No River Too Wide (47 page)

“Don’t tell me that surprises you?” he said, noting her expression.

“To be honest, yes!”

“You didn’t think I had it in me?”

“I didn’t, no.”

He pondered that for a moment, his heavy eyebrows drawn together. “I can see that. You have cause.”

This time she really did flick her gaze to the heavens, just in case she’d been right.

“Look,” he went on, “I’m not perfect. I know it, you know it. I screwed up with you not once but twice. But I’m not going to screw up with Lottie. You and I are going to raise her, and we’re both going to be good to her. That’s a fact and a promise. She’s going to be happy and well-adjusted, even if you and I aren’t married and never will be.”

“I just have to ask—” The words were out before she could stop them. “I mean, how did all this happen? Because if you remember, you weren’t all that glad I got pregnant.”

“Were
you?
”

He was right. She had considered all her options before she’d settled into having Lottie and raising her alone.

“I wasn’t glad at first,” she said.

“Look, Harmony, you and I have something in common, only we never looked at it that way. You were raised in a bad situation. My situation certainly wasn’t
as
bad, since nobody was bouncing my head against the dinner table.”

She had forgotten that she had shared that story with Davis. Rex had been upset at her table manners.

“In my house,” Davis said, “my sister and I were just ignored. It was as cold as the Arctic Circle, especially if we demanded attention. I’d kind of buried all that until Lottie was born. But when I saw the way my parents treated her...” His eyebrows knit again, only this time in anger. “My father won’t even come to meet her. And my mother?” He gave a humorless laugh. “Well, you saw that yourself. So I remembered. Everything.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it.

“You don’t have to be. I needed the reminder.”

She thought she knew where he was going. “And you don’t want to be the same kind of father?”

“I won’t be. So no, I wasn’t ready when you told me she was on the way, and I wasn’t happy, and I tried to manipulate the situation, just the way you said I did. But one day I saw this little girl and realized she was mine, and I still had a chance to be the kind of dad she needs, not the kind you and I have, but a real dad.”

“Had. My father’s dead.”

“I’m sorry.” But he cocked his head and made it a question, as if he was willing to listen if she needed to talk.

Unexpectedly she had to blink back tears. She took a deep breath. “You know the hardest part? The biggest thing I felt when I heard he was gone was relief, because now he can’t hurt my mother or me. But I can’t mourn him, and that’s the only part that makes me sad. Just that. I never had a father I could mourn. What does that say about me, do you think?”

“Probably that you’re honest with yourself, and you were way short-changed as a kid. It doesn’t say you’re a bad person, just one who went through a lot and came out okay, anyway.”

Once she had thought she loved Davis, but she wasn’t sure she had ever actually admired him. Now, reluctantly, she had to admit she kind of did.

She accepted his kindness with a nod. “I guess you’re saying we don’t have to let our childhoods control us.”

“You’re not letting yours. You’re a great mom, even if you didn’t have a great upbringing.”

“No, but I did have a great mom as a role model. She did everything she could to neutralize the toxic waste my father brought into the house every time he stepped over the threshold.”

“Yeah? Then in that way you were lucky.”

“So, how do we pick the people we want to spend our lives with?” she asked without thinking. “I don’t seem to be having much luck.”

“You’re asking me?”

“I like Fiona. She might be a keeper.”

He smiled a little. “Could be.”

“And you found her how?”

“You know what you
don’t
want, right? Well, so do I. If you know that, you know the flip side. So you trust your instincts. You’ll figure it out when it happens.”

She couldn’t believe she and Davis were talking about relationships, or that she had actually asked him for advice.

But as advice went, his wasn’t that bad.

“I’m not planning to stay out late,” she said. “I’ll call you before I come to get her.”

“You don’t need to hurry. You look nice in that dress, so go have fun.” Davis held out his hand for the diaper bag; then he went to put Lottie in the car seat. She watched as he chatted with the baby as he strapped her in, and she found herself smiling.

