Now or Never (6 page)

Chapter Ten

Em

At some point she must have dozed off because when she woke the house was dark.
Em stretched her neck, which had been bent at an awkward angle, and froze. The soft click of the front door shutting sounded through the silent house.

“Jay?”

All she could make out was a dark form cast in shadows. It halted in the entryway at the sound of her voice. She couldn’t see his face, but she felt his eyes on her. For the longest time, they just stared at each other. Jay broke first, dropping his keys on the small table against the wall before hustling through the living room and down the hall without a word.

Cautiously, Em peeled herself off of the sofa and
trailed after him. When she reached the bedroom, he was already sprawled face down on the mattress. Quietly tugging off her jeans, Em climbed in beside him and waited. She was desperate to know what was going through his mind, where he’d been, how he was feeling, but afraid of pushing too hard, she didn’t ask. He would talk to her when he was ready. He would hold her close and share his words, and hurts, and fears with her, and then she would kiss them all away. That was how they operated. That was how this went. So, she waited. And waited . . . And waited.

***

Em rolled toward Jay’s side of the bed and nearly choked on panic when she found the sheets cold and vacant. Struggling upright, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she scanned the room. No Jay.

Her feet made quick work of kicking back the covers, and she slipped them into a pair of old slippers before racing down the hall
. She was headed to check the drive for Jay’s truck when she found him in the kitchen, standing over the stove.

“What are you doing?”
Em leaned into the doorframe, watching him work and trying to get her erratic breathing under control.

From the way his head was bent over the pan, it was hard to tell what he was thinking with his hair shielding most of his face.

“Making breakfast.”
His voice was cold and flat, but she was just glad to hear it.

“Where’d you get—?”

“It’s payday. I went shopping.”  He was quiet for a minute as he flipped the bacon, still refusing to look her way. “I saw the biscuits in the trash. You didn’t eat yesterday.”

Neither had he, but that wasn’t the point. “Jay? Are you all right?”

He glanced up from the stove, looking incredulous. “Am I all right? You’re asking if
I’m
all right?”

Em only nodded, not sure how to proceed.
Easing away from the wall, she inched further into the room.

“Are
you
all right?” Discarding the spatula on the counter, he turned to face her fully, immediately zeroing in on the small cut on her lip.

Grease splattered across the surface and up the wall, but
all Em saw were his shadowed, red-rimmed eyes. She hadn’t heard him cry. It hurt her to think that he could have been in that kind of pain all night while she’d slept right beside him, unaware.
Useless.

“I’m fine, Jay. I know you didn’t mean—”

“Don’t! Don’t make excuses, Em.
Never
make excuses for someone who hurts you. There is
no
excuse. And once you start, it’s too easy to keep doing it. Do you understand me?”

Em couldn’t answer. This was ridiculous. It was like saying the guy who bumps into you in a crowded hallway is somehow out to get you, but Jay looked so serious, she knew this went much deeper than that. His mother had made excuses for things that were inexcusable. This wasn’t the same, but he couldn’t see the difference.

“Do you understand me, Em?”

“Yes.” What else could she say?

He nodded and turned his attention back to the stove to slide a few slices of bacon onto a chipped dinner plate.

“You should eat.” He dumped the plate on the table and moved into the hall to pull his coat from the rack.

“Where are you going?” That old familiar panic was clawing its way back in.

He heard it. She knew he did by the way he looked at her. Almost like he pitied her, and she hated that. “Work. Tom called and as
ked if I could cover his shift again.”

“Oh. Okay.” She wasn’t an idiot. Call or no call, he was still avoiding her. Work was just an excuse to do it.

Jay hesitated halfway out the door. “I’ll see you in a little while.”

“Okay.” Em managed a small smile, allowing his words to ease some of her fears. He was avoiding her, but not forever. He just needed
more time. She could give him that. Time was the one thing they had in abundance.

Jay didn’t return the
smile. He didn’t make any attempts to get closer, or kiss her. He didn’t even say goodbye, but that was all right. They’d get there. It would just take some more time.

***

“Hey, you sticking around for the party tonight?” Mason sidled up beside Em and helped clear the table she’d been staring blankly at for the past five minutes, lost in her thoughts.

“Huh?”
She blinked up at him.

“Tom’s party? He graduated. A bunch of us are sticking around after work to help him celebrate. Bart’s cool with it.”

“Oh . . . um . . . I’m not sure. Maybe.”

