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              Carissa’s laugh settled. She turned to David and smiled.  She reached out her hand and waved him next to her.  She wanted to take his hand but did not.  Carissa expected her friends to embrace him.  She expect her judgement to be met with credibility from her friends.  She thought he would be instantly accepted, at least welcomed, to the group without issue.  She was wrong.

              David stepped to her side.  He began sweat. David could not tell if the beads were from being nervous or the unseasonable heat of the noon sun.  He stayed quiet and still.  He had already had an encounter with Rob on the bus, and from the look on Rob’s, it seemed like there may be incident part two coming. 
What if this was all a setup?
David’s paranoia whispered. 

             
A setup does seem to be more believable than, “Save me a seat.”  What are they going to do? 
David looked from side to side.  He was looking for any direction he could run.  He still thought she might be thinking of him but…
No, I need to run.
He picked his route. 

“Guys, this is David,” Carissa’s voice broke, her hand touching his forearm again.

              “Hi,” David said as he pivoted his body to the left giving him a straight shot out of the group if he needed it. 

              “Rob,” a nod, “Are you cool?” More than a little condescension apparent. 

              David grew even wirier of the situation.  He was now sure that this was a setup.  He liked his lips just as his knees became weak.  “What do you mean?”

              “Are going to rat us out?” Scott said as if in a mob movie and broken knee caps were coming next.

              “No,” David said as if surprised by the question. 

              Carissa looked at David, her soft eyes batted as she touched his arm to reassure him.  Carissa turned back to the others.  She was greeted by three of her best friends staring her down.  April looked at David. Trying to hide her uncertainty, “So why did you trip out in class that day?”  April’s tone lacked the disguise she intended. 

              “Yeah, I’m…I’m sorry about that,” David said.  He meant it too. 

“What the fuck is your problem, freak?” Scott said stepping toward David. Carissa side stepped in-between the two, her open palm connecting with Scott’s face.  David took the chance to escape.  He walked fast.  By the time Carissa looked over her shoulder, he had made it to the corner of the building.  When he was out of sight, Carissa looked back the others. 

Scott was holding his face.  Carissa could see the red welts between his fingers.  April was ashamed but Carissa did not notice.  And Rob, well, Rob’s face was chiseled, teeth clenched, and arms crossed.  He was visibly pissed.  Carissa could relate.  “What the fuck was that?” Carissa said as her fingers began to tingle.

              “What?” Rob said with an arrogant laugh.

              Carissa pointed at Rob, “Shut up.  Shut the fuck up.  I brought him here because I think he is alright.  That should have been enough, but fuck no.  If it doesn’t please Rob, it’s a fucking travesty.”  She said.  “You are one sad piece of shit, Scott.  April, I didn’t expect that from you.”  She paused momentarily to regain some form of equanimity.  “What the fuck is wrong with you?”  Carissa ran after David.

              Carissa caught up to David as he was beginning to cross the street.  He was walking fast and steady and ready to get back to his lonely world.  He looked at the front door of the school as something safe and normal.  He did not need to add the suspicions and obsessions and stress he had felt in the last two days to his already full “chosen” life.  All he needed was his normal existence.  He would know what to expect.

              Carissa ran up behind David and hesitated for just a moment before she grabbed his arm. “David,” Carissa said, her voice shuttered.  He looked over his shoulder for a moment but kept moving toward the school doors.  She felt a strain in her chest.  It was almost as if a small needle was imbedded under ribs.  Every breath brought more pain.  But through whatever was hurting her she said, “David stop.  Please.” 

              David took one more step before stopping.  He turned slow, trying to figure out what he was going to say.  He wanted to let her have all the rage that was inside but something kept him from exploding.  He did not want to hurt her.  He did not know why. He looked at his feet, “What was that?  A big joke for you? I hope it was funny.”

