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California Diaries #13: Maggie, Diary Three

Ann M. Martin

The author gratefully acknowledges Jeanne Betancourt for her help in preparing this

manuscript.

ISBN 0-439-09547-6

Copyright © 1999 by Ann M. Martin.

All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.

SCHOLASTIC, CALIFORNIA DIARIES, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered

trademarks of Scholastic Inc.

Printed in the U.S.A.

First Scholastic printing, December 1999

This eBook is for educational and reference purposes only. It is not intended to infringe on or circumvent copyright. No monetary gain is made from the distribution of this eBook.

Tuesday 4/20

6:00 P.M.

I just read over this journal from the last few months and am reminded of all the intense things that have happened lately. The worst was Sunny’s mother dying. It’s been a whole month since Mrs. Winslow died and I still get teary thinking about it. She was so full of life and love. It’s had to believe that she’s not around anymore.

I remember so many happy times at Sunny’s house. Mrs. Winslow always came up with cool

projects for us to do — like tie-dying or making veggie burgers before anyone else knew about them. We never said, “There’s nothing to do,” when we were at Sunny’s.

We were four best friends then — Sunny, Dawn, Jill, and me. Of course, Jill isn’t part of our group anymore. And for awhile [sic] I thought Sunny was going to go off in a different direction too. Now she’s more like herself again. She’s stopped running away from her problems.

I guess in the past few months I’ve stopped running away from my problems too. Or at least I’ve stopped running from some of them. I look back at the entries where I wrote down everything that I ate — even a carrot stick. I kept writing that I was FAT FAT FAT. How could I not have realized that I had a problem? It seemed so normal to me then.

Now it’s so strange. It seems like that was a long time ago.

I’m glad it seems that way.

I’m a lot better about food. My friends are a great help — especially Amalia and Ducky. And of course Dr. Fuentes. Being in therapy is like writing in a diary that talks back.

What surprises me the most is how much I’ve written about Justin lately. First I liked him and he didn’t even notice me. When he finally did notice me and sort of liked me, all I could think about was not eating. Needless to say, he was not impressed. Now I’m better about eating, but Justin doesn’t seem to be interested in me anymore.

Do I care?

I’m not sure. Especially after what happened in school today.

I was in a stall in the bathroom. I heard two girls come in. They were talking about Justin, so I stayed in the stall and listened.

STALLED

GIRL IN SHINY BLACK BOOTS: Justin Randall is crazy about you, Nancy. You should have

seen the way he looked at you when you came into math. You know it’s true.

NANCY (brown loafers): Shhh.

BLACK BOOTS: Look, you’re blushing.

NANCY (lowers voice): We’re just friends. It’s no big deal.

(Sound of flushing toilet drowns out rest of dialogue.)

BLACK BOOTS and NANCY exit bathroom.

Who’s Nancy? Does Justin like her? Or is it really a “friend” thing?

I don’t have a crush on Justin like I used to. But I felt sort of sick to my stomach when I heard he might have a new girlfriend.

Dad just came home. He’s calling Zeke and me to come downstairs. Now!

I better go see what he wants.

8:00 P.M.

Well, Dad’s done it again. The big spender gives his kids the newest, the latest, the best.

Actually, what he gave us is pretty amazing. Zeke and I each now have a Handy palm computer.

It really does fit in the palm of my hand. When I open the Handy, there’s a tiny keyboard on one side and a screen on the other. I can also actually
write
on the little screen with this special pointer that converts my handwriting into type.

Dad said I should use the Handy for my address book, daily planner, assignment book, and to check my e-mail.

“Use it to take notes in your classes,” he said. “Then download everything into your laptop later.”

Right, Dad. I’m going to pull out this little techno wizard in class while everyone else is using pen and paper! It’s bad enough I sometimes bring my laptop to school.

Zeke’s already emailed three of his friends from his Handy. He can’t wait to show his ne high-tech toy to his buddies.

Really, I think the Handy is neat, but I don’t want anyone at school to know I have it. It’s embarrassing to have so much more stuff than my friends have.

“Only the best for the best,” Dad said when he gave Zeke and me our Handys. “You can’t be the best and the brightest without the latest technology. I want my kids to keep up.”

