Obsession (2 page)

Faith

Six months later

“Faith, are you ready to talk about what happened?” I hear the therapists question, it’s the same question she’s asked every week since I started coming here. In the last 6 months my life has changed so much, and the only person that knows what really happened is my best friend Cami.

She has held me when I cried and comforted me when I woke in the night screaming, but most of all, she has given me somewhere to feel safe, somewhere to call home.

Am I ready to talk? I think today, maybe I am, maybe I can let some of it go. “Maybe” I mumble. She sits in her chair opposite me with her trademark pen and note pad.

“Whatever you’re going to say Faith, it stays in this room.” I have to admit her soothing voice does make me want to talk to her.

“I think I’m in love with Damien” I whisper into my hand not wanting to vocalise my dirty little secret. It’s the first time that I have said it out loud.

“Who’s Damien?” she asks me.

I don’t know if I’m ready to tell her that yet. My head hurts with the commotion that is my mind.

Only Cami knows. She’s safe, I can talk to Cami. I know that she will always listen to me without any judgement – but even she doesn’t know I am in love with Damien.

“Damien, he’s the one that got me out.” I tell Dr. Smith. She’s an older lady, slight greying at the temples with hair pulled into a perfect bun, but she has a soft kind face.

“How did he do that?” With her question I slip down the slope, back into the nightmare that plays on repeat inside of my mind. No longer thinking of Damien, but of the darkness. Of
Him
, and my cell. It was the darkest time of my short existence and I hate everything about it, except that it gave me Damien.

I shake my head at Dr. Smith, I can’t do it. I pull my legs to my chest and my arms around them. I spoke his name. Why did I do that? No-one other than Cami knows his name. Regret fills me as the darkness that eats away inside, the hate that threatens to consume me tears me up. I cling onto the pain, that’s where my memories lie. That’s how I keep him close to me. “Damien” I sign. I can’t forget. Ever.

“Please… I can’t. Just, no more,” I speak through the sobs that threaten to overtake me, the words not sounding quite right.

“Ok Faith, that’s fine. You did well. Now, let's book you in for next week.” I nod my head in answer.

I take some tissues out of the holder so I can wipe the tears from my eyes. “Thank you for today Dr Smith, I’m trying, I swear I’m trying”
Though maybe not fully
I admit to myself.

“Only when you’re ready Faith. I’m a patient old bat” she says, trying to make me laugh. I don’t remember the last time I laughed…

Making our way back to the waiting room, I notice Cami looking worried. I guess I’m not fooling anyone with puffy eyes and a tear stained face.

“Faith, are you ok sweetie?” She comes straight up to me and wraps me in her arms. The tightness in my chest eases a little. I’m safe.

I love Cami, she has always been there for me, more so since he saved me; she’s my rock.

“I’m ok,” I whisper to her, “I actually spoke a little today.” Her arms squeeze me tighter at my words. She pulls away from me, holding onto my arms looking me in the eye. “I am so proud of you Faith!” Her eyes hold that sense of understanding that she knows that it’s time I let someone else in, and that if I keep taking those baby steps, hopefully one day, I will come out the other side.

We head out to the carpark and climb into Cami’s black and red Mini Cooper, which Cami loves for driving around in London. Starting up the car, “Hey Faith, do you want to try and have lunch out today? Or do you want to just head home?”

“Home please Cami. I’ll make us something.” I feel bad, but I know that she understands that I can’t cope in the outside world yet. I have created this little bubble that I am safe in, and I’m terrified to leave it. She has tried time after time to get me out. I know that one day I will have to pull up my big girl pants and join the real world again but for now, I just can’t face it.

I’m in the kitchen at the sink, washing up after the chicken salad I made Cami and I for dinner. It wasn’t much, just cooked chicken breast chopped up, lettuce, cucumber, new potatoes, and tomatoes in a bowl with a bit of olive oil. I put the last plate on the drainer, the washing up finally done. With the joys of cooking comes cleaning but it has to be done: it’s the least I can do since Cami lets me stay with her rent free.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice someone lurking in the alley at the back of the house. I feel the hairs on my neck stand up and I shudder.

When I lift my eyes to fully look out of the kitchen window, I can’t see anyone. Remembering the doctors’ advice about when I become anxious, I take a few big deep and slow breaths to try and calm my racing heart. I feel it start to ease; I was never like this before. I get myself so worked up sometimes that panic consumes me. I feel weak, pathetic and helpless.

Some days, I think I’m going mad. I see Damien everywhere I go. I know he’s not really there. He dropped me off at the hospital and I haven’t seen him since. His last words to me where “Don’t go home,” and with that he left me there on my own.

I’m still taking deep breaths when Cami comes into the kitchen, “Did it happen again Faith?” I can’t form the words to reply so I just nod my head. She starts to rub the bottom of my back to distract me from my thoughts. I do the only thing I know that will help me - fake humour, I’ve come to rely on it. I think Cami understands that when I do it, I just can’t talk about it yet.

“Wine time!” I say in a silly singsong voice, I head over to the fridge pulling the bottle of white wine from the shelf.

“I’ll get the glasses,” Cami says and I know she has understood. I’m in the mood to totally forget about today. I come back to the kitchen island and pour two big glasses. The kitchen is lovely, it has high gloss plum units and white granite worktops, with stainless steel appliances finish its ultra-modern look.

