No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline (34 page)
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Authors: Brian Tracy
Tags: #Self Help, #Business, #Non-Fiction, #Psychology, #Inspirational
BOOK: No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline
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Express your admiration for people’s appearance and specific items of their clothing or dress. Men are especially complimented when you say something nice about their ties or their shoes. Women enjoy being complimented about their hair or any other item of their appearance. People spend a lot of time putting themselves together before they go out.
You can also compliment a person’s traits or characteristics, saying things such as, “You are certainly persistent.” People invest their entire lives developing traits and qualities—especially positive qualities—and they feel flattered when you notice and compliment them on those qualities.
Compliment a person’s accomplishments. Tell people how much you admire their home or office or the business they have built or the position they have achieved in that business.
5. Pay Attention to Others:
Perhaps the most powerful way to raise another person’s self-esteem is to listen to him attentively when he speaks. In my book
The Power of Charm,
my coauthor Ron Arden and I explain how listening to a person while he talks on any subject in a way that is focused is perceived as charming behavior.
Perhaps the most powerful way to raise another person’s self-esteem is to listen to him attentively when he speaks. In my book
The Power of Charm,
my coauthor Ron Arden and I explain how listening to a person while he talks on any subject in a way that is focused is perceived as charming behavior.
The key to great listening is for you to ask questions and then hang on every word of the answers. When the person slows down or comes to the end of a statement, ask another question. Lean forward attentively. Listen without interrupting. Listen as though what the person is saying is the smartest and most interesting thing you have ever heard.
When people are attentively listened to, their brain releases endorphins. As a result, they feel happy about themselves. Their self-esteem goes up. What’s more, they associate this happy feeling with being in your presence. From this, a person will like you more and find you a more interesting and intelligent person.
6. Never Criticize, Condemn, or Complain
about anything, whether it be directly or indirectly. Never do or say anything that lowers a person’s self-esteem or makes him feel less important or valuable. Refuse to gossip or discuss other people in a negative way. Never say anything about a person that you would not say to his face.
about anything, whether it be directly or indirectly. Never do or say anything that lowers a person’s self-esteem or makes him feel less important or valuable. Refuse to gossip or discuss other people in a negative way. Never say anything about a person that you would not say to his face.
The most harmful force in all of human relationships is
destructive criticism.
It lowers a person’s self-esteem, makes him feel angry and defensive, and causes him to dislike the source. So never complain about people or situations that you don’t like.
destructive criticism.
It lowers a person’s self-esteem, makes him feel angry and defensive, and causes him to dislike the source. So never complain about people or situations that you don’t like.
The most common word to describe the most popular people in every field is the word “nice.” When you think of a business that you like to patronize or a restaurant you like to visit, you always think of the people there as being “nice.” Whenever you recommend or refer someone to someone else, you always mention that he or she is a “nice person.”
In sales and business, the nice people are always the most successful. People like to buy from them, buy again, and then recommend them to their friends. People enjoy seeing nice people, and they look forward to seeing them again.
When asked what they mean by the word “nice,” people say that he or she is “cheerful.” The more positive you are, the more cheerful you are likely to be. The more cheerful you are, the nicer personality you will have. The nicer personality you have, the more people will look forward to seeing you and being around you.
7. Be Courteous, Concerned, and Considerate of Everyone You Meet:
Think of these as “the three Cs” and practice them with everyone you meet.
Think of these as “the three Cs” and practice them with everyone you meet.
When you treat a person with
courtesy
and respect, he or she feels more valuable and important. As a result of making a person feel more valuable and respected, that person will in turn value and respect you even more as well.
courtesy
and respect, he or she feels more valuable and important. As a result of making a person feel more valuable and respected, that person will in turn value and respect you even more as well.
When you express
concern
about things that are happening in a person’s life, he warms up to you and likes you more. When a person has a difficult situation and you express your concern or compassion, you touch his heart. You connect with his emotions. Through this, you make yourself a more likable person.
concern
about things that are happening in a person’s life, he warms up to you and likes you more. When a person has a difficult situation and you express your concern or compassion, you touch his heart. You connect with his emotions. Through this, you make yourself a more likable person.
Consideration
is the third of the three Cs. When you practice consideration, you discipline yourself to do and say things to people that makes them feel more valuable and important.
is the third of the three Cs. When you practice consideration, you discipline yourself to do and say things to people that makes them feel more valuable and important.
When you meet people for the first time or again after a period of time, ask them how they are, and then listen closely to the answers. People will often share with you a concern or problem in their lives. When they do, practice consideration and sensitivity. Treat the problem or difficulty as though it were extremely important to you. Amazingly enough, when you act as if you are really interested and concerned with a problem or situation in another person’s life, you very soon start to feel genuinely affected emotionally by the other person.
The rule for building lifelong friendships and wonderful relationships is simple. Resolve that from now on, when people leave your presence, they will feel much
better
than they did when they entered your presence. Practice all the ideas above to make people feel important. Look for ways to raise people’s self-esteem and reinforce their self-image. Make them feel as though they are valuable and worthwhile. Furthermore, everything that you do or say to make another person feel important makes you feel important as well.
better
than they did when they entered your presence. Practice all the ideas above to make people feel important. Look for ways to raise people’s self-esteem and reinforce their self-image. Make them feel as though they are valuable and worthwhile. Furthermore, everything that you do or say to make another person feel important makes you feel important as well.
