Nothing Left to Lose (49 page)

I couldn’t keep
still under him as he controlled my body perfectly, strumming it,
playing it like we had done this hundreds of times before. It
seemed like he knew exactly how and where to touch me. My mind was
slowly melting at his touch. Sweat covered my skin in a thin sheen
as I raised my hips to meet his and clawed at his back in ecstasy.
My body was racing towards its climax; with every thrust he was
pushing me towards my end. His mouth lavished attention on my body,
driving me into a state of wild abandon.

As my body
seemed to get hotter and hotter, my pulse drummed in my ears and
finally my body shattered, coming apart under him and his expert
touch. I cried out his name as my eyes filled with tears because of
the intense sensations. My whole body was quivering in pleasure and
my heart crashed in my ears. It felt like heaven, like a waking
dream. His lips claimed mine in a kiss that felt like it could
devour my soul as he let out a long groan. His body stiffened on
top of me and he thrust another couple of times as he reached his
end too.

When he pulled
back slightly, I looked up into his face. He was smiling down at
me, his eyes filled with passion, tenderness, and something that I
could easily mistake for love, but it couldn’t be that. I dismissed
it as gratitude because he hadn’t had sex for two months.

“Holy shit,
Baby Girl, that was incredible,” he growled, kissing along my
cheeks to nibble on my earlobe as he eased out of me.

“You were just
okay,” I joked breathlessly as he rolled to the side and pulled the
condom off, throwing it into the trashcan before turning back to me
to wrap me in his arms.

“Don’t tell me…
you’ve had better,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes
jokingly. My heart stopped at his words. I’d only ever been with
him and Carter. Tears stung my eyes as my throat seemed to tighten.
Ashton’s eyes widened as he gasped and shook his head, cupping my
face in his hands. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think, I didn’t
mean it like that. I was just kidding. I’m so, so sorry!”

I forced a
smile even though my heart now hurt at the reminder. It seemed like
I would never escape the fact that I was dirty and used, not even
for a moment. “It’s alright. Don’t worry,” I lied.

He grimaced and
kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, kissing my
nose.

“Just forget
it, it’s fine.” I knew he hadn’t meant it that way at all, but it
was just the reminder that hurt. I didn’t for a second think that
he had meant to bring up Carter; it was just a joke than he hadn’t
thought through. “Just for the record, I think you were incredible
too, and I’ll never have better,” I said honestly. I knew that for
a fact because I’d never have anyone else. I kissed him again,
cuddling close to his side as I buried my face in his chest,
breathing in his delicious smell. I instantly felt better. His body
didn’t relax at my reassurances though. His muscles were still
bunched; his arms were too stiff around me. I moved back, looking
up to see his tense face. He was clearly angry with himself.
Reaching out, I smoothed his frown line from his forehead. “It’s
okay, I promise.”

He sighed
heavily. “Man, I’m such a douchebag. I can’t believe I said that to
you.”

I smiled. “Just
forget it. I have.” I decided then that I refused to think about
anything bad after I had just had the most incredible sex ever. He
rolled to his side so we were facing each other. His body was still
tense, so I snuggled closer to him and kissed his lips softly. For
a few minutes, we just lay there in silence, looking at each other
as his fingers tickled up and down my spine. Finally, he spoke,
“Thank you for today, I’ve honestly had the best birthday ever,” he
said quietly.

I smiled. “I
had a great day too,” I replied. “Although I feel guilty because
you’ve technically been working and couldn’t drink and stuff
because I’m here. You really should have just come on your own; you
would have had so much more fun.”

He shook his
head in protest. “Baby Girl,
you
are what made my day great.
I don’t care if I don’t drink,” he countered. I smiled and he leant
forward, kissing me again hungrily. He moaned in the back of his
throat and tightened his hold on me. Where we were pressed so
tightly against one another, I could feel that he was starting to
get excited again. I grinned against his lips, and he pulled back,
smiling at me tenderly as he combed his fingers through my hair.
“What’s funny?” he asked.

