Not Quite Juliet: A Club Imperial Novel (Silver Soul Book 1) (18 page)

“Woman needs a vibrator.”

I laughed lightly. “She and Genghis are totally about each other. It’s so cute.”

That’s what I thought Nick and I were. All about each other. I couldn’t keep the guy out of my head all week and this was where I wound up. Back on the fat-and-lonely couch.

There was suddenly a cat being pushed into my lap. “Here. Stop thinking about dudes who feel the need to dump your magnificent ass, and pet a cat. Dervish loves you.”

“Dervish thinks of me as a food dispenser.”

“And he loves you for that.”

The black and white tuxedo cat that had been my friend—since I found him as kitten in the dumpster in back of Club Imperial, six years earlier—bumped his head on my chin, turned around twice and settled right in. His purr instantly ramped up, and I could tell I was going nowhere without his permission.

In some way, I felt like Dervish had rescued me. I’d just gone through the worst interview ever at Imperial. I’d been uncomfortable, squirmy, and totally off my game. I didn’t think I had a shot in hell. I had leaned against the dumpster to have a good cry when I heard him mewling. He was half starved with a bad infection in his eye. I spent the last of my money on a vet for him, and didn’t know what I was going to do for a place to live yet. Franz called me just two hours into Dervish’s vet ordeal of fluids, medicines and blood work and told me I had the job. I cried and Dervish mewled happily as I scratched his chin through the cage bars.

And here he was, settling in nicely with me again, not caring if I was fat or unlucky or unpopular or awkward. I was human, and I was warm. He seemed to know he helped, because a moment later the purring turned into his infamous purr-snore.

“Cat’s fucking loud.” Lisa was perusing the movie collection. “So let’s get louder!” She pulled out The Avengers and put it in the player. “This should drown out the fuzzy bastard.”

“You just want to have dreams about Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans ganging up on you to tie you up.”

“You would think somewhere along the way, they would come up with a male superhero who uses a rope.” She walked into the kitchen. “The only one with a rope is the Phantom, and seriously? Billy Zane in purple spandex? It’s like thinking about Barney having sex.”

“What about Wonder Woman?”

She peered around the corner. “Don’t swing that way.”

“It’s a magical lasso. Maybe you can use that to your advantage to forget?”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Lisa popped back into the kitchen. “Have you seen the size of her animated boobs? There’s no lasso in the world that would make you forget those.” I heard her tinkering around in the other room, and sounds indicated she was making hot cocoa. Which I could really go for at that point, as long as it had a shot of whipped cream vodka. “Ready!?” she called out.

“Yes?” I was confused. It took a lot longer than a minute to make hot cocoa.

She jumped out from behind the wall wearing a pastry crust band on her head, aluminum foil wrapped around her wrists, several lengths of poultry twine at her waist, and she had her boobs shoved together with her hands. “
Wonder womaaan!”

I laughed so hard, Dervish fell off my lap.

~*~*~

N
adines
: I’m so sorry, Morg. I didn’t realize he was going to be a jerk.

Nadines
: I could have sworn that song was for you.

MorganaLeFey
: It was nice while it lasted.

Nadines
: Do you want me to come over?

MorganaLeFey
: No. It’s cool. You have a sex beast in your bed. Enjoy that.

Nadines
: LOL. He’s cool with it if you need me.

MorganaLeFey
: He might be cool with it, but he’s hot for you and I don’t need you two coming over here pretending to help me and all you’re doing is sexing up my new couch.

Nadines
: We wouldn’t do that.

Nadines
: We’d use your bed.

MorganaLeFey
: You are gross. I don’t have plastic sheets.

Nadines
: Ok, can we use the bathroom?

MorganaLeFey
: Not enough bleach on the planet.

Nadines
: You sure you’re going to be OK?

MorganaLeFey
: I’ll find out in about twelve hours when that arrogant sex stick walks in.

Nadines
: Sure?

MorganaLeFey
: Sure. I have to handle it.