1. Make a list of the most important friends in your work and personal life. What could you do to make them feel better about themselves?
2. Identify the first thing you could do in every meeting or encounter to make the other person feel important.
3. Resolve to make each person feel more valuable and worthwhile because he or she spoke to you.
4. Practice nonjudgmentalism in all your relationships. Always assume the best of intentions on the part of others.
5. Imagine that each person you meet has only a short time to live and you are the only person who knows.
6. Find something about each person that is impressive to you, and then tell the other person how impressed you are.
7. Imagine that there is a hidden camera and microphone recording every interaction you have with other people. How would you behave differently?
Chapter 21
Self-Discipline and Peace of Mind
“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. This is true of earthly as of heavenly things. Even the man whose object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object; and how much more so he who would realize a strong and well-poised life.”
—JAMES ALLEN
Y
ou require high levels of self-discipline if you truly desire to develop all your inner resources and fulfill your true potential. Throughout the ages, in all religions and philosophies the highest human good or idea has been
peace of mind
. Your ability to achieve your own peace of mind is the true measure of your success and the key determinant of your happiness.
ou require high levels of self-discipline if you truly desire to develop all your inner resources and fulfill your true potential. Throughout the ages, in all religions and philosophies the highest human good or idea has been
peace of mind
. Your ability to achieve your own peace of mind is the true measure of your success and the key determinant of your happiness.
To develop spiritually, and to become a fully functioning person, you must regularly apply self-discipline and self-control to your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Spiritual development, inner peace, and the experience of joy all require self-mastery and self-control.
To succeed in the “outer world,” you must
discipline
yourself to focus and concentrate, work hard at your job, take continuous action toward your goals, and become better and more capable as you move onward and upward in life.
discipline
yourself to focus and concentrate, work hard at your job, take continuous action toward your goals, and become better and more capable as you move onward and upward in life.
To succeed in the “inner world,” however, requires almost the
opposite
abilities. To achieve inner peace, you must discipline yourself to let go of everything that can disrupt your sense of inner peace and contentment.
opposite
abilities. To achieve inner peace, you must discipline yourself to let go of everything that can disrupt your sense of inner peace and contentment.
Zen Buddhism teaches that the main cause of human suffering and unhappiness is “attachment.” People become attached to ideas, opinions, and material things, and then they are reluctant to let go of them. Sometimes people become so preoccupied with these external factors that it affects their mental and physical health—even keeping them awake at night.
When you practice detachment, separating yourself
emotionally
from things or outcomes, the negative emotions involved stop as well, like unplugging a light from the socket.
emotionally
from things or outcomes, the negative emotions involved stop as well, like unplugging a light from the socket.
Most people have a deep down need to be right. However, when you stop caring if you are right or wrong, all the emotions surrounding this need for rightness disappear. Dr. Gerald Jampolsky asked the great question: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”
Some people become passionate about their political or religious beliefs, all of which have been
learned
from someone else in some way. But when you put those beliefs aside for a while, they lose their ability to stir your emotions or to inflame your anger.
learned
from someone else in some way. But when you put those beliefs aside for a while, they lose their ability to stir your emotions or to inflame your anger.
I have friends and meet people with ideas and opinions that range all over the political and religious spectrums. In most cases, we get along well together because we simply put aside the discussion of opinions on which we differ. We consciously and deliberately
discipline ourselves
to detach from these ideas, and we focus instead on subjects that we agree on and in which we share common interests.
discipline ourselves
to detach from these ideas, and we focus instead on subjects that we agree on and in which we share common interests.
The chief cause of negative emotions and the primary destroyer of inner peace is
blame
. As I mentioned earlier in the book, it is not possible to have a negative emotion without having someone or something to blame in some way or for something.
blame
. As I mentioned earlier in the book, it is not possible to have a negative emotion without having someone or something to blame in some way or for something.
Blame requires one or both of two factors to exist. The first is
identification
. This occurs when you take something personally: You identify with it. As soon as you decide to feel that someone has done or said something negative that affects your personal interests in some way, you immediately become angry and blame that person.
identification
. This occurs when you take something personally: You identify with it. As soon as you decide to feel that someone has done or said something negative that affects your personal interests in some way, you immediately become angry and blame that person.
Even if someone who is hurrying to work, completely preoccupied, and who may have just had a fight with his or her spouse accidentally cuts you off in traffic, you can immediately become angry at that person, a complete stranger, because you took his driving behavior
personally
.
personally
.
But when you
discipline yourself
to detach and stop taking things personally, the negative emotional charge connected with the person or incident stops almost immediately. For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, you can detach from the situation emotionally by saying to yourself, “Oh well, he’s probably in a hurry to get to work. Maybe he’s late.”
discipline yourself
to detach and stop taking things personally, the negative emotional charge connected with the person or incident stops almost immediately. For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, you can detach from the situation emotionally by saying to yourself, “Oh well, he’s probably in a hurry to get to work. Maybe he’s late.”
The minute you say that to yourself, all negativity associated with the event vanishes and you become calm, relaxed, and positive once more.
The second root cause of blaming is
justification
. This occurs when you tell yourself (and others) why it is that you are entitled to be angry or upset in this situation.
justification
. This occurs when you tell yourself (and others) why it is that you are entitled to be angry or upset in this situation.
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