Now, Please (4 page)

I folded my arms over my chest as uncertainty washed over me. “What are you saying?”

A glimmer of helplessness entered his gaze. “I can’t give you what you’re going to want. But I won’t push you away, either. I’m selfish and I want you, but I’ll just keep taking and taking until I use you up. I need you to understand that. I need you to understand the danger you’re in.”

“So…” I shifted to my right side, confusion and rejection dragging down the corners of my mouth. Heat prickled the back of my eyes, tears at the ready. It felt like a breakup. “Are you firing me, or what?”

“No. This conversation is to absolve me of guilt. I’m sexually attracted to you in a way I haven’t been with anyone in a very long time. Possibly ever. I’d take you every day if I could. And I might. But I’m a soulless, heartless bastard who shuts off once he’s taken what he wants. That’s just the way it is. I won’t lie with you and cuddle all night. I won’t be able to love you, Livy. So if that’s not something you can handle, I’ll respect it if you take a job elsewhere in my company. I’ll set you up with whatever you need.”

Unshed tears coated my eyes. It felt like he was ripping something from inside me that I barely realized he’d planted in the first place. I let my hands fall to my side. Now I knew, for sure, that he would steamroll me by the time this was all through.

The question was, was the journey to love, no matter how it ended, more important than keeping the object of my affection? Because I was absolutely on that road. He knew it too, and I’d gotten a taste of it yesterday when all I could think about was seeing him again. I had to experience more of him, because in my heart, I knew he had so much more to offer.

Except he’s not willing to offer it to you, Olivia!

I looked away as a tear made its way down my face. I sighed in helplessness. “You won’t push me away, and I won’t walk away on my own, so I guess we’ll just have to see where it ends.”

“We know where it will end,” he said softly.

“Then so be it.”

Hunter stared at me for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped at a knock on the door. He moved, and admitted the bellboy with a cart of luggage. Hunter arranged for the right bags to be brought in before tipping the man.

He held the door open as the man wheeled Hunter’s own bags to the room next door. Hunter glanced at the inside door before letting his gaze settle on me again. “Use that door when you need some privacy. I’ll leave mine open in case you need something. I have to be in a conference in an hour, so I would advise you to take your computer and stroll through the grounds. Meet people. Make friends. You never know who you might need to accomplish your goals.”

Another tear fell. I looked down at my bags as I rubbed my face before running my fingers through my hair. It wasn’t a good cover, but it was all I had.

“Try to shut yourself off from me, Olivia,” Hunter advised softly. “Try to distance yourself, and think of this for what it is—experience and great sex.”

“I don’t work like that. I can’t separate my heart from my life. It stops me from being a whole person.”

“I know,” he whispered. And he stepped away. The door closed with a dull
thunk.

I heaved a breath and blinked, trying to rid myself of tears. I rubbed at my chest where my heart was seeping, aching painfully.

I looked at my luggage for a long time, remembering the various looks I’d gotten from Hunter over the time I’d known him. I knew he was scared of love, and afraid of intimacy, because of whatever lurked in his past, but the deep passion he expressed in tender moments, and the openness he’d displayed, meant he was capable of it. I had to believe that.

Maybe just not with me.

I shook my head as a metal latch hit against wood. The connecting door swung open, revealing a muscular shoulder in a button-down shirt moving away on the other end. He’d said his piece, given me the warning I’d heard a few times before, and that was that. He was clear.

I wished it were that easy for me.

I took a quick shower to waste some time before climbing into my battle gear—jeans and a hoodie. Hunter said I could wear what I liked, so I chose a loose-fitting gray hoodie to complement my dour mood. I peeked into Hunter’s room, only to find it empty.

I dusted myself with makeup and threw my hair in a ponytail. I didn’t need to try very hard to get that look. I probably wouldn’t see Donnelley, since the grounds were so big, and definitely wouldn’t randomly make friends. Like a stereotypical geek, I was more comfortable in a corner somewhere with my computer, avoiding contact with anyone else.

I grabbed the plastic key off the little stand by the door and shoved it in my pocket before heading out with my computer. I found my golf cart right where I left it. Hunter must’ve walked. I climbed in and started her up with no idea of where I was headed. I just followed paths willy-nilly, until I found a lovely little spot with non-native trees, non-native flowers, and definitely a non-native little lagoon surrounded by benches and tables. Maintaining the integrity of the Nevada desert was not important with this little setup.

