Now and Always (30 page)

God, I don't ask you for much, but this time I'm asking you
for a lot. Lead me to her, Lord. She might not need me, but I
need her.

The soles of his boots slipped and slid. He caught hold of the rope to steady his descent. Distant sirens grew closer. Help was on its way, but help would be useless if he couldn't pinpoint her location, and if he didn't, and soon, they'd both die of exposure.

He flicked the flashlight beam over the hillsides and yelled, “Katie! Can you see the light?”

Light? Katie stirred.
Yeah, I can see the light. It's so pretty!
She reached out, drawn to the distant dancing, mellow beam filled with swirling white flakes. Could she touch it? There would be warmth inside the light, blessed warmth.

Grandpops suddenly appeared, holding out his hand. “Come on, Katie girl! You're going to like it up here.”

“I'm coming.” She reached out, groping the air, yet she didn't think that she actually reached out because her hands were too cold to move. Her senses reached out.

“Katie! Look around you. I'm shining the light. Can you see it?”

Katie stirred. “Ben? What are you doing here? Grandpops didn't say anything about you.”

She struggled to open heavy lids. Vision slowly cleared, and she saw a bobble of light on a distant hillside. Light. Pretty, pretty light in the falling snow.
It looks like something
out of painter Jesse Barnes's portraits, warm light spilling onto
pristine snow
.

“Katie! Answer me!”

Cranky, cranky. Ben was certainly out of sorts this evening. She stirred, rising up on her forearm to focus on the beam.

“Can you see the light?”

“I see it!” Sheesh. She curled into a fetal position. Sleepy . . . so incredibly sleepy.

Thirty-Seven

Ben played the lightbeam over the hillside. How far down could she have fallen? She could be hidden by an overhang. Despair filled him. How could he possibly find her in time?
God, help me! I have to find her.
He swept the beam of light down the incline one more time and something caught his attention. A foot. A woman's booted foot. Katie?
It has to
be her.
But Warren Tate was out here somewhere. Could he have fallen too?

Moving slowly Ben eased his way down the glazed slope. He slipped, dislodging a stone that plunged over the edge. Pausing, he held his breath. “Katie? It's me, Ben. I'm coming. Wait for me.”

Silence.
He inched his way down, one step at a time. The wind tore at him, trying to peel him off the mountain. Finally the ledge was one step away. The light picked out Katie, curled in a fetal position.

He'd found her.
Thank you, God.

She was still, so still. He dropped and crawled onto the narrow strip of rock, knelt and searched for a pulse. His heart jumped when he found a narrow thread of life. He fumbled for his cell phone, praying he could get a signal. He couldn't. Shifting, he held the phone over his head, searching. Finally he got one bar.

Ben sagged with relief when Ralph answered. “I've got her. Look for my light. I'll need some help getting her out of here.”

“We're with you, buddy. Got ropes and climbing gear, and we're on our way.”

Ben ended the call and crawled back to Katie, pulling her close, trying to provide life-giving warmth. “Hang on. I've got you.”

As soon as she was safe, Ben was going to find Warren Tate, find out exactly what had taken place out here, and if he was responsible. Violence wouldn't help. He was an officer of the law. He'd find Tate, turn him over to the authorities, and let justice take its course, no matter how badly he'd like to break the creep's neck.

Right now he had one single wish. That Tate was still alive to get what he had coming to him. One petition he didn't ask of God.

Heaven was hushed. Katie figured there would be more fanfare when a child of God came home, but it appeared that stiff sheets and rubber-soled shoes were more popular than angelic hoopla.

“Katie. Open your eyes for me.”

“I don't want to.” For the first time in hours she felt good. Warm. No icy fingers or stiff limbs.

Tottie's voice barked the command. “Open your eyes, Katherine.”

Oh, all right
. She worked at it. First one heavy lid, then the other barely cracked. “What?”

“Oh, thank God.”
Was that Ruth's voice? Was she here?

Katie forced both eyes open. Ruth, Tottie, and Janet towered above her with anxious faces. “What?” she mumbled.

Tottie's worried face swam before her. “I'll get the nurse.”

Ben? Where's Ben? Sweet Ben. Oh. Poor Ben. He was dead too? What happened to everybody? Tragic accident?

Ever so slowly the room focused, and Katie's mind started to clear. Her gaze roamed the sterile room. Hospital. She was in a hospital bed. Half-rising, she croaked, “Janet, Meg, Ruth? You shouldn't be here.”

Janet gently eased her back to the pillow. “You've had an accident, but you're going to be fine.”

“But you should be at the shelter . . .”

“We snuck in the back way. We were careful.”

“Did I wreck the jeep?” Katie's hand came up to touch her head. “What day is this — Christmas Eve, isn't it?”

“Christmas Day,” Ruth supplied as she smoothed the sheet. “You've been through quite a night.”

Tottie returned, trailed by a nurse. By the time Katie's vitals were checked and the nurse gave her an encouraging smile, she'd heard the story of how Ben had found and rescued her from the ledge.

“Warren?” Katie prayed that he hadn't gotten away with his brutal rampage.

“Sitting in the county jail.” Tottie's sharp retort didn't surprise Katie. “And I hope he'll stay there. Warren Tate isn't the man we thought him to be. I had my suspicions he was pulling the wool over our eyes, but I didn't want to upset you with my fears.” Tottie smoothed Katie's hair off her forehead. “This is hard to hear, but you'll have to know sometime. Warren has been the one terrorizing you. It's been him all along.”

“I know, he told me, right before he knocked me off balance and I fell over the cliff.” Why would Warren want to hurt her? What had she ever done to him to make him hate her? Protecting abused women? He was sick, terribly sick; the man needed professional help.