“You’re like
some kind of machine. It’s lucky we agreed on one night, and not
one time, huh?” I teased, running my finger down his chest and
raising one eyebrow when I got to his groin. He grunted, obviously
shocked, but a slow smile spread across his face before he covered
my mouth with his and we started all over again.

I woke in the
morning, naked and wrapped in his arms. He was stretched out behind
me, spooning me. One of his hands rested on my hip, and the other
was cupping my breast. The thought of being naked in his bed and us
being in such an intimate position made a blush creep up onto my
cheeks. Not that I had to worry about him seeing me naked though,
after all, he’d probably kissed every inch of my body last night
during the three times that we’d had sex.

A satisfied
smiled crept onto my lips. I refused to feel guilty about it today,
I was entitled to one night of pleasure after the years of misery
I’d had recently. I pressed myself back into his body, wanting to
melt into him. I loved waking up next to him in the morning, he was
so warm and comforting and the fact that he had never spent the
night with another girl made me feel special.

He moaned
sleepily and wrapped his arms tighter around me, lazily kissing the
back of my head. I turned my head to look at him, leaving my body
pressed against his, not wanting him to let go yet.

“Hi,” I
murmured sheepishly.

He grinned not
making any moves to let go of me. “Hi. How are you feeling this
morning?” He looked a little worried, as if he were waiting for a
meltdown at any moment.

“Happy and
satisfied,” I confirmed, smirking at him.

He burst out
laughing and kissed my cheek. “Hmm, what a coincidence, me too.” I
felt a stirring against my thigh as he started to get excited
again; he moved his hips away from me so that I didn’t feel it –
the same as he usually did in the morning when it happened.

I grinned and
raised one eyebrow. “This could still count as last night if you
want,” I suggested, wriggling back into his body and smiling at him
over my shoulder. His erection prodded into the back of my leg, and
my whole body seemed to thrum with excitement.

He grinned. “Oh
it can, can it? So, what you’re asking is if I want to have sex
with you again. Hmm let me think,” he teased.

I tried hard
not to laugh. “Well if you don’t want me then…” I trailed off and
scooted away from him.

He gripped my
hips tightly, thwarting my efforts to get away. “I never said that
I didn’t want you. I don’t think I’ll ever say that, Baby Girl,” he
whispered. His lips pressed against the back of my neck, his teeth
nibbling gently and I felt goosebumps break out on my whole body.
“Can you pass me a condom from the drawer?” he murmured, still
kissing the base of my neck.

I nodded
quickly, scooting to the edge of the bed and pulling open the
drawer where he’d got them from last night. The empty box stared
back at me, taunting me. I groaned when I realised what that meant.
“Damn it! There’s none left,” I whined. I felt so disappointed that
I could cry.

He pulled me
back to him again. “I’ll go get one from Nate’s room, he didn’t
come home last night so he won’t even know,” he said grinning. He
pulled away from me and I whimpered at the loss of his contact,
feeling empty and needy. He chuckled at my face and kissed my nose.
“I’ll be right back, I promise.”

I watched as he
jumped up and ran out of the room, butt naked. I laughed at how
eager he was, he’d almost run into the door because he didn’t wait
for it to open fully. He was back within about ten seconds and
pounced on the bed, grinning.

“I brought two,
just in case, maybe, in a little while, that might count as last
night too,” he explained, looking at me, hopefully holding up the
two packets as evidence.

“Don’t push
your luck, Pretty Boy,” I teased, grinning.

An hour and a
half later, we were both exhausted. I flopped off him and lay on my
back, trying to catch my breath. He rolled onto his side, moving
closer to me, putting his arm over my stomach and nuzzling into my
neck. I was sweating. My whole body felt weak and like I’d been on
a thirty minute sprint. That last time was extremely tiring, and I
could do with going back to sleep for a couple of hours.

“So tell me,
how come you’ll let me do that until I nearly pass out, yet I can’t
run on the treadmill like I want to?” I asked, grinning.

He bit my neck
lightly. “Because I don’t get anything out of you running on the
treadmill,” he joked, laughing.

I laughed and
slapped his hard chest playfully before rolling onto my side and
sighing contentedly. “Thank you,” I said gratefully.

