Noah's Journey (Sawyer Brothers #3) (2 page)

Chapter Two

Noah

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything comes crashing in around you? Where you are left feeling as if you can’t breathe because the fire blazing inside you makes it hurt too much? My entire body shook with a mixture of adrenaline and fear as disgust and rage slowly burned along my spine, combined with an unexpected sense of love for the child in front of me.

How could anyone keep a child hidden from their father? How could she take from me the things she had and still face me as if she hadn’t robbed me blind?

The boy’s eyes were a replica of my own. He was a miniature version of myself.

I was torn between anger and the instant pull this little man had on me. Each time I looked at him, my heart ached with the need to touch him, pull him to me, and hold on tight. I was so lost about what the right thing to do would be.

I was eye level with him, and he looked back at me with curiosity.

“Why?” I asked Stacey without taking my eyes off him. “How?”

“I didn’t know for sure,” she whispered.

Closing my eyes tightly, I fought the urge to yell at her. How the fuck could she not know? One look at him and it was obvious.

“Listen, um,” she mumbled as she placed her hand on the little boy’s shoulder. My stomach knotted as thoughts of her taking him away hit me. There was no way she was walking away, not now.

I wanted to know. I had to know.

“I never intended for you to find out like this,” Stacey added, and her comment only made the need to tell her how dumb she was even stronger. “Why don’t we let you get back to your…?” She paused, and I remembered Alena was witnessing all of this.

I stood quickly and turned to find her still leaning against my truck, staring past me at Stacey and the child.

“Alena, I—”

She held her hand up and shook her head.

“It’s okay, really. You have some things to figure out, and I’m not that far from home. I can walk,” she said as she stood tall and forced a smile. I had spent the last few months staring at her beautiful smile. I knew the one she was giving now was not genuine.

I stepped toward her and placed my hand on her hip. “I can take you.” She shook her head. “I don’t want you to walk at night by yourself.”

“It’s only two blocks. Honestly, Noah, I’m from Chicago.” She shrugged. “And I have mace.” She winked as she slipped around me and began walking toward Heavenly Delights.

“I’m sorry I interrupted your night,” Stacey said from behind me. “This can wait.”

I spun around and faced her. From the startled look on her face, I could only imagine what my own expression was like.

“Wait?” I snapped. “For how long this time? Maybe until he’s starting high school? Or learning to drive?”

“I never meant to keep him from you. I just didn’t know,” she said in a whisper.

“Bullshit. You knew that he was mine, so don’t feed me any more garbage excuses.”

I looked down to find the little boy wrapping his arms around Stacey’s leg, pressing his face tightly against her as if to shield himself from the intensity of our argument.

“We need to get him some ice cream, and then you and I have some things to talk about. Not tomorrow, now,” I said with authority as I motioned for Stacey to walk toward Bill’s Diner.

She knelt and picked up our son, and my heart sank. I wanted to reach out and take him into my own arms. She had already taken so much from me, and I hated her for it.

Instead I fisted my hands and followed her.

As we entered the diner, I sent a quick text to Alena, making sure she made it home okay. When she replied with a simple yes, I felt like a total ass for not taking her home myself.

“Noah,” Bill Williams said as I took a seat in the booth. He stood just at the edge of the table as his eyes shifted to the seat across from me and grew wide. “Stacey Henderson, is that you?”

“Hello, Bill, how have you been?” she said with a look of distaste. Stacey always felt she was above us all.

“We’ve been good, thank you. Is this your little boy?” he asked, and I gripped the edge of the table.

“Yes, this is Austin.” My gaze shot to Stacey’s eyes as she looked down at our son with a smile. Hearing her tell Bill his name before she told me pissed me off even more.

“What kind of ice cream do you like, Austin?” Just saying his name choked me up. Stacey shifted next to him, but I kept my eyes trained on my son.
My son.
I have a son.

“Chocolate,” he said with excitement, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“Bill, can we get a dish of chocolate ice cream, please?” I leaned back in the booth and continued to look at my son in awe.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Stacey said.

“You have no idea what I’m thinking. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be sitting so calmly in your seat. You’d be trying to figure out how to get the hell away from me real fast.” I looked up at her and found her staring back at me through narrowed eyes. “I’m not an angry man. In fact, I’m generally pretty laid-back. But you’ve robbed me of what? Close to four years of his life, I’m guessing. If my memory serves me correctly, that would be about right.”

