No Direction Home (Sweet Home Colorado) (13 page)

It was clear that his grandfather was dying...so final
. Seth fisted his hands wanting to fight an enemy, but the only thing left to do was to bury the past and be there for his mother. He didn’t want to lose his grandfather but the choice had been taken out of his hands. A sharp pain twisted like a knife plunging through his heart. He swallowed the huge lump in his throat to keep from crying. He didn't want the family business, but was the old man really sorry? Out of stubbornness, they had lost too much. The pain swirling in his gut was like a living thing, almost too much to handle.

Chapter Eleven

Grace pushed back from her laptop and stretched
. She had the house to herself and had been sitting too long and her back ached, but she was happy. She had outlined
Living Well With Chronic Pain
and was working on the first chapter. If nothing else, it was good therapy to write this book and maybe, just maybe it could help someone if she could get it published.

Glancing back at the screen, she began to read what she had copied from her journal into the manuscript.

Journal Entry, February 22, 2009

Today I feel old and frightened
. Understanding why this has happened to me is beyond my grasp. I’m living in a state of shock. I’ve always been a healthy, active person, and now I’m on my way to becoming totally disabled. The idea of becoming a burden to my loved ones and physically deteriorating to a point of helplessness scares me to death.

Each day is a struggle and it’s harder to get around in my home
. My right leg gives way and I fall down. Nothing stops the pain. I ask myself why is this happening to me? There are no answers.

I don’t want to live...not like this
. My mind still works, but my body is giving up on me. I can’t work or take care of my home.

Being a Christian I know suicide isn’t the answer, but when the pain intensifies, I think about ending my life...now, with dignity...before it’s too late
. I hurt badly and I’m fearful of what the future holds for me. God, please give me the strength to endure this pain.

Reading the journal entry brought an ache to her heart
. As Nana had said, she had come a long way from that point in her life. When she had written that in her journal she had been consumed with pain, anger, and fear, not knowing where to go for help. Somehow, she had to show the readers where she had been and how she had worked her way back.

Completely lost in her writing, she didn’t know anyone else was home until Jamie ran into the living room
. Pulling herself back to the present, Grace smiled at Jamie, who looked charming in her red Winnie the Pooh sweater.

“We saw the best movie
. You should’ve gone with us.”  The child’s face glowed with excitement.

“I’m glad you had a good time
. Maybe I’ll go next time.”  Needing a break, she saved her file and turned away from the desk to face Jamie. “Tell me all about it.”

“We picked up Ida and went to the
Tigger movie and I had my own soda and popcorn. I ate the whole thing.”  She giggled. “Usually, Dad and I share.” 

“You’re such a big girl these days
. Your Dad will be proud of you.”  Seth loved his daughter very much. He’d be proud of anything she did.

“Then when we came out of the movie it was snowing really hard
. Ida said we could come home with her and we did.”  She frowned. “Ida has a dog. He’s a poodle and barks when he sees her.”  She sighed. “I wish I could have a dog.”

“Well, maybe one day you’ll have one of your own.
”  She was treading in deep water. She had no idea how Seth would feel about his daughter having a pet.

Nana came into the room carrying a cup of coffee and sat down on the sofa
. “Did you have fun with the girls last night?”

“Yeah, we stayed up late and talked.
”  She laughed. “We probably drank too much. I’ll have to replace your wine.”

“Don’t worry about it
. Sometimes you have to let your hair down.”

“I think we did that and then some.
”  Grace grinned, thinking about what old fashioned fun she had experienced with her friends.

“Good, it’s been too long since you’ve been home to mingle with your friends.
”  Nana sipped her coffee.

“I have friends in town.
”  Jamie frowned. “How do we let our hair down?”  Her fingers played in her long, curly, blond hair.They laughed in unison. Grace leaned over and squeezed Jamie’s shoulder. “You see, Jamie, by letting your hair down, we mean getting together and talking and having fun. You could do it by having a pajama party here at the house. You make up invitations and ask some of your favorite friends to spend the night.”

Jamie stopped tugging at her long blond curls
. "Oh, can I?"

Nana smiled
. “I don’t see why not. I think it would be nice for you to have a pajama party. How many little girls would you like to invite?”

Jamie jumped up and sat on Grace’s lap
. “You mean I can ask them to spend the whole night with me?”