              Carissa shook her head.  What could she say?  It was not a joke, but she did not know if he could believe that.  She whispered, “I like you, David.”  A car raced by almost drowning out the words.  David barely heard them but he still heard them.  The words were…they were honest. Carissa realized she made herself vulnerable. David could see the sincerity in her eyes.  He did not know what to say. “I really like you.” She said as she looked at him.  He turned and began walking again, leaving her in the road alone and open.

              3:37. It had been twenty minutes since the final bell.  Alone, Carissa sat in the class of waiting for David.  The clocked ticked with every second that past.  She watched the hands turn across the black and white numbered face.  Carissa began to ponder the very existence of time except as a scheduling mechanism for her finite world, anything to make her forget.  David was hurt and it was her fault.  She was sure he would see that she did not plan it.  The time moved and with not even a pass by the door Carissa was soon to give up.

              3:37. David shifted his books to the other hand as he walked past the houses lining the road behind the school.  He had taken the backdoor of the school.  It may have been to keep from passing the class that Carissa could possibly be waiting in or to avoid another bout with humiliation and embarrassment.  David decided it was an equal amount of both.  He did not think she was waiting but he did not want to take the chance of seeing her anyway.  He knew she was not taking him there to humiliate him.  Why would she?  She chastened herself in the process.  He half told himself she never wanted to see him again.  But then again, he had thought this before and was been wrong.  He shifted the heavy books to his other side.

              3:45. The clock had won.  The ticking turned to mechanical mockery as Carissa gathered her books and stepped into the hall.  The squeak from her boots on the still damp floor echoed from the walls.  She had already missed the bus.  She looked over shoulder with every other step to make sure he had just not been running late.  As she turned the corner, she looked one last time.  He was not coming.

              3:45. David’s walk would be neither relaxing nor enjoyable.  Thoughts of Carissa sitting alone, waiting, and watching for him to come through the threshold scattered between visions of Carissa riding the bus home, leaving only an empty room in her wake.  David understood that he was not leaving only Carissa behind but an intensifying unanswered question. 
Why? I just met her!  This is stupid but I can’t quit…thinking…no that’s the wrong word. Obsessing…too strong. Fascinated?  She is not an animal. What is going on? 
He tried to focus on other things.  David kicked at a rock, caught the edge of it well enough to send it flying into a near-by metal dumpster. The impact was loud and rang for several seconds.  Yes, David did jump.  Yes, David did make a slight sound some would call a yell but others would call a squeal.  And finally, yes, an older man raking his yard laughed at David’s reaction.  However, David still saw Carissa’s head tilted forward, eyes looking up, hands clenching the bottom of her shirt, and her teeth release the bite from her bottom lip as she stood on the street.  As David remembered, Carissa’s eyes closed for only a second before they met his and she spoke. 

              “David,” Carissa’s voice angelic.  “I li…,” David stumbled over a rock that was large enough to be obvious, especially at walking speed.  He now knew one way to get his mind off of Carissa; tripping in the street. He could not trip forever and he had to do something.

              David turned and rushed back to the school.  He ran as fast as he could leaving small dust clouds in his wake, but he had to get there soon.  The janitor locked the school at five and he was not sure what time it actually was, but he had to get to his locker.  The only thing that could save him was there and he had to get it.

Carissa stood at the bottom of the stairs looking at the front door not wanting too but about to step back into her contumelious existence.  The life that waited behind the large oak entry was not one of safe and secure but of numbing mistrust and betrayal.  This morning, she escaped the callous predator in wait, but now she was embracing it once again.  This time she was not going to come back.  She only imagined the life away from hers, wanting it badly, but to crave was not enough to free her of the clinch that held so tight.

9

              Boards creaked as Carissa’s right foot lay pressure on the porch.  Three more steps, she was at the door.  She grasped the brass handle and turning it gently.  With a small push, the door opened letting a waft of stale cigarette smoke and booze escape.  “What the fuck took you so long?” Casey drunkenly grunted.  Carissa thought about Jen for a moment.  Jen would have smiled and asked her how her day was and maybe even had cookies baking.  Carissa longed for just a little motherly compassion.  “Well, what the fuck took you so long?  Maybe, I should be asking if you’re gonna tell us your pregnant in a few weeks?”

