No River Too Wide (21 page)

“She’s going to get dirty in the garden,” Cristy warned.

“I brought play clothes. I just couldn’t resist the dress for the trip. She’ll outgrow it so soon.”

They continued to chat as they climbed. The sun was warm on Jan’s hair and bare arms. Now that the trip was behind her, she was beginning to relax. On the porch she was introduced to a tall, serious-looking young man.

“This is Deputy Jim Sullivan,” Cristy said. “But nobody calls him anything except Sully. First time we met he arrested me. These days he just hangs around and hopes I’ll make him dinner.”

Sully smiled at the young woman, and Jan was pretty sure the deputy was hoping for more than dinner from Cristy.

Harmony held Jan back as the others went inside.

“Mom, I didn’t get a good look at you when we were at the car. Your hair looks great. And you’re wearing shorts. I’ve never seen you in shorts in my life.”

“Taylor made the hair appointment. You really like it? I never expected to be a redhead.”

“You look ten years younger. And relaxed. You look beautiful. I should have thought of the hair myself. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Because we aren’t together most of the time.”

“And you and Taylor are.” Harmony hesitated. “I’m glad she’s there for you.”

Jan wasn’t quite sure whether Harmony really was glad or not from her tone. “Thanks to you.”

Lottie fussed to get down, and the two went inside where Jan could put her on the floor to play with her toys while everybody else planned the day.

The afternoon moved along at the same leisurely pace. The vegetable garden was expansive, but the kitchen not as much. To work productively they split into teams, some harvesting the last of the tomato crop, and some working in the kitchen to can the harvest using two water bath canners Cristy had borrowed.

Midway through the day they switched jobs. Jan didn’t enjoy either, but she did enjoy working with the other women who told stories and laughed together. In the earliest years of her marriage, before she had realized the scope of her mistake, she had loved taking care of her house and yard. The first fall in her new home she had planted hundreds of daffodil bulbs in the woods in memory of her parents, and in the spring she had cut flowers every week to adorn the dining room and entryway tables. But fresh flowers couldn’t change a home darkened by shadows to one bright with sunshine, and eventually she had left them to bloom alone in the woods.

By three they were all hot, tired and growing cranky, and Sully had gone back to Berle to get ready for his night shift. They cleaned the kitchen and left two dozen quart jars of tomatoes to finish sealing on the counter while everybody but Jan slipped into bathing suits. A waterfall-fed pool beckoned from the neighbors’ property, and Cristy had called earlier to be sure it was all right if the women went there to swim. She warned Jan that “swim” was optimistic since the “hole” was only a rock-lined indentation less than ten yards across and four feet at the deepest end. But the water would be cold and refreshing after working in the sun or standing over a stove.

“I’m sure I can find you a suit,” Taylor told Jan before they left the house. “There’s a trunk of clothing in the attic, and not from my ancestors. It’s stuff we’ve been accumulating in case anybody needs something they forgot to bring along.”

“I’ll just wade,” Jan said, although she didn’t really intend to do that, either. “I’ll be the lifeguard.”

“We would have to work really hard to drown in that swimming hole. You’ll see.”

Fifteen minutes later, after they had hiked along a path that was really nothing more than weeds trampled into submission, Jan did see. Maddie entertained Lottie by pretending she was trying to catch a monarch butterfly that lit on wildflowers along their path. The baby didn’t care that Maddie, who had already lectured the women about the important migration of the monarchs, never even got close.

The swimming hole was exactly as Cristy had described it, and the waterfall was really little more than a trickle. But there were flat rocks rimming it that were perfect for sunbathing, and plenty of room to splash.

Outer clothes were shed to reveal bathing suits and, for Harmony, the tattoo of a fairy on her right shoulder. Everybody but Jan and Harmony waded in.

“I’ll take the baby until you’ve cooled off,” Jan said.

Harmony raised an eyebrow in question. “You’re not coming in at all? It’s shallow, Mom. You’ll be fine.”

Jan would rather not have made a point of this, but she shook her head. “I’m going to watch.”

“Suit yourself.” Harmony deposited Lottie in her mother’s arms and waded into the pool until she was deep enough to sit and immerse herself.