“You should.” He smiled at her, but the expression held sadness. “You could use a little fun, Em. Blow off some steam and just relax for once.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Work felt like a dream. She drifted throu
gh, paying minimal attention, just going through the motions. Em knew her tips were suffering because of it, but she couldn’t draw her attention away from Jay long enough to do a thing about it. When she wasn’t reliving the day before in excruciating detail time and time again, she was watching him like a hawk, looking for any chance to swoop in and talk to him just for a minute to try and gauge his mood. He hadn’t looked her way once since she’d arrived.

“
What’s up with you today?” Ashlyn dropped a bottle of ketchup in Em’s hand and pointed to table eight.

“Long night.”

“Nightmares?”

“No.” Strangely, her mind had been so occupied with thoughts of Jay all night that her uncle hadn’t found his way into her subconscious for the first time in a long time. “Jay and I are . . .”

“Fighting?”

“No. Not exactly.” She didn’t really know what they were. “Something happened yesterday that got Jay worked up and he sort of . . . hit me.”

Ashlyn’s eyes went wide and Em jumped to explain. “An accident. It was an accident. He was talking with his hands and I stepped right into it. Completely my fault.”

“But?” Ash’s eyes no longer looked in danger of popping out of her skull, but now they held a hint of suspicion Em hated to see there.

“Jay freaked. You should have seen him, Ash. It was like . . . he was afraid of himself. He took off right after and didn’t come home until late last night.”

“Have you guys talked about it?”

“Sort of.” Em cast a glance at where Jay was getting swamped with orders behind the bar. “He won’t listen to me when I tell him it wasn’t his fault. He keeps telling me I’m making excuses, but that’s nonsense.”

Ashlyn shrugged, casting her own glance in Jay’s direction.
“He’s a protector, Em. It’s what he does. He protects you. That role is practically his entire identity. It was probably pretty confusing when he did something he’d beat the crap out of anyone else for doing to you. Don’t worry, he’ll come around. I bet this party tonight will be just what the doctor ordered for both of you. Let him loosen up a bit and maybe you’ll have a better chance getting through to him.”

It wasn’t a bad idea. Jay could definitely use a night to relax. “Thanks, Ash.”

“Anytime, doll-face. Now move your ass, we’re falling behind, and the customers are likely to mutiny if we don’t get them their deep fried heart attacks soon.”

Chapter Eleven

Jay

“Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!”

Jay lounged behind the bar
, shaking his head as Tom pounded the last of his beer. Ashlyn, Sahara, Mason, a few guys from the morning crew, and even Em cheered him on. Tom had just graduated college which meant he was off to bigger and better things than his oh-so-lucrative career at Bart’s. Even though he’d used Jay to cover for him while he spent the day celebrating with friends, Bart still let him use the restaurant—and it’s booze—to party after closing. Things had been going strong for over an hour and Jay was feeling the buzz.

He’d had a few. M
aybe more than a few—he’d lost count—but that was okay. Em didn’t drink so he could count on her to drive home. He could always count on his girl. She was always there for him. No matter what, she’d stick by him. And that was her fatal flaw. Loyalty. Despite what she said, he was convinced it played some part in why she’d stayed with her bastard uncle for so long, and why she’d never leave him, either. Even though he was so obviously bad for her.

Music boomed from the sound system as Jay mixed another rum and diet coke for Sahara. The
alcohol was definitely doing its job. He didn’t even mind watching Em and Mason laugh over something he’d said. She was beautiful when she laughed. Head thrown back, dark hair cascading over her shoulder, smile lighting up her face. She didn’t do it nearly enough.

“Jay, sweetie,
can you help me with something?” Sahara tripped over her heels into the bar opposite him, giggling all the way.

He’d lost track of how many he’d made for her, too. From the looks of things, it was a lot
, and she could definitely use some help. “Sure. What do you need?”

“Come here. Come here.” She beckoned him closer, hushed like it was some kind of secret mission.

If it hadn’t been for the beer goggles, he might have noticed the gleam in her eye, or the fact that she was leading him down the hall toward the bathrooms where she couldn’t possibly need his help with anything besides possibly wiping her ass. The thought made him laugh. Yeah, he’d definitely had a few too many. His tolerance had been legendary back in high school, but a few years without drinking and it was shot all to shit.

“What are we doing?”

“I need you.” Sahara turned around, prowling back in his direction when Jay came to a standstill.

“What?”

“I need you, Jay. I need you. Now.”

