Nothing Else Matters (22 page)

“Remember what I said I wanted before I died?” I asked.

She nodded, remembering that conversation we had on the beach just a couple of weeks ago.

I wiped the tears from her cheeks with my fingertips. “Loving you has made my entire life worthwhile.”

“Scottie, we –”

“If something happens to me,” I continued, interrupting her, “I want you to have a part of me, even if it’s only my name. I want the whole world to know how much I loved Reyna Lewis … Kincaid.”

Reyna laid her head on the pillow again and let the tears flow. I stroked the back of her neck as her body heaved with sobs. I knew she cried tears tinged with joy and sadness. I knew she loved me and that she would be happy as my wife. But she was also dealing with the fact that she could lose me and that scared her. I wasn’t sad though. I wasn’t afraid of death as long as I had her by my side.

Finally, she lifted her head and tried to swallow her sadness. She forced out a smile and said, “Okay, let’s do it. Let’s do it today.”

***

Reyna searched the internet from her laptop looking for a way to make this marriage happen that day. Between the requirement that both of us appear before a judge to file a written application and the waiting period, she was starting to lose hope. Then something hit me. I’d been awake for five hours after being in a coma, yet I hadn’t seen my mother.

“Where’s Sam?” I asked. Reyna and Stu exchanged worried glances. Reyna closed her computer then clasped her hands on her lap. She studied her fingers as if searching for the right words.

Stu stared out of the window. He was abnormally quiet. Finally, he sighed and said, “Remember that marathon in Italy Sam’s been training for?” I nodded. Even though he didn’t see my response, he continued. “You would think since her firstborn child is the hospital near death she would rearrange her priorities, but not our dear old mother.”  He plopped into the recliner, put his head in his hands and said, “She went to Europe.”

My mouth flew open. I didn’t know what to say. Even though I already knew she was an awful person, a part of me died a little. I wanted to believe that my mother and I could repair our relationship. I wanted her to accept Reyna and to be there when we exchanged vows.

“Don’t worry, I sent her a few choice words. She knows how I feel about her.”

“What Stu is trying to say,” Reyna said, standing, “is that everyone has different ways of dealing with stress. Maybe this marathon will help clear her head and she’ll be able to come back and … and deal with your condition.” Reyna paced the room speaking as if she had been practicing the right words. She wasn’t defending Sam; she was just trying to make me feel better about being abandoned by my own mother. “This could be a good thing and … and … and she could come back a better person.” Reyna was struggling to find something positive to say about the situation. I appreciated her efforts, but they weren’t working.

“When did she leave?” I asked.

“Early this morning,” Stu said still looking out of the window. Though he would never admit it, I knew he felt abandoned as well. A part of him wanted a real mother as much as I did.

Staring at the wall, I slipped into a quiet reflection. Reyna tried a new approach to cheer me up and started talking about our marriage and our life together. She made plans about where we would live and how we could both finish school. After an hour or so with no response from me, she went back to staring at her computer trying to figure out a way to make the marriage happen.

I barely noticed the knock on the door.

Amber entered my hospital room peeking around a huge bouquet of flowers. She added them to the collection that had started, placing them next to the state championship trophy. Then she took a deep breath and said, “I just wanted to apologize to you in person, Scott. I’m sure Reyna told you everything.” I nodded but didn’t verbally accept her apology. I wasn’t sure if I could forgive as easy as Reyna. Amber closed her eyes and sighed realizing that I hadn’t accepted her apology.

“I also wanted to thank Reyna,” she said, turning to where Reyna was sitting beside Stu. “Because of what you said at the assembly yesterday, Derek and I didn’t get expelled. We’ve been suspended for a week and we have to organize an assembly for the school about tolerance.

“You’re welcome, Amber. I just want to put this whole thing behind us and move on.”

“Reyna, seriously if there is anything I can do to repay you, just let me know.”

“Wait a minute,” Stu chimed in. “Maybe there is something you can do. Isn’t your father a judge?”

Wednesday still

Three hours later we were married. Amber was able to talk her father into expediting the entire procedure. Our wedding was kind of anticlimactic considering I wasn’t even able to get out of bed. I thought being wed to Reyna would make everything instantly better, but it didn’t. Somehow it just made me sad. I wanted to marry Reyna, but not like this. I wanted to give her the type of wedding that all little girls dreamed about. I wanted to be able to take her to an exotic destination for a honeymoon or maybe take her home to Puerto Rico. I wanted to be able to carry her over the threshold of the room where we would make love for the first time.

But as it was, I was a useless invalid. I was so weak and pitiable that my own mother couldn’t stand the sight of me and had run off to Europe. Reyna probably wouldn’t even want to be with me physically. I started to believe that she had just married me out of pity. Our wedding, which should have been a joyous event, turned into a painful reminder that I would never be the same Scott Kincaid.

Stu and Reyna saw my sullen mood and thought it had something to do with the pain I was in. When Reyna asked the nurse if they could increase my dosage of painkillers, I didn’t protest. I was in pain, but not the kind they thought.