I hate it when Dad talks like that. Why does he think money equals talent and brains? It doesn’t.

Period. Anyone with half a brain knows that.

Time to go.

10:00 P.M.

Well. Another typical Blume family dinner. Mom was drinking vodka and eyeing the wine

bottle. Zeke was stuffing his face and talking a mile a minute about some
Star Trek
chat group on the Internet.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” my father boomed from the head of the table.

“Don’t yell,” my mother mumbled under her breath.

Dad steered the conversation to his new movie. He asked me, for about the twentieth time, if I’d read the script yet.

“I need a teenager’s reaction,” he said.

I reminded him that he only gave me the script last night and that I’ve been to school, done homework, and practiced the piano since then. But the truth is, I don’t want to read
Love
Conquers All
. It will be just as lame as his other movies. But I have to act like it’s some big deal.

I haven’t told any of my friends that Dad’s landed Tyler Kendall for the lead of
Love Conquers
All
. I’m not at all interested in “Hollywood’s hot new teen star.” I know what movie stars are like — especially the child star variety. Self-centered and shallow.

I tried to concentrate on my dinner. But with Dad’s bragging and Mom’s drinking, I could barely get down a few bites. I am always hungry before dinner, but when I sit down to eat with my family I lose my appetite. Now
there’s
a diet.

I wonder if Sunny and her dad had dinner together.

Ducky probably picked up some takeout tonight. Ducky — the most generous, sweet, lovable, fun guy in the world.

Dinner at Dawn’s house will be a happy time, what with the new baby and all.

I bet there were extra people at Amalia’s table. The Vargases are always inviting people to stay for dinner. It’s so casual, homey, and fun at their house. I wonder if Brendan is eating with them tonight. Brendan and Amalia make a great pair, even if they’re not fully ready to admit it.

Note to myself: Don’t push the Amalia/Brendan thing. After James, Amalia needs to take her time with guys.

Note to myself #2: Springtime is a perfect time for new beginnings. I, Maggie Blume, do hereby resolve to have a great spring.

Me and my friends.

We all deserve it.

Wednesday 4/21

3:45 P.M.

Ducky and Sunny dropped me off at therapy on their way to Mr. Winslow’s bookstore. Ducky had to be at work by four and Sunny was going too. She’s been helping her father a lot. I think it does her good to be around her dad — and Ducky.

Since I’m fifteen minutes early for my shrink appointment, I’m typing on the Handy for the first time. I keep making mistakes on these little keys, but I think I’ll get used to it.

I just wrote my schedule in the daily planner and copied it into my diary file. Cool.

4:00 P.M. Dr. Fuentes

5:00 P.M. Dinner at Amalia’s

7:00 P.M. Vanish practice

What else do I have to report? Dad’s big media campaign for
Love Conquers All
has started.

Why does everyone make such a big deal out of movie stars? Dawn, Sunny, Amalia, and I were having lunch together when Jill and a couple of her new friends came over to our table.

“Tyler Kendall!” Jill shrieked. “He’s going to be in your dad’s movie? You could meet him?

Maggie! He’s only, like the cutest guy in America!”

I explained about hairdressers, makeup, and touched-up photographs. “Besides, looks aren’t everything. Especially if that’s all you have,” I concluded.

Sunny nudged my arm and grinned. “Come on, Mags,” she teased. “Admit it. You’d love to be in the same room with Tyler Kendall and Felicia Hope. It’s only normal.”

I was glad to see Sunny smiling, but I wasn’t crazy about what she was saying. My friends just don’t believe how shallow movie stars can be.

“Felicia Hope is going to be in it too,” gushed Jill.

“You’ll probably meet them, Maggie,” Dawn said. “I mean, you could if you wanted it.”

I told her that I’ve already met Felicia Hope.

“You did?” exclaimed Jill. “That’s so awesome. If I could meet Tyler Kendall I would die of happiness.”

Jill pulled out a copy of
Stars and Hearts
magazine. Tyler Kendall was on the cover.

“Black hair and green eyes,” sighed Jill. “And look at his smile. He’s so perfect.”