Nadines
: I’m telling Stat all about this, just FYI. Whoever the fuck Tiny is, he’s going to really regret not letting you back there.

MorganaLeFey
: To find what? Nick’s tongue down the gullet of one of those floozies?

MorganaLeFey
: Or, to really make my day, find him balls deep in the throat of another?

MorganaLeFey
: It’s probably better he did just drop me. At least I won’t have to suffer that.

Nadines
: Dude better have a reason.

MorganaLeFey
: Dude best never come near my fat ass again.

Nadines
: *sigh* I wish you wouldn’t do that.

MorganaLeFey
: Don’t start with me, Dee. The last thing I need is one of your fucking lectures about how it’s not about the size of my ass. Because clearly, it is.

Nadines
: Because your ass is NOT the problem. He got a $300 a night room with you. You don’t do that unless you’re desperate or completely infatuated.

MorganaLeFey
: I’ll take Desperate for $1000, Alex. He even said it’s been three years.

Nadines
: Someday, Miss BDSM Club, you’re going to get that it’s not about the size of your ass even if the rest of the world is trying to make you think it is.

Nadines
: HE BOUGHT YOU LINGERIE.

Nadines
: Even Stat hasn’t done that yet. And I’m completely infatuated here. Puppy dog eyes and all. Girl, I even let him tie me up, and you know that’s not my scene.

MorganaLeFey
: You did NOT.

Nadines
: I did.

Nadines
: She did

Nadines
: Stat grabbed the phone. He’s a little excited that I did. And, shit, Morg. Why didn’t you tell me it was *that fucking good*?!

MorganaLeFey
: You have to like the person you’re with for it to be *that* good.

Nadines
: And hello. Glass dildo? Why did you not tell me about these things?!

MorganaLeFey
: Come over, Li and I will give you an education.

Nadines
: Willing student!

Nadines
: What other tricks do you 2 have?

Nadines
: He keeps stealing my phone.

MorganaLeFey
: Do you know about butt plugs?

MorganaLeFey
: Now Lisa is stealing mine.

Nadines
: Tell me more.

MorganaLeFey
: Would like to know more? Please press 1 for further info

MorganaLeFey
: Look, if you 2 want to text, exchange numbers. Otherwise stay off my phone. I’m commiserating with my BFF here.

Nadines
: Stat says you suck.

MorganaLeFey
: He’ll never know if that’s true.

Nadines
: Foul.

MorganaLeFey
: You’re welcome.

Nadines
: You’ll be ok?

MorganaLeFey
: Always am.

Nadines
: That’s my girl.

––––––––

I
pushed the door open to Judge MacPhearson’s chambers with the piles of folders in my arms. She had her glasses perched on her nose, reading something. Today she was wearing a pair of black jeans, and a shirt that had something to do with Einstein and Eine Stein. I tried to smile and pretend I hadn’t spent all Sunday on my couch, in my pjs, crying, eating bonbons, drinking Hot Cocoa Vodkas, watching superhero movies and discussing the merits of sex toys.

MacPhearson was much more perceptive than the average bear.

“Well, Kirkbride, don’t you look like the cat shit on your rug today.”

“Thankfully, my cat is very good at hitting the box.”

“Nicely done, Morgan,” she said. “I won’t pry. I’ll simply ask if you are capable of handling yourself and my courtroom today.”

“Yes, your Honor. I’ll be fine.” I really hoped I could. I still wasn’t feeling too steady.

“All right,” she said. “Johnny Appleseed is back today. With a new lawyer.”

“Oh wonderful,” I said. I had a thousand things run through my head, and bit my tongue.

MacPhearson smiled at me. “Very good, Ms. Kirkbride. I saw all those comments on your lips and you didn’t let a single one fall. Go ahead, off the record.”

“Off the record?” I raised my eyebrows. “Did he lie to this one, too? Does he really think he can fool anyone into thinking he ‘accidentally’ poisoned his wife with two hundred plus apple seeds that probably took him close to four weeks to collect if he was eating apples every day?”

