No Holding Back (20 page)

Chris went slightly numb as Wade came out with it. She tried to blink away the tiredness. She needed to. She had to hear this.

“I’m listening,” she whispered.

Wade took several gulps of a fresh beer before he continued.
It was clear to Chris, that even after all this time, the subject was still a difficult one.

“
You see…back before all this shit happened, Os and Hess were best friends. I mean they were inseparable. Drinking, partying, girls. You name it. They did everything together. It was almost as if
they
were brothers.”

Chris
felt stupid for not knowing it sooner but after remembering the pictures on the cork board in her room of the two of them, it made perfect sense. But as far as she was concerned, it didn’t make her any more understanding of his poor attitude towards her.

She shot a dirty look in the direction of the door despite the fact that Os left hours ago.
“Is he a pedophile, too?” she sneered, but right away, she felt as though she’d gone too far in accusing his brother.

Instead, Wade
laughed weakly through his nose. “No. That’s just it. None of us knew what the hell Hess was doin’. And when we did, we felt coldcocked. But Os most of all.”

Chris was
almost afraid to move but couldn’t help but ask, “What did he do?”

But Wade just
shook his head slightly and stared into space and said, “Nothing.”

Chris
’ jaw dropped.

“
Whaddya mean ‘nothing’!? I heard on the news that Joe almost strangled him!”

Wade laughed when he reminisced that day, t
hough it was anything but funny.

“
Yep. Notta. As soon as the cops came and picked his ass up, Os didn’t say a damn word and just walked straight into his room. He didn’t come out for five days except to use the bathroom.”

That explained a lot to Chris, but before
she could ask any questions, Wade continued.

“
Despite what you think, Os doesn’t hate you.”

“
We’re talking about the same Os, right?” she sneered.

“
Hear me out,” Wade begged. “He doesn’t
not
talk to you because you’re a girl.”

“
Then what the hell is his problem?!” Chris yelled. But after a concerned look from the bartender, she forced her mounting anger down a notch.

Wa
de sighed. ”He’s afraid.”

“
Of?”

“
Trusting himself enough to open up. Of getting attached to someone. Ever. To him? You’re going to leave us. And you’re as good as gone if he pretends you never existed in the first place. I know it’s no excuse,” Wade admitted. “But he’s just keeping himself protected.”

Chris
mulled over his response, but she still fumed whenever she thought about every single dirty look Os ever gave her.

“
Is he ever gonna get over it?” she asked. “I mean…how long is it gonna take for him to accept me?”

Wade stared off into space again and shrugged his shoulders.

“I dunno. You see…our dad died when we were just kids and I practically stepped into his shoes from that day on. But Os?” Wade paused, shaking his head. “I still don’t think he’s ever completely recovered from that one. And now throw in ‘your best bud’s a sexual predator’ and you’ve got yourself the next Dr. Phil show.”

“
Jesus,” Chris sighed, looking down at Joe’s empty spot.” At least Joe thinks I’m okay.”

Wade
coughed as he took a drink of his beer. “You kiddin’ me? Joe would do anything for you. Like I said: he’s got three sisters back home.” Then, he looked directly at Chris and said, “Now he has four.”

A light came on for Chris
.

“
That’s why Joe’s so buddy-buddy with me?”

He nodded.
“The girls that Hess was messin’ with weren’t much older than Joe’s own sisters. That’s why he was the first to grab him and beat the hell out of ‘im.”

Chris laughed. “Joe-Joe?
We go at it all the time – he’s harmless!”

“
Hardly,” Wade scoffed. “Believe me when I say you’ll never catch
me
with him on a bad day.”

“You
’re joking, right?”

“There
’s a reason why they waited for Hess to heal up before they took a mug shot. No one would have recognized him thanks to Joe’s handiwork. It’s weird, y’know?” Wade said, staring off into space again. “I’ve never known anyone to flip a switch as easily as he does. It’s almost…borderline psychotic.”

“Has he always been like that? Is that why he
’s so protective of me?” she whispered, asking herself more than she did Wade.

“Well, put yourself in
his
shoes. As the oldest with three sisters to watch, I’m sure he’s had to fight off a pre-pubescent teen a time or two. You shouldda heard the stories his mom told me,” Wade chuckled. “He was always in the principal’s office more than he was in school.”

“Yep,” Wade continued, “Growin
’ up like that gives you an advantage. Joe may be small, but he’s got fight in him - if you give him a reason to show it.”

Wade
’s answer explained a lot and after so long, Chris felt a sense of closure. Not only about Os, but with Joe. Now she realized why he did everything he could to make her feel like his own flesh and blood. Chris felt extremely warm on the inside when she realized she had a home - with a real family.

“
Why do you always cover your face when you smile?” Wade asked out of nowhere.

Chris shrugged as her eyes fished over the table to avoid Wade
’s penetrating stare.

“
Joe told me to. He says I look too much like a girl when I do.”

Another wave of guilt came over Wade.
He kept forgetting how much Chris sacrificed for the group.

“
He just wants to make sure nothing happens to you. He cares a lot about you and so do I.”

Wade shrugged his shoulders casually but then his face grew hot. He felt a little strange about the words that came out, but he couldn
’t take them back now. But then, he lifted his beer to squash the awkwardness.

“
To sacrifice.”

“
To
Heretic
,” she corrected.

