North Star Guide Me Home (17 page)

His lips looked soft and warm. Sierra curled a hand around the back of his neck, and kissed him.

I keep doing this,
she said to herself through the sudden pounding of her heart.
Whenever a man comes within reach, I seize him like a sucker-vine.
She’d done it to Isidro only days after they’d met. Within moments of surrendering to Rasten in the caves beneath the Spire, she’d goaded him into bearing her down to the rough stone there and then.
Still,
she thought,
it wasn’t all bad. Those battles were won. We’re all still here. Perhaps I can’t change my nature any more than I can change the colour of my eyes.

Cam kissed her back, fierce and hungry, arms tight around her. It reminded her of Rasten, except that Cam didn’t dig his hands into her back. Rasten always sought to master her, showing her with every touch just what he was and what he could do. It wasn’t intentional — he did it for his own sake, to remind himself that he was the aggressor and not the victim. But there was none of that in Cam’s touch as he ran his hands across her shoulders and down to the small of her back. He pulled her to him, but she clutched him closer, pressing her breasts against his chest as she felt him hard against her while he kissed her long and slow and raised one hand to cup her cheek, his calloused fingers gentle against her skin. There was a scar along his palm, pale and long-healed, and for a moment she wondered what he thought of the marks around her wrists.

Cam broke away, breathing hard, and rested his hands on her shoulders, the weight of them a comfort.

‘Are you sure this is alright?’ Sierra whispered, her breath short in her throat. This was not the way these things were customarily handled. Cam and Mira might not be formally joined, but she thought of them that way all the same. She knew he was devoted to her. And Isidro … she was lost when it came to him. Utterly lost.

‘It’ll be alright,’ Cam said. ‘Trust me.’

She would trust him with her life. And she wanted this, like a freezing man craving the warmth of a fire. In his arms lay respite from uncertainty, a safe harbour, if only for a few moments.

No,
she thought,
longer than that. A lifetime. A family. A home.
She had to stop second-guessing, stop thinking of what-ifs. Not for everything perhaps, but here, with the people she loved. Sooner or later, there must be some things she could take as certainties.

She pulled her shirt off, and reached for the knot that bound her quilted breast-band. With a tug it came undone and Cam peeled it from her shoulders before stripping off his own shirt. His skin was darker than hers, bearing a golden tan even here near midwinter, and dusted with fine pale hairs.

He stripped off his breeches and did the same to hers, and then bore her down to his sheepskin mattress pad, thick and soft. When he lowered himself onto her he was not an oppressive weight, pinning her down, but merely trusting that she could take it.

She wound her arms around his neck and pulled him close, shifting beneath him, but as she wrapped her legs around him, Cam pulled back with a low chuckle. ‘What’s the rush? By the Black Sun, Sirri, you’re so impatient. There’s no need —’

‘Are you sure?’ she demanded. ‘How do you know what tomorrow holds? How do you know we won’t be driven apart again before the sun even rises? What if this is all the time we have?’

He studied her from inches away, propped up on his elbows. His skin was so warm, a luxurious heat. His smile slowly faded, and he bowed his head to her. ‘Fair enough. You’re right, Sirri, and it’s unkind of me to tease. But you know, I don’t mean to live the rest of my life on a knife-edge like this. When we get back home, I’m going to build something that will last, a place where we can live, not just exist. One day, you’ll feel safe enough to think of the weeks and months ahead of us, and the years, too. I swear it.’

Something in his words unsettled her, unnerving her enough to make her lip tremble, and Sierra caught it between her teeth. The thought of planning so far ahead struck her with a deep chill of unease, like committing herself to something that seemed doomed to failure.

Cam kissed her, and Sierra returned it with desperation, trying to drive away the sudden fear. When she pulled him down, he made no protest, but only insisted on going slowly, slowly, until she gasped and shivered at every touch.