I told her you don’t know what’s real and what’s fake with actors. That he probably wears green contacts, has caps on all his teeth, and dyes his hair.

“That’s an awful thing to say,” spoke up one of Jill’s friends. “How could you say that about Tyler?”

I love how they’re on a first-name basis.

“Felicia is so beautiful,” said the other girl with Jill. “He must be in love with her. I’m so jealous.”

“She’s totally fake,” I said. “Including some of her body parts. And she definitely had a nose job.”

“That’s
so
not true,” said Jill. “It’s a rumor.”

Amalia covered her mouth to stifle a laugh.

Jill and her friends begged me to ask Tyler to autograph their magazines.

I refused.

But Jill didn’t give up. She left the magazine rolled up in my locker handle. A note was posted in the corner. “Please, Maggie. Just this once. I’ll never ask you for a favor again. Love, Jill.”

Hot-pink letters across the bottom of the magazine cover announced: TYLER KENDALL:

EVERY GIRL’S DREAM BOY!

Not mine.

In Car. 4:50 P.M.

I have such a tight schedule today that I had our car pick me up at therapy and drive me to Amalia’s.

My Handy is handy. So much easier to carry around than the laptop.

Key points from my session with Dr. Fuentes.

1. It’s okay that I couldn’t eat dinner last night. Admit to myself that eating with family affects me that way.

2. All people who like movie stars aren’t shallow. And maybe some movie stars aren’t

shallow. (NOT MANY!)

3. Spring is a great time to have a great time.

4. Don’t think so much. Just do.

10:00 P.M.

Back from Vanish practice. Dinner at Amalia’s was fun. I’m so much more relaxed there than at my own house. It’s not that the Vargases are laid-back. They can be very intense. But they’re intense in a good, honest way. Amalia’s sister and her boyfriend had a disagreement about what they were going to do after dinner. But they talked it out honestly — instead of saying one thing and feeling another. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN BETWEEN ME AND

JUSTIN AT VANISH PRACTICE.

When and I [sic] came into rehearsal, Patti was setting up her drums with Bruce. Rico asked me to play something while he adjusted the settings on the speakers. I took a quick look around to see if Justin was there.

He wasn’t.

I sat at the piano and ran through a few numbers. I was singing “Friday Night Blues” when Justin came in.

“Wait back there!” Rico shouted to him. “You and Amalia listen from the back. Sing

‘Touching,’ Maggie.”

I did.

TOUCHING

You came into my life

When I wasn’t looking.

First, you touch me

With your eyes

And voice.

Then you put your hand in mine.

You came into my life

When I wasn’t looking.

I see you now.

I hear your voice.

I hold your hand.

You came into my life.

It was hard to concentrate on the lyrics. I used to think about Justin when I sang that song. How could I want to hold his hand now? He doesn’t want to hold mine. Does he hold Nancy’s? I wondered.

I was very distracted.

After Rico straightened out the sound, Justin opened his guitar case. He didn’t even look in my direction.

During the break, Amalia and I stood in the doorway, drinking sodas. After awhile [sic], Justin joined us. Amalia said some normal, friendly things to Justin.

He said other normal, friendly things back to her. When he looked in my direction, I sort of smiled.

Rico called an end to the break and I headed back to the keyboard. Justin ran to catch up to me.

“So how’s it been going?” he asked.

“Fine,” I said. “You?”

He beamed a huge smile. “Great. Things are just great.”

Because of Nancy? Is that what he meant? Why did I have to say I was fine? Fine is such a lame word.

Why am I so nervous around Justin? It’s not like anything big ever happened between us. We talked. Held hands.

Never even kissed.

I wish I knew about Nancy.

I’m sick of writing about Justin. I’m sick of thinking about him.

I guess I’ll read
Love Conquers All
so my father will stop bugging me about it.

11:30 P.M.

Love Conquers All
is a poor imitation of
Romeo and Juliet
,
She’s All That
, and about a hundred other movies that were written a lot better.

Here’s the plot in a nutshell:

Intellectual, nerdy schoolgirl is swept out to sea by an undertow while collecting mollusk specimens for a science project. Drop-dead-gorgeous surfer boy rescues her.