* * *

Taylor had to admit that Dante had outdone himself. Pepped up by this new opportunity to exercise his creativity, he had put together an awesome menu of finger food, dips and fresh vegetables, as well as fruit piled in two separate watermelons—one carved to look like a shark, the other a basket. A dessert table was piled with a variety of confections in fluted cupcake liners, and he had set up urns of coffee and hot water for assorted teas, as well as sparkling water, wine and beer.

Taylor figured if the studio managed to stay open another decade, she might earn back the cost of the party. She didn’t care. The jazz trio playing in the lobby as people walked in and the abundance of food were calculated to raise spirits. While publicity for Evolution hadn’t been the purpose, she knew the party wasn’t going to hurt the studio’s standing in the community, either.

Some of the goddesses had already arrived. Samantha had, as always, attracted the attention of a couple of men, and she was chatting in a corner to both as she balanced a plate of food and a bottle of water. Rilla and Brad were talking to Jan beside the watermelons. Jan looked wonderful in a dark red blouse and silky black pants, and she looked comfortable with the Reynoldses, even though Taylor suspected the subject might be the Shawnee County Sheriff’s Office.

Taylor was introducing herself to everybody who walked through the door. She already knew a number of the artists, and after greeting them, she listened to their tales of woe or triumph and sympathized. While she hadn’t lost any property, she had nearly lost her daughter, which was common knowledge. More than one person asked about the man who’d rescued Maddie. Taylor smiled grimly and explained that he had moved away.

After the first half hour her father and Analiese came in together, which didn’t surprise her. As Taylor’s mother was dying, the two had become friends, and the friendship had continued. Ethan claimed that he attended Church of the Covenant irregularly, but the second time Taylor and Maddie had gone to Sunday services, he had joined them in the pew.

She hugged them both and thanked them for coming.

“I heard rumors my granddaughter was going to be here,” Ethan said.

“She and Edna are running around upstairs. I think they want to see what they can do with the punching bag.”

And, of course, that made her think of Adam.

“Want me to check on them?” Ethan asked.

“Maddie will want to see you.”

He excused himself and left Taylor with Analiese. They strolled over to one of the serving tables to get Analiese a glass of wine and a plate of food. She chose the lowest-calorie options and only a few of those. While she claimed to have a problem with weight, Taylor had never noticed her gaining as much as an ounce.

“It’s a beautiful night,” Analiese said. “But the temperature’s dropping, so I guess a quiet corner of your patio is out of the question.”

“Trying to escape your congregation?”

“If any arrive. It’s just been a long day. I don’t think I’ll last until the party ends.”

Taylor led her into the next room, which was less crowded. “I can’t imagine doing your job. You work all the time, and in between you have to practice what you preach. It exhausts me just thinking about it.”

“Me, too. But you haven’t chosen an easy job, either.”

“It certainly hasn’t been easy lately.”

“I know about Maddie, and of course, Jan’s story. On the way over, your father filled me in on the latest. That must be particularly hard. I know you’ve grown close to her, and you’re probably worried.”

“She didn’t kill her husband.”

“I’m sure of it. I’m going to see if I can get her alone for a chat in a little while.”

“Do you think right always triumphs?”

“No.” Analiese shook her head. “And sometimes when it does, it needs a lot of help.”

Taylor felt a flare of anger. “You’re nothing if not honest, are you?”

Analiese didn’t answer; she sipped her wine and watched Taylor’s face.

“Honesty’s a lot better than the alternative, I guess,” Taylor said after a deep breath. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just don’t want things to go badly for her.”

“I get that, but do you want to tell me what else is going on?” Analiese speared a piece of pineapple and popped it into her mouth.

Taylor knew she should go back into the other room and resume her duties as hostess, but she found herself telling Analiese about Adam and everything that had transpired between them. She doubted any of this was news to Analiese, since the goddesses often spent time with each other, but it felt good to unburden herself.

“If I’m really hearing what you’re saying, it sounds like the worst part of this for you personally is that Adam lied about who he was.”

“Personally? Yes. I trusted him.”

“And you don’t trust easily.”

Taylor shrugged.