“You have to understand, I didn’t know at first.” She leaned forward, lowering her voice. “I went a little crazy after I left here. I’m not proud of the road I went on once I left, but I was finally free of this place, and like I said…” She paused as her hands fidgeted on the table in front of her. “I met someone after I left,” she confessed.

“Yeah, I know,” I replied a little too quickly.

“How do you know?”

“I had a weak moment and went after you.” I thought I could change her mind. I had never intended to follow her to California and stay permanently. “I saw the two of you together. That’s when I knew for sure that what we had was nothing special.”

She had the audacity to look wounded by my words. “How could you say that what we had wasn’t special?”

“Because you jumped in bed with the first man you met, that’s how.” I glared at her and fought like hell not to go off like a madman, spouting all kinds of shit at her. She wasn’t worth my time, but because of my son, I had to tolerate her. Austin was making a race-car ramp out of the napkin holder as he made little revving sounds with each leap of his toy cars. He was occupied with his task, and I was thankful he seemed to be oblivious to the tension in the room.

Bill sat a bowl of ice cream on the table in front of Austin, and the boy’s eyes lit up. Silence set in as he grabbed for the spoon and dug in.

“His name was Liam,” Stacey said. “I know I hurt you, Noah, but you have to know I never intended to. If I’d stayed, we both would have been miserable.”

She took a shuddering breath as I continued to watch Austin take bite after bite. I was completely mesmerized by his every move.

“Liam resembled you in a lot of ways. He even had the same blue eyes. Like I said, I’m not proud of how quickly I moved on with him, but he was good to me.”

I shifted my eyes from Austin to the woman who at one point in my life I thought I would marry. Looking at her know, I felt nothing but pure hate and disgust.

“I truly thought Austin was his. You and I were always so careful, and that wasn’t the case after I left,” she said.

I chuckled sarcastically. “So some strange man raised my son for the last four years because you couldn’t take the time to figure out the truth. Because one damn phone call to me, to let me know he might be mine, was just too much to expect. Didn’t I deserve to have that? Was I so terrible and life here so bad that I shouldn’t have been given the chance to know for sure?”

I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of my tears, but goddamn it I couldn’t hold them back. She’d taken four years of his life that I’d never get back without so much as a second thought.

“Why now?” I asked. “What changed?”

She took a few minutes to calm herself before she answered. “Liam’s father never liked me. In fact, no one in his family did.” She cleared her throat and took a drink of water. “I guess they had been pressuring him for years to get a paternity test, and he finally caved. After we talked about it, we figured it would be the only way to get them off our backs and let us live our lives.”

She shrugged, and her eyes filled with tears. “When the results came back, you got to know, Noah, I felt like the worst kind of person.” She was playing out the feel-sorry-for-me routine, but I wasn’t biting. “Things went a little crazy after that. His family made it out like I was using him for money and support, and in the end he chose to believe their lies.”

“I don’t know what your plans are after this, but I can guarantee you, you’re not taking my son away from me again.” I refused to feel sorry for her. She meant nothing to me, but my son meant the world. It may have only been an hour since I found out he existed, but he did, and that changed everything. “So if you have any intention of leaving Livingston, let me just assure you right now that you will have one hell of a fight on your hands.” I tried to keep my voice to a low whisper. Austin didn’t need to hear our exchange.

I slipped from the booth and knelt at the side of the table. “Hey, buddy, you like horses?”

He began nodding, resembling a bobble-head figurine more than a little boy. Chocolate ice cream covered his lips and ran down his chin. It was the cutest damn thing I had ever seen.

“What do you say I take you to see some horses tomorrow?” I asked, completely ignoring Stacey’s reaction. I no longer gave a shit what she had to say. I had a lot of time to make up for, and I didn’t feel I needed her permission for that.

“Do you have a horse?” Austin asked, looking at me hopefully.

“I sure do, bud. A whole ranch full.” I smiled at him before standing and leaning over to kiss the top of his head. Before pulling back, I lowered my voice and stared directly at Stacey. “Have him at the ranch by ten.”

