NORMAL (19 page)

"I will be right on the other side of that door." He points behind me to his front door. "If you so much as raise your voice to her, I swear to God, Forbes, I don't care if I get kicked off the team, I don't care if I end up in fuckin' jail, you got me?"

Robin doesn't respond. I know he's holding back, he's not one to let something like that just go. Cam turns back to me.

"Cam, really that wasn't-"

"It's the truth, Ror. You deserve better." He takes a deep breath and roughly runs his fingers through his still-sleep-mussed hair. "Stay on the porch, alright

I nod. Cam turns back to Robin to give him one more death glare before heading inside and closing the door lightly behind him.

Robin takes a step toward me, but I hold out my hand to stop him.

"Sweetheart-"

"Just don't, Rob," I murmur defeatedly. I cross my arms in front of me protectively. Robin's hazel eyes are almost green today, but they have dark circles under them, as if he hadn't slept. His blonde hair, usually perfectly in place, is unkept too. He's still so good looking, and I worry that if he says some pretty things to me I might lose my resolve.

My resolve for what, I wonder. I'm not even sure what I want right now.

"You gotta talk to me, darlin'. Let me explain-"

"What do you need to explain, Robin? That you can fuck whoever you want, but I can't sleep over with my best friend like I've been doin' my whole life?" I find my voice, still shaky, but able to make my point.

"I swear to God I haven't slept with anyone since I started seein' you."

Now that throws me. I hadn't expected him to outright deny it. He sees he's surprised me with his denial.

"You wanna sit down?" he asks, gesturing to the two front porch steps. I shake my head and hold my ground. Robin sighs. "Well I'm gonna sit, if you don't mind." I shrug and he sits sideways, one leg outstretched, his elbow bent on his opposite knee.

"I know you're lyin'," I hedge, but he shakes his head in denial.

"Look Rory, I've made mistakes. I won't lie to you, okay? I haven't been perfect, but I haven't fucked anyone since last summer, I swear it."

I blink down at him. What does that even mean?

"If Foster said otherwise, it's because he's jealous, sweetheart. I know you don't wanna see it, but he wants you."

I shake my head again. "You're wrong. You're so damn wrong, Robin, but the fact is, I didn't hear it from Cam. All he did was comfort his friend when she was upset. I heard it from you," I reply carefully. Robin is surprised by my words, it's all over his face.

"Look darlin', I realize I was drunk last night, but I know I didn't do anything as crazy as tell my girl I'm baggin' someone else, especially when it ain't even true," he drawls.

Does he think this is funny?
I'm about to tell him what I overheard, but then I finally register something he's just said.

"What do you mean you've made mistakes?"

Robin rubs his face with his palms. "Please sit down?" I don't move. "Please?" I sigh and relent, sitting on the opposite side of the step he's on. "I've done other things. Not sex. Just... other things. We never talked about, you know, our expectations, you and me. I know that sounds like a cop-out. I hear the words comin' outta my mouth and they sounded so reasonable in my head." He mutters a curse to himself. "I didn't want to pressure you, sweetheart. And I want you so damn bad. I don't want anyone else. But I'm a man, and..."

"So you took care of things elsewhere," I finish for him.

"It's been four months, Rory. I figured when you're ready to... move things along..." He takes another deep breath. "You're the only one I wanna touch, sweetheart, the only one I want touchin' me. I only thought of you, even when I... Fuck, this sounds so bad." Robin rubs his temples with his thumb and middle finger.

"Yeah, it does," I whisper in agreement. Robin leans forward and stares intently at me.

"You tell me you want it to be just us, and it's done. You hear me? I won't even look at another girl," he swears, but I'm shaking my head.

"You knew better, Rob. I know I'm not what you're used to. I know I'm makin' you wait and I know you want more. But it just kills me that you went around with other girls when we were..." I trail off. When we were what? Going on dates? Just kissing? He's right, we never talked about being exclusive, I've known this. And as much as the thought of it hurts, the thought of losing him hurts more. But did I ever even really have him? Robin grabs my hand unexpectedly.