“Sure
. We can make pizza and rent movies.”  Grace raised Jamie’s chin so she could look into her eyes. “And you know the best part is you can stay up as late as you want. When you have a pajama party you get to break the rules.”

She frowned
. “I don’t know if Dad will let me do that, but it sounds like fun.”  She hugged Grace tight.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay after we talk to him.
”  Grace liked watching Jamie’s reactions. She was pure and innocent. Things were working out as she had hoped. A natural friendship was growing between them.

“Can we make the invitations now?
”  Jamie’s big blue eyes begged for her approval.

“I don’t see why not
. I have all we need right here in the desk. First you have to make a list of who you want to invite.”

Jamie named her girlfriends, counting them off on her fingers
. “I like Lydia, Jessie, Hannah, Makaela, Jayda and Natalie. Can they all come?”       

“If it’s okay with their parents
. We’ll invite them and see what happens. How about Friday night? Your friends can ride the school bus home with you.”

“Oh, boy, I can’t wait to tell them
. Can I call Lydia now?”

Nana laughed
. “Sure, honey, you can use the phone in the den, but remember we have to get final approval from your dad?”

"It'll be okay with dad
. He likes me to do things with my friends."  Jumping off Grace’s lap, Jamie gave her a hug, then ran to Nana and did the same before she raced out of the room.

“What a darling child.
”  Nana’s gaze followed Jamie out of the room.

“Yes, she is a sweetheart.
”  Grace wished she had a child of her own to make plans with, but in the meantime it was a treat to play with Jamie.

“I have something I want to discuss with you.
”  Nana set her china cup down on the coffee table with her manner becoming serious.

“Sure
. Is something wrong? You sound upset. Do you think Seth will mind if we let Jamie have the pajama party?”  She frowned. “It’s harmless fun.”

“Oh, no, I don’t think he’ll care
. This is about something else.”  She glanced at Grace. “You know I take in foster children from time to time.”

“Yeah, what’s up?
”  Had Nana found another child who needed her help?

“You know, Ida is a social worker
. Well, over dinner last night we were talking about one of her clients. She’s at her wit’s end on where to place this young man.”  She clasped her hands together, taking her time before she spoke. “I’ve met him. He’s in the hospital, only thirteen, and has been shuffled from one foster care situation to another over the past year.”  She cleared her throat, seeming to hesitate before she continued. “He’s a difficult child and nobody wants to take the time to deal with his situation. He’s due to be released from the hospital soon and has nowhere to go.”

“Oh, I see
. You want to bring him here.”  She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I don’t have a problem with that. What’s wrong with him?”  

“He was in a bad car accident last year, lost his whole family, and it left him in a wheelchair
. His leg was crushed. He needs physical therapy, counseling on a consistent basis and a lot of work. Most foster care homes don’t have the facilities or the time to give to him.”

“Sounds like the kid is in bad shape.
”  She twisted a strand of hair between her fingers, remembering how tough it was when she lost her parents. Her heart tugged in sympathy for the boy.         

“You might say that
. He’s hurt, angry and sullen, shut himself off from everybody. He’s still grieving over the loss of his family—his mom, dad and sister.”  Nana sighed and leaned back against the sofa cushion. “They were on their way home from the amusement park in Denver when a semi ran a red light and smashed into them.” 

“How terrible
. What can we do to help him?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about
. I think it would be good for him to come live with us for awhile. We have plenty of room. And we have the indoor pool. We could do most of his physical therapy here and I think I could get Doc Kruger to come out on a regular basis to help us out.”  She paced around the room. “But I couldn’t do it by myself. I would need your help.”

“I’d be happy to help out with his therapy or in any way I can
. It’s not like I have a full-time job or anything.”

“I was hoping you would say that
. Also, Ida thinks it would do him good to be around other children. Being around Jamie will be painful for a while, but it will help him work through the loss of his sister. She was about the same age.”

“When does he get out of the hospital?
”  She stopped twirling the strand of hair she had been playing with, excited about the prospect of helping the boy. This was something she wanted to do. It sounded like this kid really needed some tender loving care.

“Not for a couple of weeks
. He has the last surgery on his leg tomorrow. The doctors think with care and hard work on his part eventually he’ll be able to walk again. The thing is he needs the proper care.”

“We can help him
. I'm sure we can make a difference in this boy’s life. I’ll go to the hospital with you to meet him.”

