Not Another Vampire Book (39 page)

“Damn
it, Damien.  I said, no fighting.”

 “And
I’m not.”

Two
Vampires rushed towards her, swords drawn.  Before they even got close, they
were unceremoniously jerked off their feet and careened into each other like
billiard balls.  Unconscious, they toppled backwards to the ground.

Kara
glanced up at Damien with a scowl.

“Oh,
that does not count as a fight.  It was just a reflex.”

“Can’t
you even take the climactic battle scene seriously?”  Kara headed across the
gravel courtyard towards Fibos.  She was totally doing a
Die Hard
with
the shoelessness and every damn pebble she stepped on hurt.  No wonder Bruce
Willis had cursed so much.

“I
am
taking it seriously.”  Damien’s cuffed hand caught hold of hers,
winding their fingers together like they were strolling together along a
moonlit beach and not racing through a battlefield.  “Why do you keep saying I’m
not?”

“I
keep saying it, because it’s true.  You’re in this devil-may-care mood, because
you refuse to believe that keeping Slade alive is keeping
us
alive.  You’re
not listening to a word I say.”

“I
always listen to you,
cari
.”  Another would-be Vampire attacker soared
into a stone wall, bones snapping like toothpicks.  Damien blinked like the
most innocent sorcerer in the world.

Unbelievable.

“
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!
” 
Slade shrieked as the Vampires stationed on the guillotine platform wrestled
his head through the slot beneath the blade.  “I am the king!  You must protect
me, Witch!  Protect your mighty king!”

Kara
kept on ignoring him.  “For the last time, Damien, cut it with the magicks. 
I
will save Slade on my own.”

“And
I fully support that, my love.  It will be a pleasure to watch you wreak havoc
amongst the Vampires.  Bloodlust brings out the sparkle in your eyes.”

Kara
mentally counted to ten.  If she knocked him out cold, she’d have to drag his
body along behind her and he was really big.  She needed to remember that,
because clunking him over the head sounded incredibly tempting, at the moment.

“Witch!” 
Fibos’ expression lit-up when he saw her coming.  “Quickly!  You must save me! 
We must protect King Slade!”

“Watch
as I obediently
don’t
help you rescue that imbecile.”  Damien murmured.

“Which
one of them?”

“Take
your pick.”

“You’re
so sweet.”  Kara stalked towards Fibos, pulling out the blue diamond dagger
grandma what’s-her-name gave her.

His
eyes went wide.  “You have found the Blue Blade of Banderouse!  Our most sacred
weapon.  It alone can cut through the golden ropes that bind me.”

“I’m
banking on it.”  Kara grabbed hold of the glowy bindings with the hand cuffed
to Damien and gripped the knife in the other.  The sharp edge of the dagger easily
severed the golden cord, freeing Fibos and the other Vamps.  “Get Slade.”  She
ordered, gesturing towards the guillotine.

From
his position on the throne platform, To’kel let out a sound of pure outrage. 
He whirled to face the Vampires situated next to the guillotine.  “Kill Slade!” 
He commanded at a roar.  “
Kill him, now!
”

The
Vampires trying to off-with-Slade’s-head hurried to obey.  One of them dove for
the lever to drop the blade, while three others held Slade down.

“No.” 
Melessa gasped.

“No!” 
Fibos screamed.

“
NO.
” 
Karalynn ordered.

“
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
” 
Slade screeched.

Damien
rolled his eyes towards the sky as Slade failed around like a trout.  “Oh…
fine
.” 
He heaved a disgusted sigh.  “Kara Lynn, you owe me.”

The
guillotine disintegrated like it was made of Lincoln Logs.  The huge metal
blade tumbled to the ground with the reverberating clang.  Big, wooden pieces of
the structure rained down into neat piles, leaving Slade completely undamaged. 
The bad guys all paused to stare at the chaos, bewildered.  Slade jerked
himself from their distracted holds and lunged for freedom, while Fibos and the
other good Vamps scurried over to lend a hand.

Damien
looked more nauseous than ever.  “I can’t believe I just did that.  I was so
close to getting rid of him, once and for all.

