Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (18 page)

A few hours
later after, another round of questioning, J and I are standing in my bedroom
packing up a few essentials. The detectives decided that it would be best if we
stayed in a hotel with round-the-clock security for tonight. J agreed, so here
I am packing.

Ever since I told J the full story, the silence between us
has been deafening. He is upset I did not confide in him sooner. I have apologized
several times and tried explaining that I didn’t see any of it as a real threat
until today. Nonetheless, he is mad, but I know he will get over it. He always
does.

Between the insistence of the detectives, Jeremy, and me, we
convinced Austin to stay put until at least tomorrow. He fought us tooth and
nail, but for now, he is safely tucked into his hotel room in Houston with a
guard stationed outside as an extra precaution. I grab my bag and Boss before
taking the stairs down to start a life of hiding. I cannot say I like the plan,
but there was no arguing with the detectives or J on this one.

Once we settle into a suite at one of the nicest hotels in
Boston J finally breaks his silence. “You want to order dinner or something?”

I have eaten nothing all day and I know I should be hungry,
but I am still too consumed with the day. “Sure, whatever you want is fine with
me.” I opt for a hot shower while J arranges dinner.

I stand under the steaming cascade of water trying to process
the events of the day. To say they are surreal seems to be an understatement. Staring
into the marbled tile wall, my mind drifts to Austin, no surprise. The images
and feelings of us in the shower together come crashing in and I can't help
smile as my body reacts. My body is suddenly flush with heat and desire pools
between my legs at the thought of my beautiful man.
My beautiful man.

I remain under the delicious spray until it runs cool. I don’t
feel any better about the day’s events, but I do miss Austin. My phone rings as
I turn the knob of the shower to the off position and grab a towel knowing I
can’t get to it in time. I dry myself off before the blasted device chimes and rings
again. With my towel wrapped tight, I make my way over, pick it up, and see
Austin’s beautiful face staring back at me.

I slid the green answer button across, “Hi.” It is all I can
manage not knowing where we stand considering the insane events of today and
the fact I haven’t spoken to him since I passed out in Ruzek’s arms.

“Ry, my sweet Rylee.” It comes out as a near whisper. “How
are you baby?” The distress and exhaustion in his voice is obvious. We are all
tired and stressed after today.

I try to lighten the mood with good memories. “Well, I am
better now. I just got out the shower and let’s just say that invited some steamy
memories.”

Thankfully, he takes the bait. “I can imagine. You want to
tell me about them,” he asks with a light chuckle. I swear I can hear that
beautiful smirk grace his face through the phone.

Feeling a little bold I continue, “Oh baby, I don’t need to
tell you about them. If I am not mistaken I am pretty sure you starred in them.”

“Pretty sure? I am pretty sure you had better be damn sure. I
seem to recall a certain vixen standing in my kitchen agreeing to be mine.” The
love and adoration mixed with a little possessive streak in his voice makes my
heart flutter.

“Did I agree to that? I don’t remember. Was that before or
after you screwed my brains out against the wall? Because if it was after I
don’t think my words can be trusted, I mean you left me brainless.” I can’t
help the light giggle that slips out.

“I love you woman. For the record, it was after, but you were
mine the minute you kissed me on that dance floor. You had better get used to
it.”

And, there is the crux of the problem. I want nothing more
than to be his. But, how can I agree to it when it puts his life and everyone
else’s at risk. I can feel the tears forming again as I try to figure out how
to tell him I have to walk away.

“Aus, I can’t. We can’t. What if?”
What if this lunatic
makes good on his threats.
I can’t live in a world without him and I certainly
could never live with the guilt if something happened to him or Jeremy because
of me.

My body is shaking with unshed sobs and tears. Austin tries
to calm me. “Shh, baby, shh. We will figure this out. Nobody will take you away
from me.”

If it was even possible, I love him even more after that
statement but it still doesn’t squash my fears. I have to protect the two most
important people in my life from me.

“I want that Aus, I do. But, I can’t risk you or J, I just can’t.
I won’t. I’m not worth it.”

He takes a deep breath and releases with enraged force. “Rylee
Ash, we will not go down this road again. Baby, you are worth everything. You
are my light, my dark, my love, my life, and my reason for fighting this psycho
with everything we have. Do you understand me?”