Then, they
both lifted their bottles and chimed them together in a small toast.

As Wade killed off the rest
of his beer, he noticed a figure swim into his vision. And it wasn’t the bartender.

“
O-Oh my god! Y-You’re Wade Griffin, aren’t you!? From Heretic?!”

Unable to get her bearings in time,
Chris nearly gagged on a mouthful of beer.

A young, gorgeous, and very shapely blonde approached their booth and stood right n
ext to Wade. She sported a slinky black dress that was much too tight and her long hair came in waves over her shoulders. Her golden skin gleamed even more under the bar’s dimmed lights while she battled her thick eyelashes at Wade.

Panic-stricken, Chris reached for several napkins in an attempt
wipe her mouth clean from the beer. She clutched her chest while she coughed violently into the flimsy napkins. Unable to stop the trickle of suds that went down the wrong pipe, she sat helpless as her eyes watered, yet she fought to hide her face within her hoodie. She even situated it several times, hoping their surprise guest couldn’t see who she really was.

All the while, Wade
sat amused at Chris’ fumbling gestures to hide herself.

“
Why, yes. Yes, I am,” he said smiling, unable to look away from Chris. “And what can I do for a lovely young woman such as yourself?”

She giggled stupidly and ran on
e of her hands through her hair. “M-My name’s Jessica! My girlfriends and I just got back from the clubs! Wow, they’re never gonna believe this! I just love your songs! I’m a huge fan!”

“
Oh, well, glad to hear it.”

Wade
struggled to put on his best shocked face despite his inward cringe at hearing ‘I’m a huge fan’ hundreds of times a day.

“
Will you please sign this for me?”

Jessica brought out a pen and a piece of paper that resembled a receipt from her matching black purse and put it on the table in front of Wade.

“Absolutely.”

Wade
couldn’t help but smile, but not at the girl who openly flaunted her enormous cleavage and full breasts. He put every mental brake in place to keep himself from laughing hysterically at Chris’ continued efforts to hide her face. After all, he never allowed anyone to get so close to her. But the alcohol was making him devious and he smirked as he handed his chicken scratch back over to Jessica. But by now, she already seemed to recognize Wade’s company.

“
No way…” Jessica gasped, fanning her face with her hand. “I-I don’t believe this! You’re Chris Rebman! Wow! My brother totally digs your style. He wants to play just like you!”

Wade chuckled at the situation and continued to s
tare at Chris as if seeing how much up close and personal time she could take. Chris gestured for his help under her hoodie, but Wade remained a smiling drunk.

“
Oh gosh, I-I hope I’m not asking too much, but…can you sign this too?”

As Jessica
went to hand the piece of paper over to Chris, Wade grabbed her wrist and stopped her, but not to protect his drummer. Rather, he felt like a drunken idiot and wanted to have some fun with the situation.

“
Oh! Jessica, was it?”

"Mhm!"

“I’m so sorry, babe! But I’m afraid he can’t sign this for you.”

Wade pulled off his sad and solemn response with great effect. Already, he could see the troubled faces from both women and he could barely contain himself.

“Oh, really? Why not?” she asked.

Wade took a deep breath and went for it. After all, the opportunity was ripe and he didn
’t know when he’d come across a golden moment like this again.

“
Because he only signs tits or ass.”

Mortified, Chris
’ expression settled on one of pure horror and from under the table, she loosed a fierce kick – connecting it with Wade’s shin.

“
Tsss! Ouuuch!”

Wade
’s eyes shut in pain and they watered, but he was sure it was worth it. He broke into a wide grin and stared at Chris while he rubbed his injury.

But the groupie, not knowing any better, thought Wad
e was joking and broke into hysterics.

“
You guys are so funny! Thanks so much anyway,” she smiled. Then she stuck Wade’s autograph into her purse and turned to leave. “Bye guys!”

She
bumped into a few tables on the way out, but when she finally left, it was just the two of them again. Even the bartender’s gaze was still fixated on the television and he didn’t seem to notice anything.

“
Damn, that hurt!” Wade winced, rubbing his shin. “What was
that
for?”

“
Don’t give me that, bullshit!” she seethed. “You saw me squirm the whole time!”

“
Would you relax? She was so strung out on booze and drugs, you could’ve been dancin’ naked on the bar and she wouldn’t’ve noticed.”

“
I can’t
believe
y-! Wait, what?” Chris went from anger to confusion. “How can you tell? You’re not psychic.”

“
Don’t need to be. I could tell by the way she was walking.”

Chris was lost for words. She tried to peek out to the hallway
to where the groupie had disappeared to, but she was long gone.

“S
he looked fine to me.”

“
Really? I
could
get her number for you,” Wade wink.

Chris was mortified.

“I
could
kick you in the nuts,” she retorted.

Wade whistled. “Please don
’t. I might be drunk, but I can still feel pain.”

Chris chugged more of her beer i
n an attempt to fight off the panic attack. She was perspiring so much, she thought she could swim in her clothes.

“
Could…could you really tell all that? Just by how she was walking?” she asked after her heartbeat returned to normal.

“
Of course. It was no different than the way I could tell you were a girl when you walked in for your audition.”

Chris stomach d
ropped. “Huh? What? H-How could you possib-?”

“
Like I said. It was the way you were walking. You should’ve worn heels and saved everyone the trouble,” he snickered, taking another drink from his longneck.