Obsession (5 page)

I was on my second glass of wine when I called Marnie.

“Hello?” she said sweetly.

“It’s only me, Sophie, not TRULYACUTIE.”

“Hey, Soph.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing special.”

“Good. Then we should go out. Somewhere hot and happening. Maybe even City Walk at Universal Studios, where all the tourists go hoping to get laid.”

“You all right?”

“But you’ll have to pick me up, okay? Cuz I’m already drinking and a little fucked-up.”

“Sophie—”

“Whenever you’re ready.” I hung up.

Forty minutes later, Marnie was at my door. “Hey, girl!” I trilled, and pulled her into a hug. “Ready to party?”

Breaking the hug, she took a step backward and eyed me with concern. “What the heck is going on?”

“You mean besides the news that Andrew’s slut is suing him for five million dollars?”

Marnie stepped into the house and closed the door behind her. “Oh, my God.”

“No, it’s fine.” I waved off her concern. “I’ve got it all figured out. Andrew can go live with her so she doesn’t sue him for everything, and I can fuck someone else—with my husband’s blessing, even.”

“Okay, you’re making no sense.”

“Time’s a-wasting.” I wiggled my hips. “Let’s go par-tay!”

Marnie took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen, where she deposited me on a chair at the table.

“What are you doing?” I protested.

“First of all, it’s five-thirty, way too early to go partying. Secondly, you’re drunk. And third, you need to back the fuck up and explain what you just said. Andrew is being sued?”

My false bravado crumbled, and I burst into tears. Of course, the wine I’d consumed helped my tears flow a little easier.

I told Marnie everything that Andrew had told me. She got a box of Kleenex off of the nearby counter and put it in front of me. I pulled out a wad, wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

“I’m sorry you have to go through all this shit,” Marnie said.

“The good news is, he still loves me and still wants our marriage.” I snorted in derision. “Lucky me.”

Marnie rolled her eyes. “What is it with men? They can have affairs and we’re supposed to be grateful when they decide they still want us?”

I blew my nose again.

“Can I get you anything?” Marnie asked. “And no, not more wine. How about coffee?”

“Okay.” I nodded. “That’ll sober me up until we go out later.”

“You still want to go out?”

“Absolutely. I need to listen to music, dance. Drink some more.” At the mention of alcohol, my stomach turned. “And eat something,” I quickly said. “Something starchy, like bread or crackers. Popcorn! Do you mind making some?”

“Popcorn?” Marnie sounded surprised.

“It’s in the second cupboard from the right.”

“Okeydoke.”

First, Marnie set about making a fresh pot of coffee. Then she put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and, three minutes later, she was pouring it into two bowls. She passed one to me and put the other one at her place on the table. The popcorn taken care of, she poured two cups of coffee.

“You want cream and sugar?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Right now, I need it black.”

Carrying both mugs of steaming black coffee, Marnie rejoined me at the table.

“Thank you,” I told her. “What would I do without you?”

“Lucky for you, you don’t have to find out.”

I sipped the coffee. It was strong. Perfect. “Take my mind off my problems—tell me about your date.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. Do you like TRULYACUTIE?”

“I do. I wasn’t expecting anything, but there was a little spark. I think. At least on my part.”

“Have you talked today?”

“No. But he said he’d call. Or e-mail. However—” She grinned, then reached across the table to give my hand a comforting squeeze. “I already turned off my cell phone, because tonight, you and I are hanging out.”

I smiled softly as I squeezed her hand in return. I could always count on Marnie. I’d learned that in eighth grade when she’d let me copy her answers on a math quiz after I’d forgotten to study. The teacher had caught her angling her paper towards me and, as a result, flunked us both. Instead of being unhappy, Marnie had shrugged off the incident, saying, “If you can’t help your friends, what good are you?”

That sealed the deal for me, and we’d been best friends ever since.