“I hear you Aus, but what about J? He doesn’t deserve this.
He has taken care of me my entire life. I can’t be the reason something happens
to him. I refuse to bring any danger to his doorstep.”

“I know baby, and we will find a way. But, I would bet J
doesn’t want you protecting him either. In fact, where is he? I want to talk to
him for a second.”

“Austin, no, let’s just take a break. Give this all time to
blow over that way you guys are safe. None of us want to live looking over our
shoulders every day.” I hope to convince him to let things be, but he is
stubborn so I am finding out.

“Ok Ry, let’s do this your way. Go find J and if he doesn’t
agree with me then we will take a break. How’s that? The least you can do is
let us decide for ourselves. We should have a say in how we handle threats
directed at us.”

I don’t like this idea at all because I know my big brother
and he has never backed down from anything or anyone. But, I guess it is his
choice how he wants to handle this. There is no doubt I cannot stop him. I just
hope he has the sense to take a step back this time.

Austin and J
were one the phone for a solid thirty minutes last night. After the first few
minutes I gave up trying to figure out what they were agreeing to since I could
only hear my brother’s side of the conversation. The only thing I know for sure
is that they agreed not to let an anonymous stalker dictate their lives, which
leaves me terrified for all of us.

Neither of them will explain the finer points of their
agreement. They both just tell me to trust them. As if, I can blindly trust
them in a situation of this magnitude. No way, there has to be a voice of
reason and that is my voice.

I paced throughout the beige colored suite while they spoke.
The room is nice with modern furnishings and understated paintings adorning the
walls. There is a living room/dining area that could hold thirty people. The hardwood
floors creak in a spot or two, but otherwise you would never know this is one
of the oldest hotels in Boston. It has been renovated several times the most
recent being a few years ago.

Once the guys were off the phone I begged J to tell me what they
were up to but he refused. He only spoke up to tell me I shouldn’t give up on Austin
that they would take care of this mess. After that, I called Austin and did
everything short of give him a massive guilt trip to tell me what they spoke
about but he too refused.

I finally gave up and asked Austin to stay on the phone with
me until I fell asleep, and I guess he did. Now, I am awoken by the pinging
noise signifying a new text message.

With groggy eyes, I realize I may have gone to bed with
Austin on the phone, but he is now wrapped around me like a vine. He is
spooning me from behind with his arm draped across me and one leg thrown over
the top of mine. He smells divine, like earthy body wash and Austin, my personal
kryptonite.

My heart is giddy with his presence and a smile makes its way
across my face, but it is quickly eclipsed by my fear for him. I turn under him
to soak in his beautiful face. He doesn’t register my movements meaning he must
be exhausted, I can’t imagine he has been here long. However, with the blackout
drapes drawn I haven’t a clue what time it is.

I could watch him sleep for hours. He looks so peaceful with
the little smirk playing across his lips. He is happy, and it melts my heart. I
lightly run my fingertips across the stubble on his jaw loving the scratchy
feeling against my fingers. When my touch fails to wake him up, I trail kisses
across his lips and the underside of his jaw.

When I make my way back to his lips he deepens the kiss and
pulls me flush against his bare chest. The kiss begins slow and lazy as he runs
one hand up the back of neck and fists my hair. The other wraps me tight before
pulling me on top of him.

Sliding up onto my knees, I break our passionate embrace to
remove my tank top and panties before removing his boxers. With nothing left
between us, I lean down framing his face with my hair as he runs his hands down
the length of my sides. The fire in his eyes says everything I am feeling.
I
love you; I want you, and I need you!

I slide myself down his hard length, and he sucks in a deep
breath that sounds more like a hiss. Once I am fully seated, I lean back down
taking his mouth in mine. His large hands on my bare ass as guide my body in a
gentle rhythm. Need and desire are running rampant through me as I coil towards
release.

I break our kiss to sit up, my hands planted firmly on his rock
hard chest, and pick up the pace ready to send us over the proverbial edge.
Austin takes my breasts in his hands massaging lightly before applying the
perfect amount of pain to coincide with the buck of his hips that sends me spiraling
into orgasmic bliss.

