Nun the Wiser (A Deadly Habit Cozy Mystery Book 2) (7 page)

Chapter 13
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I was happy that I did not cancel on the art exhibition that evening. After what had happened the last time I had gone out, the last thing I wanted to do was leave my apartment. I had never felt so frightened and as I had that night in the bush.

Gemma had really let me have it when I told her about the ordeal over the phone. She had warned me again and again about going to pick up furniture alone. Yet I had never had any trouble moving furniture on my own, and people in town were friendly. I had never taken the warning to heart until now.

A hermit’s life wouldn’t be so bad. I had cable, internet, and my shop was right underneath my home. I could even have groceries delivered nowadays. Then there would be no chaos, no walking into rooms with dead bodies, and definitely no psychotic man-nuns.

Of course that also meant sacrifices, such as no hazelnut lattés from the café, no nights out with my friends, and no nibbling expensive cheese at an art viewing. Perhaps a hermit’s life wasn’t so good after all.

I eyed the assortment of finger foods and treats that had been set out. Shrimp, along with a dozen different cheeses and a variety of fruits and nuts. There was also a very nice assortment of wine and sparkling waters to wash it down.

“Psst, Rose.”

I turned to see Bunny standing behind me. She appeared to be in a state of distress. I looked around to see if any cats were present, but soon dismissed that idea. Cats would hardly be present at a posh art exhibition. “What’s wrong, Bunny?”

“This is bad, Rose.” The woman glanced around as if to make sure no one was listening, and leaned in closer.

I felt my heart clench in fear as I looked for anything out of the ordinary. I didn’t see anything odd, and there was not a nun in sight, so I leaned in closer. “What is it?”

“Rose, someone forgot to cook the shrimp.” Bunny used a hand to veil her mouth as she pointed to the platter of cocktail shrimp on the table. “They are cold! And they didn’t even batter them. Someone should tell the caterer to take it back, don’t you think?”

I felt a wave of relief. Bunny was a sweetheart, but I had no idea how she had managed to survive this long unsupervised. “Don’t worry — they’re cooked.”

Bunny looked skeptical as she carefully avoided the shrimp, and proceeded to load her little plate as if she were in a buffet line. I could hardly point that it was not the done thing. Apparently wherever Bunny had previously lived didn’t have cheese tastings or cocktail shrimp.

“There you are,” Gemma’s voice chimed in as she wove her way through the crowd. Her oh-so-tight red leather dress looked as if it been attacked by an angry, small child with finger paint and a paintball gun. It was splashed, blotched, and striped with all manner of colors. Gemma smiled and did a circle to let me admire her latest fashion trend. “You like it? Custom made.”

“It certainly looks one of a kind.” This was a tad over the top even for Gemma. Her heels were so high that I was afraid she would tumble over.

“You look like you should be hanging on someone’s refrigerator,” Janet said, as she made her way to the group.

“Well, at least I dressed for a show and not a funeral.” Gemma looked Janet up and down and then nodded at her elegant black dress, pearl jewelry, and hair slicked back into a perfect bun.

“An art show, not a circus.” Janet faked a pleasant smile.

“I’m glad you guys could make it,” I said in an attempt to divert their attention from making a scene. I glanced back to the table, and saw Bunny having difficulty balancing a mountain of food on a tiny plate.

“You really should have let me come and pick you up, Rose,” Gemma said, as she picked up a plate and placed a sample of each cheese on it.

I shrugged. I wasn’t ready for a private interrogation, which is precisely why I wanted to meet them in a public place. The way they had reacted on the phone had forewarned me that I was in for one mighty lecture. At least in public, the lecture wouldn’t be so bad — at least, I hoped not.

“Does Bunny know anything?” Janet asked as she eyed the spread.

“Nothing,” I assured her.

“Why did you invite her?” Gemma asked. “You do realize that Bunny’s stuffing some grapes into her little handbag, and not too discreetly at that.” She sighed dramatically. “Anyway, it’ll be harder to talk with her here. I didn’t think she’d be into fancy-schmancy artsy stuff.”

