Not a Marrying Man (17 page)

Warwick dragged in some much-needed breath before continuing his harrowing tale. ‘I have to confess I wasn’t too happy with her at the time. I’d never suspected a thing, you see. My grandfather died when I was a very small boy so I never knew what ailed him. To me he was just an old man in a wheelchair. My grandmother never enlightened me. Maybe she didn’t know back then that it could be inherited. She died when I was eight, leaving me a whole heap of money in trust because she didn’t approve of my father’s hedonistic lifestyle. I used to disapprove of his amoral behaviour as well, till I found out why he’d gone off the rails the way he had. Down deep, he must have suspected what might happen to him. Like they say, you shouldn’t judge a man till you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. Well, I’ve walked in my father’s shoes for the last twenty years and, I can tell you, it’s not a very pleasant experience.’

‘Oh, Warwick …’

‘Please don’t cry. I couldn’t bear it if you cry.’

Amber struggled to fight back the tears. And she managed, on the surface. Inside, she was still weeping. But not for herself—for him. How dreadful it must have been to have found out at twenty that you had no hope of living a long happy life; that you were condemned to a future where you knew nobody and remembered nothing. Bad enough at seventy, or eighty, but at fifty? It didn’t bear thinking about.

But she
had
to think about it. She had to find a way to make what life Warwick did have left be filled to the brim with happiness.

‘If you didn’t have this gene,’ she said, ‘would you have got married and had children? ‘

‘I don’t believe in what ifs, Amber. I do have this gene and nothing can change that.’

‘Are you sure? I mean, are you absolutely sure? Have you been tested? They have tests for such things, don’t they? I know they do.’

Warwick frowned at her questions. In actual fact he hadn’t been tested. There hadn’t been an accurate test twenty years ago. But he’d known the truth, as his aunt Fenella had known the truth. With some further research he’d found out that there were others in his family line who had gone the same way.

In view of this cast-iron evidence, he’d taken what actions were necessary to make sure he never passed on the flawed gene. When a test had become available in more recent years, he’d thought about having it, then dismissed the idea as a total waste of time.

‘You haven’t been tested, have you?’ Amber swept on.

‘No.’

‘Good heavens, why not?’

Warwick shrugged. ‘By the time a test became available, it seemed … pointless.’

‘How can you say that? Genes are known to skip generations. Or become recessive. Or whatever it is genes do!’

‘In my family this gene has not skipped a single generation.’

‘Maybe not, but miracles do happen, Warwick. I thought you would never fall in love with me,’ she said. ‘But you have, haven’t you?’

How could he lie? If nothing else, she deserved the memory of his loving her.

‘Yes,’ he said, and for the first time in twenty years he felt tears well up in his own eyes. But to start weeping was unthinkable.

‘I must go,’ he said, and stood up abruptly.

‘But you can’t go!’ Amber cried, and swung her legs over the side of the bed, wincing when she tried to stand up without the walking stick.

‘For goodness’ sake, woman,’ he ground out as he settled her back on the side of the bed, ‘I’m only going out to the kitchen. The ice cream’s probably melted by now.’

‘I don’t give a hoot about the ice cream. I’m not letting you leave this room till you promise me to go and have that test.’

He sighed. ‘Amber, I—’

‘If you love me at all then you’ll promise me.’

‘And when it comes back positive? ‘

‘Then we’ll know for sure and we’ll deal with it.
We,
Warwick: you and me together. That’s what love is all about. Being there for the person you love, through good times and bad.’

‘But all I can offer you is bad.’

‘That’s not true. We could still get married and have a child. We could adopt. You’re wealthy. We could get a baby from Asia without waiting too long. An orphan in need of a good home. You’re only forty, Warwick. You have years and years of good life ahead of you.’

‘No more than ten, Amber,’ he reminded her harshly. ‘And what then? You’d nurse me until I wouldn’t even recognise who you are? I know you. You wouldn’t put me in a nursing home. I’d be like a millstone around your neck until the day I died. Sorry, Amber, but I love you too much to put you through that. You deserve better out of life. You deserve a man who’s going to be there for you and your children until they grow up, a man who can make love to you and make you happy.’

‘Please don’t do this, Warwick,’ she sobbed. ‘Please don’t leave me.’