Marnie’s expression suddenly grew wistful. “I know you still love Andrew. How can you not? Unfortunately, our hearts don’t come with anon/off switch. But sweetie, you deserve better, and with what he’s putting you through…I’d be seeing a divorce lawyer. Like yesterday.”

I nodded, but I only half agreed. What Marnie said about me deserving better was true, I knew that. But she was also right about our hearts not having an on/off switch.

Life wasn’t black and white. Love wasn’t black and white. I didn’t know if I’d ever stop loving Andrew. But just because I might always love him didn’t mean we had to be together.

“You want to know what the icing on the cake is?” I asked after a moment. “Andrew told me that if I wanted to, I could have an affair to even the score.”

Marnie stopped chewing her popcorn. “What?”

“How thoughtful of him, huh?”

“Right,” Marnie said sarcastically.

“I don’t know if he meant it,” I went on. “He was likely just rambling. He seemed to be saying anything that might get me to tell him I’d forgive him.”

We ate in silence for a while longer, and Marnie’s eyes wandered. After a moment, her eyebrows rose. “I see you have a new wedding picture.”

I followed her gaze and saw the painting I’d put up over my wedding portrait. “It was quicker than taking it down,” I explained.

“And helpful if you bring a man home home.” A beat passed. “Would you?”

“Would I screw some other guy to even the score?” I asked, my tone saying it was definitely something I would
not
consider.

Marnie dropped popcorn into her mouth and chewed. “Maybe you should.”

“What?”

“Hear me out. And I’m not saying you should go fuck some other guy to even the score. But maybe it’s a good idea to see what else is out there,” she said tentatively. “You’ve been with Andrew for ten years. Twenty when you started dating, twenty-two when you married. Maybe, just maybe, he isn’t the man you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life.”

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure I could contemplate moving on—at least not yet.

“Do you want him to move back in right now?”

“No.”

“Do you think your marriage is going to be the same even if you do work things out?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine our marriage ever being the same. Not after this.

“I stayed in my marriage much longer than I should have, hoping Keith would stop cheating and realize that he loved me. At the time, I didn’t think I could be happy without him. I was so stupid. The truth is, the day I let him go was the best day of my life. Have I found my knight in shining armor yet? Maybe not, but fuck, it’s far better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t respect you.”

“With all due respect,” I began slowly, “this is the first time Andrew has cheated.”

Marnie gave me a look. I wasn’t sure if it was pity or something else.

“That’s what he said. And I…I believe him.”

Marnie shrugged.

“You knew Keith was cheating on you. You always told me you felt it. You’d find phone numbers stuffed in his pockets, lipstick on his collar…”

“And some guys are smarter than Keith ever was.”

“Marnie, that’s not what I need to hear right now.”

She held up both hands. “All right. Forget about Andrew and whether or not this was the first time he cheated. My whole point is that you need to start concentrating on
you.
On what
you
need, on what’s good for
you.
What if what’s good for you is fresh cock?” She wriggled her eyebrows.

“Marnie!” I slapped her hand, and she laughed. I laughed, too.

“First of all, dating someone else will be a good way to take your mind off Andrew. And who knows, you just might meet the man of your dreams while you’re at it.”

“Marnie—”

“And if not…it’s been ten years and you’ve only had sex with one man.”

“That’s what happens when you’re married.”

“Tell that to guys,” Marnie mumbled.

I made a face.

“Bottom line, if all you get out of this is another sexual experience…is that so bad? It might even help.”

I stood. “Okay. Enough about my marriage.”

“What are you doing?” Marnie asked as I started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Going to take two Advil before we head out for dinner. Because if I’m going to continue to drown my sorrows in alcohol, I’m going to need more than popcorn in my stomach.”

Marnie smiled.

“And the last thing I want is a migraine if I might possibly meet the man of my dreams tonight.”

Now Marnie laughed. “That’s the spirit.”

I continued to the bedroom. I didn’t really plan on meeting anyone, but I was up for a fun evening of music and dancing.