Kara
let out a relieved breath.  “Thank you, Vlad.”

“You
truly are a Witch, Kara Lynn.  It’s the only way to explain what you do to me.”

“Sorcerer,
you have joined the side of good, at last.”  Slade pumped a fist in the air as
his men surrounded the bad Vamps.  “Congratulations, my friend!  You have
become an honorary Vampire.  One of my loyal subjects and favorite servants!”

Damien
gave an elaborate shudder.  “I literally feel dirty, right now.”

“Damien,
you’re such a fucking
asshole!
”  To’kel raged.

 “Damien,
you are
awesome
.”  Kara corrected.

“No,
To’kel was right.  I am an asshole.”  He muttered.  “I adore you, but that’s
all the helping of Vampires I can stomach for one day.”

“Damn
right it is.”  With Slade’s survival assured, Kara focused her attention on
To’kel. Their eyes locked across the mass of fighting men.  “I’ll be taking my
book back now, jerk-off!

“Bitch.” 
To’kel turned to Eugene with a feral scowl.  “Shoot her.”

Eugene
grinned crazily and raised the Uzi at her face.

“
Shit
.” 
Kara hooked her foot around Damien’s leg and tackled him to the ground a half
second before Eugene took aim.

“Kara
Lynn, you pushed…”  Damien broke off with a start as the automatic weapon
sprayed the wall behind them with thousands of bullets.  “
Fuck
.” 
Rolling swiftly, he positioned them behind the base of the huge Slade statute. 
He covered her body with his own, his free hand coming up to shield her head. 
“What the hell is that?”

“Uzi.” 
She panted.

“A
what?!”

“Future
gun.  I told you this book was out to get you.”

He
raised his head to gape at her.  “Your future world has weapons that can do
such things?”

Kara
snorted.  “Are you kidding?  My world has weapons that can blow-up the planet
ten times over with munitions to spare.”

Damien
hesitated as if waiting to see if she was teasing him.  He frowned when Kara
just raised her eyebrows “duh” style.  “Then, you will not go back to such a
time period, without me to protect you from these weapons.”  He decided,
firmly.

“You
think you can protect me from an
Uzi?
  That’s very sweet.”  She patted
his arm.  “Just stay down.”

Damien
eyes narrowed, apparently taking her tone as a challenge.  “Armed necromancer or
not, that accountant is still just a human, Kara Lynn.”  He raised his head to
peer at Eugene over the edge of the Slade statue’s foot.

She
lifted her face up so she could stare at Eugene, too.  “A human with a
submachine gun is not ‘just a human.’  He’ll run out of bullets in a minute.  In
the meantime, don’t do anything dangerous or magical, Vlad.  I mean it.”

“Whatever
you say,
cari
.”  He agreed, dutifully.

And
then the Uzi was somehow ripped out of Eugene’s hands.

Eugene
gave a shout of alarm as the gun was yanked away from him and crumpled in
midair.  The whole thing just folded in on itself like a wadded up piece of
paper and then fell to the ground with a hollow clunk.

Kara
slowly swiveled her head to stare at Damien.  “What did I
just
say?”

“Be
fair, my heart.  There are numerous supernatural beings here who could have
done that.”

Unbelievable.

Melessa’s
eyes went wide as Eugene was disarmed.  “Ah-
ha!
”  She promptly gave him
a two handed push, sending him flying backwards off the raised platform.  He
tumbled from the dais and hit the gravel with a stream of cursing.  Melessa
pointed down at him.  “You’ve been a real jerk today, Eugene.  I hope you know
that.”  She gave her blonde hair a toss.  “Our engagement is
completely
off.  And I’m keeping the ring.”

“See
that?  Even Melessa got a ring.”  Kara muttered, sourly.

“Aren’t
you still unwilling to admit that we’re even mated?”

“We’re
mated, yes.  Married?  No. 
Married
people have rings.”

“So,
if I get you a ring, you will consider me your husband?”

She
already considered him her husband.  Not that she was telling him that, given
his recent insubordination.  “How
big
a ring?”

