Read NOT What I Was Expecting Online
Authors: Tallulah Anne Scott
Tags: #Fiction, #Humor, #Mystery, #Retail
I knew I was
probably supposed to be aggravated, but I wasn’t so much listening to what he
was saying as I was looking into his eyes while he was saying it. They looked
so peaceful, so inviting, and they must have contained some invisible magnet.
I found that while he slowly leaned closer into the table, his voice seemed to
be growing softer so I had to lean in closer to hear him. While that’s my
story and I’ll repeat as many times as necessary, I didn’t catch anything he
said because of his stupid eyes. I was paying enough attention to notice when
he stopped speaking, but he didn’t seem to expect an answer, so I just sat
there with the same idiot grin on my face I’d had for the entire time he was
talking. As he and I stared into each other’s eyes, I was lulled into a nice,
peaceful daydream by the silence until - KUA- KUA-KUA-KUA-GAKGAKGAK!!!
The horrible noise
came from nowhere and scared me so bad I thought I might need resuscitating. I
squealed and bolted into the air, clearing the chair seat by about 6 inches.
Since what goes up really does come down, I landed back where I started – on my
chair. My lap guest, the napping Chihuahua (who I suddenly realized was
responsible for the earth shattering moose-call of a snore) was not so lucky.
He went flying into the air along with my lap, but he detoured somewhere en
route and was about to make an acrobatic landing with no net. Luckily, Luke
managed to snag him in midflight and allowed him the opportunity to move on to
Naptime Part 2 with all his body parts and internal organs where he liked them.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah. I wasn’t paying attention, because I was looking into his eyes.
Enough of that already, because I was just going to complicate things. I
needed to get a grip. I needed to back up, take a moment, regroup, and move
the conversation to a topic that didn’t have anything to do with me. I looked
down at the bug-eyed bud that Luke had placed back in my lap. Perfect.
As we ate our
beignets, I said, “Luke, you can’t seriously be thinking of taking this bundle
of joy with us? Good save, by the way.” I tried to make the compliment as
casual as possible. I felt I’d been complimenting him a lot. That was a bad
idea. It was all true, but telling him was a bad idea.
I continued
whining about the dog, since I didn’t want to talk about anything else.
Besides, I knew I didn’t exactly drive men wild when I whined, so I considered
it my first line of birth control. “I mean, you said you didn’t believe in
that palm reading stuff, so that means she was making it up as she went along,
right?”
“Here’s how I see
it,” Luke said, placing one hand on the back of my chair and the other on the
dog in my lap. To do this he had to lean toward me, which made my mouth
water. Don’t know why. Don’t want to think about it.
“She was making it
up – probably,” he admitted. “However, who am I to say there aren’t gifted
people who can see glimpses the rest of us can’t? Who are you to say she isn’t
one of them? Who are we to say it’s impossible that you and I would have a
blessed event together, and that this tiny, big-eared blob isn’t it?”
He’d been slowly,
steadily leaning in closer as he spoke, and when he stopped talking, his lips
were about an inch and a half from mine.
“Ah, excuse me,”
our waiter interrupted, causing me to think –
NO TIP FOR YOU
. What was
I thinking? He’d saved me from myself. Good waiter.
“Here’s your
dog’s water. Can I get you anything else?” He placed the paper bowl full of
water on the ground.
Luke, who sat back
in his chair at the waiter’s interruption, reached for his wallet and said,
“Just the check, please.”
As the waiter
handed Luke the check and waited while he pulled out some bills, I concentrated
on returning my head to its upright position. It seemed to be stuck in the
off-to-one-side, dreamy-looking tilt, and I wanted desperately to correct it
before Luke looked at me.
I took the
opportunity to tell the waiter, “Your service was excellent.” I gave him a
thumps up. “Really great. Thanks so much for everything. Thanks. Really.”
Ah-ha, my head was
now in the upright and locked position. I looked completely in control of my
faculties just as Luke turned to me.
“Hey, dude,” he
said smiling at me, and lifting the Chihuahua out of my lap. “How about a
drink?” Luke eased the dog down to the ground slowly, since that’s how he was
waking up — slowly.
“You are aware we
can’t bring this dog with us, aren’t you?” I asked, hoping he would tell me we
most certainly could bring the dog with us. I was feeling extremely guilty for
nearly bouncing the poor thing off the sidewalk when he flew out of my lap.
“Of course I am.
We have enough going on at the moment, and I am with you 100% on the no dog
thing,” Luke assured me. “We passed a shop on the way here that I’d really
like to stop in if you’re up for it.”