He sits up holding me as I come down. He unfolds my legs and
wraps them around him before turning us over without ever breaking our connection.
I grip him with my legs and arms as he pounds me with force to free his
release. After he empties himself into me, we lay together in perfect
post-coital bliss willing the rest of the world to stay away.

Austin slowly rises off me and looks deep into my eyes. “Hi.”
It is such a simple word yet the way he says it tells me so much.

“Hi yourself,” I return with a bashful smile.

He kisses my forehead before resuming his position next to me
with one arm draped across my bare midsection. Once the euphoria fades my mind races
with the what ifs, how’s, and whys that continue to plague my mind.

It is obvious Austin senses the change in my demeanor as he
draws lazy lines up and down my sternum. “Ry, don’t overthink this. J and I
have it covered. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. J wants you to be
happy, and he is how I got here last night, so don’t go second-guessing
everything. I love you, we both love you.” I sigh knowing he is right but still
reluctant to trust their plan, whatever it may be.

“Aus, I love you too, and I’m glad you’re here. I’m going to
go take a shower and find J.” My phone is still chirping away so I slide out of
bed to grab it. Bending over to take it from the nightstand Austin slaps my
ass. “Damn, you are sexy woman.” He stands up behind me announcing I will not
be taking a shower alone and I finally silence that dang phone.

I see that there are three missed texts and one missed call.
I slide the screen open as Austin slides his arms around my waist resting his
chin on my shoulder. My stomach rolls when I see that all the missed alerts are
from an unknown number. Austin clearly notices too tightening his grip around
me. Taking a deep breath, I open my text messages and hit the line to open
those from the unknown number.

Unknown: *You should heed my warning* 10:15 pm

Unknown: *You think I don’t know he is there with you. You
chose him and now you will pay* 9:05 am

Unknown: *How easy would this be. You were warned* 10:17 am

The third message has a picture of Jeremy’s back on his
motorcycle attached. Whoever took the picture was behind him on the road.

My hands are trembling and my knees fell weak. “Where is J,
Austin where is he?” I yell at him as if he should hold the answers. He takes
the phone from my hand and dials J, but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries
again, same result. I grab my clothes from last night and throw them on. My
plan is nonexistent, but I have to find him.

It has been
an hour since I read the text messages and there is still no word
from J. I keep calling him, but it goes to voicemail each time. I have called
Bode, Eric, and everyone else I could think of, but no one knows where he
is. 

Austin has tried to console me, but I am too angry with
myself to let him. I can’t even bring myself to sit next to
him. If something has happened to J, I know it is my
fault. Austin and I should’ve taken a break. I should have listened
to my head and not my heart. I may have failed the one person in my
life who has always been there for me, my best friend, my big brother. There is
no way I could ever deal with that kind of guilt. 

After pacing the room for the past two hours, I collapse on
the sofa. I called Detective Ruzek but had to leave a message. The officer at
the station I told me J is not a missing person because he
has only been gone a few hours. I am becoming more agitated and
terrified by the minute. I am holding on by a thread when a knock at the door
startles me back to reality. 

Austin senses my fear induced hesitation and
crosses the room to the door while I stand glued to my spot on the floor.
After carefully peering through the peephole, he turns to
me with resignation in his eyes that terrifies me. He opens the
door to reveal a much-disheveled Detective Ruzek in dirty jeans and a
shirt that appears to be covered in tar and blood. His
expression when he looks up at me is one of horror and sadness. Something
awful has happened I can feel it. 

Detective Ruzek comes in and Austin shuts the door before
crossing the room to stand near me but still not touching me. Ruzek clears his
throat before speaking. “Miss Ash, Mr. Black,” he says in a formal tone
that contradicts his appearance. 

“Please call me Rylee. What happened? Are you ok? Do you know
where my brother is?” 

He takes a moment to compose himself and tears form in his
eyes. He is scaring me to death. “Please just tell me. Is he ok?” I am shaking
with fear. 

He looks at me through watered eyes. “Rylee, there was an
accident this morning. My partner, Detective Rhodes, and Jeremy were going
to pick up breakfast.” He pauses, and it seems like he is trying
to figure out how to tell me the rest. 