I shut off the engine and climbed out, lugging my ever-faithful computer with me. Two people sat at tables on opposite ends of the lagoon. I headed for one of the tables between them. As I passed the nearest man, though, I caught sight of his face.

I did a double take. My foot caught a rock and had me stumbling to the side with a loud grunt.

Donnelley looked up.

Of
course
I’d find Donnelley. I had to, right? With my luck, there was no way that I would get to sit on my own and reflect on Hunter’s words. That would have been too easy.

I pointed vaguely at the ground. “Rocky.”

His focus dipped down to his hands where he held a phone. A man in his late fifties, he had graying hair and life’s wear and tear lining his face. Frustration painted his visage. His laptop was pushed away to one side.

Now to make contact.

“You…ah… Everything okay?” I’d never been good at initiating friendship.

H
e glanced up in irritation
. Great, I was already annoying him.

“No. Just—” He shook his phone a little. “This blasted thing isn’t picking up a signal.” His eyes were crisp and blue, sparkling with intelligence and anger. “I design programs that sell like hotcakes on these things, but I can’t even work it.”

“Oh. Um…” I shuffled closer. I should try to help. That was a good
in.
I just wished I wasn’t so awkward about it.

It felt like high school all over again as I leaned over the table trying to get a peek at what he was doing. I expected him to pull the phone away from my prying eyes any moment and tell me to buzz off.

I vaguely pointed again. “Looks like you’re in that weird place between Wi-Fi and phone signal…”

Donnelley glanced up with a furrowed brow. He looked back at his phone. I was annoying him.

Hunter would pay for this.

I tried again. “The phone is barely picking up Wi-Fi from the hotel. So then it tries to switch to the phone signal, but…it looks like that’s weak here too. When it’s in that weird place when neither signal is strong enough, it’s useless.”

He nodded impatiently as irritation crossed his face again. Thankfully, this time it didn’t seem to be because of me. “I didn’t even notice. Lamebrain.”

I tried to hide my smile at the term originating decades before. I looked at my phone face. I had all kinds of service. “I thought this hotel had a booster for service.”

“It does for Verizon. I have AT&T.”

“Oh. Well, I’m all set then.” I gave him a feeble laugh, wanting to wander away. I’d not really helped, I’d overstayed my welcome, and I was terrible at small talk. But I had to hang around. This was awful.

I offered my phone with a smile that I hoped hid my gawkiness. “You can use my phone. My boss pays for service, so download whatever you want.”

His hand jerked in what looked like reflex. He paused with it nearly to my phone and looked up. “Are you sure? I just need to check a couple things. We’ve had a couple complaints with the app and I was just trying to work them out.”

“No, no—have at it.” I pushed it at him eagerly. “I’ll just be over there.” I jerked my head to the picnic table I had picked out.

“Please, sit here.” He motioned toward the seat opposite him as he grabbed the phone. “That way you can tackle me if I wander off with it.”

I glanced back at my chosen spot, blessedly free of small talk and polite interaction, but when I looked back he was already bent over my phone. My presence might’ve completely disappeared for all he seemed to notice me.

Without further hesitation, I sat. “You have the same single-minded focus as my boss.”

His thumbs flew over the screen. No comment.

With a small huff and a smile, I opened my computer, starting to relax. “You ignore me just like Hunter, too. Fabulous,” I muttered sarcastically, clicking in the wireless USB.

“Hunter…Carlisle?” Donnelley glanced up.

I let my smile grow, now in acting mode. I didn’t look up from my computer. He’d probably appreciate that. “Mr. Carlisle, yes. When he’s concentrating really hard, he might as well be deaf.”

“You called him Hunter?”

As my email pulled up, I looked up at him. “Hunter, yeah.”

“Hmm.” Donnelley pulled his computer closer. “I hadn’t realized anyone used Mr. Carlisle’s first name. The son, I mean.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m born and raised Californian and we’re more laid-back.”

Donnelley cracked a smile before straightening his back and stretching. “Got it. Maybe we won’t have as many one-star reviews on that game.”

“Which game is it?”

Donnelley passed my phone back. I saw the picture of a cartoon rat. “Oh my God—this is
your
game?” I knew that already, of course. I’d be a terrible researcher if I didn’t.

His eyes twinkled in delight. “Yes. I saw you already had it on your phone. And you play it.”

It was a puzzle game where the player was supposed to alter the route of the maze to get the mouse through. I’d actually found it randomly before Donnelley’s name ever came up, and had been playing it off and on since. “I play when I need to let my mind go dead.”