“Sure, that’s fine,”
I assured him while I tried to hide my inner turmoil. I didn’t need a dog, but
it broke my heart to think of walking away and leaving him. Oh, I was being
ridiculous. Of course he had a home around here somewhere. “Now that I have
something else in my stomach, I’m feeling much better. What are you shopping
for?” I asked in an effort to keep my mind off what horrible people we were for
leaving without the poor little Chihuahua.
As we headed down
the street, Luke looked over his should and said, “Be good, little dude.” Then
he turned to me and in answer to my question, said, “I saw a grocery market
down this way. I know we have groceries at home, but I thought we could grab
some wine and cheese to take back with us. Of course, if you’re having any
particular cravings, we can pick up something to take care of them as well.”
I chose not to
comment on his cravings remark, but chatted instead about the weather,
architecture, and the area in general as we walked. Finally, I was ready to
respond to his craving remark when I informed him, “Since you asked earlier,
there is something I really need tonight.”
“Yes?” he asked,
leaning so close I could feel his breath on my hair.
I stopped just as
we were about to enter the market, turned to face him, and said, “Chocolate.”
I’m not sure what
he thought I was going to say, but it was obvious that wasn’t it.
“Oh, okay. Sure,”
he said recovering quickly. “Let’s see what they have in the chocolate
family.”
We walked in, and
Luke grabbed one of the shopping carts as we entered. “We might find a few
other things, so we should probably make it easy on ourselves,” he offered as
an explanation.
“I’m going to make
a quick pass down the candy row, and I’ll meet you at the cheese, okay?” I
suggested.
“Deal,” Luke said
and took off toward the produce.
I studied the numerous
sizes and varieties of chocolate before deciding on Ma somebody’s fudge. I
scooted to the back of the market and scanned the dairy section in search of
cheese.
When I found it, I
was surprised to see Luke just arriving from the opposite direction with
something already in his basket.
“What is that you
have, Gourmet – what does it say?” I asked since I couldn’t see the other word.
“Crackers,” Luke
informed me. “I thought we might like some crackers with our cheese.”
As I reached to
drop my fudge into the basket, I saw there was a bag of dog food underneath
Luke’s gourmet crackers.
“What is that?” I
asked as I pointed an accusing finger at the dog food.
“Maggie,” Luke
exclaimed, looking at me all shocked. “Why did you put that in the cart when
we agreed we can’t bring a dog home with us right now?”
“I, uh, huh?” I
sputtered, unable to spit out the words I was thinking which were ‘
it was
you
!’
“I understand,”
Luke went on to assure me. “I mean, I felt bad about leaving the little guy,
too. But rational thinking leans toward him coming from a home in this area,
so I’m sure he already has a family.”
Luke selected a
cheese, offered it for my approval, and with my nod, tossed it into our cart.
“On the way to the
wine let’s stop on the pet aisle and put this dog food back, okay?” Luke
coaxed.
“But you were the
one – fine,” I concluded. It was just easier. Besides, the whole outing was
to get his mind off the agonizing wait for information. I’d let him have his
fun.
When we got to the
pet aisle, we walked along until we came to the brand that was riding in our cart.
I stopped in front of it. Luke handed me the bag and said, “Looks like it goes
right there. Will you please stick it back on the shelf?”
As I tried to
stand it with the others, it seemed the bag was a little tall for the shelf. I
folded the top down, just as the others on the shelf were folded, and put it in
place.
When I turned to
Luke, looking all proud of myself for my success, I saw that he had a
suspicious grin on his face.
“Maggie,” he
began, “did you do that?”
I looked at the
cart where he was pointing and saw two pet dishes and a box of dog biscuits. I
smiled at Luke but said nothing.
“Fine. I give
up. You win,” Luke made a point of throwing his hands up in the air before
they landed on his hips. He stood there shaking his head for only a moment
before he retrieved the bag of food I had just inserted back onto the shelf so
expertly. As he dropped the food in the cart, he looked at me and said, “It’s
a good thing I find you so swoon-worthy, because you tire me. You know that,
right?” He tossed a pack of beef chew sticks into the cart as he spoke. We
added a few more items before we left the pet section (leash, harness, etc.).
After we selected
our wine and checked out, we agreed we would retrace our steps back to the Café
to see if the Chihuahua was still hanging around. The plan turned out to be
totally unnecessary.
When we walked out
of the market doorway, there sat little-head-big-ears.