"Don't say that, sweetheart. My heart can't take it. It hurts me so bad that you're hurtin'." His eyes are pleading, and I don't know what to say, what to do.

"How can you get angry with me for sleeping over at Cam's when you're seein' other girls? Even if I did hook up with him, which I didn't. It just doesn't make any sense, Robin," I whisper. At this point I think I might even be hoping he comes up with some unfathomable explanation that makes everything alright, but I just can't see how.

"Rory, you know I want more. You know I've been waitin' on you. If you suddenly decided you were ready to do more and you did it with someone else? Yeah, I'd have a problem with that," he replies, inching closer to me.

"Doesn't sound like you've been doin' much waitin'," I mutter under my breath.

"I have with you. You're a female, you can't understand. You're so damn hot, you get me all worked up, and then I can't do shit about it. I'm sorry I took care of it with someone else, but I swear I always knew I'd stop when you were ready to do more," he explains. I don't ask him why he couldn't have just taken care of himself...
himself
.
I do understand what he means, but it still doesn't sound right. "I never lied to you, sweetheart. If you asked me to, you know, for it to be just you and me, I wouldn't have touched anyone else. I won't touch anyone else, darlin'. Just say the word."

"I haven't touched anyone else. I mean, I haven't kissed anyone else. Ever, in fact. I didn't need you to tell me you didn't want me to," I argue, but the fight in me is wavering. "I didn't know I had to articulate it. I've never dated anyone before, I don't know the rules." I stop before my words turn into sobs, the tears have returned and I hope that my will is enough to keep them from falling.

"I'm glad to hear that, sweetheart. And I couldn't have taken it if you had. I'm a hypocrite. I've known you were mine, and yet I wasn't yours in return. Not completely. I'm a bastard, I know it, but I'm a bastard who loves you, Rory. This is all new to me, too. I've dated 'a course, but there never were any rules, because I never cared. But I care with you, darlin', so damn much."

My tears fall now, and my mouth gapes open. Robin just said he loves me. He's admitted he was wrong, admitted he was a hypocrite, and told me he loves me. I forcibly bury Robin's transgressions deep in my broken heart as it begins to mend itself. I have no words.

"You gotta give me another chance. I won't let you down again," he whispers. He's inched closer to me through his words and now he's right beside me, wiping my tears with his knuckles. I lean into his touch. "Please forgive me?" It's a request, not a demand.

"Okay," I breathe, without even realizing I've said it.
He loves me
.
I'm still stunned.

"You hear me say that I love you, sweetheart?" he asks.

I nod and sniffle, trying to quell my weeping.

"You love me too?" he asks.

I nod again. I really think I do. All I know is that even when I was hurting because of him, I didn't want to let him go.

"Well damn!" He's practically cheering.

Robin leans in and kisses me softly, and I let him. He holds my face and plants small kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and then my lips again.

Finally, he pulls away and stands, taking my hand. I follow him.

"Come on, let me take my girlfriend to breakfast." He enunciates the word "girlfriend". He's never said it before and the sound of it exhilarates me.

"I need to tell Cam I'm leavin'," I reply.

Robin's eyes narrow. "You won't be spendin' any more nights in anyone's arms but mine." It's a statement, and I suppose not an unreasonable one.

I nod my agreement.

I turn to go inside to find Cam, but he's already emerging onto the porch. He must have been listening. Suddenly the thought of him overhearing all that unnerves me deeply. I give him a hug despite the fact that I know it'll bug Robin. Sleeping in his bed with him is one thing, but I won't stop hugging my best friend.

"Thanks Cam, for last night. For everything," I murmur as I pull away. Cam is reluctant to release me.

"You sure about this, Ror?" he asks, his voice low and hoarse. I meet his gaze, and I know he's upset by all of this, he doesn't trust Robin, but I didn't expect to see such turmoil in his eyes. I put my hand on his shoulder in consolation.