“You were the one who said she can’t find out about you-know-what, Rose,” Janet added.

“You-know-what?” Gemma turned her head to study Janet. “What are we? In grade school? Here, grab some shrimp and let’s find someplace quiet to talk.”

“I’ll pass, thank you. Shrimp are scavengers. They are loaded with mercury and pesticides,” Janet said firmly as she turned her nose on the shrimp and eyeballed Gemma’s plate. “Would it kill you to eat some fruit instead of that cholesterol factory?”

“Absolutely.” Gemma gave the woman a big overdone smile. “I’m sure they are full of gmo, ppo, tmi, lol, xyz, and all sorts of other letters that scare you. Now pick your poison so we can all talk before Rose’s eye candy gets here. When is he coming, by the way?”

“He was actually supposed to be here by now,” I said, as I looked around the crowd. Did he forget maybe? This wasn’t exactly the kind of thing most men would count the hours to go see. I wished he’d hurry.

“Maybe something came up?” Janet asked helpfully. “He’s a reporter, right? Maybe he got a tip somewhere.”

“I don’t care if he rubbed elbows with the president in a deli aisle. You don’t leave a lady hanging in public.” Gemma gave the doorway an irritated look as though she could will the man to appear suddenly through it.

“It’s okay — I’m sure he’ll be here any minute,” I said, although it was more to reassure myself than them. Adam had been so reliable up to this point, so a call or text would have been nice to say he was running late. Okay, it would have been really nice.

When I had woken up yesterday morning after my ordeal, he had already left. I’d spent some time stressing that I might’ve said something to alienate him, but he’d texted me late to say he had joined the volunteer bush fire brigade and would be training all day.

“Okay, spill it,” Gemma said as she took me by the elbow and led me to one of the quieter corners, across the room from Bunny who appeared to have a sales agent chatting her up about a piece she was standing by.
He’ll be busy for a minute or two, no doubt
, I thought with a smile.

I turned my attention back to Gemma and Janet, and told them in detail about the call, the remote pick up, having my car stolen, the bitter cold, and then Adam rescuing me.

“Do you have any evidence it was the fake nuns?” Gemma asked, and then quickly help up a hand. “Wait. Before you say anything else, give me a dollar.”

“Huh?” I blanked out and looked at her outstretched hand in confusion.

Gemma waved it at me in a beckoning motion.

“I only have a twenty, I think,” I said. “I don’t usually carry cash with me when I’m not working.”

“You carry cash when? Goodness gracious, Rose, do you have a death wish?” Gemma scolded me, and then sighed. “I’ll get you change after we leave. Just hand it over.”

I rummaged through my bag and found the hidden twenty I kept for emergencies.

Gemma pocketed the bill. “Okay, now you’ve paid me to act as counsel. Anything you say is in strict confidence.”

“What?” I shot Gemma a confused look. Lawyerese was not one of my best subjects.

Gemma sighed dramatically once more. “I legally can’t say anything to incriminate you, Miss Break Into a Convent and Peek at Nuns’ Underwear. Why were you even looking at — oh, well, I give up. I keep telling you to be careful, but you never listen. You’re the exact opposite of careful.”

Janet rolled her eyes at Gemma. “Give her a break, Gemma. It’s Rose, not some legal client. Rose, what about the nuns?”

I shook my head. “There’s no evidence at all,” I admitted reluctantly.

“Did they find your car?”

“Yes, Adam found it. It was down the road about five miles.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t just some punks playing a bad prank? Why would they just leave you out in the middle of nowhere without taking your cell phone?” Janet asked.

“No cell service. It’s a known dead zone.” Gemma turned to look at me. “Emphasis on
dead
. Everyone knows that’s a bad area, Rose. You get a flat tire there, you can’t call roadside service.”

“So you told me.” I gave a thin smile. I knew this was Gemma’s way of showing how worried she was, but I had a feeling I was going to be driven crazy for the next few weeks about hiring a six foot tall, three hundred pound gorilla to help load furniture and scare away would-be criminals. Gemma didn’t believe in doing anything halfway.

