No Regrets (11 page)

Then the pressure was suddenly relieved when he slid out.

After lubing up yet again, he pushed into me a third time, going even deeper. He repeated the pattern three more times, adding more lube at every retreat and always halting when I began to whimper.

I fell into a blurred daze as the cycle continued, losing track of specifics as I concentrated on opening myself up and not freaking out.

Until, before I was really prepared, Josh was inside me all the way, buried in my very tight channel, filling my so intensely that my brain could barely process it.

The only sound I could make was a choked sob.

Josh was pressed up against my back, his legs fitting snugly against mine. He was big and hard and strong, and I could feel everything about him—his heat, his tense presence, his chest against my bare back, his thighs brushing against mine, his heavy breathing, and bristly jaw.

And his cock. His cock all the way inside me.

“Yes,” Josh hissed as he sank into me completely, his arms wrapping around me in a tight embrace. “Fuck, baby, yes. Sweet Jesus, you feel so good. So tight.”

I’d never heard him sound like that before.

I couldn’t think clearly enough to sort it out, however. I couldn’t do anything but feel.
Everything
.

I felt like some kind of sweating, panting, primitive creature. Nothing at all like Leslie.

I made another little sob in my throat—not of pain, distress, or fear but of utter, helpless feeling.

Josh tensed at the sound. He pulled his shoulders and chest back slightly. Rasped, “Baby, you need to tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“You’re not,” I choked, wriggling my hips and almost surprised that I could still move. “Doesn’t hurt.”

It didn’t hurt. I could feel myself very tightly stretched, but it wasn’t even horribly uncomfortable.

It was just so, so much.

I wriggled some more and struggled to catch and slow my breathing. I was through the scariest part now—all I needed to do was see if I could enjoy it.

Josh still wasn’t moving. Certainly wasn’t thrusting. But my wiggling must be getting to him because I heard him grunt and suck in an urgent breath.

“Are you ready for me to start moving?” he asked, adjusting his body behind me again in order to get in a position with more leverage.

“Yeah.” I was as ready as I’d ever be, and the pressure was strong and deep below my belly. I kept one hand on my swollen clit and clung desperately to the bedding with the other. Turning my head down, I made a few loud whimpers into the pillow as I felt Josh make his first, tight thrust.

It still didn’t hurt. We’d used plenty of lubrication, and he was moving inside me pretty easily. But it felt like thousands of nerve endings were firing all at once, and the stretched, overly full sensation intensified.

“All right?” He held himself still again, waiting for my response.

I managed to turn my head back slightly so the pillow wouldn’t muffle my response. “Yeah. I’m good.”

I wasn’t sure I was good. I didn’t know
what
I was.

He started to work up a rhythm, neither hard nor particularly fast. But he was panting desperately behind me as he pumped his cock inside my ass, and I could hear him moan occasionally or swear under his breath when I tightened my muscles or shifted in front of him.

I tried to get used to it. It was the same bizarre, overly deep feeling I’d experienced with his finger and the vibrator, but it was far more intense this time. As he continued, the slight physical discomfort eased completely, and it was replaced by a building pressure at my center that was vaguely familiar but also entirely new.

After checking with me a couple of times, Josh let himself work up to a faster rhythm. He was starting to grunt softly now as his pelvis connected with the soft flesh of my ass. And his thrusts were still gentle—they couldn’t be anything else in this position—but they were starting to shake the bed.

“Eh,” I gasped, clawing at the mattress with the desperate need for something to push against. My body was moving with his, my ass pushing back against him involuntarily. “Eh heh.”

“Fuck, baby. How is it?”

“Eh!” It was the only response I seemed to be capable of. The strange, full feeling was driving me crazy. My hair was sticking all over my face, and it felt like my eyes might explode. I felt myself helplessly trapped between the mattress and Josh’s thrusts. I rubbed my clit as much as I could, but I didn’t have the coordination to make the massage very effective.

“Can you come?”

My eyes were blurring over, and I was genuinely afraid I was going to melt. “Not,” I choked, “from…just this.”

Josh made a strange, strangled sound, but he shifted to grope behind him. His thrusting lessened by necessity as his upper body pulled away from mine a bit.

I moved for him willingly, making a whining sound at the shift in positions. Then I heard something. It took the noise a while to get through the thick glaze in my mind.

Then I jerked. “No,” I whimpered, looking back blindly for the vibrator I heard. “Been in my butt.”

“Not this one.” Josh must be sweating as much as I was. His body was hot and damp behind me. “This is the other one.”

Through foggy eyes, I realized that he was holding the second mini vibrator. “M’kay,” I mumbled, writhing against him as his cock felt like it was splaying me from behind.

He reached around my middle and lowered the vibrator to my clit, holding it there, rocking us both with a forward roll of his pelvis.

“Eh heh,” I sobbed, my voice loud and uncontrolled as the vibrations slammed into my swollen clit.

“Can you hold it there?” Josh brought one of my hands up and positioned it over the vibrator.

I nodded through my helpless whines and held on to the vibrator as he readjusted us to our former position.

Bracing myself once more with my free forearm, I buried my face in the pillow again, nearly screaming as Josh once more began to thrust.

“You need to tell me how you’re doing, baby,” Josh demanded, his voice so strained, it sounded painful.

I turned my face just enough to free my mouth. My hot breath wafted around my face as I panted frantically against the pillow. “Oh, God! It’s…oh, God…I can’t…”

I couldn’t form any coherent thoughts at this point. I was bombarded with too many sensations, and I felt utterly powerless against them.

He broke off his thrusting with a strangled grunt. “Can’t what? You want me to stop?”