“It’s freezing,” Maddie squealed. But if it was, she didn’t seem to mind.

Jan sat on the edge of a rock where she could dangle her toes in the water as the others splashed and floundered. She told herself that no one would pull them in, that she and Lottie couldn’t fall in no matter how hard they tried and that even if she was wrong about both, they would only get wet to the waist.

Still, her hands were shaking when Harmony waded over to take Lottie and introduce her daughter to the water.

“It feels great,” she told Jan. “You would cool off and feel a thousand times better.”

“I’m fine.”

“You can stand under the waterfall. If you stand way behind it you’ll just get the spray. You can do that, can’t you?”

Jan noticed that the others were listening. “I’m fine right here.”

Harmony shrugged, and she and Lottie began to wade toward the middle. Jan told herself not to say anything. Nothing was called for, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Hold on tight, okay? Slippery when wet.”

“We’re fine,” Harmony said, as if she were placating an irrational child. “I haven’t drowned her yet, Mom.”

For a moment Jan couldn’t breathe. The air around her seemed to sizzle with evil, and the bright skies were extinguished. She looked into the distance to shut out everything until the wave of dizziness that encompassed her began to ebb. Then she slowly got to her feet. The others hadn’t noticed. They were playing at the other end, and Lottie was screeching with either delight or dismay as Harmony dipped her lower into the water.

Jan made herself speak. “I’m going back and lie down for a while. The sofa in the living room is calling my name.”

Harmony looked up. “Wait, I’ll come with you.”

“No. Please. It’s an easy walk back. I could find it in the dark. You stay and have fun.”

“You’re sure, Jan?” Taylor was frowning. “You look pale. You’re sure you won’t just feel better if you wade in and cool off?”

“I just have a little headache. A glass of water and a nap will make the difference.”

“Just follow the path and you’ll see the house after the garden,” Cristy said.

* * *

By the time Jan got back to the house, she was no longer trembling, but she still felt nauseated, and her head was pounding. In the kitchen she took two aspirins and made herself drink a glass of cold water. Then she lay down on the comfortable living room couch, but she didn’t close her eyes.

Because if she closed them, she knew exactly what she would see.

At some point her self-control must have faltered, because the next thing she knew she heard the other women climbing the steps to the porch. When they came inside she was sitting up, and she assured them she felt good enough to can another dozen quarts, which was met with groans. Still, she had broken the tension and changed the subject.

After Taylor changed back into her traveling clothes, she joined Jan in the kitchen as she tested the seals on the tomato jars. “Cristy and Harmony are talking about making dinner here, but I think I’ve stayed as long as I can. Do you mind missing that?” Taylor asked.

“Of course not.”

“I’ll order a pizza from a local place in Asheville, and we can pick it up on the way home. Okay?”

“Perfect.”

“I’ll tell Harmony.”

Jan rested a hand on her arm. “I’ll tell her. She’ll understand. It was so good of you to bring me up here.”

“I needed it, too. Otherwise I would have stewed all day.”

Jan found Cristy before she found Harmony. They hadn’t been alone yet, but Cristy had obviously been considering what to say. “Do you have a minute?”

Jan smiled politely. “I was just looking for Harmony to say goodbye.”

“She’s upstairs. I just wanted to say something. I know a little about what you’ve been through, Jan. Harmony filled me in. I wanted you to know I was abused, too. Not physically. In a different way, but by the same kind of man. It’s an awful thing to be at the mercy of somebody you thought you loved, but the man who tormented me is out of my life for good now. I hope yours is, too, but if he’s not, you can come here and stay with me. Or just come anytime and talk if you need to. I understand, at least a little. I want to help if I can.”

For a moment Jan couldn’t speak. Then she just reached out and hugged the other woman. Cristy hugged her back. Nothing else needed to be said.

Upstairs she found her daughter changing Lottie in one of the guest rooms. She stopped in the doorway. “Harmony, Taylor needs to get home, so we’re going to leave now. I’m sorry I’ll miss dinner, but it was wonderful to see you and Lottie today.”

Harmony turned, and it was clear she had been crying. “I’m so sorry.”

Jan didn’t have to ask why; she just stepped inside and closed the door behind her. “I know.”