Tottie shook her head. “He hates women, all women, Katie. That girlfriend of his did a number on him, but the trouble started long ago. According to Ben, he moved back here to evade charges being filed against him in New York for misappropriating funds. It was only a matter of time before the authorities caught up with him.”

“But why did he want to hurt me?”

“Because you represented everything he hated, women in particular.”

“He was so helpful in the beginning — moving the horses, helping with the budget. Why would he help me when he was hostile toward women?”

Janet shrugged. “Who knows the minds of the deranged? When I first met my husband, he was a perfect gentleman. Later he turned into Godzilla.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “Listen, be glad that you've found out before you married the man. A woman can be closed-minded when love is at stake.”

Katie grasped Janet's hand, reality sinking in. Warren had almost killed her. Her recent reservations had been right, and yet she had continued to encourage the relationship. Was she so desperate to marry and have children that she blindly closed her eyes when God repeatedly gave her clues to Warren's true nature — his moodiness, his lack of human compassion for the shelter women, wanting her to close the shelter down, his controlling nature, and the way he resented her friendship with Ben? She knew the signs of an abuser. Why had she so willfully ignored them?

Her only excuse was love, the pursuit of love and what began as a true desire to follow God's leading. There was only one hitch. She had been obsessed with Warren, controlling ways and all. She wasn't the only woman caught by this snare. But if she lived long enough, and God gave her the opportunities, there'd be far fewer women victimized by abusers like him.

“Katie.” Janet spoke and Katie opened her eyes. “Don't blame yourself. Every day women awake to the reality that they're in an abusive relationship, but it's easier to get into the situation than to get out of it. They don't realize what they've gotten themselves into until it's too late. I understand he was abusive to his former girlfriend too.”

Hot tears rolled down Katie's cheeks. “I was obsessed with him.”

Janet laughed, not unkindly, but with war-torn misery. “We
all
thought we were in love, Katie. That's why we stuck it out for so long. It's not easy to give up on someone you love, someone who when the battering is over is on his knees vowing to change, to do better. And since that's what we so desperately want, we try again. And again. And again until it gets to be a habit, and we're in too deep to find our way out.”

Katie didn't need glasses to see the physical scars on Janet's face or the deeper ones stamped on her heart.

A soft knock sounded, and Katie's eyes switched to the doorway. Her heart double-timed. Ben, sans hat, framed the opening, holding a large latte. Her eyes locked with his and an emotionally charged current passed between them.

“Am I disturbing you?”

Tottie seized the moment. “Glad you've come, Ben — we were just on our way out. Would you mind keeping Katie company for a while?”

Oh, Tottie. How obvious!
Katie swallowed against a dry throat. “Come in, Ben.”

The women melted from the room leaving her and the sheriff to verbally shoot it out. Katie guessed that Ben would undoubtedly gloat that Warren turned out to be a snake. Katie wasn't sure where to start. Maybe with an apology and admitting that she was blinded
by a gypsy's wild ramblings. Then she could add to that her unwavering belief that God would send the right soul mate at the right time.

Pride warred with repentance, but the scale tilted to repentance. God had sent the right one, years ago, only she had been too blind to notice him.

Awaking to see what she should have seen all along was a humbling experience.

Ben quietly set the coffee on her nightstand and took a seat next to the bed. “How's it going?”

Katie eyed the latte. “Is that for me, I hope?”

“Your doctor said you could have it.”

Closing her eyes, she inhaled the fragrant caffeine. “I could kiss you.”

The old Ben would have jumped at the invitation. This sober Ben merely shook his head. “You and your coffee. How's the recovery going?”

“Fine, I think.” The fingers on her right hand were frostbitten, and she had sore ribs, various bruises, and scratches. But all in all, she'd survived the incident with no far-reaching consequences — unless you counted her heart hanging in shreds.

“I understand that I owe you my life.”

He shrugged. “God didn't need you yet.” He flashed a grin. A week ago the familiar gesture would have caused little more than a passing glance. This morning, Katie fixed on the charming way one corner of his mouth lifted slightly more than the other, the crisp, professional uniform, and the way he wore it like he commanded it. His eyes searched and held hers with no hint of subterfuge — clear, honest, and direct.

She reached for his hand. “Can you forgive me for being so wrong?”

Her words brought heightened color to his cheeks. Ben, blushing? No.
Yes
, he was blushing.

“We all have our blind spots.”

“What about stupidity?”

“That too.” He eased closer, gently lacing his fingers through her bandaged ones. “Men like Warren — while I want to say are a dime a dozen, that's not quite true. There are plenty of good men out there, Katie. Honorable, hard working, self-sacrificing husbands and fathers who make the world turn. The Warrens of the world are there, but in their twisted and distorted views they try to make up for some imagined injustice done to them in their lives.”

“I know that, but Ben, after all I've been through in my personal life and what I've seen in the lives of the women who end up at the shelter, I of all people should have seen the warning signs. I'm so ashamed that I didn't.”

“You opened your heart to a man, there's nothing shameful about that. You open your heart to everyone.”

“And that bothers you.” It sure bothered Warren.

“No, I like that about you. You're open and accepting, maybe too much so sometimes, but I wouldn't want you any different. If God hadn't made people like you, I'd hate to think of where we'd be. You make the world a better place. You and others like you make a difference.”

“He was the one causing all the trouble. All the noises and weird happenings. Did he confess to that? The incidents weren't all my imagination?”

“No, he wanted you to close the shelter. He contends he didn't plan to hurt you; he just wanted the shelter closed.” Ben's hand tightened on hers. “He could so easily have — ”