Obsession: Loving An Alpha Male (36 page)

His smiled turned devilish, which no matter how many times I watched this I still blushed.

His smile went away, and his features suddenly grew serious. “I miss you so much, baby. I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life, but the thought of losing you seeing you lying there hurt…” he let that thought hang in the air as he ran his hand through his unusually long hair. “So even though I’m gone, I have left you in capable hands. Ma and pops will take care of you, and Malcolm will keep you safe, not that you need to worry, but it makes me feel better knowing he’s there. Now a few rules… Don’t let my sister corrupt you.” He shook his head and laughed. “She thinks she’s Jackie Chan or something, and she’ll probably try and teach you something… tell her no.” I smiled, too late for that… “And please don’t believe all of the stories my mother may tell you about me as a kid. They aren’t true. I was a saint.”

That made me chuckle too. His mom had told me all about Josh as a kid and all the fights he got into because of his temper, and I believed every one. Putting him into martial arts she said saved him by teaching him some self–control, otherwise, he would’ve probably been in prison or worse.

Josh continued, “I’m hoping I can wrap this assignment up sooner rather than later and get home to you. Until then baby, every free time I get, I’ll make sure to email you or send you a video. Let me tell you in advance, some of the video might be a little explicit since I haven’t touched you or been inside you for a long time. Just thinking about you, tasting you again, holding you, shit baby, I’m getting turned on just thinking about you…” Josh adjusted himself and closed his eyes. I heard a knock, and his eyes opened quickly. He said, “I gotta go, Sweets… Please know that I will be very careful so I make it back to you in one piece. And I love you with all of me. See you soon.”

The video ended, and I stared at the black screen. I quickly started the next video, feeling the emptiness inside start to take over. I needed to see his face and hear his voice. I watched all the videos at least ten times, including the dirty ones, since Malcolm gave them to me a week ago. He was definitely true to his word and sent me a pornographic video of him talking dirty to me as he relieved himself. The video was only of his face, but I saw the pleasure overcome him every time he came, and after a while I started touching myself too as he told me all the ways he would make me come when he got home.

When I would close my eyes, the only time I was okay with the darkness was hearing his voice tell me how much he loved me and hearing him get off by just thinking about the way I make him feel. It was our dirty time together, and I treasured it just as I did the other videos and emailed love letters he sent.

During the other videos he would tell me so many stories about him growing up and about his siblings. I haven’t met Shane yet, and he told me he was with him. I did, however, see him in one of the videos. He barged into the room Josh was in while he was making the video.

He snatched the phone from Josh and said quickly, “Hey, Sweets, I’m Shane…”

“You don’t get to call her Sweets…” I heard Josh in the background say.

Shane smiled. “I can’t wait to officially meet you. My little brother has kept you to himself for far too long. Malcolm says he doesn’t deserve you, and I have no doubt its true. So if my brother ever steps out of line, let me know. I’ll handle him.”

“You fucking wish you could handle me, now give me back my phone.”

Shane laughed. “Stop being a pussy, we got work to do… say goodbye to your woman.”

The phone was hurled in the air, and the picture was scrambled for a second then it focused on a frowning Josh.

He looked at me or rather the screen. “Sweets, you may not be able to meet my brother if he keeps this shit up.”

“Yeah, keep talking, pussy…” I heard Shane say then laughed… and said, “Don’t worry, Sweets, I’ll make sure he doesn’t mess around and get hurt.”

Josh shook his head and looked at the phone.

“Do you see why I don’t hang around my brothers… juveniles?”

Shane laughed and I heard him say… “Does she know about the baby powder incident?”

Even though Josh was shaking his head trying to be serious, I could see the grin he was trying to keep at bay. I knew just by talking to him how much he loved his family. They were the most important people in his life.

“Sweets, I have to go, as you heard… I also have to say goodbye for a little while. We are going dark, so I won’t be able to send you videos. The moment I get done I promise I’ll call you or send you another video. Love you, Sweets.”

That happened to be the last video he sent me. I got emails from time to time but no other videos were sent.

I put my IPAD down finally and sat there looking out as the sun kissed the horizon. Later today the Coopers are having a huge dinner. It’s the anniversary of Josh’s parents today. They’ve been together for forty–five years, and what I love about them is they still seemed to be deeply in love. It doesn’t matter who’s around them, Pops has no problem putting his hands and lips all over his wife. Sometimes I will see them cuddled in each other’s arms, touching and kissing each other. It makes me think about Josh and miss him even more.

Anyway, this night isn’t just about their anniversary. I will be seeing my family for the first time in over five years. Malcolm told me there were a few issues between Josh and my family. I vaguely remember him telling me that he met my parents and they didn’t like him. Well according to Malcolm, they really don’t like him now. Apparently I was taken from Pittsburgh to New Jersey by my kidnappers. When I was found, they took me to a hospital in New Brunswick. It was then that Josh took over. I had filled out my will and power of attorney when I read Josh’s. I also named Josh as my beneficiary and the person that would be in charge of everything I own as well as my well–being in the event I couldn’t.