“I’ve always known something must have happened to you when you were a little girl. I’ve always figured that’s why you’re so afraid of the water. I don’t know why I tried to make you get in the swimming hole today.” She paused. “No, I do know. I’ve been unhappy, maybe even angry. You and Taylor are so close. It’s like she’s your daughter, not me, and I know that’s stupid and immature and—”

“And natural.”

“Not for me.”

“You’re just human. I’d guess you’re angry about a lot of things, sweetheart, and I can’t blame you for any of them.”

“I hate that you have to live with somebody else to protect us. This should be our time together.” She managed a smile. “And at the same time, if you have to, I know how lucky I am it’s Taylor. She’s trying to do what I can’t, the way I was able to do things for her mom. It’s karma. You know about karma?”

“I’m well-read—if not too bright when it comes to men.”

They looked at each other, and then they both began to laugh. Harmony grabbed Lottie and together the two of them hugged Jan.

“I’m going to be a grown-up about this,” Harmony said. “Please forgive me for lapsing now and then?”

“More than forgiven.”

“I’m signing up for that self-defense class. I told Taylor at the swimming hole that I want to be in it.”

Jan tried to read her daughter’s expression. “You’re going to be in the class, too? Not just because Taylor’s in it, I hope?”

“No, because if my father shows up in Asheville, you and I are going to face him together. And I need to be strong and smart, just like you do.”

Jan wanted to protest, yet wasn’t Harmony right? And didn’t every woman need to understand her strengths and limitations and work with both?

Still, she did have to ask. “Do you think it’s a good idea? Both of us in the same place at the same time every week?”

“I’ll be careful driving into town to be sure nobody’s following me, and we’ll be coming from different places. If you go a little early and I come right on time, that should help. There hasn’t been a sign of anybody watching, though. I know it’s too early to feel safe, but we’ll take precautions.”

“Good,” Jan said, nodding. “It’s a good idea.”

Harmony looked relieved. “I’m glad you think so.”

“We’re going to come out of this on the other side. Together. Happy. Stronger.”

“You used to tell me that when I was living at home, remember? I held on to it all those nights when Dad was screaming at you.” Harmony looked sad. “I’m still waiting for that happy ending. But maybe it’s closer?”

Chapter 17

On Thursday Adam arrived at seven for his seven-thirty class. He had stopped by on Tuesday to drop off equipment and take another look at the upstairs room that faced the river, as well as the sign-up sheet and registration information. Eight women were registered, and while he had hoped for a few more, eight was good enough, particularly since Women’s Self-Defense had been a late addition to the Evolution schedule.

A harried Taylor had said she was pleased, even though she and two of her friends made up nearly half the students.

The “friends” had interested him most of all, since one of them turned out to be Jan Seaton and the other was Harmony Stoddard, a turn of events that had surprised and delighted him, although he couldn’t say so, any more than he could announce that he knew Harmony was Jan’s daughter.

Tonight he wore sweatpants and a T-shirt, and carried nothing with him. In the early weeks he had no plans to discuss weapons. He had seen stun gun cell phones, knives masquerading as lipstick cases, flashlights that fired a single shotgun cell and any number of other dangerous inventions that made the world a scarier place. He didn’t plan to promote any of them. His plan was to teach awareness, strategy and basic skills, and for that he only needed the body shields he’d dropped off, plus his own good sense.

Before going upstairs he walked around the reception counter near the entryway and stopped in the doorway to Taylor’s office. She was sitting at the pine table she used as a desk, talking on the telephone, but she held up a hand to keep him there as she finished what sounded like a routine call for information. When she hung up she smiled.

Taylor smiling was like splashes of sunlight at the end of a dark tunnel. Nothing was illuminated, and then suddenly everything was revealed. He wondered if she realized what a punch in the gut it could be to a man.

“We’re up to ten.” She raised a fist in the air and pumped it twice. “And we have another possibility, only she can’t make it tonight.”

He had to return the smile, because that kind of enthusiasm was delightful in an adult woman. In a month or two a few extra registrations wouldn’t get more than a quick nod, but now, at the beginning of what was clearly an ambitious project, she was probably seeing dollar signs, even respect, with every phone call.