Then, when at last her fears and her unease had fled, driven away by the echoed sensation from Cam’s every nerve and sliver of skin, there came a kind of tickle within her skull. Sierra closed her eyes with a small shake of her head.
Oh, by the Black Sun,
she thought.
Why
now
?

There was a shift of weight within her head, heralding a new presence.
Oh,
Rasten said.
Am I interrupting something?

Cam felt her go still and froze. ‘Sirri?’ he whispered.

She screwed her eyes shut.
Tigers take you, Rasten. After all I’ve been through, can I not have just a few moments of solace?

He sounded genuinely contrite.
My apologies, Sirri. I would have waited, but this is urgent.

An apology. The words had come smoothly, too. That was new. He’d expressed regret in the past, but the words had been halting, hesitant. Sierra noted it with curiosity and then opened her eyes to find Cam staring down at her with concern.

Gently, she pushed him off. ‘Sorry,’ she mouthed, ‘it’s Rasten. He says it’s urgent.’

At the sound of his name Cam went tense. He pulled away, snatching up his shirt and pulling it on over his head. Then he reached for hers and passed it to her.
What is it?
she said as she pulled it on.
What’s going on? And why have you broken your silence now?

You thought the Akharians were planning an attack? Well, you were right. They’re out in force.

She clenched her teeth.
How many? And how far? Has the camp been alerted? And what are you doing there? We thought you were off to the north and west.

I am. Isidro found a way through my shields. There’s something strange going on with him, Sirri, but there’s no time for it now. I’m looking out at them through his eyes.

Issey … he’s up and alert? And what in the Fires Below is he doing at the enemy lines?

Don’t worry about him, he’s got his wits about him for the moment.

Really? If he’s gone out alone to look for the cursed Akharians I have my doubts about that. But how —

Sirri, I told you, there’s no time. The base camp doesn’t know, and he has no way to reach them. You need to send word, and then get here fast.

Sierra bit her lip, hard enough to make it sting. It was no easy distance back to the camp — if they’d been within range, Cam would have had them press on through the night.
Rasten, I can’t reach Isidro. I’ve been trying.

I know,
Rasten said.
I told you, there’s something odd there.

Can you help them?

If I can work through him, maybe. I’ll do everything I can. I haven’t freed these people only to see them slaughtered. Get the camp alerted and the new mages mobilised. For the rest … I’ll try to come up with something. In the meantime … it might be wise to get on with what I just interrupted. A bolt of power waiting to back us up might be useful.

Sierra sighed and cast a glance at Cam.
He’s not a beast trained to perform on cue, Rasten.

No, I suppose not. I … I just hope he …

Rasten tried to cut the thought off, but speaking mind-to-mind was not the same as speaking aloud. With tongue and lips one might cut off an unwise thought before it passed the lips, but in this manner of speech, talking and thinking were one and the same. Sierra heard what he meant to leave unsaid.
I just hope he treats you well.

Never mind,
Rasten quickly said, a sudden flare of anger behind his words.
Forget I spoke. No doubt he’s far better to you than I ever was.

Don’t worry about that now,
she told him.
Just see to Isidro and the camp.

I will,
he said.
I promise, I’ll think of something.
He broke the contact with a wrench, leaving Sierra gasping on the furs as the tent spun around her. As she slumped, Cam steadied her, resting one hand on her shoulder. ‘Sirri, are you alright? What’s going on?’

She nodded. ‘I’m fine, truly. But Cam …’ she broke off, scowling.
By the Black Sun, where do I begin?

Isidro lay on his belly in the wet grass, still watching the Akharian lines when Rasten returned.
She’ll alert the camp, and send you some power if you need it. You should get back to camp —

How far are they?
Isidro asked.

Too far to help. They might make it by mid-morning.

These troops must have been in contact with the ones leading Cam’s people away
, Isidro said.
As soon as Cam broke off the chase, they mobilised.

Seems likely
, Rasten said.

