Numbers Game (26 page)

It shouldn’t have bothered me that much. He’d thrown away his chance to participate in my life already. It wasn’t like I needed him now. For some reason it was hard to convince myself of that.

When the first rays of light finally came through the tiny round window, I sat up. Dust particles floated slowly in the sunlight, a colorless glitter of lazy specks. It reminded me of the dome at the Block in Olympus. Except that the cold white building hadn’t been filled with the song of birds. The sound was so ridiculously happy, so carefree. What did these birds eat, anyway? Surely whatever bugs they ate didn’t live in plastic grass. And yet, here they all were, defying order in their own way.

I tried not to think about the second phase of the plan that would occur tonight. My legs felt restless and cramped. I missed my early morning workouts. This was probably as good a time as any to do some training. It was what Vance would have done.

Stop it
,
I thought. I had to stop torturing myself with recurring thoughts of him.

It felt so good to stretch my muscles. I put my hands to the floor, breathing in deeply, forcing my brain to turn off for a while. A few stretches with my arms and I felt like a new person. In the quiet of the morning and with the approval of the birds just outside the small window, I decided to practice the kata Vance had taught me.

A sweep step to the right, with a block and a punch to my invisible assailant’s jaw. I lifted my leg in a kick to his head, then brought an elbow down into his chest to send him toward the ground. I could almost feel Vance beside me as he had been at our daily training sessions, directing my wrist to make a straight line, my skin tingling at the roughness of his fingers against mine. It was almost as if I could smell the wildness of his essence when I did this.

Stop it.

Right kick to the groin, sweep of the leg, hammer punch to the nose. I was working up a sweat now. The floor beneath my feet creaked, but I barely noticed, completely lost in the movements. It was a couple of minutes before I noticed the figure at the top of the stairs.

“Look behind you at the back kick,” a familiar voice said.

My heart leaped in my throat. I turned, and there he was, an easy smile on his face. I pushed down the thousands of emotions that hit me then, forcing myself not to run into his arms. Instead, I stepped slowly toward him.
“I did look. You’re just underestimating my peripheral vision.”

“Ah. So you see invisible men, but not real ones,” Vance countered. His hair was tousled and unkempt, and his uniform was wrinkled, but he was clean-shaven.

“If I see a real man, I’ll let you know.”

He smirked, ready to retort, but my restraint finally burst. I leaped toward him and let him catch me in his arms, allowing myself to melt into his chest. As he pulled back to look at me, his smile disappeared, and he softly tucked a wayward piece of hair behind my ear. “Sounds like you’ve had a rough couple of days.”

I pulled away. “You mind telling me where you’ve been?”

He raised an eyebrow, his mouth twitching. “Why? Were you worried?”

“You idiotic piece of slimy—”

“It was a simple question,” he said, his tone light, but he watched me carefully. “Were you worried?”

I looked away, the fight draining out of me. “Of course! I thought you—you know . . .”

“Got blown up?” His words were playful, but his expression was grim.

“I saw the explosion,” I said quietly.

“Got out just in time. Daymond wouldn’t jump until I put a pack on, and he yelled something about kicking the fates out of the empress for him, then shoved me out the door. He probably tried to maneuver the chopper away from us before impact to give us more time.”

I tried to imagine Daymond, with his thick arms, shoving Vance out the door. I would have loved to see that. “Not Daymond.”

“It was his choice. He knew what he was doing.” His words were certain and sure, but his lips pulled into a frown. Daymond’s death had obviously affected him more than he wanted me to know. “Your dad survived the surgery, by the way. I checked on him on my way here. He’ll have a rough recovery, but they say he’ll probably make it.”

I let out a long breath, feeling my shoulders sag. “Thank you.”

There was a long silence neither of us wanted to break. Finally he spoke. “So. I’m gone for three days, and suddenly you’re overthrowing an empire. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

I shrugged. “It hasn’t happened yet.”

“I heard about your recording and the support you’ve helped gather. Mills’s followers seem to really like you. Very impressive.”

“Not really. They wanted a change, and I’m just a means to get there.”

“You sound bitter about that.”

“Vance, I thought you were dead.”

His smile faded. “It doesn’t look like you ever needed me here.”

“You went to find your family?”