Damien
smiled.  “There is a mercenary streak to you that I admire, Kara Lynn.”  He
casually got to his feet and helped her up.  “I’ll see what kind of caret
weight I can afford, once the dragons submit their bill for hazard pay.”

“Just
be warned, I don’t think less is more.”

“Melessa!” 
Slade bounded towards his bride.  “I am coming, my sweet blossom.”

“Slade-y!” 
She clasped her palms to her chest and fluttered her eyelashes like Olive Oil. 
“Save me, my handsome hero!”

Kara
made a disgusted sound.  “Oh, to have that Uzi.”  She shook her head and
refocused on To’kel, who was now hiding behind his throne.  “Hand over that
manuscript, give Slade back his crown, and get the hell off of this island.” 
She jabbed a finger at him.  “
I’m
the only one who rewrites the plot of
this novel and gets away with it, buddy.”

 “Bitch.” 
He hissed, again.  “
Take
your magic book.”  He tossed it at her, the
manuscript landing between them like an accusation.  “It matters not.  I’ve
read all I need to and I know I’ll still triumph.”  His eyes burned into hers. 
“Your sorcerer will die today.  We’ve both seen that.”

Kara
felt her insides turn cold.

“I
will not die,
cari
.”  Damien said, confidently.  “Don’t worry.”

“But,
you
will
die, Damien.  It’s all right there in the book.”  To’kel’s eyes
cut around the courtyard for some avenue of escape.  The dragons had done a
bang-up job of subduing his evil henchmen, so no one was rushing to his aid.  Slade’s
men were moving closer, surrounding the throne platform.  Even the crowd was
turning on him, beginning to chant Slade’s name instead of To’kel’s.  His frustrated
gaze flashed back over to Kara.  “Damien might have ensured that Slade survived
this time but, once he’s gone, no one will be able to defeat me.  You know
that, don’t you?  Without Damien to fight me, I’ll be unstoppable.”

“
I
will stop you!”  Slade strode forward, unceremoniously grabbing the blue
dagger from Kara’s hand as he passed.  She gave a shout of protest, trying to
hang onto the weapon, but it was too late. Vampire strength and speed had Slade
easily winning the quick tug of war.  “Prepare to die, you ungrateful demon!”  He
leapt up onto the dais and gave the blade a jaunty spin.

“You
see what a thief he is?”  Damien almost sounded pleased.  “I
told
you he
was the villain.  Do you wish me to get the dagger back or shall we just watch
them stab each other?”

“We’re
getting the damn thing back, before he gets himself killed!”

“Slade
won’t die.  I’m not that lucky.”

“Oh,
Slade!”  Melessa rushed to his side.  “Kick To’kel’s ass, my prince.”  She gave
him a quick kiss on the cheek and stepped back so he’d have room to fight,
smiling like a smug ware-cat.

“Shit!”
 Kara couldn’t believe how oblivious everyone was about Slade’s chances.  The
moron didn’t know how to
actually
fight.  He just knew how to win,
because the book
said
he did.  Since she’d started messing with the
plot, he’d lost every confrontation he’d been in.  To’kel was going to cheat
and there was no way Slade could adapt.

“Slade!” 
Kara lunged for the platform, feeling like she was stuck in a nightmare and
everything was moving in slow-motion.  “Get down from there before you get
killed, you idiot!”

Slade
turned to give her his patented condescending smirk.  “I am the mightiest swordsman
of my people, Witch, I always wi…”

He
never got to finish that boast.

To’kel
shoved the massive throne at him, catching Slade off guard.  The Vampire King
leapt out of the way, off-balance and shocked that someone would fight dirty.  “Hey! 
You can’t do that!”

But,
To’kel wasn’t done.  “Just as the book foretold.  You’re so fucking
predictable.”  He took advantage of Slade’s distraction, stepping forward and high
kicking his cousin right between the legs like a center with soccer ball.

Even
Damien cringed as Slade doubled over.  The blue dagger fell from the Vampire’s
hand and he clutched his groin with a shriek of pain.

“Stop!” 
Kara yelled, scrambling up onto the wooden boards and pulling Damien along
behind her.  “To’kel, don’t!  You’ll kill us all!”