“A large SUV blindsided them on the driver’s side. The
impact killed my partner. It took almost an hour for emergency crews to
extricate Jeremy from the car. He is at the hospital now. It has been
touch and go since we pulled him out.” 

I had not noticed until now Austin is holding me
from behind. I fall further back into him. None of this
is making sense; the picture sent from the unknown number
was only a few hours ago, J could not have been in the car with
Detective Rhodes. 

With this knowledge, I want
to feel relief, but I need Ruzek to reassure me. I need him to tell
me he is mistaken that J was not in that car. I explain, “I got a text a few
hours ago of Jeremy on his bike. Are you sure it was him?” 

I see the flash of confusion in his face before he dispels my
hopes. “Yes, I am sure. I was there I helped pull him out. Then I came
straight here to tell you. I didn’t want you to get the news from a
uniform or catch it on the news.”     

The imaginary dam holding back my emotions breaks and a
waterfall of tears spills out as I try to wrap my brain around the news. My
body is shaking and the only reason I am not hunched over on the floor is
Austin's arms wrapped tightly around my waist supporting me. Austin
is speaking to Detective Ruzek, but I cannot seem focus the
words. My entire world has become a blur. The only clear
thought I have is to get to J. 

My fog lifts as I zero in on the need to get to the
hospital. I try to step forward merely to be held in place by Austin.
Immobility fuels my anger. “Let go of me. I have to get to Jeremy,” I scream
with solitary motivation. 

Austin, without argument, releases his grip and I steady my
feet. I stare at Ruzek, “Where? Where did they take J?” My words are
interrupted by huge sobs as pain engulfs my body. 

“They took him to Mass General. Come with me I will take
you,” he says holding a hand out to guide me. 

I cannot even face Austin for fear my anger at this
situation will erupt. Jeremy is lying in a hospital somewhere because Austin and
I couldn't do what was right. I blame him, I blame me, hell I blame everyone at
this point. 

I shake my head in disgust at Austin before directing my
tear-filled gaze to Ruzek. “Can we go now, please?” Shock registers on
Austin's face. I want to fall into him and let him tell me this will all be ok,
but the truth is we may never recover. If J is permanently injured
or worse, I will never forgive myself. 

Without a word, I leave with Detective Ruzek. On the elevator
ride down my compassion surfaces for Ruzek. ”I am so sorry about
your partner.” 

He shakes his head with defeat and continues to
face the doors. The one thing I cannot help wondering is whether this accident
is in any way related to my stalker. Hoping it is not too
insensitive I voice my question. “Ruzek, was this accident related to the
threats?” 

He takes a deep breath and the doors open prompting us
to rush through. He parked his car in the valet zone, so we are
able to hop in and leave. After a few minutes in traffic, I am
considering asking my question again when he finally speaks. “Rylee,
I can't say with certainty that the accident was related to the
threats. However, my gut says it is. There are a few things
about it that do not add up.” 

He doesn’t elaborate on what doesn’t add up. Bile rises
in my throat as I come face to face with my worst fear I am likely the reason
Ruzek's partner is dead and J is in the emergency room. I fail to stop the sobs
from taking over my body as I sit in the passenger seat overwhelmed by reality
and grief. 

Ruzek places a consoling hand on my knee and gives me a
sad smile. “Rylee you need to understand this is not your
fault. Whatever this sicko does is on him. You have no control over his
actions.” 

I cannot force words through my tears so I nod not buying his
spin on the matter. The closer we get to the hospital the more I am able reel
in my scattered emotions. I will be strong for Jeremy. He shouldn’t have been
in that car. If I was stronger and hadn’t relied on him yesterday he would be
at home doing whatever it is he does. J is always there when I need
him. Austin said J is the one who got him back to Boston last night. He did
that for me and look at where he is now. If Austin had stayed in
Houston last night and we took a break like I asked, Detective Rhodes would
still be alive and J wouldn't be fighting for his life. 

This is all my fault, but I cannot handle it
alone. Knowing I need somebody I call Bode. He agrees to meet me at
the hospital as soon as possible. J needs all the love and support we can give
him right now.