No Distance Too Far (33 page)

“We’ll know when we see the baby.”

“Perhaps and perhaps not.”

“How can you be so calm? This is one of your grandchildren.”

Astrid wished she could catch the words and stuff them back as soon as she said them. “I’m sorry, Mor, that was an unkind thing to say.”

“Would ranting and raving do any good?”

“No. Not really. But sometimes you feel better afterward.”

“Sometimes. But through the years I’ve seen feelings hurt more by getting angry. Kind and gentle words bring healing the most swiftly.”

Astrid leaned against her mother’s shoulder. “Do you think I will ever get to that point?”

Ingeborg patted her daughter’s cheek. “You have learned much in these last years. Thinking kind and gentle thoughts is a prelude to speaking them.”

They turned as Thorliff closed the door behind him. “She’s sleeping soundly.” His eyes wore dark shadows, all dressed for mourning.

“Far is building the box.” Ingeborg took her son’s hand. “He wanted to do this for you.”

Thorliff blinked and shook his head. “She tried so hard. It’s not fair. Other people have baby after baby, and we can’t.” He looked at his mother. “I know you wanted more children with my father, and you were denied until you married Haakan. Was there something wrong with my father’s side of the family?”

Ingeborg heaved a sigh. “I don’t think so. All these situations are different. Roald died before we could have more children. Besides, I bore only two children, and you have one. So there is a greater plan in progress than we know.”

“So is it selfish to want another child?”

Astrid listened to them both saying much the same things the two sides of her mind argued, neither winning nor losing but rearing up again when she least expected it.
There are answers in the Scriptures,
she reminded herself,
but you have yet to find some of them. I know God
loves us all, born and unborn. That never changes. I know He loves me,
because He said so. Imperfect as I am, God loves me.
The good news took over, and her arguing voices were forced to stop or go into hiding. Whichever, the peace they were all seeking tiptoed in and wrapped a feather-light shawl of love around her shoulders.

“I know God loves that baby, and He loves us. I know that. God will never change. He said so. Now we convince Elizabeth of that. Mor, please call Pastor Solberg.”

A familiar voice came from the stairs. “She already did. I came as soon as I could get away.” Pastor Solberg continued up the stairs. “I’m glad you know that, Dr. Bjorklund. That declaration will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life. Keep it in the front of your mind.” He joined them. “I take it Elizabeth is sleeping?”

“Ja. I am going back in now so that she is not alone when she wakes.” Thorliff gripped the pastor’s hand. “Thank you for coming.”

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.” Thorliff ushered Pastor Solberg ahead of him and closed the door.

LATER THAT EVENING, Ingeborg having gone home, Astrid went to the room she’d been sleeping in after telling Thorliff to call her if there were any changes. Weariness of the soul dragged on her shoulders and her knees as she mounted the stairs. She undressed and pulled her lawn nightdress over her head. Standing in front of the window, she inhaled the evening air, fresh and pure with a coolness that kissed her cheeks and throat. The western horizon still held a faint tinge of yellow while the sky deepened to velvet black toward the east.

She brushed and braided her hair in a loose night style, then sat against the pillows on the bed to read from a little book of devotions Rev. Thompkins had given her. She flipped to the section on love. The words that leaped out at her made her smile inside.
Love is patient and
kind, not boastful or rude.
She closed her eyes and said them aloud. “Love is patient and kind.”
Gentle
would fit here too. “Love
is
.” She thought on that.
Is.
A small word to be sure but of great power.
Is
. Not
was
nor
will be
, even though it was both of those things, but
is
. “God is love. God
is
.” She tipped her head back and inhaled the peace flowing through the room on the breeze.
“Is.”

“Lord, please fill Elizabeth with these thoughts. Kind and gentle. Patient. She has tried to be patient these weeks, and now she will feel like it was all a waste. I know I would feel that way. But it wasn’t a waste. Love
is
. She did this because she loves the baby. Father, heal her broken heart. All of our hearts.” Anew she understood that when one member of the family weeps, all weep.

IF YOU MARRY HER, Joshua told himself,
this is the way it will be.
Her patients come first. She warned you.
He’d taken this thought out all night and turned it over and around, trying to find something in it he could work with. She’d literally run back to the surgery, never saying “See you later” or anything. And things between them had been going so well.

That was what hurt the most. Maybe
hurt
wasn’t the right word. Irritated? Maybe some better. All the times he’d thought about seeing her again, none of those dreams ended like this reality. They’d been enjoying their sodas, talking about real things, not the weather, and the telephone call ended it all. He should have raced her to the surgery and barred the door. Except this was Dr. Elizabeth who was in distress. Her own family.

Wonderful, now he was thinking evil thoughts on top of his unhappiness. He needed to put that away and think on what Hjelmer had said to him after asking him to come to the newspaper office. Would he be willing to head up one of the crews that would be putting up Mr. Jeffers’ building to house the new company that would be manufacturing new seeders, or at least the new parts that would make the old ones much more practical?

That raised another question. Could these parts be modified to fit the old seeders or only the new ones? To be sure, there would be a better return on selling new ones, but why not both? He wondered if Jeffers had thought of that or thought on it and discarded it. He could ask all these questions at their meeting in the morning. Things sure were moving fast.

