No Matter What (20 page)

He turned his attention to Charley who, now dressed in only the skimpiest of underwear and stilettos, came over to him and grabbed his hand, leading him away from the crowd and out onto the porch.

“I thought you might need some fresh air,” she smiled, playing with the belt on his jeans, keeping her eyes on his all the time.
 
She had him right where she wanted him now and she wasn’t going to let this moment pass without the only outcome she was willing to accept.

Kenny slid one arm around her waist and pulled her tight against him, knowing exactly what she was after and knowing he was far too weak - and drunk - to turn her down.

“I want you, Kenny Ross,” she whispered, her mouth close to his ear, her expensive perfume filling the air.
 
“I’ve always wanted you.”

He wasn’t actually listening to anything she was saying, if he was honest.
 
He was too drunk to concentrate on words; he only cared about actions right now.
 
Charley was a beautiful girl with a killer body and he’d seen her do things in her films that most men could only dream about.
 
She wanted him.
 
Who was he to deny her anything tonight?

Charley smiled, pushing herself against him, and she knew she had him, she totally had him.
 
She closed her eyes as his mouth touched hers and within seconds the kisses were hard and fast, his hands all over her, their breathing heavy and desperate.
 
Nothing was standing in their way now - no
India
, no Jimmy, nothing at all was going to stop her from being with Kenny, from finally getting her man.
 
Nothing and no-one.
  
And the last thing she was feeling was guilt.

***

India
could hear music and voices, getting louder as she made her way down to the address of the beach house Kenny had given her, suddenly realising – as she got closer - that it was all coming from his place.
 
She was confused.
 
What the hell was going on?
  
One minute he’s telling her he doesn’t want anyone to know about this house and the next he’s throwing a party!
 
Why wasn’t he talking to her?
 
Why wasn’t he telling her what was going on with him?
 

She could see the house now, light flooding from every window, the music getting louder the closer she got.
 
There was a part of her now that was unsure whether she should have come here tonight.
 
This whole day had been so confusing, maybe it would have been best to just leave him alone for the night and see what happened tomorrow.
 
But she knew she could never have done that.
 
She needed to see him, simple as that.

But, as she approached the house, the music almost deafening now, what she saw in front of her made her breath catch in her throat and her heart stop beating, or that’s what it felt like.
 
A pain the like of which she’d never experienced before.
 
She’d needed to see Kenny.
 
What she hadn’t needed was to see him like this.

***

Kenny could feel someone there, he could feel someone behind him and when he swung round, almost dismissing Charley like she’d never been there at all, he sobered up faster than he’d ever thought possible.

“
India
... baby ...”

She stood there in front of him, the look on her face heartbreaking, and in an instant he knew every single second of the last few hours had been one terrible mistake.
 
Just one look at his beautiful wife and Kenny knew he loved her more than he could ever explain.
 
He loved her like crazy.
 
What the hell had he just done?

India
stared at him, shaking her head, unable to take it all in.
 
Her husband and her best friend.
 
The oldest cliché in the book.

Charley grabbed Kenny’s jacket that was lying over the porch railings, putting it on over what little she was wearing and that one action somehow made everything worse for
India
.

“No!”
India
said, holding up a hand as Kenny tried to move towards her.
 
“No, Kenny, I don’t want to hear it.”

“
India
, please, let me explain …”

She laughed, a loud, cynical laugh, pushing a hand through her hair.
 
“Explain?
 
You want to explain
this
?”

She looked at Charley, who had a small but self-satisfied smile on her face and all that did was make
India
feel sorry for her.
 
Is this what she’d sunk to?
 
Stealing other people’s men?
 

“This means nothing,” Kenny said, an air of desperation in his voice now.
 
His future was standing there, his beautiful English angel and he’d just jeopardised everything, for what?
 
A quick five minute fling with a hard-core porn star?

“Leave her, Kenny,” Charley said, coming up behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder.
 
He shook her off, pushing her away without even looking at her.
 
She was nothing,
nothing
compared to
India
and he just wanted her to go away.

But Charley wasn’t having that, she wasn’t something just to be used then thrown away like an old rag.

“Kenny ... come on, let’s go inside.”

He swung round and looked at her, anger in his eyes now.
 
Because of her his short marriage to the girl he’d fallen crazy in love with was close to crashing down around him and he wasn’t sure he could deal with that.
 
And whilst he knew it wasn’t totally her fault, he had to take it out on someone.

“What?
 
What do you want me to do, Charley?
 
Declare undying love for you?
 
Tell you it was you I wanted all along?
 
I
never
wanted you Charley.
 
I was drunk, I was stupid and for that I’m sorry.
 
I should never have let it get this far but it was nothing.
 
You
were nothing.
 
I love
India
...”