He raised one
eyebrow in question. “For what?”

“For last
night, well and this morning, that was the best night of my life.
Thank you.” I kissed his soft full lips, marvelling over how they
seemed to be my exact match.

“Well in that
case, thank you for the best night of my life too, ma’am,” he
replied, smiling at me.

I groaned at
the word ‘ma’am’. That word from his lips did strange things to my
insides. “Ashton, don’t keep calling me that. My body is already
aching all over, I can’t go again,” I whined.

“Well, maybe
later,” he shrugged, looking at me hopefully.

I winced at his
expression, praying that this didn’t ruin our friendship because I
needed him in my life. “Ashton, we agreed…” I trailed off
uncomfortably.

He sighed. “I
know. I had to try though, right?” He kissed the tip of my nose.
“You want me to run you a bath, and I’ll make breakfast for when
you get out?” he offered. He glanced over at the clock and laughed.
“Well, actually it’ll be lunch,” he corrected.

I smiled at how
thoughtful and generous he was. “Sure, that’d be great,” I
answered, biting my lip at how adorable he was. He certainly was
going to make someone incredibly happy one day. The thought made me
so jealous that it actually hurt. He looked me over slowly and
laughed at something. “What?” I asked curiously.

He shook his
head and climbed out of the bed; he pulled on his jeans and made
his way to the bathroom. I winced and bit my lip when I saw he had
some red scratches on his back. I could hear water running, so I
got out of the bed and stretched my tight muscles; it genuinely did
feel like I had been working out.

When I looked
in his mirror, I gasped. “Holy shit!” I cried, as I looked at the
red marks on my neck and breasts. Immediately, Ashton ran back into
the room, looking around worriedly. “Ashton, seriously, what the
hell?” I asked, rubbing the marks as if they would come off.

He laughed and
wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I did it.
I guess I got a little carried away,” he explained, grimacing.

I laughed and
slapped his arm. “A little carried away? There are five hickeys on
me!” I scolded, laughing incredulously.

“Six actually.
I’ve just seen another one on your cute, little butt,” he stated,
slapping my behind gently. I gasped and turned to look in the
mirror and sure enough, there was another hickey on my butt
cheek.

I giggled.
“Well, at least I can cover that one up.”

He grinned
sheepishly. “Sorry.”

I rolled my
eyes and pushed him away gently. “Go turn off the bath, Pretty Boy,
before your apartment floods,” I suggested, grinning. He jumped
like he’d forgotten it and ran out of the room quickly. He called
me in there after a couple of minutes, and when I walked in I saw
that he’d drawn me a bubble bath. I couldn’t hold the little ‘aww’
that escaped my lips as my heart skipped a beat at the
thoughtfulness of him. I climbed in and sighed as my strained
muscles started relaxing. I closed my eyes and replayed some of the
memories of last night; I had a feeling I would be revisiting those
memories a lot.

After a little
while, I forced myself to focus and washed my hair and body before
getting out and wrapping myself in a towel. Once I was back in the
bedroom, I looked through the outfit choices I’d brought with me.
Settling on something casual, I dressed quickly in black leggings
and a fitted white shirt. Not wanting to spend too much time on my
hair, I pulled it over one shoulder and braided it. Happier than I
had felt in years, I practically skipped to the lounge. My whole
body was relaxed and contented. My need for Ashton’s body that I
had been struggling with for the last two months was finally
satiated.

Ashton paused
his video game that he was playing as I walked in the room. “Wow,
you look beautiful.”

Seeing him
sitting there, smiling at me, and with the memories of last night
still fresh in my mind, the need for his body came back with a
vengeance. “Thanks.” I walked over and sat next to him on the sofa.
“Can I play too?” I asked, nodding at the TV screen, needing a
distraction before I dragged him back to his bedroom again.

He grinned.
“Actually, I’d love that. That’s every guy’s fantasy, a girl that
plays video games, did you know that?” he replied, winking at me
playfully before standing up and getting another controller for me,
adding me on to his game.

I smiled. “Oh
really?”