I
LIVE JUST OFF THE WANDSWORTH ROAD, LESS THAN FIVE minutes' walk from Trev's Chinese restaurant, in part of an old Victorian house. The letting agent who rented it to me called it the garden flat. In truth, it was the basement, accessible via a dozen stone steps that led down from the pavement, just to the right of the house's front door. Out of habit, I checked the small area of shadow in the under-well of the steps. If I was unlucky (and careless) one night, someone could be waiting. It had never happened yet and I rather hoped tonight wouldn't be the first time; I was hardly in the mood. The stairwell was empty and the padlock on the door of the shed where I keep my bike hadn't been disturbed. I slipped my key into the lock and went inside.
I walked through my living room, past the tiny galley kitchen and into my bedroom. I'd changed the sheets that morning, as I always do on Friday. They were crisp white cotton, one of the very few luxuries I allow myself. Normally, getting into bed on a Friday night is one of the highlights of my week.
But I had just the worst feeling that if I lay down on them, when I got up again, they'd be stained the dark red of another woman's blood. Stupid, I'd showered until my skin felt raw, but â¦
I carried on walking, through a sort of lean-to conservatory and into the garden. It's long and very narrow, like lots of gardens behind London's terraced streets, attracting practically no direct sunlight. Luckily, though, whoever designed it knew what they were
doing. All the plants thrive in the shade and it's full of small trees and dense shrubs. High brick walls on either side give me privacy. There's a side door that leads to an alley. I keep it locked.
I closed my eyes, and saw pale-blue ones staring into mine. Oh no.
DI Joesbury, objectionable git that he was, had actually taken my mind off the events of earlier. Being with him, trying to find something to talk about, trying even harder not to say anything inappropriate, had given me something to focus on. Now, on my own, it was all coming back.
London is never quiet, and even at this hour I could hear the constant hum of traffic, the sound of people walking past in the street and high-pitched yelling from very near by.
There is a park not a hundred metres from my flat. When the sun goes down the teenagers of south London claim it for their own, swinging around the play equipment like monkeys, screeching and howling at each other. They were on form tonight. From what I could hear there was some sort of chase going on. Girls were squealing. Music playing. They were letting off some steam.
Which, exhausted or not, was exactly what I needed to do. And I had a playground of my own I could go to.
C
AMDEN TOWN HAS LONG BEEN ONE OF THE TRENDIEST places in north London and especially so since the development of the Camden Stables Market. Once an extensive network of tunnels, arches, viaducts and passageways, the area was sold off to developers some years ago and transformed into a vast complex of shops, bars, market stalls and cafés. It's popular in the daytime as a place to browse, eat and just hang out. At night, people flock here. At least once a week, usually on a Friday, I'm one of them.
My car had been taken away by the scene-of-crime officers so I'd had to travel by bus. As I approached the Horse Hospital, once stabling for sick or tired horses that worked on the railways, I took off my jacket and tucked it into the small rucksack I was carrying over one shoulder.
Horses, or rather their replicas, are the predominant feature of the Stables Market. Back in the days of the railway's construction, hundreds of them were kept to transport goods and equipment to, from and around the site. Nothing so unusual in that, but in Camden the working horses led a largely subterranean life, moving from one area to another through tunnels, built specifically to allow them a safe and convenient passage around. At one time they were even stabled underground.
These days, the living, working beasts are long gone, but equine images are everywhere you turn. There are wall hangings, massive
free-standing statues, motifs built into railings, on lamp posts, even on bins. I like horses, but even I'm inclined to feel the developers have overdone it a bit.
The heat hit me like a wall when I stepped through the main door of the Horse Hospital. Violet lights twinkled on either side as I made my way through the central passageway, past the original layout of loose boxes and stable furniture. Even at this hour the place was full and the air was thick with the smell of alcohol and humanity.
A party was going on in one of the boxes and for a second I considered gate-crashing.Then I noticed red helium balloons around the iron grilles. They swayed, gleaming, in the hot air. Like blood droplets. I carried on, pushed my way to the bar and bought a Bombay Sapphire on ice. I can't bear the taste so I drink it very slowly, but if I need a quick shot, it does the job. The clock behind the bar told me it was five to one in the morning. The place closed at two.
A few more paces and I was surrounded by the soft tangerine light of the photographic gallery. Around me golden faces glistened with heat. A band had been playing earlier and up on the stage someone was packing away sound equipment.
âHey baby!' Four boys, barely old enough to drink, were blocking my way. The one who'd spoken staggered closer, put a hand out towards me.
âWant to step outside?' he offered.
The hand had made contact with my hip. He was having trouble focusing and I didn't think it was just the booze.
âWell, it's a sweet thought,' I said, âbut I haven't had the all-clear from the clinic yet. I'll get back to you.'
I smiled quickly at a tall, dark-haired boy who seemed more sober than the rest. He grinned back and I stepped past them. Before I'd gone more than a few feet I felt a hand on my arm. The dark-haired boy had followed me.
âDon't rush off,' he said.