We simultaneously
yelled, “Hey!” and his tiny tail started to wag. Luke reached down and scooped
him up with one hand, shoved him into my arms as he said, “I’m holding the
bundle of joy’s accessories, so you hold the bundle of joy.”
“Sure, but bundle
of joy is a really long name. What do you want to call him?” I asked, holding
him up so we could see him grin at us showing his teeth.
“I don’t know what
we’re going to call him, but could you let him know his upkeep already cost us
about 800 pesos, and he hasn’t even moved in yet.” When Luke made that
statement, the dog’s ears twitched.
“Did you see
that?” I asked. “Say that last part again.”
“What part?” Luke
wanted to know. “You mean the part about the 800 pesos?”
This time the
little golf ball head sat at attention when the satellite ears twitched.
“See!” I
exclaimed. “I think he likes it when you say ‘pesos!’ Do you think he might
understand Spanish?”
“I don’t know, but
we can call him Peso just to make sure he likes his name, if you want,” Luke
suggested.
“Do you like that,
Peso?” I asked, looking into his jet black eyes. The mention of his new name
caused him to shove his head against my chest and demand his God given right to
cuddle.
Who was I to
disagree with God?
CHAPTER 16
We walked into the
apartment with our purchases and Peso. I unhooked Peso from his leash and
harness so he could check out his new crib. Luke took the wine and cheese
stuff into the kitchen to unload. We decided I would monitor Peso’s progress
during his inspection, so I followed him in and out of each room until he
returned to the living room. Once he was making his second sweep, I sat on the
floor in the living room and waited for him to decide it was time to give me
the report on his findings.
When he noticed me
loitering around at his level, Peso ran over and did a little tiny, fat version
of a gazelle leap into my lap. He was so adorable. I couldn’t resist playing
a few rounds of road-kill-toy to see if he had game (that’s what they call the
dog toy we selected from the pet section in the store; no actual road kill will
ever be used for any type of recreational purposes on my watch). Turned out
Peso played to win. When we’d both had enough, I gave him a hug and pressed my
head to his. Whew! I got a nose full of stinky dog.
After shaking my
head to clear the nasty smell from my brain and giving Peso a reassuring smile
to let him know that we’d take care of it, I called to Luke in the kitchen,
“Luke, I think we should bathe Peso. He stinks. Maybe that will help us work
up an appetite for the wine and cheese later.”
As I gently sat
Peso on the floor and stood up, Luke stepped out of the kitchen.
“What?” he asked.
“I said I know how
we can work up an appetite for the wine and cheese later,” I suggested,
unconsciously smoothing my shirt and jeans and gently running my hand through
my hair to put it back in place after the romp with Peso. Luke’s eyebrows shot
up. As a smile replaced the surprised look, he sauntered up to me. Why is he
standing so close?
“What did you have
in mind?” he asked softly.
“Um, I said we
should bathe Peso. He stinks,” I explained uncertainly, trying to figure out
his tone.
Luke took a step
back, chuckled a little, and said with a small head shake, “Ah. Of course you
did.”
“What do you
mean?” I asked suspiciously.
“Nothing. I just
— I thought you meant something else,” Luke explained, at least he seemed to
consider that an explanation. He was still smiling as he scooped up Peso and
headed for the bathroom. “You’re offending the lady of the house, little
dude. Something must be done.”
Meant something
else? What was that supposed to mean, and what was so funny?
He called over his
shoulder, “I’ll run the water and get his collar off. Why don’t you grab the
shampoo?”
I strolled slowly
into the kitchen to get the shampoo as I heard the water begin to run in the
bathroom. I could feel myself growing crankier with each step. What had I
missed?
Luke was kneeling
by the tub, putting Peso into the shallow, warm water when I walked into the
bathroom. I knelt down beside him, handing him a wash cloth and puppy shampoo.
Peso was sitting down in the water looking at us with that same pitiful look he
had on his face when we first saw him. Luke stood him up so that we could
bathe him. Peso immediately plopped his rear end back down in the water. Luke
stood him up again. Once again, Peso sat back down.
“Look, Junior,”
Luke said, “You’re going to have to stand up if I’m going to get you clean.”
Peso gazed up at him forlornly, but didn’t sit this time when Luke stood him
up.
“Smart dog,” I
said.
“No kidding,” Luke
said with a smile. “Maybe he can recommend a good trainer for Fry.”
I playfully
slapped his arm. “Leave Fry alone.” I opened the puppy shampoo and took a
whiff. “Smells good. This should do the trick,” I said, trying to sound
friendly and not cranky. I just needed him to believe for a few moments that
I’d let it go. I hadn’t of course, but once his guard was down I would just
subtly find out what that comment meant.