“So while I’m hitting you with this, I’ll add that you don’t forgive easily, either.”

Taylor could hardly protest. Analiese knew every detail of the last weeks of her mother’s life. “Could
you
forgive Adam? We were...intimate. He never made any promises, and I didn’t ask for any, but I thought at the very least I could trust him not to lie to me.”

“The world would be so much easier to live in if it was black-and-white, wouldn’t it? If we could just pretend there was only one way to act, one thing to say?”

“The truth would be the thing to say.”

“Most of the time I think you’re right, although you saw tonight how annoying it can be.”

“I prefer to be annoyed.”

“Prefer that over hurt?”

“Over hurt.”

“I’m sorry you were hurt. And I guess he didn’t try to explain.”

Taylor knew Analiese well enough to see what she was doing. “Yes, he explained, and he apologized. Does that make up for what he did?”

“Not if you think this kind of thing would be a chronic failure on his part. If he seems like the kind of man who just explains and apologizes his way through life.”

“No, he’s not like that.”

“Okay.”

“Are you trying to tell me in your subtle way that I’m in the wrong here?”

“Is there a wrong place to be? Is it a destination?” Analiese held up her plate. “Right.” She held up her glass. “Wrong?”

“He was wrong.”

“Okay. Given everything you know, you still think so. But I wonder...”

Taylor didn’t want to ask what she wondered, but in the end she had to. “What do you wonder?”

“If you’re really happier because you’re the one who’s right?”

Taylor couldn’t answer.

Analiese looked over Taylor’s shoulder. “There’s Harmony. I’m going to say hello to her before I look for Jan.” She leaned closer. “It’s a wonderful party and a great thing to do for all these people. You have such a good heart. I just hope nobody here ever makes a mistake and disappoints you.”

Taylor stared after her. She knew she had been chastised, that Analiese was using stern measures to get her to think. They were friends, and friends sometimes had the right to do that. But she was so angry she couldn’t force herself to walk back into the main room and resume hostessing.

She was still standing in the same place when her father found her. “It’s a wonderful party,” he said. “You outdid yourself.” He read her expression and frowned. “So what’s wrong?”

“Tell me, was I wrong to tell Adam to get out of my life?” She felt fairly sure her father knew the story of Adam’s deception, which was becoming common knowledge among everyone who knew Jan and Harmony.

“I guess it depends on why you did it.”

“I don’t know how you forgive somebody who hurts you that way.”

“I can relate to that. I was sure I could never forgive your mother. I seem to remember you were sure, too, and upset when I did.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“No, as I understand it Adam was doing his job, which requires some acting and a fair amount of deception. I can see why you’re hurt, but right now isn’t he in Kansas using both skills to make sure Jan doesn’t go to jail? There seems to be some speculation he may have lost his job because he’s pursuing this.”

Taylor hadn’t known the last, and for a moment it stopped her. Either Adam was lying again or he really did intend to make things right.

Then she realized where her thoughts had led her. “So that makes it okay that he lied to me and let our relationship progress to a point where honesty is everything?”

“I can’t answer that, but I can see you’re hurt. Now you have to decide the best way to put it behind you. I was never able to let go of the hurt until I forgave your mother and we moved on together. I almost missed the chance.”

“It’s not the same thing,” she repeated.

“So you said.” Ethan kissed her cheek. “Harmony and your friend Nate look good together, don’t they? I’m going to say hello.”

Taylor knew she couldn’t stand there all night processing advice she hadn’t wanted to hear. She straightened her shoulders and went to greet more partygoers.

* * *

Harmony’s dress was more or less a sweater, three-quarter sleeves, vaguely scooped neck, a flirty little flounce at the bottom, and it emphasized every curve the designer had intended. She had dressed carefully. French braids wove back from the top and sides of her hair, while the rest hung loose, and rhinestones wrapped tightly around her neck. She knew she looked good. If even
Davis
had noticed, then she might need a photograph so she could remember how well she cleaned up.

Nate had told her she looked nice, too, but if she had shown up in torn overalls and an Asheville Tourists cap, he would have said the same thing.