“He chose a trial by jury, so we have to go by whatever they find in their verdict,” she reminded me. “I think he’s hoping for the stupid factor on the jury.”

“Well, he sure did pick the wrong lawyers for that to work.”

“Indeed he did.” She looked back at her paperwork. “Well, go ahead and get the courtroom ready for the circus.”

“Yes, your Honor.” I backed out of the room and walked over to the desk I’d made distinctly mine over the course of the past week. The worst part was the picture of Nick I’d taped there. It was my favorite from when I was still just a fangirl and not a broken-hearted fuck-and-flee. I pulled it off and dropped it face down on the table, instead of crumbling it up and burning it like I really wanted to do.

I set up my desk and set up judge’s desk as well. The new lawyer was already there, and he was working alone. I knew him; his name was Chuck Bowers. He was a good guy, but I knew the kiss of the public defender was that Appleseed was about ninety percent in jail already. Which was really fine with me; he saved apple seeds to kill his wife.

I sat down and paged through the other cases for the week. They were mostly uneventful, jury trials that would, or should, take half a day each. I could spend the recess time studying since I’d been so distracted last week.

Why was I such an asshole? Why did I always fall for this? It just didn’t matter that I was in law school near the top of my class. It didn’t matter that I’d been making it all on my own for six years. None of it mattered. I was fat, and that was all that guys wound up seeing. Four days a week in the gym, watching every calorie in, trying to eat better, make smart food choices. It was all I could do without getting The Surgery. Everywhere I looked there were thin women in love and married. But the fat chick could be as smart as Einstein or Hawking and it wouldn’t matter a whit.

Every time I went to the doctor, he yelled at me and told me to lose weight. Well, I did. Again. Deadweight, dropped, once again.

I sighed. I needed to stop doing this to myself as well. I just had to wait until all the sexy hot women were married, and then I could take what was left and have babies in an unfulfilling marriage.

Oh, I couldn’t wait. Yay.

“All rise!” the bailiff called.

I looked up and stood. I hadn’t even realized the courtroom had filled up. I watched MacPhearson as she sat the bench, and tried to hold a small smirk from my face knowing what she wore under the robe was not a fancy blouse or nice button down but a silly t-shirt. I had the feeling she was going to ask me to law-clerk for her after graduation. I needed that kind of experience.

I sat down and my eyes landed on sex in a suit.

Today’s ensemble was black pinstripes with a light blue shirt and a dark blue tie, tailored and buttoned. He sat down and his chocolate brown eyes caught mine.

There was raw fury in them. Directed at me.

I gave it right back to him.

But, what the hell was
that
? Why was Nicholas Dovadsky mad at
me?
He wasn’t the one who’d been stood up and left alone at the bar at Downbound. I closed my eyes to collect myself. I wanted to show MacPhearson I was awesome at this, and nothing was going to stop me from being a judge someday. Not even that delicious, fuckable, asshole in the front row.

Johnny Appleseed had no intention of changing his plea, despite the PD explaining everything to him, and all the options. He just wanted to be let free, but he didn’t get that the jury had a dozen different choices they could choose to slap him with. It took everything I had to not shake my head and roll my eyes. From the look the judge was giving me, she was having the same problem. Poor Bowers, I could even see
him
trying not to sigh.

The first entire hour was wasted on rehashing what had happened the week before. Then another hour was spent with the judge and the PD and Prosecution all trying to subtly explain to Mr. Appleseed he was essentially screwed and there were better ways of doing this. Then, MacPhearson decided she’d had enough and held off on calling the coroner because she didn’t want to rehash that as well as a certain someone else’s testimony.

“We’ll have an hour recess to allow council to regroup and prepare for the rest of the trial,” she said, and banged the gavel. I glanced up and she indicated she didn’t need me to come back. I nodded briefly and decided I was going to get a coffee and do some reading on my lecture, resolutely ignoring the sex rocker-god who was trying to catch my eye.