Ocean (Damage Control Book 5) (31 page)

What if it happens again?

***

It’s not until I’ve parked on my street that I realize I never asked Kayla if she’d rather go to her place. If she’d like to be alone.

If she changed her mind.

I turn to her, the question catching in my throat when she looks at me with her eyes full of sadness.

I’m hurting her, goddammit. “Kay.”

“I don’t want you doing this again. I…” She presses her lips together, and I want so badly to hug her. “I know I have no right to ask you to stop. I know this is about your mom and everything, but the thought of anything happening to you…”

She doesn’t finish. Tears are sliding down her cheeks, shining blue in the faint light of streetlamps.

I touch one, wipe it off her smooth cheek. “Nothing happened. I’m here. I’m okay. Kay, if you want out… I understand. That’s what I was trying to tell you last night, why I wasn’t asking you to be mine. If this is too much, I’ll understand.”

She has other worries to think about, as well. Her sister, for instance.

“Too much?” More tears spill. “Don’t you get it? I fought it, but I can’t stop myself from loving you. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I’m scared for you. Of losing you before I even know what it’s like to be with you.”

For me. These tears are for me.

My phone is ringing in my pocket, but I ignore it. Unbuckling my belt, I reach over to unbuckle hers, and then I draw her into my arms. I pet her hair, kiss it, stroke her back until she calms down. She loves me. She’s not leaving me. She cares for me.

And I fucking love her.

What the hell am I gonna do?

***

Someone is waiting outside my apartment door. I don’t immediately see him, caught up in the feel of Kayla’s arms around my waist as we trudge warily down the dim landing.

He steps away from the wall, and the harsh overhead light catches on his bleached hair and the sparkly top he has on. “Ocean.”

“Jason?” I blink at him, kinda dazed. Hey, it’s been a long day. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t mean to disturb you.” He glances at Kayla, then back at me. “Looks like I chose a bad moment.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Come on in.” I unlock the door and we enter. I flip on the switch. “Do you need to stay here for a while? I was serious when I offered.”

He gives me a wide-eyed look. “Damn, yeah, you’re serious. But I’m good. Thank you, man.”

Then what is it?

I bite my tongue not to ask, giving him time to tell me himself, but damn, I’m tired, and desperate for some time alone with Kayla, in my bed, to kiss her and make love to her. Lose myself in her and silence the thoughts and doubts churning inside my head.

Kayla excuses herself to the bathroom, and I hear water running. I want to go after her, wash the tears from her face.

“Hey. I just wanted to thank you for helping me when I was sick and tell you there was a guy hanging out outside your door earlier when I passed by and you were out.”

“A guy?”

“Yeah. Dark hair, blue eyes. Looked kinda like you. Except for the hair, of course.”

“When?” I struggle to keep my voice low and even. “When was that? Did you see him again afterward?”

“It may be nothing,” he says with a shrug. “But he was knocking and kicking at your door, and swearing. I thought I should let you know. Is he family?”

“Might be.”

Raine.

No way. Raine isn’t here. He’d never come here.

Then I remember my phone ringing, and I fish it out of my pocket. Four missed calls from an unknown number.

What is this about?

“Was it your brother?” Jason asks, and I start.

“How the hell do you know about my brother?”

“You talked to Kayla about him when I was staying here. I was sick, not deaf.”

“So you eavesdropped on me?” When I was spilling my guts to Kayla, dammit. “How old are you anyway, five?”

“How old do you want me to be?” he whispers.

“Fuck, Jason, don’t give me lines you’d feed your customers.”

He flinches. “That’s all I know how to do,” he snaps back.

Fuck.
Fuck this shit. I can’t even pull my punches with a kid living on the street and selling his body to live. Don’t I know any better?

“Sorry.” I run my hand through my hair, tugging. “I’m tired and have too much on my mind. It’s not a good excuse, but it’s all I got right now.”

“’s okay,” he mumbles. “I’m twenty-one, by the way.”

Jesse told me that already. I open my mouth to say so, when the doorbell rings.

Fucking hell.
Is this a surprise party? Did I forget someone’s birthday?

And then it hits me. Raine’s birthday. It’s today.

I throw the door open, and there he is. All six-foot-two of him, the lanky, too-thin frame I remember filled out, packed with muscle, those blue eyes angry.

