Nurse Saxon's Patient (17 page)

Lunch was a mer
r
y meal. Julie had enjoyed her stay at Woodlands, and the meal t
im
es had been some of the most enjoyable times of all, listening to the stimulating conversations between
Mr.
and
Mrs.
Crossman, listening to Garth, discussing points of interest from the day
’
s news with them and so on, but today was, she felt, outstanding.

Garth talked a little about the development site and what he hoped to achieve there, how long each stage would take and such matters. He talked of his future plans, of his hopes that one day, when
Mr.
Anderby retired, he might succeed him as Borough Architect.

‘
I don
’
t want to go away from Hyncaster,
’
he confided.
‘
It may be unambitious of me. Tansy says it is, but Hyncaster is a boom town, and the developments here and around here will go on for years and years. There
’
ll be enough building projects both in the near future and in the years to come to outlast my lifetime, and it
’
s a
...
comfortable sort of town. It
’
s where I grew up, where my roots are
...’

‘
If Tansy loves you enough she
’
ll see that,
’
Julie said before she had given herself time to consider her words, but he took her up on the statement before she had an opportunity to retract any of it.

‘
If
...’
he repeated.
‘
She does, love me, I mean, in her own way, I suppose. But she has her own career to consider
...’

Julie did not answer. She did not consider that the world would have lost something valuable if Tansy Maitland never made another record, but she could not say so to
him
. There was silence between them for a little while. Julie busied herself tidying up the remains o
f
their picnic and stacking it away in the elegant picnic basket
Mrs.
Crossman had provided, while Garth, awkwardly and with his left hand, lit cigarettes for them both. Then he seemed to relax again, obviously wanting to talk.

‘
Has Tansy said anything more to you about this tour of the States, Julie?
’
he asked.
‘
She said something yesterday which made me wonder if you two had discussed it at all.
’

‘
Only the day she first told me about it,
’
Julie answered.
‘
She said then that if you did accompany her she would like me to go along too, to continue your treatment and so on, but I had to tell her that would be impossible.
’

‘
Why?
’
Garth shot the question at her abruptly.
‘
Because of Roger? Because of your brother?
’
He eyed her closely for a moment and she had the f
ee
ling
that somehow a great deal depended on her reply.
‘
Does he really mean so much to you, Julie?
’

At first Julie could not find the right words with which she could reply, and it was with a sense of shock she realized the reason. Until now, each time Ian had asked her to marry him, as an instance, her first thought had been for Roger, for his welfare more than her own. She had pictured him living alone in rooms, managing his meals and his laundry in the way most men do at the beginning of such a stage in their lives, and she had not been able to bear it for him. When her mother had died she had taken up the burden of housekeeping, home-making, for both of them, and she had not felt Roger would be capable of looking after
hims
elf,
save financially, and she was quite content to go on caring for his physical well-being, until, if ever, he found some other woman to do it for him.

Now, she realized, Roger no longer came first. He came a very close second. Garth, and not Roger, was her first consideration now, and she knew that if Garth had not been Tansy
’
s
fiancé
and had asked her to
mar
ry
him, she would have followed him to the ends of the earth, leaving Roger to find a capable housekeeper to take care of his own welfare.

‘
Does he?
’
Garth asked again, and she realized he was still awaiting her answer.

‘
In some ways,
’
she said honestly.
‘
We
’
ve been together, looked after each other for such a long time, you see,
’
she said, but for the first time the explanation sounded lame and weak in her own ears. She knew then how it must have sounded to Ian, Ian with his trained mind and his keen perception into the hearts and minds of others. He must indeed love her very much to have listened to such weak reasons for her refusal of his offer of marriage and all it would have meant to a
man
as brilliant and well-placed as Ian Greensmith.

‘
And instead of accompanying me to the States if
I
’
d been mad enough to say I
’
d go—you
’
d have
han
ded
in your notice and gone back to Mexico with Roger?
’
Garth persisted.

Julie picked up his lighter which was lying on the seat between them. She had to do something with her hands at that moment, find something on which she could focus her glance rather than meet his eyes in case he should see in her own what she knew must be written there, an open secret. She flicked the lighter on and off, and Garth made no comment.

‘
I need a change,
’
she said all at once, aimlessly and without conviction.
‘
I want to get away. I may come back to St
.
Luke
’
s
...
afterwards
...
when Roger comes back to this country, I don
’
t know.
’

‘
And if he doesn
’
t?
’
Garth pressed.
‘
If he decided to become a scenario writer or whatever they
’
re called? I read an article in a magazine once. It was by the wife of such a man. He had made a film of his own book and then been commissioned to write other books into films, transcribe them, change them—I don
’
t know the technical terms, I
’
m afraid. The work took him all over the world. Rome, Spain, the States, only every now and then they were back in this country. It was all very amusing and wittily written, but they were a family, with four children, and I couldn
’
t help thinking what an unsettled life those children led, no permanent home, no settled school ... It would be the same for you and your brother. A half year or so here, the next half somewhere else. You don
’
t strike me as being the nomadic type, Julie. Are you sure that would be enough for you as the years went by?
’

‘
If that was what Roger wanted,
’
she said slowly.
‘
And I should see different places, meet different people
...’