His hesitation was all the answer I needed. I watched his face closely, looking for something. The soul I’d caught a glimpse of before was locked away again under those dark, unreadable eyes, but there seemed to be a crack in the wall—a tiny trickle of uncertainty. He looked away. “Yes.”

“Did you find them? Are they all right?”

He nodded. “I smuggled them out. They’re headed where no one can ever use them again.”

“Why did you come back?” I asked softly.

He didn’t answer, but we both knew. Our eyes met again, and he seemed to be looking for something in mine. The hardness of the man gave way to the boy. He looked at me with a searching, pleading expression. I felt myself falling, totally and completely—like jumping out of a chopper but without the wing suit. I’d never felt this way with Dresden.

A flash of clarity brought me back to reality. Dresden. We’d gotten back together . . . hadn’t we? He was helping me, risking everything for me. For us.

Vance watched me carefully. “It’s Bike Boy, isn’t it? He’s your contact at the academy.”

“Yeah.” It was barely a whisper.

He pulled away, letting out a deep, frustrated breath. “Is he really what you want?”

“No.” The answer slipped out before I realized it, and I took a deep breath. “He was once, but now—I don’t know. Now that you’re here, it complicates things.”

His expression darkened. “I tend to do that, complicate
things.
”

“I didn’t mean it that way, Vance. A week ago I had it all figured out, and then I met you, and what I’ve always wanted suddenly seemed so stupid. And now they’re trying to force me back into that dream, with Dresden again, and that’s not what I want anymore.”

“What do you want?” He threw his hands in the air. “Don’t think about it—just say it. Tell me exactly what you want, because frankly, nobody else is asking.”

“I’m not—I don’t—”

“You know what I want?” He gripped my shoulders. “I want us to run away. Right now. Leave all this nonsense about attacking the palace behind, and let all those mindless citizens go on with their dreary lives. You don’t have to fight for them, Treena. Mills showed me how to get my family out, but I couldn’t leave without you.”

My mouth worked soundlessly, as if my brain and my lips were disconnected. Vance could have escaped, and yet he came back for me. He wanted me. Vance was alive, and he wanted me to leave with him. I tried to process his words, but it was all too incredible to believe.

It was as if someone held a precious jewel in front of me, one that I’d never dreamed I could actually own, and my arms were tied so I couldn’t take it. After all this, there was no way I could abandon my people now. I couldn’t let Tali’s death and Jasper’s sacrifice mean nothing, not when I had the opportunity to change things. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. The system is rigged against you—you couldn’t succeed, even with half the nation on your side. Mills only has a few hundred followers, Treena. You’re going up against the empress, the commander, and hundreds of thousands of soldiers. There’s only one way this can end.” His expression was pleading now, and I felt a stab of pain somewhere between my heart and my stomach. “Please. Come with me. They’ll figure things out when we’re gone, maybe come up with a better plan that actually has a chance.”

I sighed. “I know it sounds crazy, but I have to do this. I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering.” Wondering if I could do it. Wondering what happened to my mom, to Konnor and his ambitions, to Jasper in the hospital. To the people I had abandoned. “I wish you could understand. I do care about you, and I want to be with you. But I can’t run away, not yet.”

He folded his arms and nodded as if he’d expected that answer. I could almost feel him slide his protective wall back into place. When he spoke, it was the voice of a stranger. “Fair enough.” He turned and put his hand on the stair rail, but paused. “I also came to deliver a message, in case you decided to stay. It’s from my clan.”

“Your clan? You met with them?”

“The few that I could find. Most are scattered, but there are about eighty who have managed to congregate. They’ve set up a communication system using the smugglers. It took some talking, but they agreed to help you ascend. On two conditions.”

“If I let them go home,” I replied.

He nodded.

“Of course. If we succeed, they’re free to go. Not just your clan but anyone who wants to leave. What’s the second condition?”

Vance watched me for a moment, his expression hard. “That I can’t tell you. It’s a condition for me, not for you, and nothing you’d care about anyway.”

I longed to throw my arms around him, to tell him that all I wanted was him, that I would follow him anywhere. That my world had died with him when the chopper exploded. But something told me that would only make this harder. The thought of him leaving and never coming back made me scramble to say something, anything. “Don’t leave. Please.”

His expression slipped, just a little, and exposed the pain beneath, but he covered it quickly. “My window of opportunity is rapidly closing. It’s now or never.”