He levered himself off the bed and sat down at the table to write down all his questions and ideas. While the middle of the night was good for thinking, it was also good for forgetting good ideas. After he turned off the gas lamp, he stood at the window, gazing out at the dimly lit room at the surgery. The room where they took care of people who were sick.
Please, Lord, let that baby come before it kills Elizabeth.
His heart ached at the thought of the baby dying like that. Ever since he’d started dreaming about Astrid, he’d been thinking on children too. His children. He knew he could be a good father, better than the one he’d had. He flipped the sheet over himself and settled into the pillow.
Thank you, Father, for this new job, with even better pay. And
I get to stay in Blessing, not be on the road for weeks on end.

In the evenings he could finish the cellar and get the beams ready to build his house. Maybe by fall they would have it roughed in and could finish the interior. From the sound of things, Blessing was going to be a booming place. But probably without Astrid for another two years. Could he wait? His heart said yes, but then that nagging doubt crept in as to whether they really were right for each other. And circumstances weren’t giving them a chance to find out. Was it circumstances or God’s guidance? Joshua had to smile. When he’d first arrived in Blessing, that thought would have never crossed his mind. He sighed. Perhaps by being in town like this, he could get to see Astrid again. And things would go better.

———

INGA’S ROSTER CROWING woke Astrid in the cool of the not yet risen morning.
If you had been there . . .
the sneaky voice stabbed at her. She shook her head. “No, I will not allow that. Love
is
. God is love. God is light.” Humming a song from church, she flipped back the sheet and light blanket, grateful for indoor plumbing, although running barefoot through the dew-drenched grass would feel heavenly on her feet. She washed her face. A basin bath would have to suffice for today.

Once dressed, she made her bed and returned to her place before the window. “I will sing unto the Lord.” She hummed a tune, simple and easy to remember, then set the words to it. “I will sing; I will sing; I will sing unto the Lord.” She pushed herself upright. Perhaps Joshua, er, Mr. Landsverk would like to hear her song. And then she gasped. She had not even thought of him since she ran to Elizabeth. What did that mean? she wondered. How could she have such warm feelings when with him and then forget him altogether?

She peeked into Elizabeth’s bedroom and saw her alone in the bed. Where had Thorliff gone? Quietly shutting the door, she made her way downstairs, following the aroma of coffee to the kitchen.

“He’s out on the back porch,” Thelma said, handing Astrid a steaming cup. “I’ll bring breakfast out in a few minutes.”

Astrid stopped before opening the screen door and studied her brother. His head was in his hands, elbows propped on his knees. Love
is
. How to say what she was learning to her older brother? After all, she was not the one to lose this baby. Being the doctor and an aunt were not the same as being the mother and the father. She opened the door and crossed to take one of the other rocking chairs. How many times had her mother sat in this chair, her prayers continual and always patient and kind? Sitting and sipping her coffee, she decided to imitate her mother. So without saying a word, she continued to hum her song silently, praising God for everything that came to mind and praying for all those who were grieving.

“Mange takk.” Thorliff broke the silence.

“Velbekomme.” She kept her eyes closed.

“She slept most of the night.”

“Good. That will give her strength for this next step.”

“Birthing the baby?”

“Ja, that is necessary.”

“I figured as much.” He looked up when Thelma set a filled plate on the low table in front of him. “Takk.”

Astrid did the same, including a smile with her gratitude.

“I’ll bring out the coffeepot.” A bell chiming pulled her back into the kitchen.

Both Thorliff and Astrid stood and headed for the stairs. The bell was from the bedroom.

“Are you all right?” Thorliff asked as he burst through the door.

Elizabeth shook her head and held out her arms. “It has started.”

Thorliff sat on the bed and held her close. “How bad?”

“Just cramps, but our baby—”

“I know. Let’s just take it one minute at a time. You are the most important now.”

“Astrid.” Elizabeth held out her arms. “I am so grateful you are here.”

The two clung together for a long moment before Astrid reminded her they’d better do a listening to see how things were progressing.

“You seem stronger,” Astrid said after completing her evaluation.

“I want to pull the covers over my head and pretend this has never happened.”

“I think I would too.” Astrid dropped her stethoscope into her pocket. “How about a poached egg on toast?”

Elizabeth made a face. “I know I must.”

“I’ll bring up a tray.” Thorliff left the room.

When he returned with a plate of food, Elizabeth ate and then fell back asleep, her brow frowning sometimes, relaxing other times.

“I’ll stay with her,” Ingeborg said after greeting her daughter. “You go take care of the other patients. When she wakes, we’ll move her downstairs to the lying-in room. It is all set up. You don’t have any babies due now, do you?”

“Not that I know of, so if you say not, that must be the way it is. How long has Elizabeth been away from the surgery?”

“More than a month on bed rest and needing more rest before that, so I’ve been helping out for more than two months.”

“Why did no one let me know?”

“Elizabeth refused to. Demanded we all say nothing. I honored her wishes, but it was difficult.”

“Until Thorliff took charge.” Had Elizabeth been trying not to influence God’s decision for Astrid? Her eyes filled with tears at Elizabeth’s generous heart in the midst of her own difficulties.