              “Fuck you, Casey,” Carissa said as she tried to escape down the hallway. 

              Casey stumbled behind Carissa, “Fuck me?  No, fuck you little bitch.”  Carissa stopped, turning to Casey.  Casey was only inches from her, swaying side to side uncontrollably.  “Where the fuck have you been?” Casey yelled.  Carissa could tell Casey had been drinking since at least 10:00 am.  Casey’s alcohol and smoked breath gave that much away.  

              “School,” Carissa said crossing her arms.

              “Bull sh…it!  You bu’ch was here an hour ago.  I hope you used something. You know to keep me from having to raise your fucking kid.”  Casey poked at her chest. 

              “Shut up! You drunk, bitch.” Carissa opened, stepped through, and closed her bedroom door before Casey could completely register what Carissa had said.

              “Shut up?  No, you shut up,” Casey said as she turned to go back to the living room to sit on the sofa and watch some show she would not even remember in two hours anyway. “And keep your goddamn hands off my man, slut.”

              Carissa was stunned.
Did she just say that?
“What?” Carissa said quite a bit louder than she had intended.

              “What nothin’!  You don’t think I hear him in there with you, the bed squeekin’.  I hear,” Surprisingly, Casey’s words were soft, no real suggestion of ire.  “You need to keep your goddamn hands off of him.  He’s my man and I am tired of it,” Casey shrugged her shoulders.  Carissa came out of her room and was standing just beyond the end table.  Casey looked over.  “You can’t keep your hands off no one, can you?” Casey took a sip of her drink. 

              Carissa stared at Casey.  Carissa did not know what to say; she was confused. 
How could she know?  How could she let it happen? How can she blame me?
  Carissa throat tighten then with a choked burst, “You knew he was fucking me?”  The words bounced from wall to wall.  Carissa had never said the words aloud.  The question sounded obtuse to Carissa, almost too simple to consider.

              Casey turned and looked at Carissa, “He fucks you; he makes love to me.”  Casey said nothing else.  Casey leaned back on the couch and resumed watching the news or a talk show, or something else that did not matter in that moment.

              When Carissa left for school that morning, she knew the day would be different than the hundreds previous.  She thought it would be for David. She had met someone new, not knowing anything, but kind of drawn to him, and now, stood up by him.  But now, she was not sure if she was embarrassed, hurt, betrayed (although, she found it hard to be believe it was betrayal by someone who already hates her), or a combination of all.  Carissa had known Casey despised her.  Carissa had always thought it was because she was the stepchild.  Carissa knew now Casey hated her for something that was not her fault, something she could not control, something she did because he was her daddy.  Carissa’s eyes began to blur through the tears. 

              Carissa walked down the hallway back toward the front door.  In the three or four minutes, Carissa stood in the hallway, Casey had fallen asleep…or passed out.  Word choices are subject to the observer and Carissa did not see.  Carissa looked at Casey’s limp sleeping body for a moment, then opened the door. 

              A slight breeze blew the curtains in and out of an opened window.  David stood quiet on the porch.  He had not heard every word but he had heard enough to know what the voices inside were talking about. The conversation or fight or revelation reached its precipice then went silent.  He did not knock.  He lingered trying not to make a noise though the squeaky boards under his feet were determined otherwise.  He did not want to knock too early because Carissa would know he heard something.  He did not want to stand at the door much longer either for fear of being seen by his mother or someone who would call his mother.  The door slowly opened, Carissa stepped out.  Through the tears were rolling down her face, a slight accented smile appeared.  She wiped a few drops from her cheeks then whispered “You.”

              David shook his head agreeing with her.  “You want to walk,” he said with a shake in his voice.  He slid his hands into his pockets.

              “Yeah,” she said stepping down off the porch and into the sun.