Well, that at least hasn’t changed.

“Happy birthday, R,” I breathe, when all I wanna do is pull him into a hug, because damn, I’ve missed him, but he pushes past me. “Raine, what—?”

“Who’s he?” He nods at Jason. “Is that the motherfucker you had staying over instead of me?”

“You know what this motherfucker has to say to you?” Jason snarls, and I whirl to stare at him as he transforms from a quiet, nice guy into a wild animal, all teeth and claws.

Jesus fuck.
“R, stop—”

“Look at that top you’re wearing. What the fuck. You’re a
hooker
?” Raine ignores me completely, as if we see each other every day and not like the last time I saw him he was being dragged away by my aunt, howling and crying.

Breaking my heart.

“Yeah, I’m a hooker,” Jason hisses. “Got a problem with that?”

“Don’t you? You proud of it?”

“It’s what’s kept me alive,” Jason spits the words. “Not everyone has the chances you got, baby. Not everyone has an older brother who’d do anything for you.”

Dammit.
“Hey. Enough, both of you. Jason, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize on my behalf,” Raine snarls.

“Fuck, R, then apologize yourself, or shut your mouth.”

“I’m leaving.” Jason hesitates, glances at me. “Again thank you, Ocean. You saved my life. Please tell Kayla my thanks, too. That was the best soup I’ve ever had.”

And he leaves, closing the door behind him.

Raine stares at it, splotches of red on his cheeks, then glances at me. “Shit.”

“That’s about right,” I growl. “You’re better than this, Raine. This isn’t you. You’re not an asshole, so what’s the matter with you?”

“You don’t know me anymore,” he reminds me.

“Yeah. My fault. I know.”

“No,” he says, shocking the hell out of me, especially when he turns away, his shoulders trembling. “No, it isn’t.”

Damn, I don’t know what to say. I’m so used to defending myself with him, I’m drawing a blank. I rack my brain for something to offer, then settle with placing a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn’t shrug it off. Doesn’t move. When I wrap an arm around his shoulders, he doesn’t resist. When I pull him into a hug, he lets me.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, muffled against my shoulder, grabbing me and thumping his fists on my back. “I’m so fucking sorry, Shun. But I’m not going back.”

“No, you’re not,” I agree, my voice thick. “You’re staying here with me. Happy eighteenth birthday, asshole.”

He laughs, and it comes out like a sob.

When I lift my gaze, Kayla is standing in the middle of the room, looking at us, and smiling.

***

“I’m coming with you,” Raine says, sinking on the couch and raking his hands through his dark hair. “To visit Mom.”

“Good idea.” I exchange a look with Kayla. She shrugs.

“I don’t trust her, you know,” he continues.

“I know.” How do you trust a mother who was never a mother to you? “It’s okay.”

“When are you going over there?”

“Tomorrow. I’ll see her after the race.”

“The race?” His face lifts, and his eyes blaze. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re racing again?”

I wince. Shit, I forgot he didn’t know about this. “It’s complicated.”

“He’s racing to get money for your mom’s medical bills,” Kayla says.

The silence spreading between us is hot and stretched thin like a soap bubble.

“You’re giving them
money
?” Raine’s voice rises, incredulous. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“
Her.
I’m giving
her
money. For the doctor.” I glare at him. “What would you have me do? Let her die?”

“Christ, Shun. Are you sure Dad isn’t getting the money?”

“Dammit, no. I’d never give him a cent. I’ve been paying the doctor directly or giving the money to Mom.”

He nods. “Good.” He looks like he wants to rant some more but doesn’t. “Yeah, that’s good.”

I’m pissed at him for telling me what to do, when he hasn’t bothered to even check on Mom until now. And I’m so fucking happy to see him, I can’t stand it.

“So you’re the famous Raine,” Kayla says, and I pull her closer and dump her on my lap. She laughs, and I soak in the sound, letting it relax me.

“Famous?” He quirks a brow at me.

“Ocean can’t stop talking about you. How he wished you’d talk to him, visit him, how you banded together to survive when you were little.”

Raine’s eyes clear, his brows shooting up, and he looks a lot like the kid he was back then. “He does?”

