No Turning Back (22 page)

“Thank you,” she mumbled sleepily against his chest.

He laughed in the darkness and kissed the top of her head. “My pleasure, sweetheart.”

Next morning Sam helped load some of their gear into a Black Hawk helicopter and climbed aboard to sit bedside Ben. After what he'd done to her the night before she'd crashed hard into a dreamless sleep. She was still shocked by the unbelievable pleasure he'd given her, and relieved there was no awkward tension between them this morning. She'd braced herself for it but, in fact, she detected the opposite vibe coming from him. Waking up curled against him, he'd nestled her tight into his body for a few minutes and simply held her as though he didn't want to let her go. She'd expected him to roll her onto her back and pick up where they'd left off, but he'd just cradled her, and in doing so had cemented the fact that she was in love with him. Not that she planned on telling him, but she couldn't change how she felt.

The rotors sped up, creating a wash of dust and grit across the ground as they lifted off and rose above the buildings of Kabul. The aircraft angled forward as it sped away and then banked to the east, and Ben automatically braced her against his body. She peered out the door as the endless expanse of desert passed beneath them, a wasteland of mud-colored rock and sand, like the surface of the moon.

She'd almost died out there last night. The knowledge numbed her out. Maybe it was her brain's way of coping with it. For the best, since she didn't have time to dwell on it. Luke and Ben seemed unaffected by it, even though they had to be jarred on some level. If they could set it aside, she could too. It was just a matter of focus. She was good at focusing and compartmentalizing data. For now she'd file that horrific experience away until she had time to analyze it later.

Gaining its cruising altitude, the chopper veered toward the rising sun and into much more dangerous territory. The few roads they passed cut through the unforgiving terrain like scars, and Sam found herself thinking what a miracle it was the people of Afghanistan could eke out an existence in such a harsh land.

When they finally reached the landing zone and touched down to unload their gear, the first thing she noticed was how much thinner the air was. She had a distinct sinking feeling when the chopper lifted off and soared skyward, leaving them behind.

The boys shouldered their massive rucksacks, stuffed with sleeping bags, ammo, medical supplies, water and food. Each carried at least eighty to a hundred pounds on their backs, while her pack, full of water, com equipment and other odds and ends, weighed under forty. She slung the shoulder straps in place and secured it at her waist, mentally groaning at the added weight. It was going to be hard enough climbing over the rough terrain at the increased altitude, let alone under the burden of her ruck. Considering the distance they had to travel, she worried she wouldn't be able to keep up with the rest of the team. Luke would make allowances for her lesser stature and strength, but she didn't want to slow them down or be a burden anymore than she already was.

“Ready to roll?” Ben asked, shifting the weight of his rucksack, looking like a Sherpa beneath the mountain of equipment.

“Ready.” She'd keep telling herself that as the hike progressed.

Luke seemed pale as he swept his gaze over her. “Speak up if you need to stop. If I don't hear anything from you, I'll assume you can keep going.”

“Okay.” She'd say something, but only if she was about to drop. She was determined to show she could handle this and earn back some of the respect she'd inadvertently lost in their eyes. Her pride was at stake.

Luke took point, then Rhys, whom she followed, and Ben positioned himself a few steps behind her. They picked their way between rocks and boulders up the side of the ridge and within ten minutes the thin air and extra forty pounds of weight were already sapping her strength. Her heart rate was elevated, partly from anxiety that she'd be forced to stop them, and partly from the exertion. Climbing higher, she had no idea how the guys did it. She knew all of them had gone through rigorous programs in the military, and that they were all used to forced marches with heavy rucks, but it still amazed her how strong they were. After another fifteen minutes, her back and face were soaked with sweat and she was panting to keep her breath. The others didn't seem affected at all.

She gritted her teeth and concentrated on taking one step at a time, following in Rhys’ wake, envious of the ground his long legs ate up, but then he was a foot taller than she was. If she allowed herself to think about how much farther they had to go, her mind would give up. But when they reached a steep incline and began ascending, her legs trembled with fatigue partway up. Determined to make it, she doggedly leaned her weight forward to help propel her up the slope, and grabbed hold of the rocks to anchor her and take some of the strain off her screaming thighs.