Isidro frowned down at the men and horses. The night was moonless, the sky choked with low clouds threatening rain. The Akharians were using mage-lights to guide their troops, so there was little chance he’d be spotted.
They’re almost ready to move out
, Isidro said.

All the more reason to head back
, Rasten replied.

Isidro didn’t move.
There’s nothing I can do there to help. It’d be better to attack, to throw them into disarray. It’s the only thing that will make any difference.

Isidro felt Rasten consider his words. Rasten was no warrior, he had no mind for assaults and defences, and the ebb and flow of battle.

You don’t have the power or the skill for that
, Rasten said.

No. But you do. And I’m a Blood-Mage, aren’t I?
Isidro said.
I may not have the training, but I have the tainted spark, the same as you do.

I can’t teach you
, Rasten said.
Even if we had the time, I wouldn’t. I’ll never teach another soul what was taught to me. Not even if it means your death. I’d rather weather Sirri’s fury than make another creature like Kell.

I understand
, Isidro said.
That’s not what I’m asking. Can you … can you do it through me?

Another pause.
Are you sure that’s what you want?

If we don’t act, there’ll be a slaughter. We don’t have much time.

As he lay in the mud, Isidro felt very strange. He was soaked to the skin and should have been shivering with cold, but he felt utterly indifferent to the wet earth and the intermittent, pattering rain. He should have been outraged to be sharing his head with Rasten, but he just … didn’t seem to care. It didn’t make any sense. Perhaps Rasten was not the same creature who’d tortured him a year ago, but that still didn’t equate to this trust and acceptance. He hadn’t changed that much, surely … either of them.
Don’t worry about it now
, Isidro told himself.
Your mind’s not working right. And it doesn’t matter, anyway — what matters is doing what we can to protect the camp.

We have to strike them hard
, Isidro said,
sow chaos and confusion in their ranks and throw them into disarray to give the camp’s defenders an edge in repelling the attack. Can we do it?

There was a long silence, long enough to make Isidro clench his teeth in frustration.
Rasten! Answer me.

You don’t know what you’re asking.

We need to act. Can you do it? Yes or no.

From Rasten he felt a sudden flush of panic.
I … there has to be another way.

He was afraid. It struck Isidro with a kind of shock. He wasn’t merely being reticent. He was petrified, and it wasn’t the fear of a young lad who’d never faced a fight before. No, this was the fear of a man who’d fought and suffered for it, who now recoiled with a visceral revulsion from the mere thought of stepping into the fray again.

No
, Isidro said softly. There’s no other way.
Those people are depending on us, and they don’t even know it. You have to do this. It’s the only way.

Sirri said it would be over when Kell died. She said I could leave the old ways behind. She said I would be free!

She meant well
, Isidro said,
but none of us can know what the future will hold. Do you want to make up for the evil you’ve done? Isn’t that why you’ve been freeing the slaves, using the blood arts to bring on their power? It’ll be for nothing if you fail to protect those who need your help.

I … I can’t. I don’t want to … I swore a vow.

If you keep it, thousands will die. Is your vow worth more than their lives? You know the debt you owe. You’re not a coward, and here, after a decade of powerlessness, you have the opportunity to do the right thing. Do it, Rasten, you owe it to the world. You owe it to me.

He felt Rasten draw a deep breath.
I can do it. But you’re not going to like it.

I can live with that. But if you keep these folk alive and free, I’ll like it just fine.

You say that now … but you have no idea, Balorica. No idea at all. Don’t think you’ll get out of this unscathed because you’re only along for the ride.

I realise that.

You have no cursed idea what you’re talking about. But you will, soon enough. Just remember that this was your idea, and never say I didn’t warn you. Where are the mages?

Isidro had identified them while Rasten was talking to Sierra.
Three here, down in the centre.
The same sense that led him here told him there were dozens of detachments spread through these hills. They’d have to move quickly if they were to do enough damage to make any difference.