Sahara stepped in closer as Jay shook his head trying to clear it. What the hell was happening here? He took a step back and she matched him pace for pace until his b
ack came up against the wall. Before he could blink, she’d closed the space between them entirely, rubbing her body against his.

Her soft, warm curves pressed into his chest.
“Sahara . . .”

Nails raked through his hair sending sharp tingles down his spine as she ground her hips against his. Shit, that felt good. Jay pressed his hands firmly to the wall behind him, fighting the growing urge to grab onto her and not let go. His mind railed against what was happening even as his body responded . . . “Wait. Stop.”

She didn’t stop. Her hand traveled south and a deep groan bubbled up from somewhere deep inside.
Fuck
. The whole building seem to whirl in a dizzying spiral as though it had been picked up and tossed around by an unexpected tornado. Sahara smiled and it made Jay sick. Wrong. This was all wrong. This wasn’t what he wanted. Besides the fact that it seemed to be exactly what his body was craving, his heart and soul belonged to someone else.

Her hand gripped him hard through his suddenly too tight jeans at the same moment her tongue snaked into his mouth.

“Shit.” Jay hissed, his head flying back to collide with the wall behind him at the very moment a quiet gasp filled the hallway.

Chapter Twelve

Em

Em stood at the end of the hall desperately trying to recall when and where she’d fallen asleep because surely this must be a nightmare. Jay was pressed up against the wall with Sahara practically melded to his body. And he was
kissing
her.

“Em!
” Jay shoved Sahara away. “It’s not what it looked like.”

“Oh, really? That’s good because it
looked
like you were kissing that tramp. Is that not right? Please, tell me how that wasn’t exactly what it looked like.” She shocked herself with the vehemence she possessed, but she’d never felt so hurt in her entire life as she did in that moment and she lashed out like an injured animal.

“Em . . . I didn’t . . . I’d never . . .” Em stood there, waiting patiently as he stumbled through the English language. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Kiss her?”

Jay nodded miserably as Em started the tiny rocking motion he knew she used to sooth herself when she was really upset. Of all the things that had happened recently . . . “I’m not sure how you could call
that
an accident.”

Tears clogged her throat and she knew there couldn’t be any more said without causing an even bigger scene. As the case was, they’d already managed to bring the party to a screeching halt.

The music continued to play, but conversations had cut short. Everyone stood around awkwardly aware of the sudden drama unfolding. A few gawked openly like they were watching some kind of reality TV, while others made a valiant effort not to stare. Mason sat on a barstool, drink clenched in his hand, making no such effort.

His eyes flicked between her and Jay as she made her way across the restaurant toward Ash
lyn who already stood near the door with her car keys in hand. They held concern and a fair amount of anger, but the one thing she didn’t see—the thing that surprised her—was not an ounce of satisfaction. Mason took no enjoyment from what had just happened.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” With a scathing glare over her shoulder, Ashlyn ushered Em outside and across the icy lot.

Snow began falling like tiny white crystals, sparkling in the glow of the streetlights as the car puttered to life. Em didn’t know where they were going and she honestly didn’t care. She just needed to be away from there. From Jay. And that hurt almost more than anything.

“He was drunk, Em.” Em shot a glance at her friend who frowned back at her. “I know it’s not an excuse. It’s just . . . You know Sahara. That girl can pounce on unsuspecting prey like a damn cheetah.”

That was true. And she knew Jay, too. But the fact remained . . . “He wasn’t exactly fighting for his life back there.”

Jay had looked like he was practically in the throes of ecstasy when she’d found them. She’d never seen him like that before. Never been able to give him that.

“No. True. But he’s a guy. They sort of have this of switch that gets thrown at a certain point when—”

“I wouldn’t know.” Em hadn’t meant to let it slip, but it was all she could think. She’d done this. Practically hand fed him to Sahara. She couldn’t give him what he needed. She may never be able to.
Could she really blame him for wanting it where he could get it?

The tears finally found the release they’d been denied earlier.

“Oh, Em, I didn’t mean—” Ash’s attention flickered between the hazardous road and her friend having a meltdown in the passenger seat.

“I know. But it’s true. He’s been so patient. How can I really expect—?”

“He was
dunk,
Em. The wolves descended and he couldn’t beat them back. End of story. It’s got nothing to do with you.” Ashlyn threw the car in park and Em blinked up at the small white farmhouse cloaked in shadows.

“What are we doing here?”

“You’re staying with me tonight, and I bet Jay shows up at work on his knees with a dozen roses tomorrow, and everything will go back to normal.”