No Such Thing As True Love (12 page)

            By the time lunch rolled around, the two of them decided that it was best for Markus to begin untangling himself from Cassandra. She helped him gather a few things that were around her apartment, and he promised to do the same at his. Cassandra accepted a long embrace before he left, needing some time to think things through. Markus boarded the bus with a boxful of his stuff, and felt empty inside. It was Sunday and the health club was closed. He wondered what Maritess was up to, but decided that he should just go home for a while.

            When he arrived, his cat was pleased to see him. Markus sat on his recliner and flipped through the channels on TV. His cat purred in as it curled into a ball of fur on his lap. He laughed to himself. Cassandra never liked his pet. Markus stared at the ring box that he’d put on his shelf. How differently he’d felt yesterday, and now he was stuck with a lonely piece of jewelry that represented everything he’d just lost. It wasn’t a loss, though, he reminded himself. Markus decided to just order food for delivery. He spent the rest of the evening in a comatose state of depression and love-sickness.

…

CHAPTER 21

            The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Cassandra told everybody over drinks one night that she would be returning to Seattle. Maritess was shocked, and looked immediately at Markus. He hadn’t mentioned anything else about it since they’d talked in her office. He smiled at her and nodded his head. Maritess started to tear up, and Cassandra rushed to console her. They’ve always had emotional partings, but the visits then had never been this long. Cassandra assured Maritess that they would all be happy. She reached over the table and took Markus’ hand with her free one. Misty-eyed and sad, the three of them wallowed over a few more rounds. Maritess couldn’t help but notice that Cassandra took a cab back to her apartment instead of catching the bus with them.

            When Cassandra’s moving day rolled around, Markus and Maritess were there to help her.  She had been busy tying up loose ends and packing. Her firm was excited to have her back at their home office. Maritess was beside herself with grief. She hated the thought of not seeing Cassandra. Markus had poured himself into work, and even had taken up a marketing project for the firm. Neither of them had taken the time to explain to Maritess why they’d ended their relationship.

            Cassandra stopped by the gym before she left for the airport. Maritess was hiding in her office, fearing the impending departure. By the time Cassandra opened her door, Maritess was already crying. She wrapped her arms around her friend, and together they sobbed away their mascara. After a few emotional moments, Cassandra pulled a camera from her bag. Maritess laughed and put her head next to her friend's as she looked toward the lens. The flash was bright. She was sure their tears would reflect it nicely in the photo. “Until next time, Tessie,” Cassandra said through her crying as she left. Maritess sat in her office for most of the remainder of the day. It wasn’t until her manager came in to check on her that she snapped out of her mood.

            Maritess decided to leave for the night and went to the store before heading home. When she approached the bus stop, she noticed a familiar figure standing next to the bench. “Hey,” she said to him when she approached. Markus looked up, startled out of his thoughts.

            “Hey,” he said to her, surprised. They took a seat on the bench. The air was freezing, and their heavy coats were barely a match for the frigid cold. “How are you doing?” he asked her.

            “Sad,” Maritess said. Tears sprang to her eyes again, she blinked them back. Markus put his arm around her and pulled her head to his shoulder. “I already miss her,” she said. She sniffled for a few minutes. The bus came to a stop in front of them, and they sat next to each other for the ride home. She turned to him when a thought struck her and said, “So when did you two break up? Why didn’t you tell me?” Markus shrugged his shoulders.

            “We decided to stop seeing each other a couple of weeks ago,” he said. Markus felt his heartbeat pick up its pace as he spoke. “It came down to the fact that she didn’t want to move here, and I didn’t want to move to Seattle.” He smiled at Maritess, but she wasn’t convinced.

            “Markus,” she said, her abrasive personality starting to show again, “that’s not a good enough reason to let go of someone like Cassandra. Why in the world would you not want to try it in Seattle? I’m sure you could have arranged for something with your firm if it didn’t work out. Why not even try? What happened to your pursuit of true love, and all that?” Maritess was getting angrier as she spoke. “Why did you let her leave?” she finally said. It was almost a yell.

            Markus was shocked by her anger, but he realized that it probably wasn’t really meant for him. He wrapped his arm around Maritess and got off the bus with her at her stop. She didn’t protest when he followed her into her apartment. Tike greeted them at the door. Maritess was in shambles over Cassandra’s departure. Markus decided to take Tike for his walk, and let Maritess relax as she took a shower. He stopped by the corner store and picked up some stuff for a simple dinner. When Maritess emerged from her room, he was putting some spaghetti on a plate for her.

            “Comfort food,” he said as he raised the plates for her to see. “Just don’t think about the carbs. Come on, come sit down.” Maritess begrudgingly made her way over to the table. Markus made it difficult for her to feel uncomfortable. He had even thought to bring her a box of tissues. She smiled at him in appreciation. The spaghetti, however simple, was just what her spirits needed to improve.

            Maritess asked him again to tell her what happened. She wanted to know how Cassandra had reacted. There was just nothing that made sense to Maritess about it. Markus told her that it had been a joint decision. Maritess pushed him a little farther. She couldn’t understand why they didn’t want to make something work out. She asked Markus what made him choose not to pursue anything; didn’t he love her?

            “Of course, I love her. She loves me, too,” he said, “But our lives just weren’t going to work out that way.” Markus tried to brush off her suspicion, but Maritess could sense he was nervous about something.

            “What are you not telling me?” she asked. “What happened? Did you end it, or did she?” Markus thought about telling Maritess that he’d bought a ring, but decided not to propose. He knew that would bring even more of an interrogation from her, and he still wasn’t sure he could bring himself to say the real reason why. He hmm-ed and hum-ed around with a few more excuses. He thought Maritess had almost given up, but then she said, “Was there someone else back in Seattle?”

