Not What They Were Expecting (12 page)

‘Everything is fine as far as we can tell at this stage. It’s still early days, but you’re doing a great job.’

‘Can you tell what the sex is?’ asked James.

‘It’s too early to get a confident answer really. And we tend not to say at this early stage. Some people are a bit picky about the gender around here.’

Rebecca’s radar for casual racism pinged slightly, but she chose to ignore it.

‘Would you like a picture?’

James and Rebecca bounced back into the waiting room chirpily thanking Sandra. They sounded rowdy against the library hush of their surroundings, and giggled and grinned to themselves as they took the volume down on their excitement.

At the desk on the way out the receptionist surprised them with a warm smile and a cheerful reminder that the details of their next appointment would be in the post. James noticed there was a large tin jar on the desk, like the one they’d have in a coffee shop for tipping the baristas, with a note about charitable donations and that a suggested contribution to cover the costs of scan photos was a quid. Elated, he slid in a tenner.

Putting her arm through James’s and burrowing into his coat, Rebecca waved the scan picture in her hand like it was a Polaroid. It was lovely to have, but with its blurry patches of black and grey it didn’t mean as much as the sound of the heartbeat had. Wokka-wokka-wok-wokka.

‘They’re not expecting us at work yet, let’s get to Starbucks for a coffee,’ she suggested to James.

As they double-backed on themselves to try another corridor that might lead to the exit, James habitually grabbed his phone out of his pocket in response to the vibrating alert for a new message. He only had time to scan the top line, but it suddenly hit him why his friend Kam had been emailing to ask how he was doing earlier. And it wasn’t because of Bompalomp.

‘I can see the meeting’s over now. So did you dodge the chop again this time or what?’

‘Sure,’ he said, turning to kiss Rebecca on the top of her head, ‘let’s get a cinnamon bun too.’

Chapter 15

That had been simpler than expected, Rebecca thought to herself, sitting back down at her desk. For something that she’d been worrying about for a while, her boss’s reaction made telling the world she was pregnant seem a little easier. It was different from telling a couple of friends, family, or the trained professionals who deal with the stuff every day – if they’re talking about you, they have to do it discreetly when you’re not around.

This was the kind of news that made you the centre of attention among a group of people that you wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable being the centre of attention with. Rebecca couldn’t help feeling that the natural response to her saying she was pregnant would be ‘who do you think you are?’ It felt like a demand for special treatment. She was thirty, but being pregnant seemed like it was something that was a bit too grown up.

She was fairly certain her boss, Stuart, had had tears in his eyes at one point though – once she started babbling about providing a first grandchild when he’d asked if her parents were very excited about the news. She’d shown him the scan photo for some reason, like she needed to provide evidence or something, and talked about her mum already planning babysitting, and her dad putting the baby down for Lord’s membership. She hadn’t taken into account the old rumours that went around the office, which had come from Stuart having a son who was in his early twenties and who he used to talk about incessantly, and then stopped mentioning entirely. Nobody really knew why. Or at least nobody knew that Rebecca could ask. She didn’t think he’d died or anything
that
terrible, but something had gone on.

But anyway, he’d given her a hug, which had been awkward, and she’d said how much she loved working at Lakeworths, and what a role model he’d been for her, which was even more awkward. She thought it probably surprised him as much as it surprised her. So after he shuffled back around to his side of the desk, and she started doing her nervous tummy rub, they agreed on getting HR to sort out any details, and moved onto safer territory – planning permission for a change of use at the site of an old bingo hall.

When Rebecca came out of the office, the real interrogation had started, with Josh, the overly-keen trainee who sat outside Stuart’s office.

‘What did he want to see you for?’ he asked as if the only reason she could have had to go in was because she was in trouble.

‘I wanted to tell him where things were with the Ambassador and the appeal against the PP11.d form and the application of the zoning bylaws under the LCAA and UR legislation.’

‘Yeah of course. Sounds about right,’ he said as if he knew what she was talking about. Which, if true, would have been more than she did.

