Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons (44 page)

Her husband was deserving of her; being the most charming young man in the world—and who knows, just possibly, he too was an awakened dragon. One other item that must be noted, is that this was the
very same gentleman
whose negligent servant left behind him that collection of
washing-bills,
resulting from a long visit at Northanger, by which our heroine was involved in one of her most alarming demonic adventures.

The positive influence of the viscount and viscountess in their brother’s behalf was assisted by a further clarification of Mr. Morland’s financial circumstances. In short, the general learned that the Morlands were not at all as terribly off as John Thorpe had made them out to be. To be sure, they were not rich, but neither were they dishonorable or destitute—and Catherine would have three thousand pounds.

This so
material
and
tangible
an amendment of his expectations greatly contributed to smooth the descent of his dragon pride.

On the strength of this, the general, soon after Eleanor’s marriage, permitted his son to return to Northanger, and thence made him the bearer of his
consent,
very courteously worded in a page full of empty professions to Mr. Morland.

Nay, the petrifying dragon heart had not strayed from its sorrowful path of gold. But at least
some
actual gold (and a human
treasure
) was now within grasp, and merely knowing it calmed the dragon into acquiescence—not to mention, the avoidance of a rather unpleasant continuation of a
supernatural battle
with his powerful son.

The happy event which the consent authorized soon followed: Henry and Catherine were married, the bells rang, the angels sang in dulcet tones, and everybody smiled.

To begin perfect happiness at the respective ages of twenty-six and eighteen is to do pretty well. The Dragon of Love had gained his rightful one and only true treasure.

And as for the Treasure herself, why, she continued to demonstrate that brave
imagination
and
common sense
could not only co-exist, but that indeed they happily must
wed
each other, in order to provide the world with its due share of bright offspring in the form of angels, dragons, and other true wonders.

The End

Northanger Abbey
was written in 1797-98 under a different title (it included
Angels and Dragons
). The manuscript was revised around 1803 and sold to a London publisher, Crosbie & Co., who sold
^[30]
it back in 1816. This fine
supernatural
text is based on the first edition, published by John Murray, London, in 1818—the year following Miss Austen’s death. Spelling and punctuation have been largely brought into conformity with modern British usage. Supernatural and paranormal beings and elements were retained as deemed prudent and inevitable.

Gentle Reader—

No, this is not
she,
but the other—the shameless harridan who has taken it upon herself to take up pen and mangle Miss Austen’s deathless (but never
undead
), perfectly civil, delightfully romantic, pointedly sarcastic, and by all accounts immortal prose, with the crass additions of her own fired imagination.

How is one to satirize an already perfect satire? Why, by taking it into the sublime realm of the fantastic and then by bringing all its already inherent imaginary absurdity to life.

It must be acknowledged that a profound and humble debt of gratitude is owed to the esteemed Mrs. Ann Radcliffe and her fellow gothic novelists who have provided the splendid raw fodder for this little flight of fancy.

Meanwhile, I humbly beg a thousand pardons of Miss Austen’s noble shade, and trust you have enjoyed the horrid delights found only in Northanger Abbey.

Yours, in All Amiability,

The Harridan.

Vera Nazarian

December, 2010

Vera Nazarian
immigrated to the USA from the former USSR as a kid, sold her first story at the age of 17, and since then has published numerous works in anthologies and magazines, and has seen her fiction translated into eight languages.

She made her novelist debut with the critically acclaimed arabesque “collage” novel
Dreams of the Compass Rose
, followed by epic fantasy about a world without color,
Lords of Rainbow
. Her novella
The Clock King and the Queen of the Hourglass
from PS Publishing (UK) with an introduction by
Charles de Lint
made the
Locus
Recommended Reading List for 2005. Her debut short fiction collection
Salt of the Air
, with an introduction by
Gene Wolfe
, contains the 2007 Nebula Award-nominated “The Story of Love.” Recent work includes the 2008 Nebula Award-nominated, self-illustrated baroque fantasy novella
The Duke in His Castle
, science fiction collection
After the Sundial
(2010), Jane Austen parody
Mansfield Park and Mummies
(2009),
The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration
(2010), and this literary curiosity that you now hold in your hands. . . .

Vera lives in Los Angeles, and uses her Armenian sense of humor and her Russian sense of suffering to bake conflicted pirozhki and make art
.

In addition to being a writer and award-winning artist, she is also the publisher of
Norilana Books.