"Yeah, Cam. It's fine. He's explained, I've forgiven him. We talked about it and now he's my boyfriend he's promised it won't happen again," I explain in a whisper, I don't want Robin to hear too much. It's awkward talking about him when he's only a few feet away, but Cam deserves an explanation.

"If that's what makes you happy," Cam murmurs. He's disappointed in me, and that hurts, but this is my decision and I've made it.

"It is, Cam," I breathe, and then with a pat on his arm, I turn to leave with Robin. My stuff is already at his house since I'm supposed to stay with them for break anyway.

Robin opens the passenger door for me and as I'm climbing in, Cam calls out, "You call me if you need me, Ror. Whenever, I mean it!" Robin closes my door before I can respond, but I nod to him through the windshield and Cam stays on his porch until we've driven out of sight.

Present Day

T
he weekend was an uneventful one. On Friday Sam drove me to school and then surprised me at lunch by taking Tucker to go pick up my car from the medical office park. It was back in the student lot before I got back from the diner. That evening, I found an unexpected ally in Karen, and we spent our dinner out convincing my mother that I'm responsible enough to go to Miami. Mom wasn't exactly eager to agree, but the fact that she's known Carl and her parents since I was little didn't hurt, and she's gotten to know Tina since we moved here and likes her too.

I know my mom is anxious about the whole thing, and frankly, so am I, but I'm eighteen years old, and like Sam said, I'm only going to be a senior once. I don't want to let Robin Forbes take anything more away from me than he already has. With Carl and Tina - and if I'm honest with myself, Sam - I think I can handle it. In fact, I'm actually looking forward to it. Less than two weeks away.

When my mom came to my room Sunday evening with my travel itinerary printed out, I had mixed feelings, though my excitement and gratitude were all I allowed her to see. Just seeing the word "Florida" in print made me break out in goose bumps. But Miami is nowhere near Linton - where I assume Robin still is. And I must admit, it gives me some satisfaction that my life isn't the only one that was irrevocably altered by him and what he did. I ruined his life too, or so he, and everyone else in town, screamed from the rooftops. And, vengefully, I wish it were true - I wish I had the power to ruin his life. But the truth is, he ruined his own damned life.

Right now, my biggest concern is Chelsea and her friends. I'd be more excited for Miami if they weren't coming too. Ostensibly, we're all "friends". We go to the same parties and even find ourselves at the same lunch tables from time to time. But ever since Chelsea called me out for avoiding the locker room and Sam defended me, she's given up on subtlety.

I find her casting vicious glares my way, particularly when I'm interacting with Sam, but instead of backing away, now I simply ignore her. I've spent enough time letting the popular kids - and adults for that matter - wield their power over me. But Port Woodmere isn't Linton, it's not a small town, and Chelsea isn't Lacey.

Monday has dragged on and I'm relieved when the last bell of the day rings and my lab period is over. I'm not a science person - English and History have always been my thing - but since lab alternates days with phys ed, it's the lesser of two evils for me. I'd always loved phys-ed, being a retired tomboy and athlete, but the dread of the locker room has overshadowed all else, and even though I avoid it in favor of the bathroom just up the hall, the memory of why I have to do so precedes every gym period.

After school, I hop in my Jeep and follow Carl to drop off her car at home so we can go meet Tina at the Roosevelt Field Mall. Carl has insisted I do some shopping for our trip, and frankly, she's right. All I ever wear are jeans and tee shirts, but based on what she's asking me to try on, I can only surmise she's planning on pimping me out in South Beach. I decline the leather mini skirt and bare midriff halter and select a few sun dresses that aren't too revealing. I also buy two skirts, one denim and one pink flouncy one that is too girly to be provocative.

Swimsuits are a bigger issue. Carl and Tina's selections are nothing more than a few tiny scraps of material suspended on strings. I pick out two one-pieces that are probably meant more for my mother than for me, but I don't care.