I cleared my
throat, “So what did you mean earlier when you said that you thought I meant
something else?” Oops, not too subtle. I wanted to ease my way back to that
subject, but my curiosity wouldn’t allow a sneak attack. I’ve really got to
work on that.
“Nothing, Maggie.
Time to rinse,” Luke replied.
He’s trying to
change the subject. Not a good sign. Also, not going to work.
“Tell me,” I
encouraged.
“Let it go,” he
countered.
“Can’t,” I
explained.
“Why?” he
wondered.
“It’s not who I
am,” I admitted.
Luke turned to me
with a sigh. “All I meant was that I thought you were suggesting another
activity – that has been known to work up an appetite, since you mentioned the
wine and cheese – that we’d be hungry for later after your suggestion – that I
didn’t hear because I had the water running in the kitchen, so I’m going to
stop talking now, because I can tell by the look of panic on your face that you
now understand – so that’s all good. Great.”
I tried not to,
but a tiny gasp escaped when I finally realized Luke was talking about he and I
– yeah, you probably realized before I did. I can never again make fun of the light
bulb over Fry’s head or the time it takes CeCe to get a clue, since here I am,
practically having it written out for me in crayon by a first grader who got it
before I did. The gasp wasn’t because I’ve never considered the previous
referenced activity with Luke. The gasp was because I didn’t realize he
thought of me that way. Sure he made jokes after the palm reading, but I
wasn’t picking up a joke vibe this time. I am aware there’s a certain segment
of society that would tell me all men think of all women that way all the
time. However, I’ve watched Luke pretty closely for a while now, and I’m
beginning to think he might be kind of different. I could be wrong, but I like
my idealized view from where I’m standing, and that’s what I see.
Apparently he took
my silence to mean something entirely different than what I was actually
thinking.
“Look, I’m sorry I
said anything, okay?” Luke said.
“Nothing to be
sorry about. Just a miscommunication,” I told him in what I thought was a kind
way.
“Well, I didn’t
mean to upset you,” he unwisely continued
“You didn’t upset
me,” I tried to clarify.
“Obviously I did,
but that wasn’t my intention,” he stupidly insisted.
“Not obviously.
There’s no obviously, and you didn’t upset me, okay?” I explained.
“Maggie,” Luke
said impatiently and a little louder. “Believe me, you are acting upset, so
just accept my apology and let’s move on, all right?”
All of a sudden
Peso threw his nose straight up in the air and let out a long, loud,
high-pitched, “Ah-ooooo.”
Luke and I looked
at each other.
“Did you hurt
him?” I asked worriedly.
“I don’t think so.”
Luke directed his next question to Peso, “Is there a problem? If you’re
trying to tell us you liked smelling like sausage and beer, too bad.”
Luke and I both
started rinsing him faster, and a few howls later I was lifting Peso from the
tub into Luke’s towel covered arms.
“Uh, I got wet.
Would you mind drying him off while I go change my shirt?” I asked.
“No problem, he
really doesn’t have that much hair to dry,” Luke said heading for the living
room.
I picked a blue
cami that said, “I Rock,” to replace my wet shirt. I thought through what Luke
had said as I changed. That’s a good thing – that he is attracted to me. It’s
true that I’m not interested in rushing into sex with Luke at the moment, but
that’s for a whole list of reasons. I’m sure I’d feel differently if it wasn’t
that I barely know him, I don’t have the best track record with men I
think
I know, and we’re currently removed from our daily lives which gives things an
unrealistic quality that I find very romantic. Those are just a few of the
things that make me question my judgment. None of that even begins to address
his issues at the moment. There’s the fact that he’s grieving the loss of his
last beloved relative and hoping to stay one step ahead of the cops who are
trying to solve two murders. Yeah, maybe not the best time to rush into sex
with the first guy I’ve met in a long time that I actually
want
to get
to know a lot better. Still nice to know he’s interested, I thought with a
smile, because he’s definitely worth more of my time and effort.
I walked into the
living room to find Peso curled up in Luke’s lap wearing a little dog t-shirt
that said “Rock Star.”
“I didn’t see you
get that,” I said to Luke, pointing at Peso’s shirt.
“Get what?” he
asked innocently.
Oh, for Heaven’s
sake. Never mind. Not worth it. I had just plopped onto the sofa when there
was a knock on the door. Luke and I tensed. He transferred Peso to my lap and
headed for the door.