“You okay, Sam?” Ben called from below her.

She managed a nod, trying to hide the fact that she was gasping. Already a dull headache throbbed in her temples and the shoulder straps dug into her skin mercilessly.
You can do this, Sam. Slow down a bit if you have to— slow and steady, pace yourself.

Forcing her body onward, she kept it up for another ten minutes or so, but by then an ever-increasing gap had opened up between her and Rhys. No way could she keep up with them. The muscles in her legs shook. Oh, God, she was going to collapse if she didn't stop. When her foot slipped on some loose sand, she threw her arms out to catch herself, but couldn't get her exhausted legs to take her any further. She held her position in misery for a few seconds, her face burning more with humiliation than exertion.

“We need a halt,” Ben called to Luke, well ahead at the top of the rise.

Instantly, Luke and Rhys stopped and hunkered down with their weapons held at the ready in a defensive position. Sam shut her eyes and fought not to cry when she heard Ben's boots crunching over the gravel as he climbed up beside her. His rucksack hit the ground with a thud, and then he was pulling hers off her back. A wave of blessedly cool air hit between her shoulder blades, and her wobbling legs sighed in relief.

“Sit down,” he ordered, and she did, butt hitting the dirt hard. She tried to mask her harsh breathing, but it only made her lungs burn more. He handed her a canteen. “Take a few sips. Get your breath back.”

She took a couple swallows in between pants, but still couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. Instead, she scanned the empty horizon and the comparatively dismal amount of ground they'd covered. Had she left them exposed by stopping here? What if a militia found them and they got into a firefight because she was too weak to keep moving? She blinked fast to keep the scalding tears at bay. What good was crying going to do anyone?

“Sorry,” she managed, vowing to get herself together as fast as possible and get back on the trail.

Ben took the canteen back. “It's okay. The altitude was bound to get to you sooner or later.”

Yes, but way sooner than she'd dreaded. And alone out here in the middle of hostile territory, she was both a danger and an impediment to the others. The weak link.

“How long does she need?” Luke called down.

Sam glanced up briefly, cringing at how feeble and helpless she must appear.

“A few more minutes,” Ben answered.

She nearly laughed. A few more minutes wasn't going to cut it. Hell, an hour wouldn't do it. She needed to be a hell of a lot stronger than this. Her mind and heart were willing, but her body wasn't, and there was nothing she could do to change that. Her gas tank was empty. Staring out at where they'd come from, she wondered if they would be better off to call the chopper back to pick her up and return her to Kabul.

But then Nev will die.

“Sam,” he interrupted, and tilted her face up with a finger under her chin. She met his gaze reluctantly. “You need to speak up if you're tired. You're no good to anyone collapsing on the side of this mountain, because we can't carry you on top of the load we're all hauling.”

Sam lowered her eyes and nodded, dismayed her breaths hadn't yet evened out. Ben wasn't even breathing hard.

He released her and pushed to his feet to peer up the hillside. “We need to slow down for her.”

Luke answered instantly. “Negative. We're too exposed here. She'll have to tough it out until we can find better cover.”

Her throat tightened, but she got to her knees and reached for her pack. Ben helped her slide it on, and pulled her to her feet.

“We'll stop as soon as we can,” he soothed. “Just do your best. I'm right behind you, and I won't leave you, but we've got to keep moving.”

She nodded, not wanting to waste precious oxygen with a reply that would probably come out as a sob anyway. He would stay behind, even if the others went ahead, and he would remain there for as long as it took to watch over her. And if some hostile force attacked, he would die protecting her. That's the kind of man he was. She loved him for it, but didn't want him risking his life for her anymore. Once was more than enough. Grimly, she started up the hillside while Luke and Rhys moved on, up the steepening slope toward the top of the ridge. As promised, Ben stayed on her like a shadow, pushing her to keep moving.

After a few minutes, her legs began shaking again, her lungs heaving as though she'd never taken a break.