“You love her so much you were willing to fuck
me
?”

“I’ve just said I was drunk, for Christ’s sake!
 
You were an escape, a cheap escape, and nothing else.”

He turned back around to talk to
India
but she’d gone, and without even acknowledging Charley again he ran down the porch stairs and onto the beach, running to try and save his dream.

***

Once she was out of sight
India
let the tears fall, letting them stream down her face until they were almost blinding her.
 
To see him with anyone else would have been bad enough but to see him with Charley was something she couldn’t forget.
 
He’d been stroking her hips, kissing her neck - she couldn’t even think about it without it ripping her heart out.
 

She ran, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, running until she reached her bike but all she could do when she got there was sink to the floor and cry.
 
She’d never thought Kenny could do this to her, not Kenny.
 
But then, maybe her idealistic vision of him, maybe that‘s all it had ever been – idealistic.
 
She didn’t know him at all, really.
 
How could she if this was what he was capable of?
 
How the hell had the day’s events led to
this
?

“
India
... please, listen to me.”

She looked up at the sound of his voice, quickly drying her eyes and pulling herself up onto her feet.

“There’s nothing to explain, Kenny.
 
I don’t want to hear it.
 
You were drunk, end of story.”

“It was no excuse, baby ...”

“Too fucking right it was no excuse!”
 
She was angry now.
 
How dare he do this to her?
 
All she’d ever done was love him and he’d just thrown it all back in her face.
 
“Is that what you do when something upsets you, Kenny?
 
Is this what I have to put up with every time something doesn’t go your way?”

“No ...” This wasn’t going how he wanted it to go.

“No,” she repeated, her voice calmer now.
 
All the fight was draining out of her.
 
She was too tired.
 
“I can’t live like that, Kenny.
 
I don’t know you, I really don’t.”

“Yes, you do,
India
.
 
You do.”
 
The desperation was back in his voice now, but the effects of too much alcohol were starting to kick in and his head was spinning.
 
“You know me better than anyone, please, you have to believe that.”

She looked at him again.
 
He looked terrible.
 
He looked tired, drunk, a state.
 
“I’m going home, Kenny.”

“Let me come with you.
 
You shouldn’t be alone.”

“Alone is exactly what I want to be right now.”

But did she?
 
Despite the state he was in, despite of what he’d done a small part of her was finding it so hard to walk away from him.

“You’re in no state to ride that bike home,
India
.”

“And you
are
?”

He shook his head, defeat starting to sink in.
 
He was losing the energy to fight, tiredness was taking over.
 
“Stay here.
 
With me.”

She gave that cynical laugh again.
 
“What?
 
Stay here with the hookers and the porn stars?
 
Sure, why not!”
 

He got the sarcasm.
 
That suggestion hadn’t been a good one.

“I can’t let you go like this.”
 
He wanted to beg her, get down on his knees and make her understand that he loved her so much and that this was killing him.
 
“
India
, I love you, baby, I love you.”

She wanted to say that if he loved her there’s no way he would ever have gone near Charley, no way he would ever have even thought about it.
 
But she was tired of talking now, it was getting them nowhere.
 
So she just got back on the bike and sped off, leaving Kenny not knowing whether he’d lost her or not.
 

All he could do was watch her leave and hope he hadn’t just thrown away the only person he’d ever really cared about.
 
The only girl he’d ever loved.
 
The only girl he ever would.

CHAPTER 15

1996

India
and Kenny’s divorce hadn’t come as that much of a shock to anyone.
 
Most people had said it wouldn’t last anyway and they’d been right, although it was the last thing
India
had wanted to hear at the time.
 

They’d tried to talk it over, tried to make sense of what it was they’d actually had together but India hadn’t been able to get past the fact he’d been willing to betray her with Charley.
 
The two of them may not have been as close friends as they once had been but the fact was she was connected to
India
, and that’s what had hurt.
 
She couldn’t go there with Kenny again, not after that.
 
She just couldn’t do it, despite the fact that, in her heart, she’d still loved him.

However, what
had
surprised everyone, especially those close to
India
, was that she and Kenny had seemed to just resume the friendship they’d had before they’d got married.
 
That was one thing
India
hadn’t been willing to give up.
 
She’d thought long and hard, she’d listened to the lectures from Reece and Terry, listened to those telling her that what she was doing wasn’t possible, that a friendship couldn’t be resumed but they were all wrong.
 
She needed Kenny, she couldn’t deny that, and she just hadn’t been willing to give him up completely.
 
The trust may have gone, that need to be married to him may have disappeared, but the love for him hadn’t, and once the talking was over and the decisions had been made both she and Kenny had just slipped right back into what they’d had before.
 
No divorce was going to get in the way.
 
That small chapter of their lives was over.
 
It was just time to move on, that was all.