Donnelley clasped his hands on the table. “What did you say you did?”

“I’m an admin right now, but I majored in computer engineering. I’m Olivia. Or Livy, if you want.”

“Bruce.” He extended a large, grizzled hand with a collection of scars and old calluses. His handshake was firm, but not hard. He was probably easing up because I was a woman. And for that, I was thankful.

“Those aren’t a computer man’s hands, Bruce,” I said as I took my hand back.

“I spent my youth pushing a shovel. Had to pay the bills while I was playing with my computer.”

“Ah.” I held up my hands. “Computer girl’s hands. I can’t write worth a damn, but I type like the wind.”

He laughed. “I’m an experienced hunt and pecker, to this day. I tried the traditional approach, but it felt like selling out.”

I glanced at my computer as an email came in. It was Hunter, scheduling me for a meeting in two weeks. I sighed, opening the email and reading about an entirely new subject. Which meant, after this weekend, I’d have a whole new set of urgent requests from my fearless leader to deal with.

“What is it?” Bruce asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh.” I pointed at my screen in a show-and-tell moment, even though he couldn’t see it. “While I am here, I’m trying to help keep Hunter’s schedule in line, and he’s sitting in a lecture somewhere, planning completely unrelated meetings weeks in advance about topics he’s never discussed with me. It keeps me on my toes.”

“And…pardon me again for intruding, because I am a nosy bastard, but you don’t seem overly put out. You like working for him?”

I scanned the email and shook my head. I’d have to start looking at budgets. What a pain.

“No?”

I started, remembering what I was supposed to be doing. Bruce was staring at me with a calculating gaze.

“Sorry.” I got my mind back on track. “Yes, I do. It was tough at first because he’s so focused, but once you get to know him, he’s a great boss.” I told Bruce about the company perks that Hunter constantly fought the board for, and our ability to buy clothes on his dime. I also told him about the car service and buying lunch whenever we felt we needed it. When I was done, I returned to my computer in a nonchalant sort of way. I was a terrible salesperson. The best thing I could do was state the facts and feign indifference, otherwise Bruce would know I was trying to push Hunter’s awesomeness.

“He buys your clothes…” Bruce glanced at my faded hoodie.

“Not this.” I pinched my sweatshirt with a sheepish smile. “I got to dress like normal today. I wasn’t supposed to see anyone I knew. Or…you know…that knew who I was. He buys the stuff I wear to the office. Or like tonight, dresses to events. His driver gets a suit. Things like that.”

“Ah.” Bruce was still looking at me with that calculating gaze.

I stared back. “Don’t judge. It’s like playing dress-up. Girls like this sort of thing.”

A grin worked at his lips. He threw up his hands in surrender. “I’m not judging. It’s like a uniform.”

“Exactly.” I gave a decisive nod. “A uniform that the boss has to pick out because I have absolutely no fashion sense.”

“Oh, I don’t know, that sweatshirt is a pretty popular style…”

I glanced down at my chest, trying to look busy and important. “I know what the poor kids are wearing, yes. I’ve got that down pat.”

Bruce leaned back and looked around him. “Hunter represents one of three companies that are trying to buy me out.”

“Oh? And why are you selling?”

“Another Nosy Parker.” Bruce’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s gotten too big for me. I work all the time. My wife is pissed, I don’t see my kids anymore—it’s no life.”

“I wouldn’t know. I work a lot precisely
because
I have no life.”

This time, his eyes sparkled with humor. “You will one day. And when you do, you’ll realize the important things in life aren’t money and the office.”

“Can you, maybe, take a step back in your duties? That way you could still hang on to it…”

I grimaced. I’d said it before I could run it through my filter. It was the opposite of what I was going for.

“I tried. That’s what I was supposed to be doing this year. But I was distracted all the time, wanting to be in the office when I wasn’t, having to clean up messes—it wasn’t working. I’m too old for it now. Time to pass the torch.”

I nodded in understanding, looking at the table. “Sucks.”

“Tell me about it.”

“So you have three business guys breathing down your neck.”

Bruce closed his computer with a click. I thought I’d just ended the conversation, but instead, he leaned his elbows on the table and looked over at the lagoon. “Exactly. One mammoth company, and two large companies. Hunter has the deepest pockets, but he’s…the job. He’s a bright kid, I’ll give him that, but he doesn’t have the years of experience the others do.”

