NoRegretsColeNC (13 page)

She
moaned, frustrated at not knowing how to stop the frantic aching that made her
feel as if she were on fire, burning from head to toe with an agony that she
both wanted to end and wished could last forever.

Confusion
swirled through her head. What she felt was so
right,
and yet so wrong. This must never happen between them again, so she must enjoy
this one night as fully as possible.

He
kissed her and in that moment the confusion went away. Every thought flew out
of her head and she gave herself up to the pleasure, exulting as her body
arched to meet each pounding thrust of his fingers as he lifted her to higher
and higher peaks of pleasure.

Willie
broke the kiss, but before she could cry out, his mouth returned to her ripe
breasts, suckling at each, even as his fingers still teased her mercilessly,
slipping in and out. His head moved downward a little more. Now, his tongue
lapped at her taut belly. “Do you like it? Do you want more?”

“Yes,
more.” She moaned and writhed.

“Do you
want me inside you?”

She
could only pant and nod. At last, the long-awaited moment had come. When his
fingers slipped away, the aching emptiness consumed her.

“Hurry,
please.” If something didn’t sate her hunger soon, she feared she might well
die.

Finally,
his clothes stripped away and tossed onto the floor, Willie lay naked above
her. She looked up, drew in a breath, and held it, too afraid to move as she
felt Willie’s rigid shaft pressing at her tight, virginal opening. As he pushed
harder, she squeezed her eyes shut, knowing the terrible pain she must endure.

“It
won’t hurt so much if you’ll relax.”

“I
can’t. I don’t think this is a very good idea, after all.”

“Are
you changing your mind?”

He drew
back, studying her. Hattie finally let out her breath and somehow managed to
give her head a slight shake. No, she would not change her mind. She wanted to
please Willie, and even more, she wanted to please herself. For the first time,
she realized how desperately she yearned to live, not merely exist. Willie
understood, and now, he could set her free from all the walls she’d built
around herself through the years, free of all the shyness, all the hesitation,
all those feelings of never being good enough. It might hurt, but it would be
worth the pain.

“Just
do it, Willie. Do it and get it over with.” She sucked in another breath, once
again bracing herself for the agony.

He
edged forward.

Hattie
gasped as she felt herself stretching open to take him inside. When he thrust
deeper, she gripped his arms at the burning sensation ripping through her.
Heavens, it was worse than she’d ever imagined! Why hadn’t she listened to Miss
Brundage
? But, she
had
listened. The problem was that she hadn’t believed all the
outrageous tales the old spinster shared with her girls.

Wild
thoughts crowded through her mind.

“No,
no, you’ve got to stop. I can’t bear it, Willie.”

“Too
late now,” he whispered. “The deed’s done, and if you’ll keep still…”

His
words trailed off as Hattie let out a sigh. “It doesn’t hurt so much now.”

“If you
want me to stop, I will.”

“No, I
think I like it. It’s a peculiar feeling, but it’s actually rather pleasant.”

Willie
chuckled. He bent his head close to hers and kissed the tip of her nose.
Slowly, he moved within her.

Her
arms reached around him, and she clung to him as if clinging to life itself,
caught in some mystical place between anxious terror and pure pleasure. She
didn’t know what to expect, or what was expected of her. She knew only that she
liked what Willie was making her feel and that if she let go of him now, he
might stop, or move away, and those exquisite pleasures would be lost.

Willie’s
mouth found hers, and as his tongue teased, she parted her lips, opening fully
to him. His body shuddered. Excited at knowing she’d pleased him, she grew
bolder, meeting each thrust of his tongue with one of her own.

Their
breaths came faster now as he moved against her in a frenzied rhythm. Her head
fell back against the soft pillow as her body learned the rhythm, too, as
though she and Willie had truly become one.

Faster
they moved. Sweat rippled between her breasts. She felt hot and wet and
glowing. Crazy memories spun through her mind, images of Helen
Brundage
rapping her long wooden pointer at the chalkboard,
explaining the horrors of copulation.

Oh, Miss
Brundage
,
if only you knew!

Hattie
gave herself up to the wondrous pleasure that coursed through her as she
reached the peak. Willie groaned, grunted, and tore himself away, his hot semen
coming out in huge spurts.

“Oh, sweetheart,
that was good.” He collapsed onto her, his breathing hard, his body trembling.
“So good.”
His eyes closed, and soon his breathing quieted.

She
closed her eyes, too, but unlike the man beside her, Hattie could not fall
asleep. With her body sated—and the effects of the alcohol now wearing off—a
host of troubled thoughts filled her head as the realization of what she’d just
done took hold.

Panic
struck. Grabbing the sheets, she pulled them up to cover her as she squirmed
into a sitting position. She shook Willie.

“Wake
up. I have to talk to you.”

He
groaned and turned his head but didn’t open his eyes.

“Willie,
please. You have to wake up.” She shook him harder.

One eye
opened. “Yeah, what did you want?”

“We
have to talk.”

“About
what?”

“About…what
we just did.”

He
grinned and grabbed her hand. “You want more already?”

Hattie
jerked her hand away. “No, I want to talk. This is serious, Willie. Don’t you
realize what just took place here?”

Although
he didn’t look pleased at having his sleep interrupted, he finally opened both
eyes and nodded.
“All right.
Let’s talk.”

Suddenly
her shyness returned. With great effort she managed to find her voice. “Nothing
will happen because of what we did, will it? I mean, am I likely to find myself
facing unwanted consequences?” Nervous at the answer he might give, she twisted
her fingers in her lap and hoped for the best. She didn’t want to ever have
regrets for what she’d done.

