Obsessive Compulsion (14 page)

A small sense of normalcy that the majority
of us take for granted.

Raising my eyes from the heated leather, I
offer him a mischievous grin. “I’m going to play down here for a
while, sweetie. I promise to leave my gloves on, but my lips have a
mind of their own. Sound fun?”

“Yes,” he shudders. “
Please
.”

The begging plea shivers down my spine, all
the way to my pussy. Ian turns me on just by the way he looks and
talks to me. A new thought darkens my smile as the arousal quivers.
I want to show him what he does to me.

But first…
I unbutton his fly all the
way down , pausing between each button to judge his reaction. I’m
glad a zipper won’t be an issue for what I have planned. A pair of
low-cut, dark red cotton briefs are exposed. My grin widens because
I guessed right about that. Ian is definitely a briefs man.

I bet he looks damn good in them and nothing
else, too. Unable to resist temptation, I let my gloved fingers
slide over the impossible to miss bulge of Ian’s cock. It’s
impressive, and the sight of it pinned by the cotton only makes my
pussy ache more.

“Mmm fuck, Ian,” I can’t help the needy
words that expel past my lips. “I want you so bad.”

“I want you too, Charlotte,” he replies, but
I hear the self-reproach in it. He doesn’t like being unable to
give me what I want. I’m gonna show him that he can.

Pulling the side-seam pocket open on his
briefs, I ease his cock through, keeping as much skin as possible
covered. The open-mouthed stare from Ian tells me he’s starting to
understand what I’m planning. His cock weeps with a tempting bead
of precum, begging my finger to touch it.

I hold back, my finger twitching. My naughty
tongue, however, darts out to flick against the head of his dick. I
pull away sharply before my lips decide to misbehave, too.

“Oh, f…” Ian isn’t able to finish as his
entire body trembles.

I inhale, waiting for our word to follow or
for him to let go of the belt. The sound of my own whisper startles
me. “One, two, three, four…” my heart counts, hoping he wants to
continue this journey.

“Five, six…” he finishes with me then his
focus returns to my eyes. “Again, please.”

His voice wavers, but he wants me to push
him. With his taste on my tongue, I’m happy to oblige the request.
Gripping his shaft, I slid my tongue across the smooth skin at the
tip, but this time I give it four slow licks before stopping.

Again we count together, and again he begs
for more. I increase to six licks, then eight, then four again. On
the last pass, he doesn’t pause to count.

“Please, Charlotte…”

Easing my lips past the crown, I swallow
Ian’s cock all the way down. Holding still for six measured
seconds, I savor the hard, velvety warmth then pull away. The
sucking pop precedes his loudest moan yet as the leather belt pulls
taught against the rail.

I hope it holds. I hope Ian holds on. When
the tremor ends, he doesn’t move. “Sweetie?”

A quaking laugh erupts from him as his whole
face smiles. After catching his breath, his smile turns
affectionate. “That was incredible, Charlotte. Thank you.”

“No, Ian, thank you.” When my words bring
confusion into his eyes, I move both hands to the black latex
covering my breasts. It gets his attention as I raise up on my
knees and circle my own hard nipples through the latex. “You do
this, Ian. And this…”

Gripping one breast, I ease my other hand
between my parted thighs, watching his eyes as they follow the
movement. Dipping two leathered fingers into the gathered silk, a
pleasured whimper catches in my throat as I toy those fingers
around my clit. “Without even touching me, you excite my body. Do
you see it?”

“Yes,” he whispers, his eyes fixated on my
fingers as they continue to tease. The leather belt creaks and the
buckle jingles as his shoulders tense. With an intensity that makes
me weak, his eyes meet mine again. “I’m ready, Charlotte.
Please
.”

Sliding the two moistened fingers up the
underside of his cock leaves him gasping for breath. I lean down
across his groin, letting his slick cock slip against the black
latex between my breasts as I crawl up the mattress. My mound
brushes against him and his body undulates in waves of tension
under me. Despite what I want, it’s clear that the condom will be
needed if Ian is going to get through this.

I kiss the center of his chest before
backing away, my hand searching his side for the condom. “I’m
clean, protected and I want to feel you inside me without this, but
I think you still need it tonight.”