She couldn’t believe how annoyed she could get by somebody else’s misplaced confidence. And Josh had always got to her because of the way he obviously thought he was good-looking enough to push the boundaries of the office dress code, coming in just the wrong side of dishevelled. She did the only thing she could think of to try and rattle his assuredness.

‘And I was telling him I’m pregnant too.’

‘Oh, congratulations! They were right!’

‘Who?’

‘Just, people. Everybody had been wondering.’

Well, there you go, she thought. So much for the element of surprise. Does nothing faze young people these days? He took a step towards her with one open hand slightly outstretched.

‘Do you mind if I?’

She recoiled at the prospect of this upstart pretty boy putting his hand on her belly. She wasn’t even showing yet! She stepped back and tried to simultaneously hunch over to protect her midriff and pull herself up to her full height. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t appropriate behaviour in an office, or with a woman you didn’t know, or with someone who was near enough your boss. But all she managed was to say it was still too early to feel any movements. He said he used to like to do it when his mum was pregnant with his little sis, which also managed to make her feel old somehow.

Great work on rattling the cocky trainee, Becs, she thought to herself.

‘So they’ll be needing someone to take on your work for a while. Are you planning on coming back?’ he asked.

‘Certainly! I’m having a baby, it’s not terminal.’

Rebecca had, rather depressingly, worked out that the chances were that this time next year she’d be back at work, unless she and James could work out a way for her to take a bit more maternity and live on no money.

‘That’s what they all say, but you never know, might be glad to get out of this place! So you’ve got one of the newer PCs haven’t you?’

He’s trying to put dibs on my computer? He’s basically a teenager who might not even have a contract here by the time I go off and he’s trying to bagsy my desk? Rebecca told him it was one of the new ones, and that partners and senior associates all had them, hoping he’d pick up on the subtle reminder of his position in the pecking order.

She wanted to leave with a line that would really put him in his place but ‘Well, must be getting on,’ is all that she managed. At least she didn’t say it with a smile. She headed back to her office, trying to look dignified, even though at times like this, whenever she concentrated on her walking, her shoes always became one size too big for her, and she’d stub a toe and trip over nothing.

Sitting at her desk, she flicked through a file and tried to stop trying to think of what she should have said to put Josh in his place. It was five hours till she could go home and get her slippers on. She tried phoning James, but he wasn’t answering his phone again.

She called Sophie, who was always good at thinking of the zingers that would help destroy anyone making Rebecca feel bad. She was just on her way to fire someone or something, though, so didn’t have time to talk. But she did command Rebecca that she’d have to come out on Saturday night, while Rebecca ‘would still be allowed in nice places’ to celebrate (while pretending to ignore) Sophie’s birthday.

She flicked through the web browser tabs for all her procrastination websites, and refreshed them all thirty seconds later to check if there was any just-breaking non-news. She thought about doing some work on the files on her desk, and tidied them into a neat pile on the left of her worktop, and cleared space on the right for completed ones.

Then she checked the websites again, in case Cheryl Cole had done something.

She was looking forward to being home and seeing James tonight. He was the one person she knew she could talk to for hours on end about a blurry picture of a blob without worrying that she was getting too boring. She’d been on such a high after the appointment. She’d been feeling so in control of things she’d even been able to say to James that she
might
be called as a witness in her dad’s trial without getting into a panic. She’d mentioned it casually, said it was something to do with a chat they’d had ages ago and moved on. She half-believed it herself, and James hadn’t seemed that interested. She figured it was because he was anxious about not being in the office when he ought to be, the goody-goody.

She, on the other hand, could have sat in the coffee shop all day, watching it fill up with its main working hours customers, women with bulky buggies. The women all looked pretty cool and normal, she thought, and didn’t seem to be that alpha mummy type she’d read about in the lifestyle sections of the paper. These ones didn’t seem too expensively dressed, and were having an actual laugh. She could imagine being friends with them, if they weren’t too sniffy – she could do with a few more girl friends. But sitting in her office now, the idea of having to meet new people seemed more intimidating than anything else.