            Markus was startled. He shook his head. “No,” he said, “At least, I don’t think so. Why? She never mentioned anything like that.” Markus was concerned, but more about Maritess catching on than he was about Cassandra having someone else in Seattle.

            “It just seems to me like another person would be the only reason why you guys would stop seeing each other. I don’t know. She never talked about anyone else.” Maritess studied Markus as she finished.

            “Well, maybe my true love is still out there,” he said, hoping to bring an end to the conversation. The comment, however, caught Maritess’ attention.

            “Wait,” she said, and she stood up to refill her drink. “Are you telling me that you didn’t think Cassandra was
the one?
Are you freaking kidding me?” she accused. Markus just sat with his head pointed towards the table. Maritess pounced at his silence. “After all of that, you still don’t get it! What was wrong with Cassandra? What? Did she snore, or something? You even met her family,” Maritess was furious by the time she stormed to her couch and sat down. Markus got up and walked into the living room.

            “No, there was nothing wrong with her,” he said, “It’s just that… when it’s not there, it’s just not there. We loved each other, but I don’t think either of us really thought we could really make it. There was just something missing.” Maritess rolled her eyes at him. He sat down next to her on the couch.

            “You’re ridiculous. Like I told you a million times before; that magic, that divine intervention you’re waiting for, it doesn’t exist! You and Cassandra could have been really happy. How do you even know there was something missing? You said yourself that you’ve never felt true love before. Gee whiz, genius, maybe because it isn’t real!”

            “Yes, it is,” he answered. “It may not be apparent at first, and it may be like a seed that needs to grow, but true love does exist. It is real. I know it is. I know that because, when I look at you, I can feel it.” Maritess let her jaw hang open in amazement.

            “Me!?” she screamed. Maritess jumped up from the couch and stalked over to the kitchen. She stared at him from behind the counter that separated the two rooms. “You let Cassandra go because of
me
?” she asked. Markus just looked at her deeply while nodding his head. “You’re crazy, Markus,” Maritess declared. “You’re absolutely nuts. You gave up on Cassandra because of me! That was the stupidest mistake of your life. Let me clear something up for you once and for all: I do not want a partner. I do not want love. I do not want you to come into my life and send it into turmoil. I’ve had that. I’ve done that, and I will never do that again.” She looked at him, depleted, “Markus, you need to leave. I can’t see you anymore.”

            He was stunned. Markus rose from the couch and walked towards her with open arms, shaking his head. “No,” she said to him, and opened the front door. Markus felt more rejected than ever before. He took his coat, but leaned close to her before he left.

            “You’ve taught me a lot, Maritess. But I know how I feel about you, and what’s more is that I know it’s in you, too. I hope one day you’ll let me reach you, but I’m not going away because you yelled at me.” He kissed her on the cheek. Maritess didn’t react. She closed the door when he left and threw herself down on her bed. Tears of frustration and pain poured from her eyes. He had no right to do this to her, even though he had no idea what he’d done to cause such injury.

…

CHAPTER 22

            Maritess didn’t answer Markus’ calls. When he showed up at the gym for their session, she had scheduled him with another trainer. He was angry and didn’t understand why she was shutting him out so harshly. He wanted so much to tell her that he was sorry. He never meant to upset her so much. Markus understood how Maritess felt about love. He never expected her to fall into his arms and ride off with him into the sunset, but he didn’t expect her to be so cold either. By the end of the day, Markus had talked himself into some courage. He decided to go see her at home. When he arrived, however, she either wasn’t there or didn’t answer the door. Her cell phone went to voice mail, and Markus walked around town defeated.

            He made his way into a bar down the street from his apartment. He was half-way through a beer when he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. He turned and saw Matthew, Maritess’ brother. Markus was surprised, and invited him to sit down. They hadn’t talked since Christmas, and Markus told him that Cassandra had moved back to Seattle. Matthew hadn’t expected the news, and sat back to listen to Markus tell him what happened. After another beer, Markus felt the urge to tell Markus about how he felt for Maritess. Matthew nodded, as if he already understood and had maybe heard a man talk about his sister like that in the past.

            When Markus was finished with his spill, Matthew ordered them another beer. “Did she ever tell you about her husband?” Matthew asked. Markus raised his eyebrows in surprise. He had no idea that she’d been married. Matthew took his shock as a ‘no’ and decided to help him make more sense of Maritess.

            “The short version of the long story,” Matthew said, “is that her husband died about seven years ago. He committed suicide, and Maritess blames herself. It’s not her fault, and everyone has told her that. I think she logically knows that it wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still affect her. He had been sick for a long time, and there was probably no chance he would ever get better. I think the guy was schizophrenic, but he never had a clear diagnosis. He would go in and out of treatment, but never stayed stable for long. It tore Maritess apart. She gave him everything. In the end, he decided that nothing was worth it anymore. The asshole even left a mess for her to clean up.” Matthew sat back and took a few swigs of beer as the story settled in with Markus.

            They sat mostly in silence until their glasses were empty. Except for a few comments about the game on the TV above the bar, Markus didn’t have much to say. Matthew’s news had been unexpected. He always guessed that Maritess had a bad relationship in the past, but he never thought it would be something like that. Matthew left the bar, but made Markus assure him that he wouldn’t run to Maritess right away.

            “Look,” Matthew told him before he departed, “Maritess is a very special woman. You seem like a good guy. I’m not going to tell you not to go after her, but if you want to stand a chance, just don’t rush her. Maritess won’t come out and acknowledge the pain she’s been dealing with, and if you force her to try, you’re asking for trouble.” Markus shook his hand and nodded in appreciation. It was another couple of hours before Markus wandered home himself.