My eyes focused on the large trophy in the corner of the room. The state championship trophy would be the biggest in the Kincaid trophy room, but it would also be my last. The realization that I would never play sports again tore at my being
like a flesh-eating bacteria
. Without sports, I was nothing.

I closed my eyes and let the pain killers take me away from reality.

***

Reyna didn’t understand Scott’s sudden mood change at first. After they’d signed the papers and the hospital chaplain pronounced the words ‘man and wife,’ she expected them to snuggle close to each other the rest of the night and reminisce about what had brought them to this point. Instead, Scott grew quiet and morose. He didn’t want to talk. At first she thought he was in a lot of pain. Then she thought maybe he didn’t want to be married to her after all. Maybe he’d had a change of heart. That thought worried her so much it caused a pain in her chest that made it hard to breathe. What if he didn’t love her as much as she loved him? But she noticed how he stared at the trophy and she realized the true root of his problems.

As he drifted off to sleep, she whispered in his ear her undying devotion to him. She told him how much she loved him whether he was an athlete or not. She hoped it was enough. She’d read enough experiences about the depression people sometimes developed when they were diagnosed with a serious disease. Even when Scott recovered from what ailed his lungs, he still had the Lupus diagnosis to live with. He may be able to play sports for recreation, but realistically getting drafted to a professional sports team seemed highly unlikely. Reyna knew that was what probably plagued his mind.

Sports had been imbedded into his psyche from infancy. He could no longer differentiate Scott the person from Scott the athlete. He probably had no idea how Scott the husband would fall into the equation.

When he fell deep into sleep, Reyna decided to run home for a bit and freshen up. She hadn’t been home since Monday after school. And though she had spoken to her father frequently, he was still probably worried about her. Plus, she kind of needed to let him know that she was now a married woman.

Walter swept his daughter up into a huge bear hug as soon as she walked into the door.

“How you
holdin
’ up, Rey?”

“I’m okay, Daddy. He’s doing better.”

He released her then wiped a tear away from his face. It comforted her to know how much her father cared for Scott as well. She felt confident he would understand the quickie marriage she and Scott obtained today. She hoped he’d understand. He’d always supported her decisions in the past. Why would this be any different? Reyna chastised herself. This was different. This was marriage.

“Come. Sit down. You need a good meal.” He sat her down at the kitchen table and started bustling about the kitchen.

“Daddy, you trust me, don’t you?” She decided to start out slow and lay a foundation before she dropped the bomb.

“Of course I do, Sweetheart.” Walter took some Tupperware dishes out of the refrigerator and began emptying them onto a plate for his daughter.

“And even though we usually talk through all of my problems, you always let me make my own decisions, right? I mean, that’s what I love about our relationship.”

Walter eyed Reyna suspiciously. “What are you getting at?”

Reyna sighed and said, “I did something pretty drastic today.”

He placed the plate of food into the microwave, turned it on, and then sat at the table across from his daughter. After clasping his hands together, he said, “Okay, let’s talk about it. What happened?”

Reyna took in a deep breath and blew out her cheeks, thinking about how she wanted to break this to her father. Finally, she decided
quick
and to the point was the best method, so she blurted, “Scott and I got married.”

Walter stared his blank emotionless stare, the one he always used when he was trying to be neutral and not influence Reyna with his own opinions. After a few seconds, he removed his glasses then bit his fist while staring at the microwave. It was like he was begging for it to beep in order to give him something to do. Reyna couldn’t tell whether he was angry, hurt, or disgusted by her revelation. Her father was pretty good at hiding his emotions and being even keeled.

Finally, the microwave beeped signaling the food was ready and giving Walter an excuse to leave the table.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m sorry I didn’t talk it over with you first. It
kinda
just happened. It made so much sense at the time,” she said to his back as he removed the dish of warmed tofu loaf, mashed potatoes and broccoli.

Without responding, Walter went to the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of orange juice.

“Daddy, I really do love him. And this doesn’t change anything. We were going to get married anyway. We’d already talked about it.” Walter poured the juice in a glass; still he didn’t respond. “Daddy, I’m still going to college,” she added, thinking that was what was bothering him. “I’m still going to college and med school. I’m still going to be a doctor and do everything I’ve always dreamed of.”

“I don’t doubt that, Reyna. I know you can do anything you set your mind to.” Walter placed the food in front of his daughter then returned to the seat across from her. She saw tears in his eyes.

“Then I don’t get it, Daddy. Why are you so upset?”

“Reyna, you’re my only daughter and I wasn’t there to see you get married. I’ve just missed one of the most important moments of your life.”

Reyna pushed the food away and stood up. After walking to the other side of the table, she wrapped her arms around her father and kissed his cheek.

“I wanted to walk you down the aisle at your wedding and personally hand you over to my future son,” he said, patting her hands. “I feel like you’re all grown up and you don’t need me anymore. You have a husband now.”

“Daddy, I’ll always need you.”