“You’ve
got nothing to worry about.” He bent forward, stroked her cheek, and smiled. “I
pulled out in time. God knows,” he whispered, “it wasn’t easy.”

Was he
disappointed?
Probably so.
He’d taken her to the
heights of ecstasy but had then sacrificed a great deal of his own pleasure for
her sake. What a thoughtful, caring act.

“I
appreciate all you’ve done for me.” Hattie pressed her hand to his cheek.
“You’re a good man, Willie Morse.”

* * *
*

It was nearly sun-up before Hattie
slipped into her own bed. When she arrived home, she’d taken great care with
her nightly ablutions, thoroughly washing herself, and all the while staring at
her image in the mirror. To think, she’d left her room that afternoon as an
innocent young girl who knew nothing—
nothing!
—about
love and love-making. She had returned as a woman, a woman who had tasted
passion and desire. A woman who loved the pleasures a man could give.

But only if that man were Willie, of
course.

He cared about her. He wanted her
happiness as much as he wanted his own.

Yes, Willie had made her a woman. Even
more, he’d taught her how to live, not merely exist.

For the next few days, Hattie’s
emotions see-sawed wildly.
Up. Down. She
couldn’t quite get herself on an even keel.

One moment found her soaring with
newfound excitement while in the next she plummeted to the depths of despair.
She sang with joy. She sobbed with worry.

Not only had Hattie been changed by her
experience with Willie, the entire world around her had been transformed, as
well. New possibilities abounded. How many more pleasures could life hold? How
many more secret delights awaited discovery?

More than ever, Hattie wanted to learn,
to grow, to reach out, throw her arms around the earth and sky and shout for
the beauty of it all.

All because of Willie Morse.
All because he believed in her.
She believed in him,
too.

Together, they could make the world
their own.

Tuesday evening after dinner, Hattie
retreated to her room with her notebooks. It was her regular custom to study
her nursing assignments before bed. She truly believed that
sleeping on it
helped fix knowledge in
one’s head.

She quickly completed the work Dr.
Kellerman had given her—information on the various degrees of burns and
differences in proper treatment for each. Hattie shuddered at the thought of
charred, peeling skin and prayed she might never have to dress such horrible
wounds.

Nursing involved so much more than
she’d expected. The more she learned, the more apparent it became that she’d
once again chosen the wrong profession. But she would continue her studies, she
would do her best, and she would not look back upon her decision with regret.

Nor would she ever regret what she and
Willie had done.

Pushing her textbook aside, Hattie
allowed her mind to wander back to the night she’d spent in Willie’s bed. She
hadn’t seen him since, but was waiting until her emotions were a bit more
settled.

Lately, she’d been toying with a few
thoughts, thinking of all the wondrous possibilities awaiting those who dared
to claim them.

Indeed, fortune favored the bold.

“
Audaces
fortuna
iuvat
.”

With a wicked smile, Hattie rose and
went to her door. She opened it, peered out,
then
silently closed it behind her. She moved quietly through the dimly-lit
corridor. The doctor left small lamps burning all night for the comfort and
security of his patients—of which there were none at the moment. Only in times
of serious injury—such as Willie’s—or a catastrophic illness would a patient be
required to remain overnight at the hospital. Women, of course, wanted to have
their babies at home, surrounded by the love of their family. Her stealth that
night was intended not to prevent disturbing a patient’s rest, but to avoid
waking Abner or Charlotte Kellerman.

She crept down the stairs, the slippers
upon her feet making only the slightest of sounds. Her fingertips glided over
the smooth, polished handrail. At the bottom of the stairs, she stopped,
listened intently, and then, confident no one was awake, she slipped through
the darkness like a shadow. Only when she was safely ensconced in Dr.
Kellerman’s library with the door shut behind her did she let out a
breath.

Quickly she lit a small lamp and turned
the wick down low. It provided barely enough light for her to see the titles of
the leather-bound books on the shelves. Hattie leaned close, examining each. On
occasion, she helped out with domestic chores and had often dusted these
shelves. She knew exactly what she was looking for.

Now, her eager fingers closed around a
slender volume as she pulled it from the shelf. Holding it close to the light,
she read the gilded letters and smiled. Yes, she’d found it.

Hattie stifled a laugh, amazed by her
own brashness. In the past, she’d been such a very good girl, or at least,
she’d tried her best. She’d followed all the rules. She was quiet. She was
soft-spoken. She minded her manners, kept a pleasant attitude, and never
uttered a complaint.

All of that had changed now.

For the better part of the next hour,
she immersed herself in her reading. Hattie loved the library and the valuable
information it contained. With a bit of patience and persistence, the answers
to all of life’s most pressing questions could be found in books.

She pored over the pages, mentally
noting passages of special interest, and wondering why she’d not thought to
bring her notebook. She hoped she could remember all the pertinent facts. So
deeply involved with her study was she, Hattie failed to hear the approaching
footsteps. When the door opened and Dr. Kellerman suddenly cleared his throat,
she gasped and jumped from his big, upholstered chair, dropping the book to the
floor. Flustered, she quickly bent down to retrieve it.

“You frightened me.” She edged her way
to the bookshelf and replaced the volume, standing in such a way that the
physician could not see exactly which book she’d been perusing. “I couldn’t
sleep,” she added in a shaky voice. “I thought it would be a good time to work
on my studies.”

“I must say, I’ve never known anyone
so
dedicated as you, Hattie.”