Thinking about her folks, she finally called her mum on her mobile. She’d be at work near Heathrow, hanging in with her job at BA even though she professed to hate it. Rebecca often thought her mum was crazy to still be doing a job she didn’t like, apparently just to get out of the house – especially considering they were loaded. She liked to think that when she and James were loaded – it had to happen someday right? –she certainly wouldn’t be faffing about with timesheets and being nice to everybody just for the sake of it. Today was a day when the prospect of lengthy maternity leave did sound appealing. Ideally, with a live-in nanny so she could go out to lunch when she wanted. Perhaps a few other servants while they were at it…

Rebecca guiltily winced as the number rang. She’d been slightly hoping it would have gone straight to voicemail, not wanting to have another conversation about her dad’s media campaign on her big scan day. The line finally stopped ringing, and Rebecca expected the automated ‘Sorry, but the person…’ message to kick in, but after a pause there was a hesitant ‘hello?’

‘Hi Mum, it’s me.’

‘Oh hello dear, it’s you. I couldn’t see the number without my glasses. What’s the matter, is everything all right?’

‘It’s fine! It was the scan today.’

‘I know, I’d been waiting to hear all morning and was worried that there might have been…that…’

‘Everything’s fine. All going as would be expected at this stage.’

‘Well that’s great news, touch wood. Do you have a picture? You could pop in with it on the way home?’

‘I have. It’s really cute! But I don’t think I’ll be able to make it over at home time. Loads to do here then I need to get back. I’ll send it in an email though.’

‘Well don’t work too hard, you’ve got to be careful you know.

‘Yes. Yes, I know that, Mum.’ Rebecca’s usual snappiness when being told what she should be doing by her mum was exacerbated by the fact she was making up how busy she was. She thought maybe she should be giving her a break at a time like this.

‘We heard the heartbeat too,’ she continued, ‘it was amazing. Bompalomp’s really in there! It goes so fast, hundreds of beats per minute it felt like.’

‘We’ll have to get one of those home headphone kits, so we can hear it too next time we come around. I meant to say to you at lunch, you’re still not showing much.’

‘Nope, just looking fat. Although apparently everybody here knew what was going on before I said anything, so it must be a bit obvious.’

‘That’s because you’re looking radiant, darling.’

‘Right. I had some swine try and touch my belly today. I couldn’t believe it, I barely know him.’

‘Your body’s not your own now you’re expecting… Get used to the prodding and poking. It was the strangers on the bus that would get to me.’

‘The world can keep its hands to itself. I’m not letting anyone near me unless I can see their medical qualifications first.’

‘Your father will be so excited to see the picture – that’s two important photos today, after we were snapped for the
Focus
.’

Rebecca had forgotten about the planned photo shoot for the ridiculous scheme of her dad’s.

‘Great. Well, I hope the fame and celebrity makes him happy.’

‘There’s no need for sarcasm, dear. We’re taking this seriously. Margaret even called last night with some clever idea about a public mural, and when the piece appears in the paper your father is getting in touch with the local TV people. There’s apparently even the possibility of LBC doing a phone-in.’

‘What the fuck? Jesus, so much for a stress-free pregnancy.’

The other end of the line went quiet.

‘That’s not fair, Becky. You know we wouldn’t do anything to hurt you or the baby. If anything happened…’

Rebecca didn’t want to say sorry. But she was pretty sure she was going to have to say sorry.

‘I’m sorry, Mum.’

‘Me too, darling. We’re doing this for you too you know, and for the baby…’

Right, thought Rebecca. Of course you are.

‘Well…I’ll drop the photo in later.’

Somehow, as usual, her mother had guilted her into changing her plans. But Rebecca did feel bad she was taking out her anger with her dad on her mum.

‘Your father sends his love…’

‘I’d better go. Bye, Mum.’

She sat there, thinking she could just lay her head down on the table and have a nap right there and then. The only thing keeping her awake was that she was absolutely starving. But she couldn’t see herself even leaving the office to get a sandwich now, everybody would be watching her, wanting to talk about something, and she’d now definitely got herself in a state where any attempt to open her mouth would not end well. She slid open her bottom drawer and nibbled on a ginger nut, and tried to get hold of James again. Still no answer.