I pause, he nods, and I continue. “One day,
Ian,” I hold his hazel gaze while unwrapping the condom and
sheathing it over his dick. “We’ll get past this barrier, just like
all the others. I promise.”

“One day,” he repeats.

We both stop and stare, caught in the
significance of that simple statement. I just made him a promise
with long-term implications. It’s not an
always
, but I don’t
do ‘always’ anymore. It’s a ‘one day’, and maybe that means even
more. A concrete idea we can strive for. Despite all the combined
issues we carry, it’s something we can work together to reach.

Tucking my knees against his side with his
leather vest between our skin, I plant one hand next to his chest
while the other positions his covered shaft between my thighs.
“Ready, sweetie?”

His hands coil the leather taught, and he
gives a single nod. “Yes.”

Lubricant glides his cock into me with slick
ease. With an exhale, I relax to take him all the way in, sitting
against his leather pants and cotton briefs. The fabric rubs
against my pussy, stimulating an unexpected, pleasurable sensation.
My hips move forward, seeking more pleasure, but Ian’s swallowed
moan brings everything back into focus.

Forcing my body still, I command his
attention. “Open your eyes, Ian.”

“Charlotte, I… Fuck, I…”

“Ian, look at me. You can do this.” I know
my statement is just as much a plea as a command. I don’t want this
to end yet. I believe that he’s stronger than his demons. “One,” I
whisper.

“Two,” he whispers back and opens his eyes
as I move my hips up and back down.

“Three,” we say together, another movement
of my hips following. “Four,” becomes a mantra as the numbers count
on voices yearning for release and trying so desperately to be
heard above the background noise of our lives.

Five thrusts leads into six, into seven and
past eight. The cotton teases against my clit and nine becomes a
choked cry. Ten and eleven pick up the pace, a slow, methodical
rhythm building that lets every feeling linger. Twelve, and his
eyes are wide open, jaded green and warm brown swirling within
skies of bluest grey.

Thirteen hits me deep. He’s pushing up now
to meet my thrusts while I sink further into the soul staring at
me. Fourteen leaves me breathless, fifteen grips my heart and
sixteen brings all the sensations crashing in.

I call out his name within a hard, pulsing
moan as I come, and he continues the count for us as I lose all
sense of time. At twenty I come back for him, each number passing
my lips becoming a wish for him to join me. “Twenty-one… twenty
two…”

His count disappears behind clenched teeth,
the leather belt straining against the iron rails. Twenty-three,
our eyes lock, unblinking. I want to see it – the very moment he
comes inside me. “Twenty-four.”

My thrust down is met hard by his hips
jutting up. We stop as his jaw twitches and the expression of sweet
release passes over him. It’s so beautiful. Everything about this
moment is
perfect
.

His throbbing orgasm pushing against my
clenching pussy drives me into a second shiver of bliss. As the
sparks settle and his hips lower back to the mattress, we finally
begin blinking again. We share a gentle smile with an uncounted
breath. Both exhausted from the fight, I raise off him then lay
along his side with my palm pressed against his heart. I hope the
touch is okay, because I’m not ready to let go of the moment we
just created.

That was love
, my heart whispers
while my mind is still in a daze.
You love him, Charlotte, don’t
you…

“Charlotte,” his voice cracks. “May I let go
of the belt now?”

“Yes,” I leave childish thoughts of falling
in love behind then let out a surprised gasp as he surrounds me
with quivering arms to hold me tightly against his body.

“Charlotte,” his whispers my name again,
filling my spirit with the one emotion I fear the most. Silent
seconds pass, but when he speaks again, I can hear that same feared
emotion reflected back at me. “I can’t express… I don’t know the
right words to say.”

“No words are needed, sweetie,” I respond
the only way I can to save us from going too soon down a road we’re
not ready to try. “Just hold me.”

“I think I can manage that,” he replies, but
I catch the uncertainty.

I know he’ll hold me for as long as he can.
Four minutes or six hours, whatever his body allows. It’ll be
enough for me, because it’ll be everything he’s able to give.

My mind and body are still trying to
reconnect after my heart cut the cord between their never ending
argument. The thoughts in my brain are fuzzy, which is a damn good
thing because it’s allowing me to hold Charlotte in my arms far
longer than I’ve ever been able to hold on to…
anything.