“No!” My voice was loud and uncontrolled. “Don’t stop!” I squirmed as the sensations turned me inside out. “Need to come. Make me come.”

“Come, baby,” Josh murmured thickly, his mouth in my hair. “Leslie, let go. Let go. You can come.”

I knew he needed me to come soon. His pelvis was bumping against my ass almost clumsily now, and his body was so tight it was shaking. He was on the verge of coming, but he didn’t want to come without me.

“Trying,” I choked, pushing the vibrator against my clit as hard as I could.

I was folded almost in a ball on my side. And I was so frantic and overwhelmed by the sensations that I began to sob for real, tears burning in my eyes and spotting the pillow.

“Leslie.” Josh stiffened with a muffled exclamation. “Baby!”

I sobbed as the intense and conflicted sensations built up with unbearable pressure and then exploded in spasms of release. It felt like every part of me was convulsing, clenching, spasming as my body shook helplessly, riding out the waves that overtook me.

My muscles clamped down ruthlessly around Josh’s cock, and he shouted something wordless and primal as he started to jerk and shake too.

As my orgasm surged through me, I felt him swell and pulse inside my tightly clenching muscles. Then I heard him make another helpless noise as he finally came.

Still sobbing, I dropped the vibrator without turning it off. And I finally started to feel my muscles unclench and a familiar wash of relaxation pass over me.

But, with it, I felt an odd weight, low in my belly. Heavy. Inexplicable. My heart was hammering so violently it hurt, and my lungs, throat, and eyes burned.

I squirmed as Josh pulled his cock out of me, leaving my back passage raw and wet and achy. My clit was throbbing so intently that every move I made triggered a sharp pang. My nose was running, and I realized there was a line of drool on the corner of my lip.

Josh was panting as loudly as I was, and he’d sprawled out on the other side of the bed, his eyes closed and his flushed face transformed by a raw satisfaction, visible even in the dark.

The sight of him like that made the heavy weight in my gut deepen even more.

I couldn’t begin to understand it.

“All right, baby?” he asked, his voice strained and weak. His eyes were open now as he watched me in the dark.

I nodded mutely, having no idea what to say.

After a moment, he hauled himself off the bed, picked up the vibrators, and said, “I’ll be right back.”

I knew he was just going to clean himself up. And who could blame him?

His cock and finger had just been in my ass.

But, for some reason, the sight of him walking slowly through my bedroom and then the bathroom door closing behind him was the last straw for me. Choking on a few whimpers, I rolled to the edge of the bed, pushed myself over the side, and stumbled through my apartment to the second bathroom off the hallway.

I made sure the door was locked behind me and then ran immediately to the toilet and sat down, letting out a held breath as I made myself release—expelling the excess lubricant.

I covered my face with my hands and released a few tight, silent sobs, my eyes burning with hot tears that didn't quite fall.

Why the hell was I acting like this? I’d wanted it. I’d asked for it. Josh had been careful, gentle, and considerate.

And here I was acting like a fool. Like a child.

I was still sitting on the toilet when I heard Josh calling out from the hall. “Leslie? Leslie?”

I didn’t answer. Didn’t want to talk to him. Didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want him to see me like this.

In less than a minute, Josh was pounding on the bathroom door. “Leslie? What’s the matter? Damn it, let me in!”

His urgent voice made me want to cry even more.

“Leslie! Did I hurt you? Damn it, you have to tell me!”

“You didn’t hurt me,” I managed to choke out, since I didn’t want him to start to panic. “I’m fine.”

“Then why won’t you let me in?” He must be slamming the door with a flattened palm, and the force was rattling the wall. “Damn it, Leslie, you’re not fine! Open this damned door or I’ll break it down!”

I could tell from his tone that he was serious, and it would be dumb to make him damage the door and cause a lot of inconvenience for both of us. So I pulled myself up, flushed the toilet, and unlocked the door.

Instead of waiting for him to open it, I pulled off my damp, wrinkled tank and stepped into the shower, turning the water on hot.

He was in the shower with me before the water had even warmed up. Grabbing me by the shoulders, he turned me around and hauled me up close to him. “Leslie, tell me what the fuck is the matter!”

His face was urgent, searching.

It made my throat close up. “Noth—“

“Don’t you dare lie to me.”

He wasn’t normally like this. He was usually laidback, funny, sexy. His intensity disturbed me as much as our animalistic coupling a few minutes before.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, choking on the words as a helpless sob ripped through me. I shook a few times with my tears. “I just don’t know.”

The hot water was beating down on me now, soaking my hair and skin and streaming down over my naked body.

Josh stepped under the spray too and took me in his arms, holding me tightly against him. “Please tell me if I hurt you.”

“You didn’t.” My voice was muffled in his chest. “You didn’t hurt me at all.” I was crying for real now—in sobs and hiccups and strangled gasps.

“I thought you really wanted it. I never would have—“

“I did want it. I did. It’s not your fault. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Josh stroked my back and hugged me as I wept. He murmured out a lot of incoherent nonsense that comforted me despite the fact that I had no idea what he was saying.

After a long time, my skin started to prune, and my sobs wore themselves out. I lifted up my head and gave him a red-eyed, self-deprecating look. “I’m really fine. I don’t know what happened. Thanks for being so careful about everything.”

He scowled at me. “What else did you think I would do?” Then his face softened. “Do you want me to leave?”

“Only if you’re ready. If you don’t want to yet, then it’s fine. I can help clean things up.”

“I took care of it.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Why don’t we just go lie down?”

“Okay. That sounds good.”

So we dried off, and I went to find a pair of cotton man-style pajamas while Josh pulled on his boxers and straightened out the bed.