“But I—”

“I’m not asking, I’m telling ya. You know where it’s at. You can stick around for a bit until he’s comfortable, and then you can take off. I’ll bring him by your parents’ place when I see fit. Because the way I see it, now is my time to get to know my son. I don’t need your permission for that.”

I stood up and ruffled Austin’s hair. Backing away from the table, I put on a happy face. “See ya in the morning, buddy.”

He waved and turned around to face Stacey and began excitedly talking about horses as I forced myself to exit the diner, my feet feeling heavier with each step.

Standing outside, I looked back and watched him through the window of the diner as anger, loss, and regret hit me like a tidal wave and the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I reached into my back pocket and pulled my phone out, then dialed Ryan’s number.

“Yeah.” His muffled voice filled the other end of the line.

I took in a deep, shuddering breath and broke. “I have a son, and she never fucking told me. Almost four years old, Ry, and he is beautiful. Fucking gorgeous.”

“What?” He sounded much more alert this time.

“Stacey’s back from California,” I said and cleared my throat so I could continue. “She’s come back and, uh…” Fuck if those emotions I was trying so hard to fight weren’t winning the battle against my restraint. “I have a son.”

Chapter Three

Alena

Saying I slept peacefully last night would only be a lie. I was restless, and on more than one occasion, I got up just to pace around the apartment. I hated being here alone. Now that Amber was married and Bailey had moved in with Jackson, nights like the one I had last night are the worst. I would have done anything to be able to crawl into bed with a close friend and talk for hours about my worries. Instead, I was left alone to wonder what would happen now that Stacey was back. Now that Noah had met the son he never knew he had.

Call me selfish, but I truly hoped this wouldn’t mean the start of a relationship I thought he and I had was now over.

I was sitting on my bed looking through some dress patterns when Amber called out for me.

“I’m in here,” I replied without looking up. I decided to settle in Livingston mainly because of Amber and Bailey, but I also decided I could focus on my true passion here—fashion design. Eventually, I hoped to open up a little boutique where I could display my creations.

The bed dipped, and I held my breath, waiting for what I knew was coming.

“Noah called Ryan last night,” Amber began. All I could offer was a nod. My stomach knotted as I waited for her to continue. “He was real messed up about Stacey and…”

I lifted my head to look at her. “His son,” I finished.

“Yeah, how crazy is that?”

“It’s sad, really. You should have saw the hurt in his eyes. The way he looked at the little boy, it took everything I had not to cry. He missed out on so much time.” Even thinking about it now brought fresh tears to my eyes.

“Have you talked to him?” she asked.

“Not since last night,” I replied. “I knew he had things to deal with. So I just said good-bye and walked back here so he could talk to Stacey and his son.”

We sat there in silence until the sound of Bailey hollering up the stairs brought us both back to the present.

“I guess we better go downstairs. You know she won’t stop yelling until we do.” Amber rolled her eyes as she smiled and stood from the bed. “Come on. If I have to deal with the wild woman, so do you. I can only take so many recaps of her and Jackson’s sexcapades before I need to be rescued. You have to run interference.”

Bailey loved to embarrass Amber, so Bailey often insisted on telling her the most recent sexual position Bailey and Jackson had tried or newest place in the yard where they’d decided to have sex. Sometimes I thought she enhanced the story just to torture Amber even more.

I followed Amber from the room, even though I honestly just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep away the day. I knew today was only going to be full of questions I didn’t know the answers to.

I haven’t had the greatest luck with men. Of course, it didn’t help that I always seemed to choose the ones that had one foot out the door before we even said hello. I’d had what seemed like a hundred short-lived relationships that always left me wondering why I wasn’t good enough to make someone stay. I put up a good front, but in reality I’ve spent my life battling myself. Always trying to be perfect so a man would want to stick around. But my lack of self-esteem always won out, making me feel unworthy, and right now it was playing one hell of dirty game with my head. I hid it well, of course. Not even my closest friends knew the fight I fought with myself daily.

The closer I got to the kitchen, the louder the men’s deep voices got. A strong urge to turn around and go back upstairs hit me. I was terrified of facing Noah and his brothers because I didn’t know what Stacey’s return actually meant for me. I knew Noah was engaged to her once, but now that he’d found out they’d had a son together, the odds of us becoming closer looked pretty unlikely.