I looked at him and thought about it. Younger than I preferred, but otherwise definitely possible. Tall, just starting to fill out. He had a strong jawline and his face an almost regal look about it. His hair was curly, a few inches long, and he had pale skin. The sort that was very soft.
âWhat's your name?' I said.
âBen,' he replied. âYours?'
Three pairs of eyes were watching us, willing him on. Scratch a gang of mates and you get a gang. I didn't like gangs.
âCatch you another time,' I said. âCome without your friends.'
I turned away, moved back through the Horse Hospital's loose boxes and stepped outside. A wide, curved walkway known as the horse creep takes you down, past another giant equine statue, to the market below. The night was cooling down. Most of the outdoor stalls had closed up for the night, but those serving food were still doing business. Everywhere I looked, people were huddled in groups, leaning against walls and railings, keeping warm under outdoor heaters, eating, drinking.
At the centre of the piazza, wide steps lead down to more market stalls. The top was as good a vantage point as any. About halfway down, a fair-haired man was watching me. As I stared back he didn't look away. When I smiled, he smiled too.
He seemed to be alone, leaning against one of the metal horse statues. Around thirty, I guessed, maybe a bit older, still in a business suit. He'd removed his tie and unbuttoned the top of his shirt. If he'd come straight from work he'd been here a long time, but, even at this distance, I didn't think he was drunk.
As I set off down the stairs he realized I was heading his way. He'd straightened up and was running a finger around his collar. His eyes hadn't left mine and I didn't think he was going to be one of my more difficult conquests. Then something made me look up and I stopped dead.
Mark Joesbury was directly opposite me, on the balcony that ran round the steps. He was leaning forward against the railing, his eyes going from me to the man I was heading towards. As he realized I'd seen him, his eyes narrowed.
I carried on walking, blanking the fair-haired man. At the bottom of the steps, I went left and shoved my way through the crowds, pushing a leather-clad girl out of the way, squeezing through bodies. I just had to hope Joesbury didn't know Camden as well as I did.
The crowd was thinning out but getting less respectable as I walked quickly past the toilets. This was where drug deals went
down. I pushed through the swing door and started to run up concrete steps. I had to go up several flights to get back to street level.
If Joesbury didn't know about this way out, I could skirt my way around the market stalls, cut through Camden Lock Place and get across the roving bridge. On the other side, I could jog a few hundred yards and get a night bus home. I had flat shoes in my bag.
As I made my way towards the lock, I was shivering again and honestly couldn't have said this time whether it was cold, delayed shock or just plain fury. By the time I'd reached the canal, I'd decided.
What the hell was Joesbury doing here? I come to Camden for a reason, damn it. It's the other side of frigging London from where I live and work and the chances of coming across anyone I know are tiny. It could not be coincidence that he was here. He'd dropped me off, hung around outside my flat and followed me here. Why?
Â
It was after two by the time I got home. I walked straight through the flat. There is a tiny shed at the bottom of the garden. I've put foam matting on the floor and hung a large punchbag from the middle of the shed roof. I've humanized it, giving it a head that once belonged to a shop dummy, dressing it in clothes, so that it resembles a human figure. I rarely bother with gloves.
I hit it as hard as I could; so hard my bruised shoulder yelled at me. Ignoring the pain, I hit it again, then again, until I was so weary I lost my balance and fell over. I gave the bag one last kick and wondered whether, just once, I'd get away with screaming my head off. Instead, I closed my eyes.
Â
I can never remember my dreams. Come morning I have no idea what's passed through my head in the dark hours and yet I always know if my dreams have been bad. They must have been very bad that night, because I woke, hardly an hour after falling asleep, to find myself drenched in sweat and hardly able to breathe. I scrabbled backwards until I hit the shed door and found myself, wide awake, in the garden.
Awake or not, it seemed the dream was hovering around. I could see pale-blue eyes, the dead woman's eyes, staring into mine with
something like rage. No, that wasn't right, the eyes had been terrified. Except now the terror was mine. And the eyes were getting closer all the time â¦
The chill night air was taking away some of the heat. I was OK, it was just delayed shock. Just a dream, my first for a very long time. I stumbled halfway across the garden and stopped.
Music was coming from close by, possibly the park. But it wasn't the sort of pounding, pulsing sound I was used to hearing here at night. This was a melody, soft and light, drifting across the rooftops. Julie Andrews from
The Sound of Music
, the song she sings to comfort the children scared of the storm.
Raindrops and roses
, it begins. âMy Favourite Things'.
As a child, I'd been enchanted by
The Sound of Music
. I'd loved this particular song and played the game myself, making lists of my favourite things. When life got completely shit (regular occurrence when I was a kid) I'd played the game and made myself feel a little bit better. But it had all been so long ago.
I took a step closer to the house.
The music was still playing, softly, sweetly, and beneath it, on the other side of the garden wall, I could hear scuffling. Quickly, I checked the side door that led to the alley. The bolt was shut. Something moved again, something brushing against the wall. I wouldn't normally describe myself as a timid person but I felt a sudden need to get indoors.