‘
And what about Ian Greensmith?
’
Garth asked next.
‘
When I first watched you two together—back at the hospital—I knew he was, is, in love with you. Where does he figure in all this?
’

‘
He doesn
’
t,
’
Julie said shortly.
‘
He never did, save as a very good and charming friend.
’

‘
But the day he took the plaster from my left hand
,’
Garth gestured vaguely,
‘
I ... it wasn
’
t something I intended
...
but I saw
him
...
kiss you.
’

He brought out the words with difficulty,
fl
ushin
g
pa
infully
as he hastened to add:
‘
It
’
s none of my business, and you
’
ve a perfect right to tell me so, but we
’
ve come to know each other so well these past few months I feel a sort of proprietorial interest. I want to be sure you
’
ll be happy.
’

‘
That
’
s very kind of you.
’
The lighter in Julie
’
s fingers clicked rhythmically on and off as she avoided looking at him.
‘
But you
’
re quite right,
’
she ended more sharply than she had intended but because she felt she could not bear much more,
‘
it
is
none of your business. Ian—
Mr.
Greensmith—kissed my forehead,
’
she said, not knowing why she felt impelled to explain to him even now,
‘
as a sort of goodbye to
...
that sort of
thing. He
’
d just asked me to marry
him
—again
—
and
I
’
d said no. That was all.
’

‘
I see.
’
He was silent for a moment, then with a brief laugh which held no mirth in its depths, added:
‘
Aren
’
t people funny? Here
’
s Tansy Maitland, a lovely girl, a charming girl, but a pop singer, fond of life and change and wanting to go places and do things, engaged to someone whose main interest in life is building the sort of homes people will like to live in to the end of their days, to bring their families up in and to have their families come back to, and not longing to go haring off all over the world in search of change and adventure, and here are you, a splendid nurse, proposed to by a brilliant
man
in your own field of work, a clever man,
charming
and good-looking, cultured and an ideal companion, and all you can think of is trotting from country to country with your
brother
! I once read there
’
s nothing so queer as folks, and I guess it
’
s true. I wonder what makes us all tick, Julie? Have you ever done any psychology or anything like that?
’

‘
Not seriously,
’
she answered.
‘
I
’
ve read a great deal, because it
’
s a fascinating subject, but without proper guidance and instruction it
’
s so easy to form wrong conclusions, to make sweeping statements which have no foundation in actual fact.
’

‘
There must be some reason, though,
’
Garth mused aloud.
‘
I once read an article on the attraction of opposites. That could apply to Tansy and myself, I suppose, but it isn
’
t like that with you and Ian Greensmith.
’

Julie made no reply, and for a moment Garth was quiet, then abruptly he said:

‘
There
’
s something still worrying me, Julie. I wake up in the night and think about it. I
’
m sure I shan
’
t really ... get over all this until I know
...’

‘
Know what?
’
She had to ask because he fell silent
again,
but she could have predicted what his next words would be.

‘
What happened
...
that night?
’
he said slowly.
‘
Where were we
...
and why? I mean just before the accident happened,
’
he ended.

‘
You may know, one day,
’
Julie said with more confidence than she felt.
‘
It doesn
’
t really matter, does it
?’

‘
I suppose not.
’
Carefully he put away the bottle and glasses.
‘
It
’
s just that I hate not to
know.
I feel as though part of me is missing, as if I
’
m somehow incomplete, and it isn
’
t a nice sensation.
’
He gave a brief laugh.
‘
That
’
s what I mean about the difference between Tansy and myself,
’
he added.
‘
That
’
s the sort of
thing
which doesn
’
t appear to worry her. I suppose it
’
s because she never knows where her next contract, next engagement, may lead to and she doesn
’
t think along the same lines as I do. I like everything neat and ordered, like a well-drawn plan, all the details fitted in and everything docketed and in its correct place. I
’
m just made that way, I suppose. I wonder how it will work out?
’
he concluded musingly.
‘
Tansy
’
s idea of
...
marriage, I mean.
’

‘
Marriage
?’
Julie knew she sounded as ridiculous as she felt in repeating the word after him in that way, but she was momentarily stunned by the implication of what
he had just said.
‘
You may have remembered before then,
’
she ended.

‘
That
’
s just the point,
’
Garth said, watching her click the lighter but saying nothing to stop her doing so.
‘
I want to
know
first. I feel—call it a hunch, call it what you like—that in a way it
’
s all tied up together with that blank space in my mind, and if Tansy has her way and the wedding is before she goes to the States
...’

‘
Before
?’
Julie had not known she was going to sound as surprised as that, but, once Tansy had realized Garth was immovable on the subject of accompanying her, she had somehow taken it for granted the other girl would not want to
marry
before leaving the country. To have a sort of honeymoon without her husband, Julie had phrased it to herself. And now here was Garth saying Tansy wanted to be married before she went on tour.

‘
Yes, hasn
’
t she told you?
’
There was genuine surprise in his tone.
‘
Maybe I shouldn
’
t have said anything, but I was certain you
’
d know. You see, she badly wants you to be chief bridesmaid.
’