“Move it, Sam,” Ben ordered curtly when she faltered. “One foot in front of the other— let's go.”

Her eyes narrowed in response, but she was too tired to snap at him, and she dragged herself a few meters higher, sweating and shaking.
Come on, come on...

“Move your ass, Sam,” he ordered, relentlessly driving her forward.

A sob hitched in her throat, but she'd rather have died than let him see her crying like a baby. His sharp words pushed and prodded her, ruthlessly forcing her past her limit. God, how much further? If she didn't pass out first, her heart and lungs were going to explode.

“Almost there, Sam,” Rhys called above her.

“Come on, Wallace,” Luke barked from somewhere overhead. “Don't you dare quit.”

They were trying to motivate her, but Sam wished they'd shut the hell up. She was done.

Ben shoved her up the last few meters with a hand planted on her butt, and Rhys hauled her up over the lip. Shaking and nauseated, she fell to her hands and knees, sucking in air. Someone pulled her rucksack off and she rolled to her side, past caring about the spectacle she presented. Ben knelt next to her and dropped his own load, then cradled her head in the crook of one arm to get some water down her. She choked and sputtered, letting her eyes close as her head hit his arm, his strength the only thing keeping her upright.

“You did it, sweet thing,” he murmured, pushing her soaked hair away from her face. The endearment made her want to cry.

Panting, she forced her heavy lids open. She was shocked to see him smiling down at her.

“Proud of you.”

The genuine warmth in his gaze made her heart catch. He was so good to her, despite the way she'd just jeopardized them all. “I hate... all of you... right now,” she managed.

He laughed and laid her head on her pack so she could rest. She had no idea how the rest of them were standing up. Amazing bastards.

Luke came over to peer down at her, hands on hips, the bulge of his biceps revealed below the sleeves of his snug t-shirt. The man was fifty fricking years old and he was pure muscle, in better shape than most men in their thirties.

“See?” he said. “You're stronger than you thought.”

Not really.

“We'll give you a half hour to rest, then move to someplace we can set up camp for the night. Give us a few hours to acclimatize before we make the next climb.”

She groaned and tried to sit up, but Ben had to help her. She dragged her pack closer, pulled out her own canteen and drank half of it. Her feet were soaked. She had to change her socks, make sure she treated any blisters before they got going again. At least if she had something to keep her mind busy, she wouldn't be able to think about how much further she would have to go today. Digging out some duct tape, she stuck small squares of it over the raw spots she found on the balls of her feet, then pulled on a fresh pair of socks.

Ben watched her, grinning as he swallowed some water. “For a tenderfoot, you know your stuff.”

Sam dug through her supplies for some of the wet wipes she'd brought, shrugged. “I read a lot.”

“I'll bet,” he chuckled, gazing at her fondly while she wiped her face and neck, under her arms, then sealed it in a Ziploc bag she'd brought for that purpose.

She held out the package. “Want one?”

“Is that your way of saying I stink?”

“Just being polite. Take it or leave it, I don't care.” She handed him one, waited while he washed his face, neck and chest, and held out the Ziploc for him. “Better, right?”

“Yeah.” Once she had her boots back on, he pulled her to her feet. “Eat something, then go lie down in the shade for a bit.”

She glanced around. Shade? The only shade she could see was a thin slice between some boulders, so she headed for it, dutifully chewing on a protein bar. It dried her mouth out some, but she had to conserve the rest of her water until they got more at the base camp Davis had gone ahead to set up. She couldn't wait to get there and crawl into her sleeping bag for the night, especially if Ben was beside her. Obviously there wouldn't be a repeat of last night, but at least she'd be able to cuddle up and hear him breathing next to her.

While the men held a pow-wow, she found a spot amongst the rocks and lay down in a bit of shade after stomping around to scare any scorpions or snakes she might have missed.

At first she was too wired to go to sleep. Her body was heavy with fatigue, but her mind kept spinning. Were they headed in the right direction with this? Hank Miller back in Kabul had seemed so sure about the location, but being up in these mountains was an eye opener. They were so vast and inaccessible. The villages were remote and sparsely populated.