There was no point spending the night alone in an empty house that would only remind me of Andrew.

As Marnie drove us to City Walk, I couldn’t help thinking about her words.

And Andrew’s unorthodox suggestion.

Maybe my friend was right. Maybe I needed to see what else was out there, experience being with a new man before I decided what I’d do next. At the very least, I needed a diversion. Something to distract me from thoughts of Andrew cheating and the possible lawsuit his scorned lover might launch against him.

The more I mulled over the idea, the more it appealed to me. After all, I’d given Andrew no reason to cheat. I loved him. I did as much as I could to be the best wife possible. And we got along well, even if the passion of our earlier years had waned.

If he’d wanted to recharge that passion, he could have suggested something to me. Anything, really. It wasn’t as if Andrew and I couldn’t talk.

That’s what made his cheating even harder to accept. That he wasn’t the type of man I expected would betray me before talking to me about a problem.

“Do you think he isn’t attracted to me anymore?” I suddenly asked.

Marnie glanced at me as if I were crazy. “What?”

“You know. Maybe he wanted me decked out in miniskirts and tank tops all the time or something.”

“Now this is what bugs me. Women always end up blaming themselves when their man cheats. Trust me, I know.” Marnie stopped at a light, then made a right turn. “You’re beautiful, sexy, and if Andrew cheated, he’s the one with the problem—not you. That’s my whole point about seeing what else is out there. Another man—the kind who’d never betray you—might just sweep you off your feet.”

“And I thought you were such a cynic,” I teased.

“How many people are on the planet? Five billion? At least a few of those guys have to be decent and trustworthy. Oh—and hot as hell.” Marnie grinned devilishly, as though that last qualification was the most important.

“Of course,” Marnie continued, “if you decide just to look, that’s perfectly fine. A little eye candy never hurt nobody.”

“If nothing else, I’m going to have a good time tonight. You always make me laugh.”

We decided on BB King’s Blues Club, since we could kill two birds with one stone there—enjoy authentic Southern cuisine while listening to a live band.

I was dressed to the nines, in a short black skirt and low-cut red top that had heads turning as I stepped into the club. Marnie was wearing a leopard print dress that showed off her voluptuous curves. I’d been determined to head out and find a little action, but I halted, suddenly unsure.

“Hey,” Marnie said in a low voice. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Knowing me as well as she did, she’d clearly picked up on my hesitation. “And there’s no guilt if you
do
choose to go for what you want. If you meet someone you like, think of it as a freebie.”

A freebie…it was an odd way to look at having an affair. And yet, Andrew had given me not only his blessing but his encouragement to go out and even the score.

“Right.” I rolled my shoulders backward to work out some of the tension, then smiled when the hostess appeared and asked if we wanted a table or to sit at the bar.

“A table,” Marnie said. “Close to the stage, if possible.”

At seven-thirty, we were seated at a table near the stage. At eight, the band began to play. Flip Side, a group of three men in their thirties and one woman with long dreads of about the same age, started their set off with “The Thrill is Gone,” B. B. King’s duet with Tracy Chapman, which warmed the crowd. Then they played some classic B. B. King numbers, some Ray Charles, Ida Cox and other blues artists from the early twentieth century. By the time they rocked the house with some Jimi Hendrix rock ’n’ roll blues, everyone was either dancing, clapping or toe tapping.

When the female singer announced that there would be an intermission before the next set, Marnie touched my hand. I looked her way. “Have you noticed a certain someone checking you out?” she asked.

“No,” I replied, and began looking around. I caught the eye of an older gentleman, who winked at me. I returned my gaze to Marnie. “Who are you talking about?”

“You really have been out of the game too long,” she said. “The drummer,” she went on, in a tone that said the answer was obvious.

“The drummer?” I quickly looked toward the stage.

“Isn’t he cute?”

I checked him out. He was thin, tall, and sported short dreadlocks. “Yes, he’s definitely cute. But not really my type.”