“Move it,” Amber said as she stepped aside and motioned me toward the back entrance to the bakery. “Her being here doesn’t change his feelings for you.”

I chose not to argue. I knew it would be a waste of my time. As I stepped past her, she placed her hand on my back and nudged me forward. “I’m going,” I said as I looked back over my shoulder. She only smiled and continued to lead me toward the voices.

The moment we pushed through the door and the three Sawyer men came into view, my heart raced. They were entirely too much sexy for this small area. I had never in my life witnessed three more beautiful men.

Noah pushed off the counter he had been leaning back against and took a few steps in my direction. My nails dug into my palm as I fisted a hand and waited for him to reach me.

“Hey.” The deep, raspy tone of his voice always sent chills through me. It was as if every nerve in my body came alive whenever he was within reach. “Can we talk?”

I nodded, turned around, and began walking back toward the kitchen. Noah placed his hand on my lower back, and those chills returned and trailed up my neck, causing me to close my eyes tightly. I wanted to savor the feeling he caused from just one touch, before everything went downhill.

I stopped when I reached the counter in the center of the kitchen and placed my hands on the cold steel. Taking in a calming breath, I waited for Noah to let me down as easily as he could.

“You gonna look at me, or would you rather I apologize to your back?” The cool, calm tone of his voice washed over me, and I turned just enough to look back at him. Feeling like a fool when he gave me that sweet smile of his, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling in return.

Noah glided his hand along my waist, then gripped my hip and turned me around to completely face him. “That’s better. Not that your backside isn’t mighty fine.” He smirked as his gaze roamed over my body, making my cheeks heat. “But I’m sorta addicted to that beautiful smile of yours.”

And that comment had the effect he was hoping for as the smile spread over my lips. “There it is,” he whispered as he trailed the thumb of his other hand over my lower lip. “I’m real sorry about last night.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I assured him, because it was true.

“I should have walked you home, sweetheart.” He gave me a guilty look, but his guilt was unnecessary.

“You were where you needed to be. I was fine, really.” He was watching me so intensely. My stomach was knotted and my heart was racing as I asked, “How did it go?”

“Crazy,” he said with a slight laugh. “Still feels surreal. I got a son I never knew existed. The entire thing causes so many different feelings to rush through me I hardly know what to think.”

“I bet,” I said. “I can’t image what must be going on inside your mind. The return of your ex-fiancée was enough of a shock, but being a father too?”

My gaze shifted to his chest, which was only inches from my face. I needed a moment to calm my nerves and my doubts. The last thing Noah needed on top of everything else was me being on an emotional roller coaster.

When his fingers came to rest on my jaw, I looked up at him immediately. “Stacey returning and the surprise of Austin have no effect on what is going on between you and me,” he said without hesitation. “At least not to me.”

“Austin?”

His smile grew wide. “Yeah,” he said. My smile now matched his, because there was absolutely no way I could refrain from feeling the pride he did when he thought about his son. “So was last night cause for hitting the brakes?” he asked. “Because I have no intention of not continuing to explore what’s been building between us for far too long.”

“But—”

He stopped my question by placing his lips against mine. He trailed his hands from my jaw down my neck, then combed his fingers into my hair and fisted it. “Don’t get cold feet on me, Alena,” he whispered against my lips, not pausing long enough to allow me to respond.

When his tongue touched my lips, I opened up to accept him and sucked on the tip. A deep moan ripped from his throat as he pulled back and placed his forehead against mine. He took a deep breath.

“I was worried you would change your mind,” I confessed.

“Not a chance,” he said, pulling back to look me directly in the eyes. “I may have freaked out about your interest for a few months in the beginning, but I’m done living in the past. I’m ready to try this with you, and I hope you are too.”

“I am,” I said in a rush, and he chuckled.

“That’s good, darling. That’s real good,” he whispered before he kissed me again. Before it grew more intense, he broke the kiss and stepped back. “I’m gonna spend the day with Austin at the ranch, but tonight I was hoping I could see you.”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Six, my place?”

I nodded as he took my hand and pulled my body against his. “After I figure out how this all is gonna work with Austin, I want you to meet him. I just need the time with him alone right now.”

I nodded once more, because I completely understood.

“Stacey may be in my life because we share a son, but I can assure you that’s as far as it goes,” he said, and I had no choice but to believe him.