So Josh, being the guy that he was, banned my parents from seeing me and making any decisions on my behalf. Apparently Nickels gave him all the documentation he needed, and my parents were helpless to stop him.

Since Josh was going out of town, he gave his brother power to make decisions. It was then that Malcolm had me moved to Maryland. He felt it would be better as a family to keep an eye on me, and they told me that each of them took turns sitting with me the entire time I was in the hospital.

When I came to and was coherent, the power over my health was then mine. Malcolm told me my mother had been calling almost every day, so when I was able I gave her a call.

Our conversation consisted of her crying for the majority of the time. I let her cry, but for me I didn’t have any tears to share. She flooded me with apologies, and I just listened quietly. She asked if she could see me, and I told her it would be okay if it was just her. I didn’t want to see anyone else, and if she couldn’t do that not to bother coming.

Well, needless to say, she didn’t come. I didn’t expect her to. My father had been the king of that household for a long time, and there was no way he would let her come without him. I wasn’t that heartless though. I mean, over the weeks I spoke to her at least once a day.

Mama Joe wanted me to invite my family to dinner today. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to make their night a circus, and I knew it would be just that. My father had been a complete ass, and I really didn’t have much to say to him. He had asked to talk to me, and I should feel good about that, but I didn’t. So most times when he grabbed the phone I either didn’t say a word or hang up.

I know it’s childish, but to be honest, the sound of his voice made me want to vomit. I’m not exaggerating either. But Mama Joe and Pops sat me down and talked me into seeing them. All they wanted to see was that I was okay. Mama Joe told me how horrible my mom felt, and she told me as a mother if she couldn’t see Liliana, she would raise holy hell.

I wanted to point out that Mama Joe was by far a better mother to Liliana than mine was to me, but I didn’t. I just nodded and gave my mother the information about tonight.

I stood and walked into the bedroom and crawled back into the bed. I loved this bed. It was the largest king size bed I had ever seen. The comforter was very soft, but so were the sheets. I mean, every day I hated getting out of the bed because it was so cozy inside, and I couldn’t wait to get in the bed at night.

I let my eyes drift closed as I thought about tonight. I needed all the strength I could get to deal with my family. I mean, I do miss my mom, but my sisters and my dad, I could do without.

I’m a different person now than I was when I lived there. I should and will be able to handle seeing my family. I just hope I can keep the contents of my stomach down when I see my father.

“You look beautiful, Sweets.”

Malcolm kissed my cheek and placed a loving arm around my shoulders.

I smiled. “Thanks Jo.”

I was wearing a plum colored, beautiful, floor length sparkling formal gown. This chiffon/satin underlay dress had an open front slit and a shoulder strap with sparkling beads, sequins and rhinestones on it. The design, which was my favorite part of the dress, wrapped around my torso, and the back of the dress looked like a corset with a lace up tie.

We were heading to a hall in Ocean City at a restaurant that was nestled on the shore, and I have to say, displayed a beautiful setting. The inside was decorated elegantly with flowers at every table, candles everywhere and white tablecloths and chair covers. There was a live band playing soft music, and as you entered the hall, you saw a huge picture of Mr. and Mrs. Jeramiah Cooper with the saying underneath their picture ‘45 years and counting’.

As the night went on I drank every glass Malcolm sat in front of me. I was a bag of nerves, and I knew they could tell. I watched the crowd that consisted of the Coopers’ friends and family, waiting impatiently for my family to arrive.

“Don’t be so nervous, everything will be fine,” Liliana told me.

She was sitting next to me at the family table in front of the hall. I smiled in her direction, and as she gripped my hand I instinctively grabbed hers.

“I hope so. I just… I haven’t seen them in years, and I really don’t know what to say to them.”

Liliana moved closer to me and looked in my eyes. The time I’d spent with Josh’s family Liliana and I had gotten close. She would stay up with me sometimes, and we would just talk. Besides Josh, I’ve told her a lot of things that I haven’t ever repeated. How my father made me feel useless for so long that I know the moment he sees me I’ll feel like that again. It’s something in his eyes that you couldn’t help but notice.

Liliana said, “Don’t worry about anything. First of all, we will be by your side the whole time. We won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know, it’s just… I really don’t know what to say to them. I mean, I just left home and didn’t look back. I was gone for years. I know I have some explaining to do, but I just…”

“The hell you have anything to explain. They didn’t look out for you back when you needed them. So fuck’em. You don’t owe them any explanation. Hell, they’re lucky you’re even talking to them.”