Marnie gaped at me. “What are you talking about? He’s hot.”

“Yeah…just not my type.”

“I don’t think he’d agree,” Marnie said in a singsong voice.

“You’re seeing things,” I told Marnie. “He didn’t check me out once.”

“He totally was,” Marnie insisted. “You should go talk to him. I think he’d make a good booty call.”

I glanced toward the stage. There was a flock of women swarming the band. I shook my head at the pitiable sight. All those women hoping to bed a musician, or maybe even find a sugar daddy.

That wasn’t for me.

“Marnie, stop worrying about my sex life. I’m out having a good time. That’s all that matters.”

“Oh, no-no-no.” She wagged a finger at me. “You’re gonna meet someone.”

Rolling my eyes, I laughed. “Sure, whatever you say.”

My gaze wandered around the bar. There were some attractive men here, but most of them were with dates. I wasn’t against the idea of meeting someone, if a guy here got me excited.

And maybe Marnie was right. I
had
married Andrew young. Until a few days ago, I’d never questioned that decision. But what if Andrew’s affair was a sign that we’d drifted apart, that we weren’t meant to live happily ever after?

What if there was someone else out there for me—the kind of man who would always appreciate me and never screw around?

I’d had friends in the past who’d been cheated on, and I always encouraged them to move on and find someone worthy of them. And yet, the thought of being without Andrew was very hard to contemplate.

But it was equally hard to think that I would simply accept what he’d done, forgive him and resume our life as it had been. Especially now. Would I be setting myself up for future heartache from him if I decided I wanted to save my marriage? Would he feel that if I’d forgiven him once, I would do so again…and again?

“I’m ready for another drink,” Marnie announced, her words pulling me from my thoughts. “Want another margarita?”

“Definitely,” I answered quickly. I’d certainly had enough already, but I didn’t want to think about Andrew anymore. Booze would help me forget.

As Marnie glanced around in search of our waitress, I spotted the older gentleman I’d seen eyeing me before. This time, I noticed that he was with a friend.

Both he and his friend were grinning at me now. A wink from the shorter man, and they started walking our way.

“Warning,” I said. “Creep alert.”

“Where?”

“Don’t look!” I said in an urgent whisper as Marnie started to turn her head. She abruptly halted. “Two guys who have to be in their sixties. Now they’re heading this way. Shit.”

“Just what I like,” Marnie muttered. “Old men with hard-ons.”

“They’re definitely interested in us.” I could see them getting closer through my peripheral vision. As they reached our table, I whispered, “Showtime.”

“Hello, ladies,” the shorter man said. He was probably five foot nine, with a medium brown complexion and a beer gut. He also seemed to have eyes only for me. “How about a dance?”

“Sorry,” Marnie said sweetly. “We were just about to order dessert.”

“We don’t mind waiting,” the other man said. He was darker skinned, taller, and quite handsome—but about thirty years too old for either of us. “We can show you a thing or two on the dance floor.”

“I’m married,” I pointed out. “Sorry.”

“Thanks for the offer, though,” Marnie said. She barely suppressed a smile as she added, “We’re flattered.”

“All right,” the taller man conceded. “But if you change your mind…”

“We won’t,” Marnie told him.

The two men wandered off. Marnie made a face, then burst out laughing.

“In their defense, they did seem nice,” I said. I’d assumed they’d be creeps because so often creeps approached me.

“Yeah, but you know they’ve got to be back at the nursing home by nine.”

“Marnie!”

“I’ve got nothing against old people. Just old people who think I’m going to sleep with them. If I’m going to fuck someone, he’s going to be young, hot and able to maintain an erection.”

“Enough, Marnie.” I shook my head. “Let’s hit the dance floor.”

Marnie and I worked our way to the dance floor in front of the stage. I noticed our two suitors talking to two women younger than Marnie and me. At least they took rejection well.