“Good, we can go tomorrow after his surgery
. However, because of Jamie, I want to talk to Seth about this. I don’t think he’ll have a problem with it, but I don’t want to spring it on him unawares.”

“That’s understandable
. He should know what you have in mind. By the way, he called earlier this morning and he’ll be calling Jamie tonight.”

Nana picked up her coffee and sat back down
. “Good. I’ll speak to him when he calls. If we decide to do this, we’ll have to build a ramp onto the side porch in front and back. The boys from the bunkhouse can do most of the work. The doorways and everything else are already handicap accessible.”

Grace’s heart beat a little faster as she realized Nana had been subtly getting the place ready for her, in case she ended up in a wheelchair
. She had noticed the doorways were wider, but hadn’t mentioned it. “Sounds to me like you’ve already decided to do this.”  Grace walked over to hug Nana. “I’m behind you a hundred percent. I’ll help out where ever you need me.”

“Wonderful, we’ll do this together
. I’m so very glad you’re home.”  Nana hugged Grace back.

Grace laughed
. “You forgot to tell me the boy’s name.”

“It’s Joey, Joey Henderson
. He has dark brown hair and big brown eyes. A handsome young man with a huge chip on his shoulder. He’s angry at the world right now. This won’t be easy. I want you to know what you’re getting into.”

“It doesn’t matter
. Imagine what he’s going through? The pain has to be unbearable. The poor kid has to lash out at something. At the least, we’ll make sure he receives the care he needs.”

“Yes, we will, and I think in time he’ll come around
. With what he’s had to handle by himself, it’s natural for him to be going through such a tough time,” she said. “He's been in four different homes in the last six months. The poor boy hasn’t had a chance to settle down and do his grieving and healing. He probably feels like the entire world is against him.”  Nana sighed. “I’ve been told he’s given up. I’m sure you can relate.”

“Yes, I can
. And if I can use some of what I went through to help this child, then it’s worth it.”  Her greatest fear was ending up in a wheelchair. She would do whatever it took to help this young man overcome his obstacles.

Chapter Twelve

Seth closed his eyes and grimaced when the first shovel full of dirt hit his grandfather’s casket
. His mother shuddered while he held his arm around her. “Mom, it’s time to go.”  The bag pipers played Amazing Grace as the mourners drifted down the hill to the waiting cars.

“
Just a minute.”  She resisted and held her ground when Seth nudged her elbow towards the waiting limo. Wiping the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief, she looked at her son. “I want to say good-bye to my father.”

Holding her other arm, his Dad said, “Take your time, we’ll wait for you down the hill.
”  He hesitated for a moment. “Honey, I’ll stay if you want.”

“No, this is something I have to do by myself.
”  She squeezed his hand and let him stand to the side with Seth. She was the last one standing at the graveside. They stood a short distance away, waiting for her. Tossing a red rose into the loose dirt she said, “Dad, things weren’t always good between us, but I always loved you.”  She sniffled. “Your last request was that we make things right with Seth. I swear it will be done.”  In a daze, she turned and walked down the hill to her waiting family.

Seth cringed at his mother's words
. If making things right with him was trying to force him back to Texas, it would never work. They had to realize he was a grown man with his own agenda.

“Come on, honey, let me get you away from here,
” her husband spoke in a gentle voice as he helped her into the limo. Seth watched his father hold his mom protectively in his arms as they drove away. It was obvious the pain was more than she could bear. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she cried against his father’s chest.

“It’s okay, honey, go ahead, let it out.
”  His father comforted her, kissing the top of her head.

Seth glanced at them from his side of the limo
. During his self-exile, he had missed his parents. They really did love each other. Dad was what Mom needed. She had turned her face against his chest and cried softly in his arms. Grandpa had always been overbearing when it came to the family, but he had loved them and did things he thought were right. Grief gripped Seth’s heart. He thought he’d never forgive his grandfather for disowning him, but now things were different. Funny, now that he was gone, Seth was beginning to understand the old man.

Aunt Mary had left early to go to the Triple T Ranch and get things ready for the people who would be stopping by
. At least he had kept in touch with her, but Jamie had a right to know her other relatives as well. Soon, he would bring Jamie to see her grandparents. Could they put the past behind them and start over? Would it be possible? Since his arrival, he had felt nothing but love coming from his parents. It was time to bury the past with his grandpa. Time to heal old wounds and get on with the future.