I nodded but didn’t reply.

I’ve said before Liliana reminds me so much of Josh. He would probably tell me the same thing. I knew my father would make me leaving and what happened to me my fault. I really didn’t need him to tell me that. I felt like it was my fault on my own. It didn’t matter what my therapist said or Malcolm or how many times Josh mentioned it in his videos. I still felt if I didn’t go after some stupid box I wouldn’t have been kidnapped. And if you hadn’t noticed, the box I went back for is still where I left it.

As the night went on I started to loosen up. I danced with Malcolm, Liliana’s husband, Nolan, and Pops. I was laughing with Josh’s great grandfather when I saw my mother walk in the room. My smile fell from my face as I saw my father come in behind her, my two sisters, and Wayne.

My mother spotted me, and I saw the emotion overtake her. I moved slowly away from grand pop to my mother. When I got close to my family all of their eyes fell on me. No one said a word to me, but my mom, when I got close enough, pulled me into an extremely tight hug.

I tried to let her hold me, but I was starting to feel claustrophobic so I moved back from her. She touched my face.

“Oh, Kenya, I’m so glad you’re safe. I was so worried. Are you okay? When are you coming home?”

“Give her breathing room, Marianne.”

My mother gave my father one of the coldest looks I had ever seen from her.

“Mind your business, Virgil. I think you have done enough.”

I frowned and looked at my parents, wondering what the hell she meant by that.

“Well, I can see where you get your beauty from.” Mama Joe came up next to me and commented.

She wasn’t alone either. Pops was on the other side of me, and I felt, not saw, Liliana, Malcolm and Nolan behind me.

Mama Joe moved closer and stretched her hand to my mom. “Hi, I’m Josephine, but you can call me Joe. This is my husband Jeramiah, my daughter Liliana and her husband Nolan, and my son Malcolm.”

I saw Wayne and my father tense a little at the mention of Malcolm’s name. I really needed to ask what I missed.

My mom stepped up and took Mama Joe’s hand.

“Hello, Josephine, I’m Marianne: this is my husband, Virgil, my daughters Latisha, Rasheda, and her boyfriend, Wayne.”

My eyes went to Wayne. I couldn’t hide my surprise and my disappointment, especially when Rasheda reached for her man’s hand. He gripped it tight and pulled her close to him. I should feel hurt at this point, right? I mean, Wayne and I were best friends, in my eyes we were more than that, but I had to remember he proved we were anything but. Apparently, what I felt mattered to only one person, me.

“Thank you for inviting us, and thank you for taking care of our daughter.”

“As if we had a choice.” I heard my father say under his breath.

He looked over my head, so I assumed he was looking at Malcolm.

To Mama Joe’s credit, she placed a genuine smile on her face and said, “First, Kenya is an amazing woman. It was our pleasure to have her with us. Now I know my son can be a bit domineering at times, but it comes from a good place. He trusts no one but family when dealing with something or someone precious to him. He knew Malcolm could protect her from anything and anyone.”

Mama Joe then looked at me and said, “Kenya, sweetheart, why don’t you show your family to their table? Please enjoy your night.”

I nodded and took my mother’s hand. I didn’t look back at my family as we walked.

When we got clear of the Coopers my father said, “We are not staying here a moment longer than necessary. Kenya, you need to stop this foolishness and selfishness. Pack up your things so we can take you home. You need to be around family.”

I turned on my father. “I am with family.”

“You think these people care about you? Did you learn anything from me?”

I walked closer to my father.

“Oh, yes I did actually. I learned how to hate, but I’m trying not to let that be the only thing I learned from you. I don’t think these people, as you call them, care about me, I know they do. So respect my wishes or you can leave now, otherwise please have a seat, get yourself a drink and try not to embarrass me.”

I turned to walk away and heard Rasheda say, “Do you hear that, Tisha? Our sister finally got a back bone.”

When our eyes met I didn’t see anything callous in them. She smiled at me and sat down next to Wayne. I really should be pissed at that scene, and I was trying to find the emotion but nothing surfaced. I just smiled back at her and went back to my table.

Throughout the night I sat with my family, talking to my mom and sisters mostly. Liliana created a slide show of their family to be played during the night. We all laughed and awed and looked on silently, reverently, as we saw through simple photos how much Pops and Mama Joe were in love. The unconditional love they had for each other then, and as he guided his wife along the dance floor after the slide show, you could clearly see they still had it.

My mom asked me questions about where I lived while I was away, and I told her about my life in Pittsburgh. I didn’t make eye contact with the men at the table. I was fighting the urges to punch my father in his face and knock Wayne upside the head.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to fight my sisters too. But seeing Wayne with my sister was something I wasn’t ready for. I mean, from all the things Rasheda did to me growing up, how Wayne could be with her was mind–boggling. I will admit they looked good together. He seemed to genuinely love my sister, and Rasheda was a lot to take in. Knowing my sister, I knew who was running things in the relationship. Then again, the way Rasheda was sitting in her seat quiet as a church mouse instead of commenting on everything and everyone she saw, maybe I was mistaken.