The kitchen opens into the dining room, the glass table and 12 white leather chairs are to die for. When Cami moved me in six months ago, I was awestruck at this room. It’s perfect for entertaining, not that she has done any of that since I moved in. I feel like such a burden to Cami, she has stopped doing so much since I moved in here and I feel like I’m ruining her life. I know that’s not the case but when someone you love puts her whole life on hold to help you, I guess it’s to be expected. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. She is beautiful inside and out, right down to her core she is pure and selfless.

We’re sat giggling on the black and grey corner couch in the living room, reminiscing about our University days. I must admit all this laughing has helped me forget for a little while today, and for that little while at least, I felt like the old me.

I place my empty glass on the oak coffee table, “That’s me for the night, I’m going to get a bath and then try and get my head down for the night.” I get up from the couch and place a kiss on her cheek saying night as I walk towards the bathroom.

I slip into the water, it’s so hot, but I love the way it feels. The water is soothing and warm wrapping itself around me, making me feel so much better
.
I hear the sound of my phone going off, but I am so relaxed that I figure I’ll leave it check it when I am done. It can’t be anything important anyway.

Knowing I have to move saddens me but I lather up the body wash, and get rid of the signs of the day, I can feel all of the stress and grime of the day being washed away. If only it were that simple. Ha!

I rinse myself off and wrap myself up in a towel from the heated towel rail. Padding across the tiled bathroom floor to the vanity I get ready for bed.

I go back into my bedroom to put my PJs on, so that I can fall asleep. In my dreams I get to see Damien, I get to hear him speak. I need to hear him. It’s become my addiction - reliving my nightmare just so I can be with Damien one more time.

Once I’m dressed I notice my phone on the dresser, remembering that I heard it go off earlier on.

Looking down at my phone I see a text from a number I don’t recognize;

UNKNOWN: You will pay for what you have done Faith. This is far from over! I’m coming for you.

The words send chills down my spine making me feel sick to my stomach. I hear a scream and realise it's me as my phone falls from my hands and bounces off of the floor.

“Faith. Faith!” I can hear Cami shouting my name but I can’t answer. I am frozen. Oh God no, I thought it was over.

Dropping to the floor, I am on my knees crying; my hair is still wet from the bath. I feel Cami’s arms come around me “Ssshhhh, ssshhhh, Faith what’s happened? Are you ok?” She is stroking my wet hair and rocking me like a child, I start shaking my head frantically, still unable to form words. I reach for the phone and pass it to Cami.

I feel her breath hitch as she reads the words on the screen, “We need to call the Police Faith. I know you didn’t when it happened before but we need to tell them now, we have to keep you safe!” Her words send fresh tears down my cheeks.

“OK” I manage to whisper. She leads me into the living room and places me on the couch, wrapping me in the throw that’s always hung over the couch.

I ask Cami to make the call: I can’t stop my fingers from shaking to dial the number. I hear the call as she never leaves my side still stroking my hair while talking to the Police.

The next twenty minutes seem to last a lifetime; I flinch when I hear the ring on the phone for the apartment. Cami answers and lets them in, when she’s walking back into the living room, I notice there are two police officers that follow behind. She comes to sit by the side of me, placing her arm protectively around my waist keeping me close to her.

“Are you Faith Young?” the police officer asks me.

“Yes,” I answer quietly. I lift my head, quickly looking at the two police officers.

“I am PC Cooper and this is my colleague PC McCabe,” he says pointing towards the other officer.

“Can we have a look at your phone please Miss Young?” I reach towards the coffee table to get my phone, PC McCabe takes the phone from my hand and passes it across to PC Cooper to examine.

“Have you had anymore messages like this Miss Young?” He asks me.

“No, this is the only one,” I reply.

“Could this be a hoax from somebody?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

He looks at me like he does not believe my answer but I know the truth, I know what my father caused, I know I was kidnapped, and I most certainly know Damien got me out.

“Look Miss Young, with just one message there really isn’t much that we can do, is there anything you’re not telling us?” He asks looking directly at me.

“Nothing else has happened.”

I can’t tell them. I can’t get Damien in trouble.

“Well, if you think of anything else, please don’t hesitate to get in touch by calling the station.”

I nod. As they get ready to leave, Cami gets up to see them out of the apartment, I know I’m about to get an earful when she comes back into the living room.

“What the hell Faith! Why did you not tell them what really happened?” She glares at me while she is yelling.

“I couldn’t do it Cami, I can’t risk Damien. He got me out. I just can’t do it to him.” I plead with her to understand what I’m saying. She throws up her hands in exasperation.

“You need your head tested woman! He may have set you free in the end, but he still helped hold you in that godforsaken place.”

I see the anger on her face, she is furious at me. I pluck up the courage to try and explain.

“If it wasn’t for him Cami, I don’t know what would have happened to me.” My shoulders sag in relief when she finally nods her head, her mouth opens to speak but I cut her off. “I’m going to bed Cami, I really am sorry I couldn’t tell them. I owe him something Cami, my silence is all I have to offer.”

I check my phone again to see if there are any more messages, relief floods my body when I don’t see any.

Pulling my covers back, I slowly climb into bed and cover myself up, fully aware that peaceful sleep is unlikely, but I also know that my dreams will be filled with Damien, every night I dream about everything that happened. It’s like watching it on a cinema screen, being on the outside looking in. I will be screaming at the screen saying what will happen and when, but it never changes.