Nobody's Lady (11 page)

Bow barked and bolted, sending the sheep scattering once more. She whipped past one bleating sheep without so much as halting to round the bend, ruffling the sheep’s wool with her tail.

Tayton shrugged. “I was gonna say it was a gold dog, like Bow, but I guess she figured that much out for herself.”

Jurij stiffened on the grass beside me, his arm bending slightly to lower himself further down among the blades. I crawled up to get a better look at the commotion.

“The dog’s with someone,” said Tayton, his hands around his eyes to get a better look. “Two people.”

Maybe it’s Mother and Father. Or at least, if it’s her, she’s with Mother or Father. Might be a bit less awkward.

Sindri laughed so loud, I jumped. “It’s Jaron!” He slapped Darwyn on the back, and they both followed after Bow. Tayton lifted a foot and then paused, looking at me and Jurij, who was now completely flat against the ground. “Did I miss something?”

I felt my cheeks crack as I forced a smile. “No. It’s nothing. Jaron. I haven’t seen him in a while. It’ll be good to say hello. I just didn’t know he’d gotten a dog.”

“Ha, that man!” Tayton’s attention was drawn back to the hill. “A different lady on his arm every time I see him!” He jogged after Sindri and Darwyn.

My mouth dried, and a surge of panic hit my stomach.
Mother?

“It’s Elfriede,” spoke the grass at my feet, Jurij’s head not so much as lifting up to confirm for certain.

“Now, the black ones, their wool is harder to dye, so it doesn’t go for as much.” Jaron pointed at one of the black sheep with a fried leg of lamb, probably not realizing the irony. Elfriede had cooked all of the food Jaron pulled out of Father’s carved picnic basket, I was sure of it. Jaron took a bite and gave himself half a minute to chew. “But the black ones have their uses.”

“I can see that.” Sindri laughed, staring at the voracious way Jaron attacked the leg of lamb. For a little while, it felt good to see him eating. He never ate much in the commune. True, I hadn’t seen his face in those days, but he was a friend of sorts. And I could tell he was skinny—too skinny. He’d filled out rather nicely since, for an older man.

I blushed, my gaze accidentally catching Elfriede’s as I looked away.
I can’t exactly fault her for dating a man almost twenty years older.
I gripped a handful of grass, ripping it free of the dirt with such force, the roots popped out. The lord wasn’t
my
man. But he was a thousand years old, thanks to me.

Darwyn extended his chin toward the towering black castle some distance behind me. I still always made a point of sitting with my back toward the east. Old habits. “He’ll take black wool, won’t he?” Darwyn posed the question to Jurij specifically.

Jurij shrugged, his expression the same stony look he had the moment Jaron and Elfriede joined us. He rubbed his hand over Arrow’s head lazily. “Out of the tailoring business,” he muttered under his breath.

Like he’d have forgotten the answer to that question just because he hadn’t helped his mother and father for a few weeks. I let the blades of grass tumble from my fingers.

Jaron put down the remains of his lamb leg, scouring the picnic basket. “You’re sure you’re not hungry?” he asked. “We may not have enough for seven, but Friede packed plenty of rolls. She made them herself, and they’re some of the best I’ve ever—”

“You work with livestock now?” I asked. The grass left a greenish stain on my palm that I rubbed with my fingers. “Did you do that before? Uh, that is … ” I stopped, suddenly aware of Elfriede’s pale eyes on my face.

Jaron didn’t seem to mind. He laughed as he tossed a roll at Sindri, who caught it and started eating as if he wasn’t sitting in a circle fraught with unspoken tension.

“I can barely remember what I did, Noll.” Jaron shrugged. “Seriously. Maybe if I asked someone who knew me then. Life in the commune is pretty much all a useless blur in my mind. For the most part. There are a few things I remember, but … ” He tossed another roll, this one to Darwyn, who fumbled but caught it before it fell on the ground. Too bad for Arrow, who seemed to be watching with interest.

“What about your parents?” Darwyn asked, too curious to start eating.

“Gone. Probably.” Jaron passed a roll to Tayton and offered one to me. “Noll?”

I shook my head. “No, thank you.”

Elfriede stopped glaring at me and dug into the basket, unwrapping a wedge of cheese she didn’t offer to share with anyone. Jaron bit into the roll, pointedly forgetting Jurij.

Sindri spoke with his mouth still half full of bread. “What do you mean
probably
?”

Jaron cocked his head, as if Sindri was the one making the strange statement. “They were farmers, I think. I forget which kind. I didn’t get any social calls from them when I wound up in the commune. I kind of forgot what they looked like after all that bleakness.”

Tayton chewed his roll slowly. “But surely they
would remember you? If your father didn’t care, then your mother?”

I flinched with guilt at the idea that a man could be so enamored with his goddess he barely cared about his own children.
It’s not always true. Remember Master Tailor. Your own father. Sort of.

Jaron raised a hand to stop him. “I really couldn’t tell you.” He popped the rest of the roll into his mouth and waited to finish chewing. “Maybe she did visit me early on. Maybe she commanded my father to do so, too. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on anyone in the commune, especially not with
her
living so close.”

Without being asked, Elfriede uncorked the bottle she’d carried along with the basket and filled Jaron’s wooden cup with ale. There were no cups for the rest of us. They’d clearly planned a picnic for two.

“Thank you, dear,” said Jaron as he took the mug from her. The “dear” sent a shiver down my spine, and Elfriede seemed to notice. She smiled at me—actually
smiled
—perversely as she placed the bottle back on the grass beside her.
Bet you didn’t know that Mother used to love that same man beside you, did you?
I smiled back at her. I felt dirty doing it. But still. Of all the men she could have used to taunt Jurij and show she was moving on, why Jaron? Why a man so much older, someone who spent years pining for Jurij’s aunt? Unless that was exactly why. Someone who’d moved on from Jurij’s family, just as she would. Someone older because she used to be embarrassed her man was a little younger.