Marnie shook her hips to the rock ’n’ roll beat. “Ooh, he’s cute.”

I didn’t bother looking at the guy she was referring to. Marnie’s eyes continued to bounce over the crowd. She was clearly on the prowl, but I suspected more for herself than for me.

No sooner were we shaking our butts on the dance floor to the latest Beyoncé hit than Marnie leaned close and whispered, “Oh, over there. He’s pretty hot.”

She pointed, and I followed the direction of her finger. I saw a guy who was probably twenty-two, with a decent build, and a very attractive face.

Seeing me, he smiled. And revealed a mouth full of gold teeth.

“Ew!” Marnie and I proclaimed at the same time.

“Okay, so he’s a negative,” Marnie said. “But there’ll be someone else.”

Halfway through the song, Marnie raised her eyebrows at me. I wondered what she was trying to tell me—until I felt someone’s hand on my arm.

I glanced over my shoulder at the stranger, saw a teddy bear of a man with dark skin. Normally, I would have pulled away from him. Like I’d pulled away from the men in the Bahamas who’d wanted to dance with me. But this time, I didn’t pull away.

I shook my butt against his groin, having some fun with teasing him. He grew hard in an instant, his cock now pressing against the top of my ass. Before, I would have been wary of this and backed off. But tonight, his erection turned me on, reminding me that I was a desirable woman.

Something Andrew had forgotten.

I got bolder, bending forward slightly while pushing my ass harder against him. He planted his hands on my hips and pulled me against his cock, and as we danced, our bodies moved like we were fucking with clothes on.

“Sweet Jesus,” the man said.

Giggling, I turned to face him. He was grinning at me as though I were the sexiest woman in the world. The look lifted my spirits. Yes, I was beautiful and sexy and had a hell of a lot to offer.

We continued to dance close, but not too close this time, our hips pumping to the fast beat. At the end of the second song, I leaned forward and patted the man’s arm in a friendly gesture. “Thanks for the dance,” I said.

“You’re gonna leave a brother hanging like that?”

I shrugged apologetically. “I’m married.”

“Married?” He sounded surprised. “Damn, girl.”

“I know,” I said, a hint of self-chastising in my voice. “I guess I got carried away. But, yes, I am a married woman. Out having a little bit of fun.”

“That’s it?” His eyebrows lifted hopefully.

“Yes. That’s it.”

“All right.” The man nodded his understanding. “Lucky man.”

I turned around and saw Marnie, who was standing with two margaritas in hand. She must have gotten them while I’d been dancing.

“Having fun?” she asked, offering me a drink.

“Yes,” I answered honestly. I sipped the new magarita. “And I made a decision about something,” I found myself saying.

“Oh?”

“If I meet someone, I’m gonna go for it.”

“Woo-hoo!” Marnie gave me a high five, and I had to quickly steady my glass so my drink didn’t spill. “Does that mean you like that guy?”

“No. Not him. He’s nice, but…he’s more fun. I want someone who makes me hot with one look.”

One dance, and I was in the mood to get lucky. One dance had reminded me that I was a beautiful woman with a lot to offer. A woman who didn’t deserve to have her husband cheat on her.

Andrew had said I should even the score. Marnie said I should see if there was a better match out there for me.

Well, I would at least even the playing field. If I was ever going to forgive Andrew, I needed to do this.

And satisfy my own curiosity in the process.

I’d been with only one other man before Andrew, and the experience had been horrendous. Chad, my high school boyfriend. I’d been into him, but I wasn’t in love. Partway during some heavy foreplay I told him I didn’t think I could go through with having sex. He ignored me, got rougher, and took my virginity despite my cries to get off me.

My experience with Andrew had been totally different. He hadn’t pressured me the way Chad had. Instead, he’d taken his time and waited until I was truly ready. If, while kissing, he sensed any hesitation on my part, he pulled away. I really loved that about him, and when I gave Andrew my heart and my body after eight months of dating, I knew that it would be forever.