No Ordinary Bloke (25 page)

“Pinch your nipples for me,” I said.

Hearing my order, her eyes rolled and her head lolled. I watched as her hands went to her now fully pink tits.

“That’s right,” I said as she pinched and pulled. Now was the crucial time, so I flicked my tongue first across her clit and then inside her. Returning to lick her clit, I gave it a few strokes before my lips closed around her. As I sucked her hard, I watched my beauty come undone before my eyes.

By that point, I had the erection of my life, and I prayed I was going to get at least something in return or I needed a good wank in the shower ASAP. Slowly she found her way back to reality, and I got back on the sofa to give her a long kiss. Thankfully, she wasn’t one of those girls who flinch when they taste themselves. She kissed me hard, but soon she smiled. “That was amazing. Can I return the favor?”

“Nothing would make me happier right now.”

I was so damn horny I even put her hand on my cock. Just as she began to stroke me over my pants, there was a faint cry from upstairs. I pretended like I didn’t notice, but the cry turned into a loud wail. No one could ignore it. I groaned, “Oh, shit. Why now?”

Allison pulled away and stopped touching me. “I’m sorry. Should we go check on her?”

“Yes,” I said with all the regret in the world. “We should.”

She frowned and gave me a kiss. “Rain check?”

“If that involves you touching my dick again, absolutely.”

While I willed my dick to calm down, Allison put on her clothes, and we trod up the stairs to V. Her screams got louder as we approached the nursery. We found her in her crib, with a face so red and scrunched she looked like a boxing glove. “Poor Little V,” Allison said, picking her up. As she cradled V, Allison wrinkled her nose. “Her diaper leaked. Everything below her waist is wet.”

“That would wake me up as well.”

“Me too.” Allison laughed. “Let’s change her.”

“Oh no…” I shook my head. “I don’t do nappies.”

“What century do you live in?”

“I’m just saying…”

Allison gave me a warning look. “I guess our relationship has an expiration date then.”

“How so?” I bloody hated that idea.

“I can’t be with a guy who won’t change his kids’ diapers,” she said, laying V down on that place where they did whatever they did with her diapers.

“I guess I’d change my own kids’ nappies,” I said, considering what that might be like. “Though Adam says the boys zap you in the eye with their piss.”

“So your wife is the one who has to be drenched in
your son’s
urine?”

“Well, when you say it that way, I sound like a sodding Neanderthal.”

“That’s why I asked what century do you live in!”

I leaned against the wall and chuckled. “The same one as the rest of the sexist pigs.”

“I don’t really think you’re sexist.” She smiled as she began to sort Little V out. “You’ve just been a bachelor too long. You’re a slight chauvinist. Different from a sexist.”

“As long as you still like me and there’s no expiration date, you can call me whatever you want.”

She gave me a forgiving smile and finished taking care of V. I wasn’t really noticing what she was actually doing. Instead, I was taking in the very image of her with a baby. All of a sudden, I felt what had to be a testosterone explosion inside of me. I felt a primal urge to procreate with this woman right then and there. I even started to get a stiffy again.

As I adjusted my dick, Allison picked up V. who’d stopped crying at some point. Allison stroked the fine hair atop her tiny head. “There you go, little girl. All better.”

“Is she happy?”

“She’s sleepy.” Allison spied the rocking chair in the corner of the room. “I’m going to rock her, okay?”

“Do you need me?”

“No. I’m fine.”

I awkwardly shifted my stance. “You don’t mind then if I slip out for a few minutes?”

“No. Go right ahead.”

“Thanks. I just need to take care of something,” I said and headed straight for the shower.

T
he following morning, I squinted as the sun hit my face. I slowly remembered the night before—kissing Allison, going down on Allison, nappies, blue balls, a shower, and much later after Adam and Nicki arrived home, sleep. Allison and Nicki headed upstairs first, while Adam and I stayed up late drinking whisky and watching football. Sometime after two in the morning, I resisted the urge to mistakenly enter Allison’s bedroom and instead I stumbled alone into my own bed.

I stretched uncomfortably, due to the sun’s heat and my headache. Rolling over to avoid the sun, I flung my arm to the left and hit skin. My eyes flew open. There was Allison curled up on her side, smiling at me. “Morning.”

“Morning,” I said, sleepily. The day had just gotten a lot brighter.

“Sorry to barge in here, but I got tired of waiting for you to get up.”

“Is everyone else downstairs?” I noticed she was still wearing what looked to be pajamas. A little green camisole and pajama bottoms. No bra. Excellent.

“Yeah, they’ve been awake for a while,” she said, propping her head on her hand.

“Damn. Even Adam?”

“I think you have to get up if you have kids.”

“I suppose I’ll have to get used to that.”

“You will.” Her mouth twitched like she was suppressing a smile.

I turned on my side just a bit to better see her. “How long have you been in here?”

“I don’t know. Ten minutes maybe?”

“Watching me sleep the whole time?”

“Yes, watching you. You’re very handsome when you sleep, you know. I mean you’re handsome all the time, but you look great asleep, especially half-naked.”