‘I have to, Amber.’

‘No, you don’t. Not yet. Look, forget marriage and children. We could still have a lot of good years together. We could travel and make love and … and …’

‘No, Amber. Trust me to do the right thing here at long last. I have to leave and let you get on with your own life.’

‘No, no, no!’ she cried, shaking her head violently from side to side. ‘You don’t understand. I won’t get on with my own life. I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you. I’ll never get married. I’ll die in this place a lonely old maid, just like Aunt Kate.’

Warwick ached to take her in his arms and say he would do whatever she wanted. But he knew he would hate himself in the end if he weakened.

‘That’s your choice, Amber. But you don’t have to die lonely. I’m sure there are plenty of men out there
who will happily give you what you want. Though, for crying out loud, don’t try Jim Hansen! Find someone nice, a man who comes from a good family. Check out what kind of man his father is. That’ll give you a good guide. And make sure he’s healthy.’

Amber clamped her hands hard over her ears. ‘I’m not listening to any more of this. You’re not going to leave, you’re going to stay, and we’re going to work something out.’

Gently, he took her hands away from her ears and looked her straight in the eye.

‘I’m sorry, Amber,’ he said firmly, even though his heart was breaking, ‘but I
am
going to leave. I
have
to. There’s nothing you can say to change my mind, I’m afraid.’ He let go of her hands and stood up. ‘I’ll go and put away the food first, then I’ll pack my things and make my way. You should be able to manage here on your own now, if you use your common sense and be careful, and move back into this room. I’m sure Tara and Max will help. And your mother, too, if you ask her.’

‘No!’ she cried. ‘Don’t leave me, Warwick. Please don’t leave me.’

‘Amber,’ he said, his eyes tormented, ‘don’t make this any harder for me than it is.’

She saw, then, that there was nothing she could say to make him stay. Saw, also, how much he loved her. So much so that he was prepared to sacrifice his own happiness for hers.

It was a humbling realisation but a strangely empowering one. If he could do this for her, then the least she could do was accept his decision with dignity and grace.

‘Promise me one thing before you go,’ she said softly.

Warwick frowned. ‘What?’

‘You’ll have that gene test.’

‘Amber, I—’

‘It’s not too much to ask, surely.’

‘Very well,’ he agreed, if somewhat reluctantly.

‘Give me your solemn word,’ she insisted.

‘You have it. Now I really must go.’

‘H
AVE
you heard from him?’ Tara asked.

‘No,’ Amber replied.

They were sitting out on the terrace of Tara’s house, having coffee. They were alone, Max having taken Stevie and Jasmine for a walk along the beach. The strong winds of the day before had abated, and the sky was blue and the sun was out.

It had been two weeks since Warwick had left. Two weeks during which Amber had done a lot of thinking and talking.

Confiding in Tara and Max had been a very wise decision. They’d stopped her from becoming too depressed or maudlin. She hadn’t, however, told her mother yet that her relationship with Warwick was over. Whenever Doreen rang, Amber pretended everything was fine. That was easier than launching into the explanation of why he’d left. One day, she would explain, but not right now.

‘He should have had the results of the gene test by now,’ Tara pointed out.

‘I would imagine so,’ Amber replied with a jagged twist to her heart. ‘Obviously it came back positive.’

Tara sighed. ‘I know it’s hard to accept, Amber,
loving the man the way you do. But perhaps it’s all for the best that he’s gone.’

‘No, it’s not,’ Amber replied with a fierceness that betrayed how upset she still was. ‘I could have made him happy, if he’d let me.’

‘You already made him happy. You showed him what love was and taught him how to love in return.’

‘Maybe. But I’m afraid, Tara. Afraid of what he’s going to do when things start to go wrong and there’s no one there to love him and look after him.’

‘You don’t think he’s going to commit suicide like his father did? ‘

‘I
know
he will.’

‘Oh, Amber …’

Amber stood up abruptly. ‘I have to go to him. I have to make him understand that when you love someone you can’t just forget them like that. I … Oh, my God!’ she gasped. ‘Warwick! ‘

Tara’s eyes whipped up to see the man himself walking across the sand towards them. Max was with him, carrying Stevie, Jasmine having bolted on ahead. She burst through the back gate and ran up onto the terrace, her pretty little face highly animated.