I hurried across the garden and in through the conservatory, checking the locks more carefully than I normally do. Probably just one of those weird coincidences, and yet, as I pulled a spare blanket from the cupboard and curled up on the sofa, I couldn't help wondering why it should be tonight, of all nights, that someone should decide to play âMy Favourite Things'.
Â
I woke to the sound of my phone ringing. It was the duty sergeant at Southwark. I'd left instructions that if a certain person called for me, I was to be found. That person was now waiting at the station. So, day off or not, I was going into work.
Saturday 1 September
Â
âT
HEY WAS THREE OF THEM. AT FIRST THEY WAS THREE OF them. Then more arrive.'
I sat very still on the wooden bench, not wanting to do anything that might distract her. I really wanted to make notes, but she'd refused to let me. She hadn't allowed me to turn on the tiny recorder I'd brought with me either. She wasn't making a statement, she'd said repeatedly, until she was certain I understood. She wasn't even prepared to stay in the station. So we'd gone out, had walked down towards the river, to the place where Shakespeare's Globe had been re-created on the South Bank.
Rona Dawson was fifteen years old, plump, with gleaming skin and braided hair. Eyes like dark chocolate. She was a good-looking black girl like dozens of others from south London. And like dozens of others, she'd been raped by her boyfriend and several of his mates.
Rape crime, particularly rape by gangs of young men and boys, has become a huge problem in south London. Not too long ago, Scotland Yard statistics showed a trebling in the incidence of gang attacks across the city over the past four years. More than a third of the reported victims were under sixteen.
When it comes to rape, of course, reported incidents are the tip of the iceberg.
âWhen you arrived at the flat, there was just the three of them?' I asked, when she didn't go on. âOne of them was Miles?'
She nodded.
âAnd Miles had phoned to ask you to come round?'
She nodded again. âHe say come round and watch a DVD. I thought it would be just the two of us.'
âMiles is your friend, boyfriend â¦?'
She shrugged. âI suppose,' she said. âHe's just someone I know.'
A little way to our left the Millennium Bridge was already busy, two steady streams of foot traffic flowing gently along it. Visitors from the north bank crossing to view the Globe or visit the Tate Modern; others walking in the opposite direction, heading for St Paul's Cathedral or the shops and galleries further north. On the first day of September, London was still in peak tourist season.
âHad you had sex with him before?' I asked her. âBefore that day?'
She nodded, without taking her eyes off the river.
âWhat happened when you arrived?'
âI seen these other two. I didn't know them but I seen them around. We started to watch a film but it didn't feel right.'
A passenger boat was heading our way, its bow sending waves across the water. âIn what way didn't it feel right?' I asked her.
âThey was looking at each other, not at the film,' she said. âThey wasn't watching the film. I didn't like it and I said I had to go. That I was meeting Bethany.'
âDid you get up to go?'
She nodded. âMiles wouldn't let me,' she said. âHe said to come into the bedroom. I didn't want to, I said I had to go, but he pushed me in and shut the door. I said I had a stomachache, but he pushed me down on the bed. I thought if I let him get it over with I could go.'
She looked up at me again, eyes hard, daring me to blame her, to say it was her fault, she'd let him, she hadn't even put up a fight.
âI understand,' I said. âSo you had sex?'
She nodded. âHe was doing it and I heard the door open. I saw the other two standing in the doorway.'
âWhat did you do?'
âI yelled at them to get out. I told Miles to make them get out, but he just put his hand over my mouth and told me to keep quiet.
Then he got up and I tried to get up too, but he pushed me back down again and then the other two were on me.'
Rona's hand was beside me on the bench. I gave it a quick pat, but stopped when she looked surprised. The passenger boat arrived and docked at a small river pier. We watched the crew hook ropes over giant cleats and the passengers begin to disembark.
âDid they threaten you?' I asked, when most of the passengers were on dry land.
She gave a little shrug. âThey just kept saying to keep quiet and they'd let me go,' she said. âTo keep quiet and I wouldn't get hurt.'
The boat was loading up new passengers now. Nothing Rona had told me so far was surprising. I'd heard variations of it several times already from other girls. I'd read countless reports. It was all horribly familiar.
âWhat happened next, Rona?'
âOne of them was kneeling on my shoulders. He pulled my bra up round my neck and put his hands on my â¦' She stopped. She was looking down at her body.
âHe put his hands on your breasts?' I asked.
She nodded. âHe was holding me, saying they was the biggest he'd ever seen, he kept repeating it, all the time his mate was doing it to me. It was humiliating, you know what I'm saying?'
âI know. Did you ask them to stop?'
She looked down at her hands.
âI understand that you were scared, Rona,' I said. âI'm sorry I have to ask you all these questions. I know how hard it must be to answer them. Are you able to go on?'
She nodded.âWhen the one who was doing it to me had finished, they swapped. Then, same thing again.'
âWhere was Miles while this was happening?'
âSitting in a chair, watching.'
âDid they let you go, when the third one had raped you?'
She looked at me and shook her head. âNo,' she said. âThey didn't let me go. Two more of them arrived.'