

Grace wasn’t sure she could do this either, but sitting here and knowing James and Sierra were hurting wouldn’t be any better.  “Daddy prayed for us, Tabby.  We’ll go on that, okay?”

“Okay,” Tabby said.

Hunter had been taken to a hospital in San Jose, so it was a thirty minute drive.  When they arrived, they met James on the third floor.  Grace knew he was there for the family right now, and her role would come into play sometime later this evening, but Tabby jumped right in, going to Sierra who was also seventeen, and Grace could see her being just what the distraught girl needed.

James introduced her to Hunter’s dad.  “This is Grace Morgan,” he said.  “Pastor Morgan’s daughter.”

She expressed her sympathy but knew there wasn’t much she could say.  When her mom died, she wanted everyone to go away and leave her alone.  She couldn’t imagine losing two of her family members so close together.

About twenty minutes later the doctor came out to tell the other family their son was in recovery and was going to be okay.  The two families were close, and Grace learned from James that Hunter and his friend had been next-door neighbors since they were six.  Grace hated tragedy.  She hated being here, but if her dad asked her to do something, she would do it.

Tabby left with Hunter’s sister when Mr. Smith wanted to go home.  She planned to spend the night at Sierra’s house.  Grace didn’t think she could do something like that, but Tabby was just that way.  She would do anything for anyone, especially someone who was going through the deep pain she had once experienced.

Once they were gone, Grace asked James what he was going to do.  He didn’t know, and she asked him if he wanted to come to the house for the rest of the evening rather than going home and being alone.  He agreed and thanked her.  He thanked her for coming too, and she spoke honestly.

“My dad wanted me to.  He didn’t want you going through this by yourself.”

She decided to tell him she knew about his brother, and he didn’t seem surprised or bothered by it.  “What was his name?” she asked.

“Tommy,” he replied.

“I’m sorry you lost him.”

“This hits too close to home,” he admitted.

“I can imagine.”

“Do you know about Sierra’s mom?”

“Yes, but I didn’t until tonight.”

James had been the youth pastor at the church for three years now, but Grace didn’t work specifically in the youth department, so she didn’t see him that often.  James was hardworking and dedicated to the kids.  He was single, and when he’d first come to the church, her dad had done some hinting to both of them they were the same age and maybe they should go out, but Grace had been too busy for a relationship, and James hadn’t seemed interested, so nothing had happened.

On the drive, she thought about it more than she had before.  She wondered if she would be open to that changing, and she didn’t know, but she wasn’t anticipating James having any interest at this point.  Once they were in the house, she led him to the kitchen and offered him something to drink.

“Got any Jack Daniel’s?” he said, giving her a crooked smile.

“Sorry, fresh out,” she said.  “How about a root beer?”

“Yeah, okay.  Better give me two.”

***

“I wonder who that is?” Tommy said.

Annika shrugged.  “I have no idea.  You don’t know him either?”

“He’s fourteen, Annika.  How would I know him?  I died before he was born.”

“Good point,” she said and laughed.  “I always forget you came here when you were twelve.  You’ve grown into such a fine young man now.”

“He could be from the youth group,” Tommy said.

“But why would I get invited?”

“Maybe he knew Andrew too, or Tabby.”

Annika supposed that was possible.  Tommy was pretty good at sorting out these mysteries.  They stood there, watching the boy take in his glorious surroundings.  He didn’t faint when he noticed Joshua standing beside him.  He looked completely unaware of where he was or who all these people were coming to meet him.  Joshua talked to him for a moment, and then he fainted.

“I need to go,” Annika said.  “I have to meet Erika at her cottage for dinner.  She has some news about Mama and Papa to tell me.”

“Okay, I’ll stay here and try to find out who this boy is.”

“If you figure it out, let me know,” she said, giving Tommy a hug.  He had been like a son to her these last five years--like the sons she had left behind.

Going to meet Erika, another person she had grown close to since her Arrival, they shared a good meal together with Joshua, and then Erika shared her news about Mama and Papa.  Erika was the little sister Annika had never known on Earth.  Joshua had brought her here before she had ever come out of Mama’s womb.  Annika had only been two, and she didn’t have any memory of the stillbirth, but Mama had talked of her baby sister often who had gone to be with Jesus.

As soon as Annika had met Erika at her Homecoming, they’d become very close, and Erika had told her from the beginning, ‘You’re going to love it here, and don’t worry, Joshua will take care of your family, just like He’s taken care of mine.’

Chapter Seven

“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked, sitting up in the bed.