“I missed you, asshole.” I wrap my arms around Kayla and inhale her scent. “I failed you. I fucked up your life, and I’m s—”

“Don’t.” He winces. “Dammit, Shun.” He stops, breathes in. “Blue. I was an asshole to you, and I know it. I was so pissed with you when you sent me away. I was lonely, and so damn scared.” He snorts, rubs at his eyes. “I hated you because you stayed home, and I was shipped off like an orphan. Like I didn’t matter, you know?”

“Shit.” I clench my hands on Kayla’s waist, preparing to lift her off me and go hug him again. Not a very manly thing to do, but hey, he’s my little brother, and I fucking hurt him. Bad. “You mattered more than anyone else. Don’t you see? I wished I could have left, too. But our aunt would only take one of us. So I knew it had to be you.”

“Holy crap, you guys.” Kayla slips from my lap before I can stop her and pulls on my hand until I get up, wondering what she’s doing.

“What is she doing?” Raine asks.

I shrug.

She drags me to the couch and pushes me down next to Raine. Then she kneels at our feet and takes our hands, clasps them together. Her eyes are wet again, and I want to dry her tears and ask what is wrong, but she doesn’t give me time for it.

“Hug,” she says, her expression determined. “You went through so much, both of you, and Raine, if by now you don’t know your brother loves you more than he loves himself, then you’re an idiot. So…” She presses our hands together. “Hug. Big bear hug. Go on.”

Raine’s mouth purses, then twitches. He catches my eye and I snort. Then we’re chuckling, and hugging and it feels good, so fucking good to have my brother back.

Slender arms wrap around us both, and Kayla says, “This is more like it,” and laughs with us.

Kayla

I sleep curled in the crook of Ocean’s arm, his warm body pressed to mine. I sleep and dream of cars crashing into walls and exploding, of fire and black smoke and burning heat.

When I open my eyes, he’s turned toward me, stroking my side, a pensive expression on his handsome face. He’s still wearing the T-shirt I made him.

It makes me smile.

“It’s late,” he says, his voice smoky with sleep.

“We had a rough day yesterday.” Then I check the time on his bedside clock and jump. “Oh crap. I have classes. I need to run.”

He props himself up on one elbow as I hop off the bed and hunt for my dress. “Love your ass,” he mutters, and God, that voice almost has me crawling back to bed. “And your legs.”

“Yeah. What about my muffins?” I cup them for him over the T-shirt I’m wearing and lift a brow.

“Oh fuck, I love your muffins so much.” His voice is lower now, growly. He sits up, his pupils dilating to black. “Come back here.”

“No.” I shake my finger at him for emphasis and pull off the T-shirt.

“Kay.” It’s a groan, and he reaches down between his legs, giving his morning wood a good tug.

My turn to groan, because how sexy is that? Seriously. “Stop tempting me.”

“
I
am tempting you? You’re the one standing all naked and pretty in my bedroom.”

Okay, good point, but I really need to run. Pulling on my dress, next I hunt for my panties. And tights. And boots. Where did everything go?

“I’ll pick you up after midday,” I tell him when I finally locate what I’m looking for and sit on the bed to pull on panties and tights. His gaze is focused on my hands as I slide on my panties that reek of sex. “Eyes on me, Blue.”

“They are,” he rumbles but looks up and blinks, smirking.

“Pick you up. Around two. That enough time?”

“Yeah. Sure.” He glances at the door. Just beyond, in the living room, is his brother and a big part of his past. A brother who hates the fact Ocean is racing again just as much as I do, if not more.

And I have a plan. I need to do something. I can’t let him put himself in such danger today, not after seeing that spectacular car crash yesterday. Who knows if the driver survived.

It would be a miracle.

I kiss Ocean quickly on the mouth, resist when he tries to drag me down on the bed with him, and hurry through the living room and the lump of sleeping Raine under the covers on the sofa.

The moment I’m outside, I call the guys.

This is bigger than me. Bigger than my resources, my knowledge, my imagination. I need help. Ocean needs help, and I have to find a way to fix this and make sure he stays alive.

For his brother.

For this friends.

And above all, for me. I can’t imagine loving anyone but him, being with anyone but him. As much as I’m his, he’s mine to protect and care for.

Mine.

***

After classes, I meet with Ev. She comes with me to the hairdresser’s and takes advantage to put highlights in her hair.

“Summer is coming,” she informs me. “My highlights seem shocking to you with what you’re about to do to your hair?”