Just as he reached
for the doorknob, we heard a female voice yell through the door, “Open up Fry!
Time to party!”
We both exhaled
and relaxed. When Luke opened the door, two people practically fell into the
apartment.
“Well, hey there,”
the female who fell in first said all flirty to Luke. She looked to be early
to mid-20's, blonde, petite, pretty, you know – my worst nightmare. The guy
who fell in behind her headed straight to the kitchen without a word. I looked
down at Peso. Still asleep. Okay. Not a guard dog.
As partier number
one began to chat up Luke, I stashed Peso in my bedroom before quietly closing
the door. I returned to find partier number one on the sofa literally draped
across Luke, gazing at him adoringly, and giggling wildly about something. I
felt a fire burning in my stomach. Not that I was jealous. I just hated her
with every inch of my being for no good reason. How does she do that without
spilling her drink? I mean, I could do that if I chose to. Not quite sure
what to say, I just stood there with my arms crossed.
Luke finally
noticed me. Well, it had only been about two seconds, but it felt like
finally
.
“Maggie, this is
Babs, a friend of Fry’s from down the hall,” Luke said, NOT pushing her off of him.
“Hey, honey,” she
said sweetly, raising her drink at me as she leaned even farther into Luke.
What – is the
drink glued to her hand? I could swear it’s defying gravity, but not a drop
has spilled. Thoughts of my poise and grace when I’d been drinking last night
did nothing to improve my sudden bad mood.
“I’m Ty,” partier
number two announced, appearing from the kitchen. “We saw the lights on and
needed some hot sauce. We assumed it was Fry, since Serge is out of town.
Hope you don’t mind,” he said smiling and wiggling a hot sauce bottle at us
before pouring a hefty amount into the drink in his hand. Thankfully, he did
not appear to be drunk like his female companion. However, he did appear to be
tall, blonde, handsome, and a few years older than the girl. Not that I cared.
Ty settled into
the recliner as if he had done so many times before. “My cousin Babs has an
apartment down the hall. Party central,” he said with an eye roll. “She’s the
only family I have in town, so we hang out a lot. Gotta look out for family,
you know.”
“I don’t need
looking after,” Babs said haughtily. “He just likes an excuse to hang out in
the French Quarter. His house is in a boring old “established” neighborhood.
One of those really old, really big houses. He’s addicted to house projects.
Renovating and junk like that. He needs me to liven things up.” This prompted
another air toast to us all and a big gulp of her drink. She’s practically lying
down, clearly drunk, and still not spilling a drop. How does she do it? I
might admire her if I didn’t hate her so much.
I looked back at
Ty to find him looking me up and down and smiling. Awkward. I tried to smile
back and relax a little. No, still awkward.
“Why don’t y’all
come on over and join? The more the merrier,” Ty stood and walked over to me
extending his hand. “You are?”
“Maggie. Maggie
Eastman,” I said, finally managing a relaxed smile as I shook his hand. “We’re
friends of Fry’s.”
Luke appeared at my
side. “Luke,” he said to Ty but did not extend his hand, “and thanks, but
we’re staying in for the evening. Maggie partied a little too hard last night,
so we’ll probably just take it easy tonight.” He put his arm around my shoulder
as he spoke.
It felt nice when
he – wait a minute, what did he say? A really stupid plan formed quickly in my
head. I liked it anyway. Time to show him I can be just as much fun as Babs,
except I’m going to be sober this time. Time to show him I’m not as boring as
he seems to be implying I am.
“Actually,” I
said, removing myself from Luke’s arm and moving over next to Ty. “I could use
some fun. We should hit the party.” Score for me. Was I cool or what? I
looked at Luke expecting surprise and hopefully a
“wow, you go girl look
.”
Unfortunately, his face just looked really hard. It’s just the shock. He’ll
be impressed in a minute.
“I really don’t
think that’s a good idea, Maggie,” Luke said. “Don’t you think after last
night you should just take it easy tonight?”
Low blow. Now, I
was getting mad. “Tonight’s a new night,” I said breezily, “and I don’t need
to take it easy. If you can’t keep up, feel free to go to bed early. I’m sure
Ty will keep me company.” I looked up at Ty and gave him my Barbie smile.
Ty grinned at me
and then turned to Luke, “Absolutely, I’ll look out for her if you don’t want
to join. It’ll be my pleasure.” Without waiting for an answer, he steered me
out the door and two doors down to Bab’s apartment. When he opened the door, the
blast of music made me jump.