“I’d like to watch you sleep half-naked,” I said, stroking her hair.

“You sort of have.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just that…” She pointed to my down my stomach. I’d kicked off the sheets sometime during the night, and I was naked but for my underpants. Jutting out of the flap of my boxer briefs, my dick was practically saying hello to her. My morning wood was so hard that the foreskin had pulled back, leaving the head peeking out. Clearly, my body was acting under the direction of my subconscious.

“Ah,” I said with a chuckle. “Sorry about that.”

I moved my hand down to find some modesty, but her hand intercepted mine. “Show me what to do.”

“Really?” I asked like a kid being offered candy.

“Yeah. What do you like?”

It hit me then. She was an American. “What I like? I’d think you know that sort of thing by now. Have you never been with an uncircumcised bloke?”

“In college. He was from Spain.” She shrugged and smiled. “It was bad college dorm sex. Not really memorable.”

“Bad dorm sex. Sounds awful.” I pulled her closer to me. “We’ll have none of that.”

She put her finger to her mouth. “Shh. No sex right now at all, and you have to be quiet.”

“Quiet like a mouse.” I smirked. “A mouse getting a hand job from the most beautiful girl in the world.”

She laughed and kissed my cheek. “First show me how to do it.”

Call me a kinky bastard, but I had no problem jacking off for a girl when she was into it. Allison seemed excited as she stared at the head of my cock peeking out from the folds of foreskin. I hooked my thumbs in my briefs and pulled them off, freeing my dick for her. I slowly began to fondle myself, “I’ll show you, then you can join me, and then you can do it by yourself. Just be careful with the head. It’s probably more sensitive than the guys you’ve been used to.”

“I always knew you were more sensitive.” She laughed.

“In more ways than one.” I fully grasped my dick, and she gave it her full attention as I began to stroke. Her eyes didn’t seem to leave my foreskin as I moved it back and forth over the head.

When I was far enough along, I put her hand around the shaft and closed my hand over hers. “It’s so soft, but still hard,” she said with some surprise.

“Yeah.” My voice became unsteady as we began jerking me off. “You like it?”

“Sure. It’s pretty. Look how the foreskin is a little darker and the head is so rosy.”

“It’s friendly that way.”

“I like how it appears and disappears.” She smiled up at me. “Can I play with it?”

“Jesus Christ, woman, do you really think you have to ask me something like that? Like I’m going to say no?”

“You asked me questions the whole time last night.” She poked me in the side. “It was kind of kinky.”

“Oh, all right. You can play with my cock, if you must.” I took my hand away and pretended to huff. “There. I said yes.”

She snickered and began playing with me like I was something in between a school science experiment and a new toy. She began slowly pushing and pulling the foreskin back and forth over my head. With a soft giggle, she said, “It’s fun.”

“I’ve always thought so.”

She laughed some more and then used her other hand to tickle the hair from my navel down to my cock. From there, it traveled achingly close to my scrotum. She glanced up. “Do you mind if I touch you here?”

“
Mind
?
Mind
? Of course, I mind.” I laughed. “How can it not be on my mind if you touch me there?”

“Just checking,” she said as she fondled my balls.

Normally, I need to take a piss in the morning before I come, but there was no way I was going to stop her just to hit the loo. She was making me feel too damn good.

My subconscious was at work again, though, as I absentmindedly began touching her hair. I wasn’t one of those blokes who forced a woman’s head down to his cock, but it was indeed where I wanted her to be. She must’ve gotten the picture because she began to move southward, but looking up again, she stopped. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked. Can I put it in my mouth?”

“You’re killing me, woman.”

“I know.” She laughed.

“Only if you never ask me again.”

She furrowed her brow. “Really?”

My eyes settled on her lips which I couldn’t wait to be on me. “You have a standing invitation, darling.”

She grinned and placed a finger to my lips again. “Be quiet, remember.”

“Silent as the grave.”

Then she went to work, and I lost track as she began licking and sucking first on my balls and then on my knob. Her tongue swirled around it, teasing the loose fold of skin. That was it for me. Except for the occasional peek at my own private porno where my dick was the star, I laid back and experienced every sweet second of the bliss of her mouth. When things got to be too much, I crammed my face in the pillow to muffle my sounds.

I’d never thought of a blowjob as a particularly romantic act, but after I came, I wanted to send her roses, buy her jewelry, and do whatever else it was that might make her happy. As my body recovered from the orgasm, I pulled her up to me. “Oh, my darling girl. I’m a fool for you.”

She smiled. “Well, I’m pretty ridiculous for you.”

“Good. We’ll be foolish together,” I said and gave her a kiss.

A few hours later, the five of us arrived at the football pitch on the National Mall. With the Washington Monument towering over you, President Lincoln staring from his own monument’s chair, and the White House looming in the background, it always felt auspicious playing there. As we walked up to field, I said hi to the crew who had already arrived. Adam and I took turns introducing Allison to the crowd before she joined Nicki and V behind the sidelines.