“So what’s up with you and that white boy?” my sister, Rasheda, asked.

Yeah… there she is…

I looked at her for a moment before I asked, “What do you mean?”

I felt all eyes on me at the table and even some from surrounding tables as well.

“Oh come on, you know what I mean. You had that boy coming to our house, knocking people around, cussing people out and shit. Is that your man or what?”

I looked at Rasheda confused. Malcolm did confirm that he, Josh and Shane went to my house to get some help from my family, but I didn’t know what actually happened.

I shrugged. “Well, if you’re speaking about Josh, yes he and I are together.”

“How did that happen?” Latisha asked. “I mean, all our lives we’ve been told to stay away from them. All they want to do is bring us down… and you go and leave your family for them.”

I took a deep breath and turned to my direct left to face her. “Well Latisha, I didn’t leave my family for anyone. The day I left New Jersey I didn’t have a family. No one had my back or cared about my well–being. I was out there on my own. So I don’t believe I left anyone.”

“So you blame us for what happened to you, is that it?”

“Latisha, now isn’t the time or the place to discuss this,” my mother scolded.

Latisha, however, didn’t get the hint, and she kept talking.

“No… I’m not going to sit here and pretend she just didn’t leave without so much as a word. She sent you, mama, a stupid fucking card one time in the whole five years she was gone. Then out of the blue some badass wannabe comes in our house, attacks Noah, disrespects my parents and leaves without reprimand. I’m sorry, I won’t be a part of this. I won’t sit here and pretend this is okay. She’s always been able to get away with murder. She always got the attention because she’s lighter than us with good hair and green eyes. Well, fuck that. Y’all have me fucked up for real.”

She folded her arms and looked at me. All eyes were on us I could feel it. But I wasn’t fazed by it at all. No, I was livid.

I leaned away from my sister and said to her, in a quieter tone, “Wow, I’m sorry for the attention I got. Believe me, if I could’ve changed that I would’ve. I mean, how great do you think it was for me the many times I went to bed without eating when I was four years old because you two did some shit and instead of taking the heat, you blamed me. You knew for a fact I got punished harsher than either of you combined, but that never stopped you. Or maybe I should bring up the many times I would clean the whole house, and just before our father walked in the door, you two would dirty the house again and tell him I cleaned nothing?”

“Oh please Kenya, that’s not that big of a deal. It was a joke.” My sister responded.

“Are you kidding me, Tisha? I spent two days in the basement with nothing to eat and drink because of that joke.”

“You are over acting Kenya…” my father huffed.

“No, dad, I’m afraid not. Any attention I got wasn’t good attention. Ask Wayne the many times he snuck out of his house to bring me food to the window after like the third day I was left in the basement.” I looked at Wayne. “Remember that day? My so–called family. You know, the ones that I so selfishly left without so much as a goodbye, left me in the basement for four days. They got so excited that some family invited them upstate that they jumped in the car and forgot I even existed. So please excuse me if I decided I was done being around a family that didn’t give a shit about me. And a man that felt it was okay to choke the crap out of me in order to get himself off. I had no one to go to, so I did the best thing I could. I took care of myself.” I stood. “And I tell you if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing except you wouldn’t be here tonight.”

I turned away from my mother who reach for me and walked out of the hall. I couldn’t believe my sister went there. Well, I guess I should. I mean, Wayne used to tell me that my sisters were jealous of me, and I used to tell him how much that wasn’t true.

I’d rarely talked to anyone or complained about the different things I went through as a child. I’d told Josh and Josh’s mom some things, but not the about the times where I went to bed hungry and woke up for school late so I didn’t get a chance to eat until lunch, all because of something I was accused of doing that my sisters actually did. Sometimes I think my father knew it wasn’t me, but he just punished me because. I don’t think he liked me, and when I say I did nothing to deserve that but be born is an understatement.

I made my way out onto the deck and let the cold breeze from the ocean cool me down. When I think back to everything that had happened to me growing up, the many days and nights I spent in the basement, was definitely the reason why I accepted so much darkness in my life. I spent most of my young childhood in the dark, hungry and cold. Darkness became my solace and what I expected and sometimes felt I deserved. If anything positive happened in my life, I never felt comfortable with it. It was easier to accept the darkness because I was so used to misery.

But I didn’t want the darkness anymore. I got a taste of light and warmth, and I seemed to crave it. I wanted that warm and fuzzy feeling you got when someone that loved you embraced you. That love that they feel for you seemed to flow from them to you, and you feel it all through your body.