A short time
later at the reception, one of his grandfather’s old cronies walked up to Seth and pumped his hand in a death grip. “Why, boy, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. How are you doing?”  The older Texans attending the funeral had gripped his hand like a vise with each new face. Must be something in the water that made them so strong.

“Hello, Mr. Simms.
”  Seth grinned at the old man. He remembered him as one of his grandpa’s best fishing buddies.

“You know your grandpa talked about you all the time.
”  He looked Seth in the eye. “He really missed you, but was too proud to let you know.”

Seth swallowed hard
. “I missed him, too.”

“Well, all that’s water under the bridge.
”  He sighed. “I like to think he’s in a better place now.”  He set his drink on the fireplace mantle and pulled an envelope from his gray jacket pocket. “This is for you.”   

“What is it?
”  Seth asked and took the envelope.

“It’s your grandfather’s way of trying to make up for the past
. He loved you, but was too stubborn for his own good. I think it’s a generation thing. We hard-headed old coots are dinosaurs from a different era. Sometimes we make mistakes.”  He glanced down at the floor like he was feeling guilty. “People get hurt and I’m sorry about that.”

“I’ll look at it later.
”  Seth put it in his jacket pocket, not wanting to read it in front of everyone. His insides were too raw to digest it now.

“Fine
. I know he would've wanted you to read it by yourself.”  He pulled out a handkerchief and blew his long nose. “Before he was confined to the hospital, he had those papers drawn up and asked me to personally make sure you received them. It was the least I could do for an old friend. God bless the old coot.”   

“Thanks for honoring his wishes
. He always spoke highly of you.”  Seth stared out the window as memories of fishing with Mr. Simms and Grandpa floated through his mind. They had lots of good times together.

“He was a good man, a true power in his day
. Houston will miss him.”  Mr. Simms held his glass of bourbon and branch in the air. “Here’s to your grandpa.”  Seth touched his glass. “A finer man never lived.”

Mixed thoughts raced through Seth’s brain
. He had loved and hated his grandpa at the same time, but now things were different. He wished he could go back and hold out an olive branch—change the past. Now it was too late. Why hadn’t he realized what was going on? They had really screwed up.

Later, the house was finally quiet
. All the people who had come to pay their last respects had done so and left. His parents had already gone up to bed. Seth sat on the side of the sofa, holding the unopened envelope in his hands. Now was the time. Different images of his grandfather tumbled in his mind like a roller coaster going downhill.

He could forgive his grandpa for the pain, but he had to be responsible for what he had done to himself
. He had to face facts. Grandpa had been right about Lilly. Seth had made mistakes, too. He couldn’t blame his grandfather for everything.

With shaking hands, he loosened the flap and pulled out the legal documents
. The cover letter was in his grandfather’s own handwriting, strong and bold, like he had lived his life. Tears dampened his eyes as he read the letter.

Dear Seth,

It’s a new millennium, a time to move forward
. There are many things I’d like to say to you, but it’s hard to begin. First of all, I want you to know I’ve always loved you and your daughter. I’m sorry for the way things turned
out between us. I wasted so much time because of pride. I was
an old fool.

You brought a lot of joy into my life
. I should’ve helped you when you asked. That is my cross to bear and I’ve had to live with it all these years. I hope someday you can find it in
your heart to forgive me.

I want you to think about coming home
. When you do, I can rest in peace. Your mom and dad need to be able to see their grandchild and Jamie needs to know her heritage. She comes from good people. This is her home and yours. Please come home. Your parents love you. Don’t punish them for my mistakes.

I want you to have my investments, half of the business and my home on Old Stage Coach Road
. Your grandmother and I loved that place. We were happy there. It’s a fine old place in which to raise a family. You deserve it and so much more.

I took the plans you had made for the irrigation system and made a fortune
with them. Now, it’s all yours and deservedly so. You and yours should be able to live a comfortable life without
lifting a finger if you choose to do so.

I love you
. I wish things could’ve been different, but we’re Taylors and we do tend to be somewhat stubborn. It’s in our genes.

My advice for you is to find a good woman and live a happy life
. That is my fondest wish for you. When it’s all said and
done, your family is the only thing that matters. The love of a good woman and your children will carry you through the tough times in life.