A deep inhale, and my brain clicks back
on.

Holy shit. I just had sex. I’m no longer a
virgin.

I’m holding Charlotte in my arms without
twitching after we just… We made love. I won’t debase it by calling
it anything else. That was love in her eyes, I know it. They stared
into mine just as deeply as I lost myself into her ocean blues.

Sure, it was incredible
sex
and more
fucking hot that anything I’ve seen in my five years at this club.
Yes, I’m biased because Charlotte owns my heart, and that’s why I
know it was so much more than sex or her helping me to lose my
virginity. I also know it never would have happened, I never would
have been able to do this, if it hadn’t been with Charlotte.

Charlotte
. I can’t stop repeating
that name, especially now that she’s letting me say it out loud.
Her original reaction still bothers me, and I’d like to know why
she ever began hating her name, but I’m willing to let it go for
now. I can let it go, because now I have something else to latch
onto.

Charlotte loves me.

I don’t know exactly in what sense, but I
want to believe she’s
in love
with me the same way I am with
her. It’s dangerous to assume that, though. She’s even said she’s
had friends with benefits before, and the thought of falling into
that category scares me. I don’t want to be friend-zoned. I want to
be her friend, but I also want to be her lover. Her only lover,
from now on.

I want only Charlotte. Only Charlotte.
Charlotte.
My
Charlotte.
Mine
.

“Ian?”

Charlotte’s soft voice is edged with concern
and snaps my obsessive thoughts back to reality. Unclenching my jaw
takes a full four inhales before I can respond. “Sorry. My mind was
just… Excuse me a moment?”

“Of course,” she moves away from me with a
smile masking a frown.

I hate that I can’t just lay here with her
forever, but my brain is back to full speed. The condom is becoming
an irritation and I need to distance myself from Charlotte for a
few minutes before I do something stupid. Like tell her I love her.
Or ask her to marry me.

Holy fuck.
I almost jump out of the
bed to walk briskly into the bathroom.
Marriage? You’ve lost
your fucking mind, Rider.

Well, no fucking shit. Thanks for the God
dammed memo about that!

My hand swats at the light switch, eliciting
a hissed curse as I realize my mistake. My hand swats it again.
Then again. Again. On. Off. On. Off. On! Off! Fuck! –on – I – off –
hate – on – this – off – this – on – shit!

Off.

Exhaling, I leave the light off and stand in
the darkness. Moonlight streams into the bathroom from a window
above the toilet, but it does little to fight off the shadows
edging in around me. My chest heaves up and down, knowing that
Charlotte can see me through the half-open door. Uncurling clenched
fists, I dispose of the condom, shut the door the rest of the way
and drown myself with splashes of cold water.

Hands posted on the counter, I lean in to
stare at the crazed reflection staring back. My virginity is gone.
I just had a beautiful woman riding me into ecstasy and then held
within my arms. The man staring back at me should be smiling.
Instead, he’s three steps from rage and knee deep in
self-loathing.

Marriage
?
Yeah, right. You’re not
Brandon. You don’t have the balls to marry the girl you love just
because you know it feels right. You don’t even have the courage to
tell Charlotte you love her, and you never will. So, suck up your
pitiful bleeding heart, Rider. Get back into that bedroom, and if
Charlotte ‘friend-zones’ you, you’re going to appreciate
it.

Oh, and don’t touch the damn light switch on
your way out, dumbass.

Another splash of cold water and I leave
myself behind in the mirror. He’s right. I don’t have the courage.
I don’t have the balls. What I do have is Charlotte.

She’s spread out on the bed, her long bare
legs glowing under moonlight and the red stands of her hair forming
lines of fire across the white sheets. Her eyes watch me as I
approach and they’re filled with a cautious concern. “Everything
okay?” she asks.

“No,” I can’t lie to her. I promised.

“Did I push too quickly?”

“No, Charlotte,” saying the name out loud
fills me with the cascading relief I usually only get from upping
the dose on my medication. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I
attempt running a hand through her hair. “I don’t think I’ve felt
this good in a long time, if ever, but
everything
being okay
is probably an impossibility for me.”