“Even those with experience have to answer to their company’s board members. Really, the winner is who can push their ideas past the stockholders.”

“True. I couldn’t even imagine that kind of hassle.”

“I couldn’t before this job. Now I’m getting a glimpse. Hunter has all these plans years out.
Years!
Don’t ever play chess with the man, seriously.” I threw up my hands. “I can’t think that far ahead. I just can’t. I’m more of an ‘in the moment’ type of girl. Maybe a month out, but that’s it. Planning isn’t my specialty. Maybe someday, but…”

“And yet you are trying to keep track of his scheduling…”

“Yeah!” I barked out laughter. “I’m no good at it, though. Joke’s on him, right? It’s like trying to direct a river barge up a stream. I want to pull my hair out half the time, and punch him in the mouth the other half.”

Bruce gave a large belly laugh. His deep, delighted rumble had the man across the lagoon looking over. “Why are you in the job, then?”

“I just got the job—a month ago. I graduated six months back. You do that math.”

“Oh. A product of the economy, huh?”

“Exactly. All the clubs and extracurricular activities look good on the résumé, but not half as good as some experience. Call me enlightened. It’s okay, though. His other assistant, Brenda, does most of the heavy lifting with the admin stuff. I get random jobs.”

“So Hunter gave you a chance and is now playing to your strengths…”

I glanced at my screen as another email came in. “Stop sending me stuff,” I muttered, minimizing the window. I turned back to a smiling Bruce. “I think he’s happy to have someone that can do more than admin. And I’m happy to get paid, so we can use each other for a while.”

“No harm in that. And you seem to be learning…”

“It’s good, but there’s always a moment of frustration when he gives me something new.”

Bruce got up and slipped his phone in his pocket. “Well, I have to run. Thanks for letting me use your phone. Download the update—let me know what you think.”

“Gaming isn’t your business, though, right?” I asked, pulling my phone closer.

“No. Another hobby. One that makes money.”

“Must be nice, being smart.”

“You should know.” Smiling, he sauntered away.

I gave myself a mental pat on the back. I had given him something to think about, even though I had been a little heavy-handed. At least now I could work on him. Or just introduce Hunter and do a little damage control.

My mind went back to my comment about using each other. That statement might’ve been a little one-sided.

Glad to be on my own again, I got lost in my work. What I’d said was true—Brenda did most of the admin stuff. So I pulled up the marketing spreadsheet I’d been working on, and got lost in analysis.

I finally came out of my spreadsheet fog as a chill breeze prickled my skin. I took a deep breath and looked around. The guy that had been on the other side of the lagoon was gone and I was alone.

I glanced at the clock. “Oh crap!”

It had been three hours! I was supposed to be ready for dinner in an hour and a half. That seemed like plenty of time, but I always seemed to mess up at least one part of my wardrobe.

I packed everything up and jammed my computer into its bag. I hurried to the golf cart and put it into gear, lurching to a start. It took me thirty seconds to come to a horrible realization—I didn’t know how to get back!

I’d taken turns without a thought to the way back.

Well, now I was in a pickle.

I squinted at the upcoming sign. “Rec room —>”

“Rec room?” I muttered. Out here in the middle of cultivated gardens and nondescript buildings, and they thought the
rec room
was the most important directional tool?

I thought about calling Hunter as I zoomed along the path and around a couple people on foot, one in a suit, the other in jeans.

“Livy?”

I slowed and craned in my seat, recognizing the voice. Sure enough, Bruce looked at me quizzically with a twisted grin on his face. He and a businessman with a frustrated expression stopped next to me.

“Practicing for the Indy 500?” Bruce asked with twinkling eyes.

“I’m totally lost!” I said. Then couldn’t help a laugh. “But yes. This thing’s a hoot!”

“We’ll have to race one of these times. Where ya headed?”

“I’m in room 1023. Any ideas?”

“You’re just…” The businessman squinted off to the left. He stuck out his hand and pointed. “Just there, I think. That way.”

He assumed I could fly, apparently, because he was pointing straight at a gazebo and a bunch of bushes.

“Here’s a map. Can you read maps?” Bruce held out a crisp, folded paper.

“Have you even used this?” I asked, taking it. I opened it up and then turned it around, trying to get my bearings.

“No, but I’m good with direction.” Bruce moved up next to me. “Here you are.” He pointed at a picture of a fountain.

“But where’s the—” I cut off as I noticed the landmark some distance in front of us. There was no water running through it to announce its presence. “Ah. Got it.”