I grabbed another handful of grass. Not
her
man any longer.

Jaron nudged Tayton with his elbow before taking a sip from his mug. “So why is it the one time I see you young men at the tavern, you get so drunk you can hardly stand straight?” He leaned his head back and swallowed the rest of his mug’s contents. “You scared all the young ladies away. Not a great impression, if you’re looking for companions.”

Elfriede’s eyes widened, and her head whipped immediately toward Jurij, but Jurij didn’t so much as flinch. He continued his slow, methodical stroking of Arrow’s head, his focus on the grass in front of him.

Tayton stuffed the rest of his roll into his mouth. “Who faid we were wooking for wommm?”

“No one
said
anything.” Jaron extended his mug out to Elfriede, who uncorked the bottle and poured more without a word. Jaron had had little experience serving a goddess himself, so he might not have thought anything of it, but it still felt strange to see a woman serve a man. The liquid sloshed as Elfriede’s eyes darted back to Jurij every few seconds. Jaron pulled the mug back to his chest, not seeming to notice that Elfriede was still pouring. “Thank you, dear.” He turned back to Tayton. “But a man knows. You’re all young, hardly with your goddesses before—well,
before
.” He took a sip as Elfriede hastily corked the bottle, her eyes darting to the wasted liquid on the ground. Knowing her, she was probably considering ripping off her apron and sponging the spill, even though it was on the dirt and grass. “Love is so different without being forced into it, lads. It’s fun.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed that, from your behavior.” Darwyn’s words were coated in sarcasm, and he and Sindri both burst into muffled giggles as they probably imagined Jaron seen each night in town with some different woman on his arm. I wondered if this was Elfriede’s first chance to be so honored, and if so, what were the chances of the two of them deciding on a picnic the same day I decided to take the guys out for a day of relaxing in the fields.

Jaron was undeterred. If anything, he seemed flattered as he took a sip from his mug. “Women are beautiful, lads, kind and lovely, if you let them be. If you can just put everything else behind you—”

“I think we’ve had enough of women.” It was the first thing Jurij had said in ages, and everyone in the circle stopped to stare at him. “At least
I
have.”

Jaron set his mug down on the ground beside the basket. “And that explains why the first place you ran to after the lord’s decree was into the arms of his own lovely goddess.” He raised his eyebrows at me.

I swallowed and focused on the grass in my hand, squeezing the blades so hard they bled wet green juice into my palm.

“I didn’t
run into
Noll’s arms.”

“Really? Could have fooled me, and half the village while you were at it.” Jaron’s hands were intertwined, his weight against his elbow as he leaned a little too casually against the grass. “I’m surprised the black carriage doesn’t ride up to the door of that shack the two of you share and give you another puffed eye to go with the first one.”

“Jaron!” I dropped the blades of grass, and some of them stuck to the wetness on my hand. I’d forgotten Jaron, a shade of the man sitting before me, had been there to witness that debacle.

Darwyn gasped. “A bit harsh, my good man. Jurij is just as much a victim as any of us.”

Jaron stared at the ground. “If you count breaking not one but two sisters’ hearts over the course of his young life, then fine.”

It wasn’t like that
, I wanted to say. If Jaron thought my time at the commune was because of Jurij, he was mistaken. I looked between him and Elfriede for any sign of shame at what he’d just said, but I found none. Her eyes were on the ground, as if pretending we weren’t there would somehow make it a reality.

Jurij stood up, walking past me with both Bow and Arrow trailing after him. Jurij’s lips trembled into a semblance of a smile. He rubbed behind Arrow’s ears. “Stay, boy. Just your mama and me are going.”

“Take him, too.”

Elfriede hadn’t said a word since she came down the hill. It had been so long since I’d heard that delicate voice, and it’d been even longer since I heard it approaching anything near composed and refined.

It was enough to finally get Jurij to look at her.

She didn’t return the favor. “Take the dog,” she said, her nose scrunched up and her gaze locked on Jurij’s knees. “He’s too much work. And he was just something from
you
anyway.”

Jurij scoffed. Then he did something really strange. He bowed toward Elfriede. “Goddess forbid you have
too much work
to do by yourself, Elfriede. Fine.
Thank you.
He was the last thing I regretted leaving behind.” He turned on his heel and pushed past Tayton and Jaron, weaving through sheep, with Bow at his heels. “Here, boy!” he called, turning back just once to wave Arrow toward him.

Jumping to my feet, my cheeks burning with anger, I opened my mouth to say something, then snapped it shut. Elfriede’s lips trembled, and a glossy shine enveloped her eyes.

I could hardly make out his silhouette in the darkness beside me. The fire long extinguished, the two of us settling in earlier and earlier each night. “To sleep,” I’d said. “Exhausted,” he’d told me. Since encountering Jaron and Elfriede at the livestock fields, Jurij had done nothing but work and sleep, eat and think.

I couldn’t see him clearly in the pile of hay and blankets we’d used to fashion a mattress on the floor, but I could hear his breathing, the wavering inhale and exhale just barely audible beneath the dogs’ snoring.

I couldn’t sleep. I never could sleep that early. If I’d been alone, I’d have stayed up later, carving another animal. If I’d been at my former home, Mother would have found something for me to do. The only time I could remember closing my eyes and wishing for sleep to come this early was during that silent time in the castle. The time when I had no one and nothing to keep me company. Nothing but thoughts that hurt and festered, and no promise that the next day would be any better.