“Your clan needs you. I need you.”

“Believe me, no one knows better what my clan needs. I’ll think of a way to get them out, and we’ll find a better place to settle, far away from NORA’s grasp.”

A realization dawned. “You’re next in line with your dad gone, aren’t you?”

“Would have been.” The look of naked pain on his face was enough to break down my defenses and send me running into his arms. “I really do hope you win, Treena. Be careful.” He whirled and stormed downstairs.

Then it was quiet again, except for the annoying sound of birdsong in the plastic trees.

41

I
stopped by the Red hospital later that day, which was basically a small house with a converted second floor. They let me in but told me to keep it quick. Jasper lay flat in bed, shirtless and pale, a sheet tucked up under his arms. His eyes were closed. I sat softly on the chair at his bedside, unsure whether to wake him. In case things went badly for me tonight, I wanted to say one last good-bye. Instead, I sat and studied the man I would have called Dad.

He still had a thick head of chestnut-brown hair, although it was graying at the edges. The skin crinkled at the corners of his eyes. This man had chosen to abandon me and my mother. We shared the same DNA, but nothing about our lives was the same. Now that I’d found him, it seemed the fates were determined to keep us apart again. Even if he lived, I probably wouldn’t survive the night. It was strange, how rational that thought was. Or maybe I was just numb at this point.

Jasper’s hand suddenly grasped mine, and I nearly jumped in surprise. His head turned a bit to look at me. “Hi, Ametrine.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Hi. How are you feeling?”

“Fantastic.” A twinkle in his eye told me that he still had his humor at least. He took a painful breath. “The protest?”

“Tonight. Mills said nighttime meant less civilian casualties. I need to get ready soon, actually. I just wanted to check on you first.”
How can I lead an army by myself? Why did you have to get hurt?

“Your . . . stone.” He was looking at my necklace. I usually kept it hidden under my uniform, but the top collar of my uniform was unzipped just enough that he could see it. “She gave it—to you.”

“Shh, don’t talk,” I said, grasping the stone with my other hand. “Yes, Lanah gave it to me on my Rating Day—the day my life turned upside down.”

His face grew serious, and then he struggled to speak. “Not . . . just . . . your Rating.”

“Jasper, it’s okay. You don’t have to speak.”

He spat the words out more forcefully. “Your Rating. Not just because . . . you’re the successor.”

I paused. “What do you mean?”

He took a moment to gather his strength. When he finally spoke, it was a whisper. “Your stone. It’s ametrine.”

I didn’t understand at first. “My stone?”

“Yes.” He stared at me as if hoping I would understand.

“Wait. Lanah said you
wanted
me to be named Ametrine. After this stone?”

His lips curved upward in a soft smile.

“Is that because you’re named after a stone too?”

Jasper’s smile widened. And then I knew. The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. It was true—Peak’s posterity were all named after stones. Tali’s mother had been right after all. “You’re a descendent of Richard Peak.”

He let his breath out slowly and gave a slight nod. “So are . . . you.”

I sat back. It didn’t change anything, but it was a stunning realization just the same. I had accused Jasper of selfishness and abandonment, and here he was, trying to help me understand our family’s legacy. “You left us because the empress offered you power, right? Because she was young and beautiful. Or was there more to it than that?”

He just watched, as if waiting.

“There’s got to be more. Is it what would she have done to us, if you refused?” The look in my father’s eyes was something I’d never forget. It was a mixture of pain, sorrow, and relief. He didn’t have to say it. “She would’ve sought Lanah out, taken out the competition. Just like she’s doing to me now.”

“Yes.”

Of course.
I thought he loved me
,
my mom had said.
I guess I was wrong.
But he had loved her, and sacrificed a lot for her. She just didn’t know it.

How long had he wanted me to understand this? How long had he beaten himself up over it? And I’d blamed him for my low Rating. It wasn’t him at all.

It was all her. The empress. The imposter. What we were doing was right. She had destroyed my family. She’d caused hundreds of deaths and separated families, all in the name of her little empire. But there was something she didn’t know. A Peak had started the Rating system, and a Peak would remove it.

“I love you, Ametrine.” His eyes glistened with unspoken emotion.

“I love you too, Dad,” I said, realizing that it was absolutely true.