‘Uncle Wawie’s come back!’ she cried. ‘You were
wong,
Mummy. He hasn’t gone.’

‘So it seems, darling,’ Tara replied.

Despite her heart having leapt up into her mouth, Amber tried not to read too much into Warwick’s unexpected visit.

Maybe he’d just come to say a last goodbye before leaving Australia. Maybe he’d brought her the rest of her things from his Sydney apartment. Maybe he …

No, no. She dared not hope that that test had come back negative. That would be nothing short of a miracle.

Her eyes went to his as he came into the backyard. There was no great joy in them, she noted. He actually looked very tired. Her heart sank again, that foolish heart that couldn’t seem to stop hoping for miracles.

‘Hello, Amber … Tara,’ he said as he stepped up onto the terrace. ‘Sorry to drop in on you like this. But I needed to talk to Amber and I didn’t want to do it over the phone. When you weren’t at home,’ he directed straight at Amber, ‘I guessed you might be here.’

‘She drops in most afternoons,’ Tara said.

Warwick frowned at Amber. ‘I sure hope you didn’t get here by way of the beach. Walking across that soft sand would be much too hard on your newly healed ankle.’

Amber had to smile. He really couldn’t get out of the habit of running her life for her.

‘No, Warwick, I didn’t walk, I drove. And before you say anything more, I am allowed to drive.’

‘Tara,’ Max said as he joined them. ‘Warwick wants to have a private word with Amber, so what say we take these kids upstairs for a bath and leave them to it?’

‘But I don’t
want
a bath,’ Jasmine wailed when her mother scooped her up. ‘I want to stay with Uncle Wawie.’

‘It’s all right, sweetie,’ Warwick told her. ‘I’ll still be here when you’ve finished your bath.’

‘You will?’ a stunned Amber said once the others had gone.

‘Yes,’ he said and sat down beside her.

Amber swallowed. ‘I’m not sure I understand. Did your gene test come back negative? Is that why you’re here?’

‘No. This has nothing to do with any gene test.’

‘You did have it, didn’t you? You gave me your solemn word.’

‘Yes, I had it done last week. But I haven’t received the results yet, though they should be through any time now. They did say, however, not to get my hopes up. Not with my family history. Frankly, I only did it because you asked me to.’

‘I see.’ Amber was beginning to feel confused. ‘So why
are
you here, then?’

‘Well you might ask. I really was determined to leave you, my darling. Quite determined. Determined to leave Australia as well, never to return. I’ve already put the apartment up for sale. But then I had this telephone call from Max last night, and he asked me what I’d have done if I had been perfectly well and it had been
you
who’d had the bad gene. He set me thinking. Actually I stayed up all night. And I finally realised that my so-called noble sacrifice in leaving you was not so noble after all. I mistakenly thought I was saving you from unhappiness in the future,’ he said. ‘Instead, I was condemning you to unhappiness right now, and possibly for the rest of your life. I knew if our situations were reversed I would not want to leave you. So, if you still love me, my darling,’ he said, taking her hands in his and lifting them up to his lips, ‘if you still have the courage … would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’

Amber could not stop the tears from flooding her eyes.

This time, he didn’t tell her not to cry. Instead, he gathered her close and held her whilst she sobbed quietly against his chest. And it was whilst he was holding her that Warwick heard the sound of his phone ringing.

‘Damn it,’ he muttered. ‘Sorry, darling.’ He disengaged himself from her arms and reached for the handset
in his back pocket. ‘It’s probably my estate agent with an offer. He was showing a few people around the apartment today. I really should answer it and tell him I’m not selling after all.’

It wasn’t the agent. It was the professor who’d taken charge of his gene test and who’d been extremely interested in Warwick’s case.

‘The results have just come in,’ the professor said. ‘You left your phone number so I thought I should ring you straight away.’

‘That was most considerate of you.’ Despite knowing what he was about to say Warwick couldn’t help the tightening in his chest.

‘It’s negative, Mr Kincaid. You do not have the early onset Alzheimer’s gene.’

‘What?
Are you sure? There couldn’t have been a mistake made?’

‘There have been no mistakes. I double checked everything. Of course this doesn’t mean you won’t get dementia at some stage in your life. But the risk is no greater than for anyone else.’