“Rose, Rose, Rose!” Bunny ran up to us in excitement and shook my arm. “Could I borrow a dollar? Just one. I promise to get it back.”

What was this with everybody and dollars tonight? Was I suddenly a personal ATM machine? “Sorry Bunny, I’m all out.”

“Oh no.” Bunny pouted and at once commenced frantically navigating through the stolen grapes and nuts in her purse. “Maybe he’ll take less? What do you think? How much do you pay them, anyway?”

“Are you buying something?” I asked. Come to think of it, why would anything on display here be a dollar?

“The show is finally here!” Bunny said, as she triumphantly brandished a crumpled up five dollar bill from amongst the stolen food. “And what a show! You were right, Rose, these art exhibitions and shows are great.”

“Bunny, the art exhibition
is
the show,” Janet said patiently.

“No, the hot male stripper is definitely the show,” Bunny said with a coy grin before hurrying across the floor toward the doorway, waving the money over her head while making cat calls.

Everyone turned to look.

A hot stripper? What in the world? I looked over at the doorway. My jaw fell open as I saw a familiar face in a fire suit, slowly backing up from a gyrating, dancing Bunny as she tried to get up close and personal with him.

“Oh my gosh, it’s Adam,” I said, causing my friends to get whiplash looking from him to me, then back to him again.

“Adam’s a stripper?” Gemma demanded.

“I thought he was a journalist?” Janet asked.

“No, he’s not,” I said, clutching my throat.

“He’s not a journalist?” Gemma said in an accusing tone. “You said he was a journalist!”

“He’s not a stripper!” I jumped up and headed for Bunny. A small crowd had gathered to watch the spectacle. Bunny had Adam pressed into a corner and was trying to unbutton his shirt, all the while dancing like an overly enthusiastic pole dancer and making loud cat calls.

I managed to grab Bunny’s arm in the nick of time just before she thrust the five dollar note into his trousers. “Bunny, he’s not a stripper. He’s my friend, Adam — he’s actually a real fireman.”

I took the pouting and unhappy Bunny by the arm and pulled her away from the very uncomfortable looking Adam who was clutching his fireman’s suit around him. His face was beet red.

It took a minute to calm things down and apologize to the event organizers for the ruckus. Thankfully, Gemma and Janet were well versed in chaos control with their lines of work. Soon the party was back to normal, though we were on the receiving end of many disapproving looks after Bunny’s scene.

“Sorry I’m late.” Adam gave a nervous laugh as Gemma and Janet stared at him. “I tried to get here as fast as I could. Yesterday and today we had orientation, but then there was a call out we had to go to.”

“What job is that?” Janet asked skeptically, eyeballing the fireman suit.

“Volunteer bush fire brigade.” He smiled and gave me an apologetic look. “I think I left my phone in the locker. I was in such a rush to get here that I didn’t have time to change. I was half afraid you’d given up on me getting here.”

“Oh, don’t worry. For you, we’ll consider it fashionably late,” Gemma said with a star-struck smile.

“Says the woman complaining about presidents and deli meat,” Janet quipped, apparently unable to resist even in front of Adam.

“Adam, these are my best friends, Gemma and Janet.” I gestured to my friends. “And you’ve met Bunny.”

I watched everyone exchange greetings with him with a small sense of relief. It wasn’t exactly how I had imagined their meeting to be, but it seemed to be going well — apart from the whole Bunny thing, of course.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you ladies, finally. Rose has told me a lot about you,” Adam said politely, as he tugged on the collar of his fire suit. “If you’ll excuse me, I’d better go home and change. Rose, I just wanted to make an appearance to tell you I’d be late. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

“Me-ow-ow-yowza. Rose, if I gave him that twenty, do you think he’d let us watch him change?” Gemma asked teasingly as Adam disappeared through the door to get his clothes.

I laughed and gave Gemma a light slap on the arm. “Behave.”

“Oh, he’d look fantastic in our yoga class.” Janet’s eyes looked glassy as she studied the closed door through which Adam had just vanished. “Rose, you two have to join our yoga class. I’ll even provide the mat and clothes.”