I’ve lived a good life
. It’s time for me to go to your grandmother and I have to admit I’m ready to meet my Maker. Always remember you are loved by your family and don’t let them down. I’m sorry for all the pain and suffering I caused you by not helping in your time of need. I love you.

                                               
Always,

                                               
Michael Taylor

Seth laid the letter down and sobbed into his hands
. Why had they wasted so much precious time? He should’ve come home and had it out with his grandpa instead of throwing his letters in the trash. His heart was breaking when he lay back on the bed. It was as much his fault as Grandpa’s for carrying on like a sulking child. He’d have to live with that for the rest of his life. Like his grandpa, he had been a fool.

Two days later, Seth glared at his father
. “I don’t want the business. Jamie and I have a good life back in Cedar Falls.”  Sitting in the den, listening to his father, he took a deep breath, trying not to get angry. The den hadn’t changed much. It had the same cherry wood paneling with the floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with his mother’s favorite classics and the overstuffed brown leather chairs facing his father’s desk. Here he was, a grown man, and after all this time, this room still had the power to make him feel like a child.

“This is your home
. Half the business belongs to you.”  His father looked tired and somewhat older when he wrinkled his brow. “It’s the way your grandfather wanted it.”

Seth leaned against the desk, gaining his father’s complete attention
. “Listen to yourself. It’s the way Grandpa wanted it. Not me. I haven’t worked in the irrigation business for over eight years. I don’t want to go back to it. I love what I’m doing. Ranching is what I know. What I want to do with my life.”

His father looked shocked
. “You can’t tell me you’d walk away from the family business.”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you
. I walked away a long time ago. I don’t want any part of it. It’s yours. You’re the one who’s made a success of it. Not me.”  In frustration, he hit the desk with the palm of his hand. “For God’s sake, Dad, listen to me. You’ve brought it to where it is today. I don’t want any part of it. Grandpa should’ve left it to you.”  He'd be dammed if he’d move to Houston and take over the family business. Besides, he had a good life in Colorado...and there was Grace.

His father ran a hand through his thinning, brown hair
. “You can’t mean it.”  He swallowed hard, his voice pleading. “This is your legacy from your grandfather.”

“My legacy is the memories of Grandpa before he became so overbearing
. The fishing trips, the football games and the camping trips we used to take. I’ll gladly take those things as my legacy. Once and for all, please understand. I want no part of your business.”

His father sighed and leaned back in his chair
. “You’re a man in your own right, but do you realize what you’re giving away?”

“Yes
. Nothing I want or need. Money isn’t everything. And with the investments Grandpa made for me, why, those alone would be enough for me and Jamie to live comfortably for the rest of our lives without doing a thing. I don’t need or want the business, and rightfully it should be yours.”               

“What’s going on in here?
”  His mother came into the den with a look of apprehension in her eyes, glancing from Seth to her husband. “I could hear you down the hall.”

“It’s okay
. Dad and I were discussing Grandpa’s will.”    Seth took her hand and led her to a chair. “I’ve thought a lot about it and I don’t want half of the business. It belongs to you and Dad.”

“But Grandpa wanted you to be part of the company.
”  She held his hand, looking deeply into his eyes trying to bore into his soul.

“It isn’t what I want
. Jamie and I have a good life. We’re doing fine. We have friends and people who care for us in Colorado. It’s our home. Don’t ask me to take that away from her. I love you and Dad, but I won’t rip my child away from the only home she's ever known.”

His mother sat down on the overstuffed brown leather chair near Seth, still holding his hand
. “If that’s the way you truly feel, we wouldn’t dream of asking you to disrupt her little world.”  Her voice trembled as she squeezed his hand. “We made a mistake once before and lost you. I won’t let it happen again.”

“Don’t worry
. I plan on bringing Jamie to see you soon as I have things settled back at the ranch.”  He smiled into her watery eyes. “Our family has been apart too long. We might stay here over the summers. She needs to know her grandparents.” 

Her face lit up like a ray of sunshine
. “Really? You’re going to bring her to see us?” 

He glanced at his father, willing him to understand
. “Yes, I promise.”  Watching the twisting emotions of love bouncing between his parents, he believed he was finally at a place where they would let him be his own man. “Even if I’m not part of the business, we can still be a family.”